The bitter pill of rejection,
The deep cut from within,
The onset of self loathing
The scathing attack of the mind.
A ******* to kindness, all the good retreating to hide.

Sat here waiting for them. They are late. My palms are sweating, heart racing.. I don't want to be here alone...

Please hurry and release me from my anxiety.

What if they don't show
Has she decided to not let them see me
Are they ok...

It's an irrational fear and I know this..

Breath Steve. It's all ok....

10 minutes has past and still no sign.

What's going on?? Where are they!

I stare at the door. Every sound is magnified. Sat here on edge.

Waiting.... Just waiting for the door to open and see the warming little smile of my little apprentices. My anchors to this world.

No.... Don't you dare cry! Swallow and swallow hard. This is not the place.

They will be here...

15 minutes now....

16 minutes have past. 16 long agonising minutes... I need to see them desperately.

I hope they don't notice.. A is so in tune she always sees my darkness..

17 minutes - no text or call.... Where are they??

My breathing is hard and heavy. I feel sick with worry, I'm scared. I don't want to be here alone....

Please hurry up!!

Finally they are here

A product of my depression an infatuation of my mind.. I search for answers in your eyes of yet I am to find,
My highs and lows go to and thro bouncing from one to the other,
A constant war of emotion, a battle field yet to unfold,
I stare at you, our eyes locked I never feel consoled.

A product of my depression an infatuation of my mind.. I search for answers in your eyes of yet I am to find.,
I like to feel elation not violation this crazy state of mind,
From one fleeting thought to another retreating back to hide,
This oppression of happiness beating me from inside.