She feels fat
She feels ugly
She wants to be MORE then just flat
As the days go by
Her struggle grows
She feels alone
Then, the voice arose
Said he knew what she wants
Said he knew what she needs
The thoughts her brain they did haunt
So she listened.
"You need to do what I say"
'He can help me'
She decided not to disobey
He told her not to eat
"The less you eat, the less you'll weigh"
She finally knew what to do
It worked great til the third day
She wanted to eat so badly
The pain was so horrible
"Don't you dare eat a thing"
'But its so unbearable'
"Don't be that way"
You may know someone like this
But there's something you don't know
Its something everyone will miss
Even friends and family
The person known as 'she'
How horrible it may be
Is me.

I could be cursed
I could be filled with rage
I could be saving the universe
It only stops when I turn the page

I see family's in parks
Their smiles so bright
I wish we could have those sparks
I've never seen my parents together
I was only three
Why does it have to be this way
Makes me feel empty
Didn't have a mom til I was 7
Now i don't have a dad
Don't know what's its like
And I never will and its sad
But I'm OK
I mean i don't seem sad
But does that really mean anything
When I really feel so bad

and at first it was working
But Then things were emerging
Cracked lips and tired eyes
I'm hungry with no appetite
I'm shivering and shaking and I tell myself I'm fine
But you cant fool your your body you can only fool your mind
Empty
I just need to be empty
Hide from anyone who'll prevent me
Just fill up on water and shame
No im not hungry I just ate
I've developed a taste for this
Endure the neverending ache convince
Myself I'm in control and its not the voice that makes me sick
-boyinaband and Jaidenanimations
Empty

Gabrielle Pennington
You're my very bestest friend
One day you got me a toy fox
Kevin is the name he got
Gabrielle Pennington
Your the greatest type of friend
One day i got you a toy goat
The cutest goat to own a boat
Gabrielle Pennington
I dont deserve such a friend

How are you?
Is such a funny phrase
For people passing through
But really nowadays
There's no point in it at all
When no matter how you feel
You answer is identical
"I'm good" is what they'll hear

I'm shaking
My head hurts
My heart is pounding
And im scared
I'm so lightheaded
I feel dizzy
Am I dieing?
It feels so scary
When I stand up
Everything turns black
Why is this happening?
Do YOU know?
I feel like I'm dieing
What's going on

Update: I passed out a couple minutes ago... Im really scared

Music
It drowns out the world
Music
It drowns out my life
Music
It drowns out my sadness
Music
Just close my eyes
Music
Turn up the volume
Music
Forget life
Music
Forget my struggles
Music
In a empty world
Music
With nothing but the rhythm
Music
Then I open my eyes
Music
and remember
Music
I have to eat
Music
I have to clean
Music
I have to leave my safe place
Music
I have to turn off the music
Empty

for a while I've been confused
Im not into guys
But that would mean im gay
Which im not
I thought maybe bi
But then I saw I video
Explaining one thing
There's another one
One I'd never heard of
Asexuality
Its perfect
The only one that fits me
I dont have to be confused anymore
Im not attracted to anyone
To this you may say
'You havent found the one'
To that I say
Bs ive found him
I just don't want romance
But there's one thing
One more thing I dont understand
This can't be against God
Can it?
Im not attracted to girls
But its still a form of it
And as I grow
My parents talk more of
How one day
I'll think im ready
And to be smart about it
But I know that's not true
I've always thought
I'm a late bloomer
But now I know
I'm not alone!
I have a whole 1% on my side
Yay...

I see scary things
Demons and shadows everywhere
Some have wings
Way scarier then a bear
am I crazy?
What's wrong with me
Sharp teeth and darkness is what I see
They're all crystal clear
They seem so real
But they cant be
No one else can see them
How can this be
Whats wrong with me
Can anyone answer
I'm scared
I cant sleep
I feel like this thing Thats not real
Could **** me
I never turn off the lights
Maybe if i ignore it
It'll go away
How can I ignore something
thats so terrifying

I wouldn't know what to do
If someone found out my struggles
My friends wouldn't treat my like a friend
But like a depressed suicidal girl
Yet at the same time
I wish and pray at night
That someone will finally realize
What's really going on
Sometimes I want to cry
And hug one of my friends
But then I'll blow my cover
And never forgive myself

why
I cant remember what happiness is
Why
If I could have one wish
Why
It'd be happiness
Why
Hidden behind my mask
There's a tear in my eye
I wish someone would ask
Why
I want the courage to say
IM NOT OK