Deep and dark
It fills me it takes me over;
doesn't leave room for the light.
I cant feel happy not now not ever.
When the warm feeling comes I remember,
I remember the people I left the people I failed,
the life I've thrown away.
People tell me that it all gets better it just takes time.
I don't see this light coming towards me, I feel it running.
Cold and hard
This feeling never leaves me when I sleep.
It calls me their friend.
It comes when least expected and never leaves.
It never lets me sleep, it never lets me eat.
When I eat I feel shame I feel unwanted.
When I eat I later think that I'm not seen as who I should be,
I’ve not seen as a girl who can fit in tiny shirts or fit in tiny pants.
But I’m the girl who is small and chubby.
Names and hurt
I feel the pain of myself dought,
I feel myself slipping closer to the edge.
I feel myself let go and fall,
Fall into a deep and dark pit.
A pit of names, a pit of hurt, pit of darkness.
This never-ending cycle of hurt and unloved.
I can never stop it unless I get rid of the one who has to deal with it all.
Get rid of my past.
Get rid of ME.
This poem is how I felt when I first realized how hard middle school was, and how it was not what the movies made it be. This is how I felt when I had my first thoughts about depression. So if you feel like this it will get easier and it will become better you just have to find the right person to help you.