I glanced into his eyes from across the table.

I used to drown in their ocean,
Diving deep below the surface,
Allowing the current of his gaze to drag
My heart along with the tides.
I used to see a haze of desire
As he etched my face into memory.
I used to hold my breath as he blinked,
Instead of gasping for air
In the flicker of a moment between drowning
And lusting in love.

But now,
I see a tired gaze.
Worn from reading the lines of our history,
Sore from the dust that once settled on the pages
But now dances in the air between us.
Now there is exhaustion,
For you have learned so much yet nothing at all.
Now, I breathe easy as I've learned to swim against the tides of you,
And I am not sorry.

As the snow falls
others gawk at the beauty of the great white flakes,
clouding the sky in a haze of flurries.
They marvel at the frosted tips of tree branches,
and dance in the piles of powder
with an newfound spring of adolescent joy in
their step.

Although I find the scene beautiful,
I cannot feel the sun,
and that is sad.

I long for it's warmth to melt the
frost encasing me in this trance.
I hope that a new day will come where I feel
capable, motivated, and whole once again.

But as the snow falls overnight,
Inch upon inch of wet, heavy flakes
cover my body,
accumulating until I wake in the morning,
tasked with digging myself out
and starting the long trek into the daily storm.

His arms wrapped around me
Like a tangle of vines,
Every inch of my body
Tethered to his desire.

A tear danced down my cheek
As I felt him suffocate the last
Flower to spring from my body.

I no longer knew what it felt like
Without the roots of him inside of me
And I called it love.

I let the window open from my chest
And watched as my heart flew high as a bird,
Beating its wings with each slow breath.

For one fleeting moment,
I let the breeze cleanse the emptiness,
Once so dark and desolate,
Now radiating new excitement.
A sigh of relief,
Signified a newfound freedom.

Soon the breeze turned cold, and left a chill
Where my heart once had warmth.
I shut the window, once more
Locking my bird into safety.

But yet,
Frost remained on its wings.