The melody is yours now
I had begun to live for myself
I had begun to love myself
Until that moment
That one melody that hit right every time
A melody for the lonely nights
The nights I danced to it in those empty streets
As every lyric echoed from the radio
It filled the void inside those nights
It filled the void inside me
A melody for those heavy days
The days I roamed in those empty corridors
As every lyric echoed in this body
It took that burden off from those days
It took that burden off from this soul

But how could I dance the nights away ?
But how could I pass the days away ?
This universe created you as well
With a purpose of destruction
It’s funny how you will never know this purpose of yours
I put away this heart
I became a soldier
This soul became my nation
As I stood there alert
Protecting this fragile nation from your destruction
Memorandums were sent day and night in the kingdom
To warn it against you
Eyes were prohibited to the direction of your shadow
Feet were prohibited to the direction of your voice
Because your essence was enough to destroy this phoenix kingdom to ashes
And it happened
The guards were down
And the melody echoed through this body
The soul mocked me
That the melody now will carry the one you fond
May be I was not mocked
The soul sensed your presence
Which I couldn’t
The eyes were in your direction
It was not your shadow
But the destruction happened
As those eyes locked with mine
I could hear the kingdom burning
And I am not a brave soldier
As I did nothing to save my nation
I stood there burning in that fire
You turned me from a poet to a martyr
The melody which was once mine
Is yours now
You burned my kingdom
You took my melody
Do you even know how cruel you are ?
You do nothing
As I see you walk away
May be back to her again
With whom you share your kingdom
There must be no guards at your place
How could you ruin my thing then?
But you will never know
So how can I blame you ?
May be there is a connection
May be you will read these verses one day
Or it could be one night
Or they will become another tale in that diary
In the attic of that witch.


To Badr

Everything seemed clear in the morning
The dreams I had written like verses for him
Were stuffed into the bin
The room…it stinked of love
And it was clear to me
May be he was also not the one
I had stepped on my pride again
And now my ego was on a rise
Asking me never to fall for any HIM again
Celebrated by reading verses of Batalwi
And danced….
The room was filled with the melody
My mother would have once enjoyed
When she would have been of my age
I was trying to tell myself
I am bigger than this
My dreams were bigger than this
It was not aching that hard
Because this stale feeling
Is all I have tasted
So it’s fine .

These shades of love
Which seem like the end
What could be better than this ?
What more could universe offer?
One left others came
For how long could I celebrate your departure
When the ones who came
Celebrated me
Their heads fall on my shoulders
And it makes me believe
Winters do lead to springs
I feel so full right now
As if these emotions would drown me
A wish to worship
Or may be to be worshiped?
Well that won’t happen
As I didn’t even realise
And I had turned into an ocean
And the depth would do nothing
But **** them
So I have begun to keep ships on the shores
So they can sail around
Because at the end
They are all sailors
On a voyage of their own
Sailing through this ocean
Carrying a part of it with them
The fear shouldn’t be in question
But this devotion creates one
This seems like the end
What could be better than this?
What more could this universe give ?
All of this
Seems forever…
But then….
How long is this forever?

I listen to these songs
one after the other
playing on my playlist
But each of these songs
hold tags of memories
The memories I live everyday through them
Well, there is a memory of a boy
Not a man
whom I liked
Not loved
And that one song looks like him
The song I played
As I passed through those corridors
to get a glimpse of him
But here I am humming ' Heather '
As I see his girl
laughing by his side
I never imagined myself at 'her' place
But he looked beautiful from a distance
It gave that restless heart a kiss
It felt good...
So now I don't look at the boy I liked
But his lover
What 'she' wears
How 'she' talks
Her demeanor, that attracted him
I am not jealous
But 'she' makes me curious
And I feel like learning about 'her'
Turns out, Khaab was better than her
But still not in 'her' place...
I can't get jealous
I never had that right
Because I liked him
from a distance
He is not my moon
But he looked charming
'She' loves him
And sees his flaws
They love each other everyday...
And that can not be me
As loving is tiring
I do not love everyday
But I do hate this flesh everyday
How could I be 'her'?
When I don't love myself

And I get back to those songs
Where I feel like the protagonist
The unloved one
The one, some call ' The villain'.

I don't know what I am these days...
I lay in the dark room these evenings...
Trying to understand...
If it's the rain outside...
or the sound of my dream...?
But I know one thing...
I saw last night in the mirror...
There is a mask I wear...
There is a secret I hide....
But for how long?
For how long...will they stay in a mirage?
Will they care, once they know about it?
I don't know....
Or will I become a genius at hiding?
And this secret will burn away with me...
These days I tell myself...
That may be I am not an ocean
but a puddle on the street...
I am in a maze...trying to find
the purpose of this life...
It is annoying...
Why can't I go with the flow?
Why are these thoughts questioning everything?
These days I am living more through the dreams
Like walking around that empty library...
with wooden tables and shelves...
And listening to that unknown Korean song...
Hearing voices and not moving
as I sleep in the dream...
It has been weird lately...

Is there a meaning behind everything?
Or am I just squandered?

I remember being surrounded by those kids...
who had that shine of future in their eyes...
The eyes which looked like leaves holding raindrops...
They had a vibe of progress...
Their words had some unrealistic terms...
I never understood...and may be I still do not...
I remember how hard I tried to fit in...
among those futuristic kids...
But how could I?
When my eyes always carried a flame of past in them...
The past I would never want to leave behind...
There is always something in that basket...
It holds for me...something new...
I never think about me growing old...
I think the world would end by then...
But this past...
feels like that lost treasure in sand...
The mysteries of life have been solved...
at the stations of past...
where answers have waited for me...
to pick them up...
I have a past...a precious past...
There is something I can never leave behind.