My beating heart
Ba
Dum
Ba
Dum
Was the first thing he heard
Every crumb that passed my lips
Potatoes
Chocolate
Broccoli
Was the first thing he tasted
The warmth of my arms
Soft
Protective
Encompassing
Was the first thing he felt
His teeny tiny hand
Bigger than most infants
Grabbing at my chest
Was the first time he held me
On those nights
When he misses where he came from
Lays on my breast
Hearing my heart
Ba dum
Sharing my food
Made with my blood
Wrapped in my arms
Where he'll always be safe
Even after he eats his own food
Guided by the beat of his own heart
He'll have my arms
And I'll have his

I don't know the date
The time, the year
Still the memory is clear

Wooden steps creak underfoot
Sunlight slants through the sides
The big blue slide
Can't see where it goes
Just sit at the top
Birds chirp nearby
Grass freshly cut

A good place for a revelation
Nothing to do but ponder
Lost in my mind
Can't see anything else

Suddenly shot in the heart
Questions pour out first
Where is my mommy?
Wasn't she here?
Why can't I remember?
Everyone else has one
Where did mine go?

Why don't I know
What she looks like?
Sounds like?
I can't hear her

Starting to panic
Where did she go?
Will she be back?
NO

Next the emotions
Floodgates open
Can't hold it back
Don't even try

Sobs control my body
Running and running
But I can't escape
This terrible realization

I can't even speak
Explain why
The tears are erupting
When I finally do
Reveal I just found out
That my world was broken

"You already knew"
"Don't be so dramatic"
"That's old news"
You complain that my tears
Are getting you wet
Soiling your clothes
My grief is uncomfortable
An inconvenience
You just want to move past this

All of eight years old
Already being told
I can't grieve
Shouldn't feel a 3 year old wound
Should have healed by now

I didn't know it was there!
You didn't care
Now that I do
can't show how I feel
That's why
I still don't cry
In front of you

I follow behind you
Bouncing as you go
So full of joy
I can't help but think
What will you become?

Golden hair flows behind
Tossed by the wind
Will it stay gold?
Or fade with age
Darken before my eyes

Less than knee height
A tripping hazard
Bruised knees
***** feet
Will you always be clumsy?  

Slurred speech
Words unfamiliar
Say what you think
Repeat what you hear
Will you truly speak?

A high pitched whine
Emotions uncontrolled
Chaos inside
But nothing is wrong
Will you have reasons to cry?

You wear a sparkly dress
Butterfly sandals
Marker stains
Claim to be a princess
Will you always love beauty?

Scribbles on paper
And tables and skin
Painting your arms
Driveways full of chalk
Will the world be your canvas?

I want time to stop
Still it flows on
Glimpses of the future
Even as she runs
Will I be there to see it?