Sqwishy

Sqwishy Oct 2023

Mother.

Being a mother,
Was one of the most precious
Gifts i could have ever asked for.

Being a mother,
Is a promise to the little humans
That you bring into the world that
You will always be here to protect them.

Being a mother,
Was romanticized so much
That i am now at a lose.

No one ever said,
It would be this hard
This exhausting
This draining.

No one ever said,
That your children are
The reason you get up in the morning
But also the reason you dont want too.

No one ever said,
That when you can't handle it anymore
Because they have just destroyed your
Mental well being, and all you do is cry and beg for them to act right and not keep destroying everything.

You have to keep going.

Sqwishy Oct 2023

2 Sides

There's 2 sides to every coin
I'v found both sides
. . .
I'v been here before
But never like this
This time its warm
Genuine, and safe
. . .
This time it isn't laced
With barbed wire
Barbed wire that cuts oh so
Deep
. . .
This side fits perfectly against
The other
How do I keep from loosing
My self control
. . .
It almost breaks my heart
But you're so beautiful and kind
There isn't anything my stupid self
Could convince me to tread in those
Forbidden water's
. . .

Hm., thoughts.

Sqwishy Aug 2023

I lied

I told you that i didnt feel the same as you
I told you that my feelings werent as tortured as yours
I told you that i wasnt as broken as you

I Lied

My mind often wonders to you, my mind flows like a stream into a river
straight to where you are
on the very banks of my sanity

I told you that my heart didnt ache, ache like yours
I told you that i didnt hurt like you

I Lied

Im suspended in deepest parts of that river, drowning, drowning.

I Lied

Sqwishy Jul 2023

Temptation

Why.?
are you a temptation
in the back of my mind
when my world is so silent

Why.?
do i want to reach out
and have you fill the deafening
silence

Why.?
am i willing to risk my soul
and get burned

Why.?
do you have this hold over me

How.?
do i break this chain
you have wrapped around my neck
suffocating me.

Sqwishy Jul 2023

Pretty Words, Bad Decisions

You gave me all the pretty words
that I needed to hear,
But they weren't from you
from which I wanted to hear.

I fell into your carefully laid trap,
I fell into the routine - The routine that I needed
Those ******* words that I craved from the
very bottom of my soul,
You took advantage of my vulnerable mind,
And twisted it to what you wanted.

Who was I to believe that you had changed,
You led me to make some bad decisions,
that in the moment I didnt regret,
But now, now I do.

You were nothing but a pretty face that fed
me Lies,
Lies that never had any truth behind them.

You gave me all the pretty words
that I needed to hear,
But they weren't from you
from which I wanted to hear.

Its been a hot minute since i last posted, Hello out there.
Its been a rough ride even still, but im making my way
Slowly but surely.

#lies #prettywords #baddecisions #prettyboy

Sqwishy Nov 2019

Untitled #3

When we lay together
Our fingers touch the sky
All my fears melt away
My senses are flooded with your
Scent, your soft skin again mine
Your beautiful blue eyes staring into mine.

When we lay together
Everything falls away and it's just you and I
Our bodies intertwined
Entrapped in one another.

When we lay together I can almost forget what you've done
The heart break you've caused me
The utter pain in my heart from you betraying me.

When we lay together, your beautiful blue eyes captivate me
When we lay together, our fingers touch the sky.

#heart #break #betrayal #betrayed #blue #eyes #together #laying

Sqwishy Oct 2019

Untitled #2

You took everything from me,
You took my happyiness,
My pride,
My loyalty,
My hopes,
My dreams.
You took everything from me,
My trust,
My love,
My self esteem.
You took everything from me,
I will never be able to trust you again,
I will never be able to believe anything you say again.
I will never be able to have what we once had.
You. Took. Everything. From. Me.

.....
You left me broken and alone,
Lying on the floor like a forgotten doll.
A discarded toy.
A discarded Wife.

......
You left me here alone with this thoughts that torture me every night when I alone and you can't find the words to say to console the fire within me.

You left me here alone to battle these demons that you created, these demons that you bred with your lies and your fake promises.

.....
You took it all from me.*

~Summer.