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I ponder
If you knew how much you meant;
I wonder
If you know how many tears I spent;

I know
It's a dumb thing, so feeble;
A stow,
Of feelings so much but none evil;

It's hard,
Trying to make sense of a love so brittle;
It's awkward,
We talked so much yet so little;

Wait, I forgot,
I'm the only one who knows it;
That's why it's all for naught,
Because you will never feel it;

Love,
Love that shouldn't be here;
Love,
Love that I fear;

Love,
Love that I just keep in store;
Love,
Love that could never be more.

If you see these words,
You'll just flow astray;
If you see my words,
*I know you'll go away.
I'd like to keep it this way

It hurts but it's the only safe choice

I'm sorry
The moment you forget.
Mind wanders with regret.
Eyes blurred, lose focus.
“What’s my current purpose?”

Is spontaneous enough?
Chasing a dream, tough.
As a child we rushed,
what was all the fuss?

The lost moment finds.
The lost moment unwinds.
The lost moment reminds.
Messes with our minds.

In that moment there is clarity.
We connect with our reality.
Understand humanity.
Endless possibilities.
Test our comfortability.

A chance to breathe.
Rebirth and see.
Are we where
we want to be?

Take that lost moment,
to reset your focus.
To find yourself and
your new found purpose.
 Oct 2017 Quixotic Coeus
Chi
People often ask me what love is  

And I seriously don't know what it means

All I can think about is you

Your eyes, those brown eyes

Those eyes which saw me naked  

You saw every scar on my body  

Yet the only thing you said was

“You are beautiful”  

Love, I am not beautiful

Scars, stretch marks, blood, wounds

Doesn't mean beautiful

I am not an art

Yet your lips kissed me

The way the sun kissed my skin every morning

Without a fail, without any doubt

You smiled.  

And the only words that came to my mind was

"****, this is trouble"

My love, your words hold me like a hostage

Trapped inside an empty box, finding a way out.  

A way I can never ever get a glimpse of.

I knew that this love

Our love would last a lifetime  

Or so I thought



We were torn apart by hatreds, insecurities, confusions

Maybe if it wasn't for distance  

We would be still together, we could have worked it out

But maybe, no matter what decisions we'll make

We will still come to an end

Confused about the future

Insecure about other people

Hating each other

You, giving up

And me, craving for more

Craving for something that can fill up the hole inside my chest



I wanted you to stay forever, here beside me

But every time I would ask about it

You always said

"You deserve so much more"

You were once my everything

My other half

My partner in crime  

You were someone so freaking important to me

You were the kind of mistake, I wouldn't mind repeating

I fell so hard for you

And guess what happened?

Love, I am broken



How many days, months, years

For me, to forget

That once upon a time

You were here

I was there

Hands holding tighter

Eyes locked to each other

Hearts that beat in a synchronizing manner  



How much would it cost?

For the pain to stop

For the memories to abandon

For the feelings to fade

My love, I did not expect any of this

I didn't know that love can be deadly

A love that can force someone to commit suicide  

That loving someone means tearing every part of yourself





Now, do you think I'm suicidal?

Love, do not be afraid

I'm not going to die

Being suicidal doesn’t mean killing yourself

Suicidal means I wouldn't mind dying

I kept on dying anyway

I kept on dying at the same place I thought was giving life to me  

Because the day, you decided to give up on me

I already gave up on myself.
Well this is new...
This silence that surrounds me...
It use to paralyze me...
I use to avoid it..
I know life gets too quiet sometimes..
Like a moonless night...
Perfect timing...
For that door to open...
The door to all and everything you've
Been suppressing...
Meant to make you strong...

Why yes...
I know all about it...
Unavoidable self reflection..
Breaking into your thoughts..
Breaking into your heart...
Unlocking everything thats written..
On your heart...

Remind me of all my failures...
Past lovers that left me to bleed..
Friendships that left me damaged...
My brain always use to say..
Yea lets talk about it....
Im game...

Oh yea I knew the silence far too well..


But not today...
I sit alone in my emtpy apartment...
And I'm okay...
Happy thoughts surround me..
Im driven...
Im focused...
There no room
For the negative in here..
No dissecting..
No over analyzing...
No worrying about what someone said...

At the end of the day..
You only have yourself...
So when silence comes on
You like a thief in the night..
Dont runaway...
Embrace it..
Love yourself enough to say...
I made a few mistakes..
But I'm going to be okay..

Be wise... Be aware...
Because when everyone leaves...
You to bleed...

Who else will you have??
Feeling positive today
She's
been
walking
down
the same never-ending,
winding corridors,

Dimmed lights,
***** white walls,
no windows,
no doors,
square-tiled floors.

Dragging
her
feet
for what seems like
an eternity,

Stupid girl!
Her mind in a whirl!
Holding hope for an exit,
dreaming about
what it would be like
on the other side of those walls--externally.

Accustomed to the restrictions - sadly!

Hurting, defeated, anxious - badly!

Imprisoned mentally!

Acknowledging it, finally!

No denial, there, nor here!

You'd think she'd be over the fear;

Well, she's not!

She still hurts alot!

All alone in her mind
with her messy thoughts
and her regrets,

She's given away so much
unconditional love,
her heart and soul
have many outstanding depts.

She's had way too much time
to think about
all of the ****
that she's been through!

She hasn't healed,
those ***** walls don't understand,
they listen,
but they haven't any clue!

She's
kept
moving
down
those same corridors,
never wanting to look back,

With only one direction,
you'd think it be impossible
that she would get so lost...
I mean, after all,
it's a one-way ****** track!

But she did,
and she always does, too!

Getting confused, and lost,
for her, is nothing new!

She found herself
in those deserted corridors
at a very young, tender age,

Don't know how or why
it happened to her,
I can't even begin
to try to explain it
on this page.

I wish i could,
it would probably help her alot
if i did,

But it's a very long story,
winding and never-ending,
just like those corridors,
so it's best that I don't lift the lid.

She doesn't want to look back,

I
guess
she'll
just
keep
going
down
the same
relentless,
hopeless
track!

By Lady R.F.(C)2017

— The End —