Atlas

Atlas Nov 6

I don’t think I’m anyone’s first choice
I never have been
They pick me last in everything
For as long as i remember I’ve been following people in hope they’ll like me

My mind strategizes
My heart screams
There’s blood on the cold floor
When did I end up here?

I’m not anyone’s favorite person
I watch everyone around me instinctively go to their person
I stand here alone in the void
Carefully waiting
The scars on my arm counting the days
They can tell me that they care and I mean a lot to them, but I know they will always choose someone else over me

Atlas Nov 6

Pick me apart

pick me apart
Build me up
That’s your game I never wanted to play
I’m not your experiment
Get me out of this cage
You took my heart and picked some parts
Only to burn the rest of my heart
I feel like I’m dying
And I know you’re lying
Leave me alone
I don’t want to be known

#poetry

Atlas Nov 5

Physical touch

Physical touch pleases me
Not in that way
But in a way that gives comfort to wanna flyaway
Like ballerinas dancing across my skin
I don’t know why but this is the way I’ve been
Your the warmth I crave
I only want to hold you
But it’d be a lie if you wanted too

Hold my cold hand
Run your hands through my hair
Hold me close to the point where you might come to care

But I’m pretty sure you’re well aware
That I’m desperate
I crave physical touch
I’m not asking much
So I hope I can feel your warm touch

#physical #touch #poetry

Atlas Nov 4

Of all the things I love

I love a lot of things
The raindrops on my face
The dirt in my hands
The smell of grass in morning
You
NO!

I love the color blue
The way the stars look
That necklace on you
WHAT?

never mind
I love hang outs
And tasty food
I would really like to go out with you
WAIT

I suppose I’ll tell you
That of all the things I love
I always think of you

#lilfunny #lovepoem

Atlas Nov 2

I don’t like you

I like you
Not in the way where my heart is beating fast or where I gift you trinkets
More in the way where you are like a shadow everywhere i go, invading my thoughts
I fear to be around you
I’m scared that I might say something I’ll regret
I know you’ll never look my way
and I know I’m falling deep in

I’m stuck in a time loop
Reliving the same day
I no longer wish to dream a dream
Because all i see is you
But i won’t call it a nightmare
More like a dream I should beware

I say that if the stars were to fall
And the moon were to burn
It wouldn’t matter because i see the heavens in your eyes
The world can crumble if I get to see you one last time

but, I keep lying to myself that this feeling will pass
I don’t like you
(say the truth)
just the thought of being with you
(I want you)
You don’t make my heart beat
(liar)
I really don’t like you
(set my heart on fire)

#hopelessromantic #waiting #wthman #sobbing

Atlas Nov 2

To wait

Sometimes I feel like Icarus..
I love someone always too far from me that when I reach I burn
Destined to fall
But i know I’ll still love
A fated curse
I hate how it hurts
Years go by and nothing has changed
Maybe it’s time I quit this stupid race
Like a loyal dog who waits for someone who will never come my way
I romanticize Odysseus and Penelope’s relationship
To feel the love that they had.
Is it something so hard to ask?
Forget it
It was a mistake to even think about something I could never have.

#hopelessromantic

Atlas Oct 2

The Tears of a Mestizo

Soy de la tierra de los volcanes.
Soy descendiente de los Mayas.
La sangre de mi nación cubre las tierras de Yucatán, Guatemala, El Salvador, hasta Honduras.
The Mestizo cry out for their loss.
They don’t know who they are.

Our fore fathers ruled those lands preaching of a mighty feather serpent who created our lands.
Stories passed down through the centuries all for it to be lost.
The crown across the sea in the name of Christ set to burn our lands to make them holy.
The rains cried for them when their children were taken to campos.
They shall never see their mothers for now they have been ‘reborn’.
They shall never know their language.
Hail Maria

Heart cold as ice they burned their sacred texts
Children born with tainted blood. Pain and suffering runs through their veins.
Those who carry their blood shall never know their past.
They shall never be pure for they have harmed their own.

Yo soy Salvadoreña.
I am a nomad who roams the land
I only know now

Our tree roots only go so far
I only wish to see beyond
My K’ux calls me.
I miss my home
The grounds where my ancestors have lived
Where my parents were born
The lands where I wasn’t born in

I feel like I betrayed my ancestors
Born in a foreign land with a language shoved down my throat.
I threw up my ancestors blood as I was injected with the American dream
In God we trust

The deaths of the
Lenca, Pipil, Cacaopera, Mangue, Xinca, Mixe, Maya Poqomam, K’iche, Maya Chorti.
We are on the sidelines
Our history barely known

My mother’s pain is now mine
The pain of war is what she knows
Oscar Romero, Marianella García Villas, the town of El Mozote, Chalatenango, and those who fled, may they be delivered the peace that they deserve.
They did not surrender
They fought till the end
Liberation from war
I never forgot
Forever shall they live
Their blood now with the ground
Together with Itzamná

I am my siblings guardian
I cry for those who seek home
The children in cages away from their mothers
My brothers and sisters suffer alone

I am K’ uk’ulkan
I see the suffering
I see what my people have been through

I call upon U K’ux Kaj, heart of sky, thunderbolt huracan youngest thunderbolt, sudden thunderbolt and Uk’ux cho, Uk’ux palo Kukulkan, Quetzal serpent, Heart of lake and sea.

I am first generation
I carry the ambitions and dreams of those who came before me
Strong and willed

To forget my language is genocide against my ancestors. I asked my mother how to say ‘wound’ in Spanish because I forgot and all she could do was laugh.
‘Herida’... oh right. The pain that my heart felt when my mother first told me I was “muda”
Forgive me.

#spanglish #spanish #mestizo