he's got a thing for gay girls
& more cream than coffee.

there's something about him in a suit & tie
& the way he opens greeting cards.

he's over it
but he still thinks about it.

he never reaches out
but sometimes he does.

i love the way he loves films
& how he sighs loudly when he's sad.

he likes things simple
& him and his dad share the same dimple.

he's never been more afraid
but i have never been more proud of him.

he sits in plastic lawn chairs during the summer
but one day he'll be sitting among the stars on red velvet seats.

a quiet burning love for the north,
from one revelation to the next...

am i still there?
i'm still there.

warm flesh & blood
now phantasmagoria
& a gentle breeze
that sweeps your hair
from out of your eyes.

(yearning for) retrograde amnesia.

i can't forget
the sound.

agnosia.

flashbacks of when
i grazed you
& it made you audibly silent,
visibly warm, & full of bliss...

fast-forward to you
recoiling from my touch.
now cold, painful, & unwelcome.

can you still feel me?...

aphasia.

it always upset you
when i couldn't say what
i meant.

apraxia.

the cognitive dissonance
experienced is how much?

amnesia.

i don't want to forget any of it.
i want to remember it all.
i don't want you to forget any of it.
i want you to remember it all.

"to be ignored is to have your existence denied."

I'm tired
You know?
And just so very
Very
Alone

I think,
a part of me died
when you did
I think,
I would have
learned so many things
from you
and I think,
I would have
loved living
if you were
still alive
and I think,
I would have
turned out a completely
different person
if you were still here
but,
you're not
you're not here
you're not alive
and,
I don't think
I am either...

As we dance towards the precipice of self-betrayal, the end of humanity looms.