I see myself being who I am
And still reaching for what I can be

I see myself  ready
Ready for obstacles,challenges and mountains that will be moved by faith.

I see myself..

I see myself being who I am
And still reaching for what I can be

I see myself  ready
Ready for obstacles,challenges and mountains that will be moved by faith.

I see myself...

I did it again
I stopped and watched the sin
Found myself enthralled, captivated by it
Then I sat, my hands itching to take part
In this evil concubine of sin made by man
Then I sinned
I blemished  the snow, my soul, the One the Savior died to cleanse
I burned the bright bridge that lead to the One
All that work
All that prayer
Only for a single, evil thought to burn it all away
Right before my eyes
I sinned
Now I watch as I’m pulled back
The light I so desperately desire shrinking
Shrinking
Shirking
Till I found myself completely immersed in darkness
My heart beats, it doubles as my eyes sweep this oblivion I’ve created
Looking forward there is no light
On silent darkness
I sinned
And burned the bridge that lead me to Him

Is there forgiveness for the sinner?
Yes? Maybe? No?
How many times can God forgive my countless sins
How many times do I have to disappoint Him
Before he casts me out like the demons that wage war deep within the earth
How many times, God do I have to mess up for you to realize
That this stained, tainted soul isn’t worth what you sacrificed
Lord, God, Father- how many times do I have to bring shame to your name
In the light all is right yet in the dark where you see all I’m... rotten, shameful
Constantly bringing shame to your precious divine Name
Lord how many times do I have to cry and realize that they mean nothing
Because a few days from now a repetition of the sin I’ve cultivated  is expected
Lord, God, Father how many times can you forgive?

Disappointment floods my veins
Anger brewing underneath the hurt, betrayal and double standards

Double Standards

Something that everyone can do, be
Irritation feeds on me because of you
Yes, I blame you
How far will people go for money
How far are you willing to bend your morals
Their being is:
To worship their ‘god’

They say one thing and do another
Further pushing in the knife they plunged, so deep

Double standards

Double life
Double you
Double the lies
Double the hate

At least when there 2 of you
My anger might just last longer
I know I forgive,  I always do
But, there comes at time where when I look at you
All is see is every single wrong deed you did to me
The way you plunged the knife deeper and when I finally healed
You did it again and again and again
My life a series of scars bred from hate, betrayal and hurt
And it all has to do with your:

Double Standards

Lord each breath I take is a gift from You
Each feeling of joy, desire and sorrow comes from You
Let everything I feel be for your Glory
Let it echo within me and send my praise high into your Holy place
Lord I thank you for all I see
I thank you for each perfectly designed creature you created
May what we see bring praise to our lips
And excite our hearts with a holy cry
I thank You, Lord and I praise you.

Lord, I choose to trust in you
I choose to trust in your timing
Love
Sacrifice
Lord I choose to let go of today
And all its worries
I chose to believe in you
I’ll push past the pain,sadness,worry and anger
And focus on you
Lord I choose to stomp on the devil
Show him I’m not afraid, I remain unchanged
Lord, I choose to believe in you
So here I am Lord
Trusting in you
Show me you way, your light, your path
Let me be like the woman from your Word
Unwavering in her faith
And brave in danger
Lord I choose to breathe
To let go
Lord, your servant is here
She’s suffering,afraid, hurt.
But in you she will trust

EXAMS
What a simple,simple word
But in every child’s heart it brings fear
Doubt
Hurt
And a scathed esteem
EXAMS
What would we do without them?
Prosper
Succeed
Evolve
Nobody knows because no one has been given the right to deny it
To face the teacher, the educator, the life bearer and simply say No
To simply chose life, peace,happiness and sweet, blissful ignorance
EXAMS
Just like change,they’re inevitable.

The Day is coming where there's no chances
The Day is coming when all my sins and failures crawl back to me
All the things I’ve suppressed mentally, physically will seep into the cracks of the foundation I’ve tried so hard to build
The Day is coming when my rejection of the truth will judge me… hurt me
Lord I’ve tried
I know I didn’t try hard enough
I lied to you to myself to everybody
I’ve build a temple for world
Where people can come in as they please
Breaking and wrecking everything I've tried so hard to build
Lord I’m done
For the day is coming where sorry won’t work
Where going on my knees and asking for forgiveness won’t do
Chance after chance opportunity after opportunity you’ve given me
And I've wasted
And each I've thrown back with shake of my head a drawl of 'no way' on my lips
All you’ve done is show me love and I return it back with rejection
I’ve lied cheated, hurt, embarrassed killed
Maybe not literally but killing is killing
Lord I’m scared that there is no salvation for me
That I’m just meant to twist and turn in the hot furnace, Lord
Facing and serving my time for all the decisions I’ve made against you
Isn’t that what I deserve?
Lord the Day is coming and I fear i won’t be ready
I fear the spirits and demons that lurk in every corner of my life
I fear the day when I will see Your face and you won't recognise me
Because all I’ve done has masked the beauty You created
I wish I knew
I wish I knew
but The Day is coming and I’m done for

Your sins have been forgiven
The shackles are off
You are no long tied to this kingdom of Darkness

FLEE

But I’m still here Lord
I’m still chained God
I hear your declaration of freedom from sin
I speak and hear and write about it all day but

But not me why?

Is there something I’m missing? A eureka? A revelation

I hear the words but I do not live them. Why Lord?

Have I fallen for these shackles
Have I made this pit my new home

What is lacking Lord? Please help me see it ?