I told you from the start that I was alone
Even my parents house was never my home
I told you I never had anyone
To fall back upon
And you made that anytwo, three four five
Any who I thought I knew you'd be different
but you're selfish like the rest,
I should've known that soon we'd be finished
You narcissists
You're the best
I can go on and on but you're not worth my last breath.

You wouldn't love me if you knew the real me
the broken down
the damaged
the 'still trying to heal' me
You wouldn't kiss me if you knew my tongue was razor sharp
That I could break your heart by throwing nasty words at you like darts
You wouldn't hold me if you knew how many other men have held me at night
kissed me good morning
kissed me goodbye
You wouldn't wash my back if you knew the scars that I had
From a love so dangerous
so corrupt
so mad
You wouldn't give me a baby
If you knew that that is what someone else already gave me
and i lost it
That my body wasn't equipped to be a mother
The thought of that is exhausting
You wouldn't marry me if you knew that i was terrified of belonging
to one person forever
That i'm meant to be free, like a Bumblebee or a Feather
So when you come across my pretty face, please stop and turn away
I couldn't give you the best part of me, even on my best day

I hope you know that you are loved
And when you feel low
you are still above
the darkness and your demons
Promise me you won't give up
you are needed
This goes out to my aunt that took her life
To the ones contemplating death day and night
questioning your existence
the thoughts are now consistent
i hope you know that the world would notice if you went missing
You are the only you on this earth
Yes there are stronger boys and there are prettier girls
There are people wealthy and unhappy
And there are people poor that smile with no teeth
You can make it out of this ditch
i mean if you wish
Because who am i to tell you to stay alive
To tell you that you need to exist
To tell you that you have a purose
Your life with flourish
love yourself from within
and soon people will see this bright light in you that was once dim
I hope you stay alive
not for her, not for them, not for that, not for him, not for this but for you.

If I had one wish
One dream come true
I would be the daughter of Maya Angelou
The sassy, confident,loving, smart, too good for you
Daughter of Maya Angelou
I would grow up with love and all of the above
& I'd never be left without a clue
I'd bathe in her wise silk words and I'd Bask in her beaming sun rays of love
Head held high, Mamma Maya by my side,
Life would be a joy
Life would be a ride

You were an invader
Disguised as my forever
Now you are gone but still invading me
My happiness
My alone time
My Sleep
Stop reminding me of wasted time when i try to close my eyes and sleep you away
Stop filling the pit of my stomach with pain
because i cant stop missing you
when i am full of lonely
How can i have room for food
Stop watering my eyes when i just want to laugh again
Stop making me push away my friends when i know i need them
You left me physically but emotionally and mentally
You are still invading me
I need you to stay away from me
You invader

I need a Day
or two
A day to get back to me
And another to get away from you
To escape the memories
The sweet love
The serenity
That came with you
I need all of my days for me
Because I am forever done with you

Just in case you forgot
I will refresh your memory
I've loved myself way before you have
And i will love myself indefinitely
I've Learned to love my solitude
my little flaws, my attitude
So if you cant HANDLE me
I know someone that can
Not a lover, not another man
I love the woman that I am
I fell in love with me before you ever could
so there's nothing to take with you when you go
Because i have already given myself everything a woman can need
In case you didn't know

My little Zoe Bumblebee
I hope you know how much you mean to me
From your sweet smile to your sassy
You are everything you need to be
From your big heart to your adolescent laugh
You remind me that life isn't all that bad
little do you know
You lift me up when i am low
And you show me the way when I'm not sure where to go
Life would be colorless without you
Barbie-less too
Zoe-less without you
I have no clue what I'd do
If I never got the chance to love tiny ol' you.
-The person that loves you unconditionally, big sister.

Water
Submerge my body in hot water
Surrounded by candles and good reads
Warm up my Soul
Thats all my cold broken heart needs
To feel warmth
To feel something
Anything
Other than abandonment
Leave me here
Let my thoughts swim
I sit here with my eyes off and my ears open
with
your favorite music playing
And this is my escape
This water
And to water, you were a hostage
You feared this beautiful feeling, this weightless element
And I love this
I should've known we would sink in our differences