Ive never been the open type
The one to say how im feeling
i let people walk all over me
And it leaves my head reeling

I tell everyone i love them
So no one will know
If i truly do
I cant let it show

My face is a perfect mask
But my eyes are cliches
If you look into them
Youll see my emotions in rays

Girls and guys alike seem confused
When i tell them my confession
They see my sadness
My dear friend depression

So they try to help
But they know nothing
Of the cuts on my wrists
That show my suffering

Ive loved you forever
Never once given up hope
Is 4 years too long?
I really dont know

Id give my life for you if it came to it
Id do whatever you wanted
Id give you everything

Blood is a small price to pay
Ive got plenty of it
Ive got plenty of thoughts
Wanting to come out
To tell you my secrets
Ive got plenty of those too

Plenty of everything valuable to me
But all i wanted was you

She was there when i needed warmth
She was like a forbidden fruit
Her favorite candy
A peppermint
Still on her breath
I can still feel her near me
Even when shes miles away

She doesnt know
Or at least doesnt act like it
Her eyes the color of molasses
Her voice rich as chocolate
Her body as perfect as a rare painting

We lock eyes now and again
Only i feel a connection
Shes a secret
She's different
I dont know why
Shes hard to understand

Her mind only thinks of music
She will be mine
Her mind
Her body
Her soul

I really never knew how i felt
Sexuality free and fluid
Feelings fleeting and shallow
Yet those times i was close it was confusing

The boys always toned
Breath like cinnamon
Voice of pure velvet
And covered in the aura of *** and passion

The girls always soft
Sweet and flexible bending to my will
Voice like the feeling of a rose
Soft smooth but sharp

With guys its about ***
With girls its love
but all the same passion flows
Dominance and submission in perfect harmony as lips clash

Does it really exist?
Can life really be that free?
Both sides are sweet
Both sides are safe
I am both sides of this coin called sexuality

Did i do something wrong?
Did I ever stray?
No
You changed,
You controlled me,
All i did was love you
What happened?
Did you fall in love with someone else?
I didnt give you my body.
Is that what you wanted?
I shouldve known that we would fall apart.
but what happened?

Time changes everything
She was great
She was perfect
She was always by my side
But that got old real quick
Im no longer my own person
She owns me while she gets kisses and cuddles from others
If i stray im the *******
Because no one sees what's happening
She was perfect
I trusted that
But theres someone else who is now there when shes not

Im scared
Terrified
Cowering in the corner like a child with the shadows of my feelings surrounding me
Shes my best friend
And everyone already thinks we're dating
Why cant i just do it
Why cant i just ask her
Ask her to be mine
Just for a little while

Shes confused
Im completely sure
Shes the one i want at least for now
Teenage love is fleeting
It comes and goes
But for now i want her
And she'll likely never be mine

Sitting alone longing for warmth
People push me away
Say they dont want to get to close

"Get away im not gay"
Well little do they know theyre just scared that they are

A few years later they come to me
"Ive had a crush on you forever"
Well theyve lost their chance
My mind and body and soul is gone
Im a shell and they broke me
Theyll never have me

Cut me
Deep skilled strokes soothing my pain
Push me
Beat me down till i have no will to live
Or love me
Hold me close
Tell me everything will be alright
Do what you please
But please don't toy with me
or i will toy with you