ONE CAN ONLY BE TOLD

act humble
stay silent
dress pretty
don't frown

BEFORE WANTING TO BE

totally invisible
permanently mute
hallmark like
someone else

AND SO OFTEN FEELING

I should try to be unseen
I should watch my every word
I should always look perfect
I should smile even when in pain

AFTER AWHILE IT'S LIKE

I learn to hide myself in plain sight
Songs speak the words I could never say
Food never stays inside me for  very long
I just want to get through another day

You're gone
I will never
see you
touch you
breath you in
again. But
in my words
you will be
immortalized.
I assure you
my darling
that with my pen
as my witness
you will be painted
in deep strokes
of ink to lie penned
onto supple paper.

I will describe
your laugh
your eyes
the way you
tuck your hair
behind your ear.

You will and
have already been
quoted
described
and yes,
cried over
page after page
baptized
in tears and ink
hundreds of times.

Some will see you
as a Villain while
others will swear
you are a Goddess.

And always
when you leave
as inevitably
you always do
I'll beg for
your return
But you'll be gone
but I promise
you'll live forever
always as
the only story
that ever really
mattered.

He gives money to his church
Fistful over fistful
I think he's Lutheran
or maybe Episciple
he talks about God
with words of silk
but he also talks about
"those type and their ilk."
I told him about a friend
who died of A.I.D.S .
where I live up here
and he told me
"I'm sorry Sam
he kind of asked for it
because he was a queer."

I'm fighting
Sleep
Struggling
against it
tugging at me
trying to kidnap
my mind
unless maybe
I could dream of her
That would
make it easier
for me to give in
close my eyes
and let it
take me
unconscious
far a
       w
         a  
          y

I know misery, she haunts me
2am, 3am sleep eludes me
A song I didn't need to hear plays
invoking unwanted memories
everything sounds like her
everything looks like her
although nothing is her
because she is gone
gone yet eternally present
between my ears
living in my tear ducts
crowding my brain with
memories and regret
should I burn her letters
tear up her pictures
like that would banish her
from my brain
from my heart
nothing does that
she's always with me.

My words have lost all meaning since  you left
I've absolutely no more passion and
I can no longer count all the times I've wept

I have more tears than words these days
it's like all my words have dried up
who needs words anyway
give me liquid courage in a cup

Am I still a poet? I don't know
or were my words all spent
and you took them as you went

I'm alone now and I ponder
can anyone still hear me I wonder
she spilled all my ink when she left
me standing here bereft.

AM I STILL A POET??????????

Without you
My soul lies
An inner
Pompeii
Frozen
In time
Mounds
And
Mounds
Of  fallen
Ash and
Century old
Magma
Weigh
Down
Inside me
What
Could have
Been
Should have
Been
Would have
Been
Alive and
Thriving
A volcano
Of love
Our volcano
Erupting
From us
Molting
Pleasure
Our very own
Carnal Pompeii.
So come back
To me
Bury me
With the
Contents
Of your core
Be my
Vesuvius
And leave me
Nevermore!