It’s ridiculous to try
To comprehend whether you tasted
Bitter or sweet in my mouth
All these years.

I lay, alone in my closet of unused black dresses
Awaiting the dark blue cool sky to greet me
Staring at the ceiling, attempting to cry out for help
Alone is all I know, the wooden doors divide me from
The burning acids of the unknown, the outside scares me
Blood tears roll down my cheeks
Clumping, carrying a timeline of glass shards in the alley.

I lay, alone in my closet of fading yellow splattered ceiling
That pretty crystal raised to my eye to clearly see
Beauty that was on the other side, guarding me
An old friend I’ve missed for so long, dear absolute satisfaction
Assurance and safety of only when I am ready
Hologram glittered tears roll down my chin
I am a raw human,  and my surroundings, animated sketches.

I lay, alone in my closet, when You sat by a wall between us
Somehow, you knew the magic words to my poorly built tree house
And cupped in arms that always knew, me, this surrendered rag doll
Poorly stuffed with ***** cotton and trinkets
You rinsed out my stains and replaced loose buttons
Pink painted tears roll down into my pores, invade my veins
And for an instant, for a short pause in all that ever was, stood a small child with flowered braids.

Intensify my involuntary ticks
Here is my virginity, not peeled from my skin
But ripped from my flesh
Like a child's band-aid.

Leave behind the bitter taste on my cracked lips
You'll only ever be
A mistress to fall on, seducing me to your weak trap.

On nights such as this, lovely painted nightlights
My soft petaled sheets become
Course on my brittle ankles
The unorganized pile of miscellaneous god knows what
(Does he?)
Transforms, hallucinogens point and laugh
Becoming bits of deities to serve as an alarm clock on a plate
Ticking my black hairs to grey
The cold air suffocates my toes and
Fills my shell with images of
Once laid here with the changing eyes that kept me quiet.

Sometimes, I wake up and search for your nonexistent space.

The absence of you seems stiff and crinkled,
Like a crumpled piece of paper.

Ink blots and words crossed,
Just discarded verses and rhythms sprawled endlessly.

Incomplete maybe in a way,
Because I no longer keep your name on my lips.
Only hidden in sheets of paper.

Can you feel the silence?
Like a discarded notebook.
To full to continue,
Lines fill the margin so it's set aside.

Even words escape me now in this,
Paused in my last verse...

Words they seem to cut the soul, in rigid angry stages. Always wondering if it'll fade, along the body that still ages.

I see the scars marking me, burned into skin with hate. Never able to escape that frame, when to little was too late.

You can see it in my reflection now, I'm worn away with time. Lost in translation is stolen youth, a perception that once left me blind.

Men look at me and think they know, because the scars I have to bare. Intimacy so hard to find, because my self worth was never there.

Twisted images in faded memories, when I once was pure perfection. Now I see a distorted me, when I gaze at my own reflection.

my favorite color is
Purple on my skin and
Red on my cheek
Reminders of control
The sound of gripping leather
Singing sweetly in my ear
The wet fear from Your eyes that turn yellow with livid flame
Warm brushing past my bottom of
What holds Your treasure from me.

Swimming into the ivory depth of
Every fiery star in the known universe from my
Vivid imagination
Illusions that I wake up from by every
Pinch of my *******
Bend and tear me
Fallen scraped knees at Your feet
Where i belong
i’m still with You, i think.

But if i lose myself in grey clouds
The shock of Your lightning
Will free me.