I write this scared
With one leg into today and the other stuck in yesterday
I write this to convince myself, almost to propel myself forward
I write this because I want to be happy.
I want to feel the sun again caress this face of mine
I want to feel the warmth of hope
I want to hold my head high once again
I want to believe I can.

I write this because today I'm all in.

I write this because I don't know if I can but I want to
I write this as a prayer or maybe a reminder
So that the days when I slip back into the darkness
And let these trembling hands grow weary
I may have a reason to hope
I may have a reason to try again.
I write this as a warning
That I may remember the pain in my life isn't the most important part of it – I am
And my smiles are.
I may remember that it is through forgiveness I am helped
I may remember for as long as I wake up to the next day, I am called to move forward

My child, I know you're tired and scared but I ask one thing of you: Take those trembling tired hands and find don't let yourself go.

You don't need to hold on to so many things..... just one. YOURSELF.
Through forgiveness,  you are helped
Through trying again, you are set free.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
If you're lost we all are a little lost and it's alright

Is it really true?
That I am not the only problem
Is it really true?
That I don't need to keep the pain – but I've grown used to it
I don't know anything else but the pain
I don't know anything else but the hate of the reflection I see in the mirror
I don't know where to start

So even though I should have gotten up, I sat back down
For my eyes were accustomed to the darkness and I didn't know if I wanted to try again
My heart was scared, my hands tired
I couldn't get up
There's so much I didn't know
What if I stepped out there and got hurt again
Why do I have to see constantly the people who have caused me pain
Is there hope for someone like me with so many scars...............

My child, how long will you let the past hurt define you
Tell me! How long will you hold on to people who were never meant to stay
How long will you live in yesterday and abandon today
Your story isn't over
My child, arise!
You are alive today
There's something more for you out there

I held on to you so much that the pain you caused me felt like it would heal
I made myself believe I was the problem and despised the broken pieces that reside in me
The more I held on to the hurt, the more I let myself go
I called, whispered for help but pushed everyone who came
My hands grew tired and the hope kept leaving me slowly
Soon I laid in the stench of my hopelessness and self hate
And believed this was my new life
One of hate, pain, depression and loneliness

Sometimes saying goodbye to someone
doesn't nearly hurt as much
as saying goodbye to the version of you
that existed alongside them.