he watches the world he’s broken
falling
falling
he keeps his scars open
so you
can see
everything he goes through
nobody sees the hurting
silence
silence
but somehow he has the will to live
how did he find it?

after all that's been said and done
all he wants is for someone to tell the story
can somebody find me?

in the silence of this white room
he hears them
falling
falling

strapped from left to right
no scars to hold on to
so now
no one
can see
there
he's just there going through

he sees the light in the deafening
silence
silence

and now that nobody knows the story
he can't
find it
find it

**to this day he's watched in the silence

i tried to hold my head up high
for the first time
in a long time
but then i realized why i stopped
*the air is heavy in the sky

i wish i could please everybody
i wish i could pause my life whenever they want me
i wish i could take a step back
and smell the roses
but all i see are thorns

i wish i could be an angel
so i could actually help people
but i had to cut off my wings to be yours
and ever since
i have been torn beyond imaging
but i don't have to fly to be shot down
anymore

believe it or not
i am perfect
i don't know what you want me to do
when you beat me down
the treat me like a perfect person
like you

i
am just a picture on a screen
waiting to be liked
and it's funny how this is so much like real life
all we want is to be liked
but when your boyfriend likes that girls picture
your heart is broken

i
am just an update
every single post
boosts my self esteem
even though i feel like it's sinking
but i have 200 followers
might as well keep going
until i'm all drained out

and i would walk out in what God has for me
but i
am just a little picture on a computer screen
waiting
for someone to like me

it's been a year I've though about doing it again
i'm trying not to think about it

it's been four years since my dad hit me
it didn't even hurt
but you know what they say
it's the thought that counts

i hate trying to speak when no one is listening
every time i say something
all you hear is a whistling
that's my father trying to find anything wrong
like when i told him i couldn't write a song
for the church i do everything for

i saw the look of despair
and from that day on
it was like i wasn't even there

i did an experiment
when i was 11
i would wait until everyone went downstairs
and i wanted to see who would notice first

but what once was an experiment
turned into something more
ever since i stopped
i found myself wanting more
and for now it's just a thought
but i wanna go back

**i really do

I've been depressed for like a few weeks now
for the first time in years
i thought it was the over consumption of fears
i thought it was the secret of a friend I've known for years

but it's the sister who's too shallow to read between the lines
while i'm writing this poem
she is saying how bitter i am

it's the brother who won't listen to me
i warned him
the day he almost hit my friends foot with the car
he told me to remember my place

it's the father that always thinks he's right
he tells me all the things that would be better for me
but doesn't care about me going to the doctor
for a wound that's been hurting for years
but as long as i'm doing something for the church
because to him
i have to do more than
choir
dance
praise and worship
and it has to be in the big church

it's the mom
that didn't notice
when i became bulimic
didn't notice when my stomach was cringing with pain

but the one thing i don't know
why am i not suicidal?
i hate that i have something to live for

i hate that i want people everywhere to see
they're better than their memories
they're better than their pain
better than their misury

i hate that i have a reason to live
because that means i have to live with the following facts:
someone is sexually assaulted every 2 minutes
america feeds four countries
while they still have homeless people here
blacks are the majority of the drop out rate

and until the people like me
who remember these things
decide to fight there
i have to live with depression
*to show them i care

i know you
i don't know all of you
but i'm there
i'm not the only person in the world who cares
i feel
jesus came to earth
for a moment
just to tell you what you're doing
because the divil was nipping at your heels
because your whole life
you never knew how sanity feels

you keep saying you don't hate yourself
but you know you're suicidal
you can't break down
because you're an idol

you've never been a kid
because you had to take care of them
but it was too much
and all that work
builds up within

you are a fallen angle
and you hit a few clouds on the way down
and you beat yourself out of heaven
so you cut yourself
a frown

because outside
your an insperation
but inside
you feel worthless
but please
stop apologizing
because nobody is perfect

so you need to practice what you preach
pray about your defeat
remember jesus was weakened
so we don't have to be weak

so yes
my friend goes through a lot
and she is silenced by her walk
of shame
looking all happy outside
but she thinks she's the one to blame

but this earth would not be the same
without her wrongs
and rights
so please
don't do God's job
and take your own life

because i love you
my life would be there with you in your grave
i wouldn't be at your funeral
i'd be thinking for our glory days
such as

justin does
stoner face
i like your bike
can i ride you?

i'd remember all these things
and everyday
i would remind you

to to go on a million google docs
all saying i love you

but then start crying
when i realized i didn't love you enough
i didn't talk to you enough
i wasn't there enough
when you were thinking of suicide
i was asleep
and now i'll never sleep again
knowing
somewhere
your lonly enough
to think the thoughts withen
i will cry
my friend
but never say goodbye my friend
i will write
"justin does"
**until you reply my friend

i have a problem
with people
when i try to be me
i picture all the things they can do to hurt me
i don't wanna trust you
if i can't make believe the truth

i reach for the stars
but then get shot at by the moon
i wanna take control of my life
soon enough
but i
wanna do my best to trust you

maybe this time
i won't be afraid to fall
maybe i'll close my eyes and not feel so small
maybe i'll fly
and not hide behind it all

maybe i'll listen and still be heared
maybe i'll keep the smallest word
in my heart
because thats where the healing starts

and maybe it'll end
witht he healing of my only friend
maybe i'll be there for you
maybe i'll be strong enough
to believe you'll catch me too
because i'll always catch you

i can cause applause
but that's no the cause
of my succes
it's because you believe
i can be more then high notes and claps
and that's a fact

so maybe this time
trust will be a factor
and in the end we'll still have laughter
<3