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Nicola Pillai Jan 2021
Twenty Twenty
What a year
It‘s been
A Pandemic
Lockdown
All in between
We took on the news
A lot was said
Digested it
Analysed it
The papers we read
It was like nothing
We’d ever lived through before
It’s intangible force
We just couldn’t ignore
It crept up upon us
Like a thief in the night
Days on repeat
No end in sight
From loved ones
To livelihoods
Completey wiped out
Broken-hearted
Desolate
Filled with so much doubt
Tier one
Two
Three and four
Some followed the rules
Others chose to ignore
We needed some answers
A glimmer of hope
Too much to comprehend
On this never ending *****
Then came good news
A vaccine was near
Would this solve our problems?
No more living in fear?
With 2021 looming
As we ring in the New Year
What have we learnt?
What’s important?
What’s dear?
Maybe Mother Nature
Wasn’t being heard
A deeper message for us all
That wasn’t being shared  
Finger on the button
Press rewind
Say hello to your neighbour
Practice being kind
Time to reflect
From this year to the next
How will you change you ways?
What will you do next?
Sometimes the hardest questions
Are the easiest to escape
But a conscious decision
Determines the action we take
A little gratitude perhaps?
Pay it forward?
Lend some help?
Practice daily affirmations ?
Look after your mental health?
I know one thing that’s true
For me I’m sure
I found my purpose
My reason
My cure!
In my own words
Nicola Pillai Oct 28
A simmer of emotions, here we go once more,
That all too familiar feeling, knocking at the door.
Forever striving to mend, looking for a fix
Where self-awareness and loss of control sadly coexist.
Popping a pill, to get better equipped  
Yet forever bound, by its tight alluring grip.
Dabbling with a patch, to reclaim the body’s loss,
Cautiously treading carefully, for it comes with a heavy cost.
Chasing sanity in pursuit,  of a remedy a perfect cure,
Longing for the tools, to ease the strain I endure
Until then I continue,  to try and navigate this maze,
In the hope that a piece of mind,  will soon show up and guide the way
“A Cure" poignantly captures the turmoil of navigating perimenopause, where hormonal changes, emotional upheaval, and lack of sleep collide with the demands of family, relationships, and work. The poem details the relentless search for relief, from medications to patches, each offering fleeting hope yet accompanied by their own challenges. Amidst the struggle for self-awareness and control, the poet conveys the desperation for a perfect remedy to ease the strain. Despite the ongoing chaos, there's a persistent hope for clarity and peace of mind to emerge and guide the way through this difficult period.)
Nicola Pillai Feb 2021
She stood there patiently waiting
For the steam to dissipate
As the mirror slowly revealed the lines
That earnt a place on her face

Honest, open and naked
Exposed and filter-free
Taking a moment to witness  
The beautiful chaos she turned out to be

A flurry of deep emotions  
At the mercy of her reflection
The room dead with silence
Through her eyes, her soul did beckon  

Now that the guise was lifted
She welcomed the tears of pain
A euphoric and deep connection
Healing only she could mend

She lingered there a while longer
Enjoying her presence and space
Willing to take the next step
It was written all over her face

Embarking on a new journey
A promise she needed to make  
To love and respect herself
For if not, it would be her biggest mistake
A journey of self love and respect
Nicola Pillai Feb 2021
Curious and free, my love
Remember how that felt
So young and so naive
No money, stature or wealth

Curious and free, my love
My God did we explore
Traversing around the globe
Two-three times, more...

Curious and free, my love
We danced with many a wave
Chased wild dolphins
Roamed seabeds and caves

Curious and free, my love
Sand trickled through our toes  
Witnessed sunrises from mountain tops
Immersed headfirst in pistes of snow

Curious and free, my love
Late nights and sweet romancing
Wild parties, early mornings
Reminiscing of crazy dancing

Still curious but not so free my love
Our adultness restraints us
Still, wealthy from all those adventures
Maybe our next chapter will define us
Nicola Pillai Jan 2021
Uneasy in her silence
Vulnerable and bare
His words cut so deep
She struggled not to care

Pensive for a moment  
She felt inadequate, yet free
Taking time to reflect  
On the woman, she’d come to be

The strength she'd sought so desperately
Showed up a little too late
Devoid of any resolve
Perhaps she'd met her fate
Nicola Pillai Jan 2021
Each night the ritual takes place
From underneath the sheets
Somewhere in the middle
Is where the feet will meet
At first a little coy
Each waiting to make their move
A wriggle of a toe
Gets them in the groove
A twist of an ankle
A shimmy from left to right
A beautiful entanglement
Lasting for the night
Nicola Pillai Feb 2021
There is was in all its glow
Hosting the most  spectacular show
Looking upon us with all it's might  
Stars in awe of its poweful light
As we laid our heads before the dead of night
We  glimpsed once more at this beautiful  Sight
With a graceful bow, it prepared for flight
Making  way for the golden rays of daylight
Nicola Pillai Jan 2021
Four mugs of coffee in and it still doesn’t make sense
Who knew this homeschooling would be so ****** intense
“Let’s start with some writing”, She says, “That’s always fun”
“Have you seen my favourite pencil?” they ask
“The blunt stubby one?”

She needs to focus on the task at hand
“Try to be as descriptive as you can”
“Shall we throw in some adverbs, perhaps a simile?”
“Something like;”
“Having lost the will to live, she ran out the door quickly.....”

Next on the list, its time for Maths
A little worried about this one
She's never been good with stats
Times tables, addition and a bit of subtraction  
“Over here, look at me, what’s with all the distraction?”

Her Patience wearing thin,
“I'm hungry”
“What’s for lunch?”
As she replies sarcastically
“Pizza and *** Punch!”
“Can we play now?”
“I'm tired”
“Can I watch Tv?”
“On dear Lord, help!”, she prays
It’s only day three....

Let's hope in a few months she can stay awake past eight,
When school reopens,  
She'll be the first at the gate!











- [ ]
Nicola Pillai Jun 2023
I am the blackbird singing at your window
I am the gentle breeze that soothes your face
I am the flower from the seed that you sow  
I am the space that fills natures grace

I am the peace when you close your eyes
I am the stillness in the silence
I am in front, behind and beside you
Between us, there is no distance

Don’t mourn for me, be grateful  
For the memories, we were fortunate to make
I must go now on my blessed Journey
And I will wait for you at heaven’s gate
Finding comfort in the loss of a loved one
In those moments, she listened,
To her heart's gentle call.
In silence, she glistened,
Finding peace within it all.
No more hiding, no more lies,
Just her truth, pure and clear.
In the depths where beauty resides,
She found solace, free from fear.
Each breath a gentle reminder,
Of the love within her core.
In stillness, she grew kinder,
To herself, forevermore.
And as the dawn softly broke,
A new day, fresh and bright.
She felt a newfound hope,
In her soul's peaceful light.
With every step, she'd softly tread,
With gratitude and grace.
For in the quiet, she'd found instead,
Her own sacred place.
“Journey" is a reflective poem about the quest for inner stillness and peace. I  describe moments of deep listening and introspection, where I shed pretences and embrace my true self. In the quiet, I find clarity, self-kindness, and a profound sense of calm. Each breath and moment of silence serves as a reminder of the love within, helping me to recalibrate and navigate life with gratitude and grace. The poem underscores the importance of taking time to pause and listen to one's inner voice, finding answers and peace in the stillness.
Nicola Pillai Jan 2021
She creeps in at midnight
When nobody knows
Ever so lightly
On her tip toes
She knows she shouldn’t do it
She just can’t keep still
Something inside her finds it a thrill

From bed to bed she hops all night
Beneath the covers
Out of sight
The warmth of the bed
It can be of any kind
Bunk bed
Double  
She really doesn’t mind

You see Leggy is a girl
Who’s playful and sweet
She just finds it hard
To settle down to sleep

One night on the hop
She went a bed too far
Out the front door
Past the car
She stumbled into the neighbours
Who owned a great big cat
Huddled down beside him
On his big fat mat

“My word,” said the neighbour
“What have we here?”
When she woke to find Leggy
Asleep by his ear

With a hop skip and a jump
Leggy woke with a fright
“What did I get up to late last night?“
She ran to her mama
“I promise,” she said
“From this day on, I’ll sleep in my bed!”
Nicola Pillai Mar 2021
She saved it for a rainy day
When she longed to have her fix
A withdrawal from the nostalgia bank
Would certainly do the trick
For it was among her most treasured memories
A quick revisit she knew would suffice
Not to undo life's wonderful blessings
But to simply feel everything twice
Nicola Pillai Mar 2021
Late nights
Toast fests
Shopping in the city
Long chats
Silly dancing
Trying to look pretty

Tears of joy
Some of sadness
An emotional rant or two
Six weddings
A few funerals
Five babies, my three, your two

The good, the bad, we were all we had
The list goes on, it's endless
The challenges life threw our way
Always learning and trying to comprehend it

I had your back
You had mine
Life was good and we lived it
Completely oblivious, no notion of time
Our all - we certainly did give it

So next chapter sis, with this year ahead
Time, is of the essence
Let’s make new memories, relish this life
Take stock and count our blessings
Nicola Pillai Jan 2021
We never saw him coming
Never heard a thing
He would float through the house
Like the post-it notes king
Pete was his name
Every colour was his game
Post-it
Stick it
He had no shame

The colours where coded
Red, green or blue
A mission
Request
Even some clues
Mirrors
Doors
The most obscure places
Arrows
Pictures
Little smiley faces

We knew that he dwelled there
Someplace in the house
Following us around
As quiet as a mouse
We set up a trap
To meet him one day
Left some notes of our own
Saying “come out and play?”

The days passed us by
The notes less and less
Until one morning
He posted his final request
“I’m Pete, nice to meet you”
“I’ll come out to play”
"Could do with a friend,
what do you say?”

Instructions on the note
Time read quarter past four
Meet me down by the stairway
Beside the red door
There he was standing
Tall, dark and thin
Floppy hair
Oversized jumper
Sporting a grin

From then on we loved him
Our post it note Pete
The shy
Timid boy
He was ever so sweet
Nicola Pillai Feb 2021
I took myself to a quiet spot
To sit and watch the rain
I gazed as the heavens opened
Watched it crash against my windowpane
Such vivid luminescent droplets
Shone through rays of amber lights
Clouds gathering in their abundance
Bullying the hidden sunlight
I tended to always shy away
From its wet and soggy embrace
Evoking a mix of emotions
Its sensation upon my face
Now there's no better feeling
When caught amid a downpour
Than to dance in the wonder of nature
Leaving all my inhibitions at the door
@rymemasterflash
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Nicola Pillai Mar 2021
Today I gave in
I went back to bed  
Surrendered to the voices
Inside my head

The incessant noise  
Playing tag with my mind
I tried to find reason
Claim back what was mine

I looked for a way
To shake it right off
A stretch
Work out  
A simple walk

Instead I thought,
If I just close my eyes
I'd cease analysing
The anguish  
Building up inside

I lay there as the music
Fed my soul
Little by little
I took back control

Today was a day  
Where I learnt something new
Being still, is a skill
A tough craft to do

For in my stillness
Radiance will shine through
My super power
My strength
My greatest virtue
Nicola Pillai Jan 2021
I sat there with a blank page
Dug a little deep
A place to freely express myself
Where the pen and my mind could meet

I pondered for some time,
The memories struck a chord
Not sure if I wanted to go there
Not sure I should explore

Memories locked away in a vault
A place I was sure they’d stay
Certain I could escape the pain
The price I had to pay

The ink just kept on flowing
I paused and took a breath
Reluctant to do this now
So full of shame and regret

Sometimes, things just happen
Nothing we can do or say
Memories are just memories
In the vault, for now, they'll stay
Nicola Pillai Feb 2021
I  chose the words
They too chose me
We gravitated to each other
For all to see

They used me as a vessel
A channel for the ink
Washed right over me
Gave me the power to think

An ambivalent entanglement
It took time to grow  
A relationship worth nurturing
The rhythm to my flow

My therapy
My solace
My perfect sanctuary
I chose the words
They too chose me
Nicola Pillai Jan 2021
I  chose the words
They too chose me
We gravitated to each other
For all to see

They used me as a vessel
A channel for the ink
Washed right over me
Gave me the power to think

An ambivalent entanglement
It took time to grow  
A relationship worth nurturing
The rhythm to my flow

My therapy
My solace
My perfect sanctuary
I chose the words
They too chose me
Nicola Pillai Jan 2021
It was a magical night,
The moon beamed from the sky
Vivi looked on patiently for unicorns that could fly
She waited and waited and waited some more
Standing by the window, peering around the door

The time was now, her bag was packed
Oats, some glitter and her camera stacked
She set out on her crusade, she knew just what to find
Moonicorns , MagiCorns and Mermicorns of some kind
The powers they possess from the moon, land and sea
A unicorn explorer one day she would be

Her inquisitive nature
Her belief so profound  
Deep in her quest
She will make all the sounds
A calling for each
A mutter or a neigh
Don't ever stop believing Vivi
We adore you this way
Nicola Pillai Jan 2021
We found ourselves didn’t we, you and I
When things got tough
And we asked ourselves why
When life crept up upon us
And hit us full force
We rode the wave
Followed the course

We found ourselves didn’t we, you and I  
We could’ve easily said goodbye
Got caught up in all the fuss
But stuck it out because that’s not us

We found ourselves didn’t we, you and I
The years we put in, we couldn’t but try  
All through our differences
How far we’ve come  
My partner
My lover
My chosen one

— The End —