It's old and it's new
Going round or changing the numbers that accrue
Chiming and clicking for every moment I ever knew
A stranger that marks each second and moon of blue
Never dying on its march of eternity without a clue
That it was never real but only perception's fool.

I was ten and you were fourteen
I thought you were the coolest thing.
Our families were close.
My father liked you and your father wasn't there.
Those were early days
Skaters were in and Green Day was sick.
I was a kid and probably bothered you
But you treated me like the younger sister you didn't have
And I worshiped you like any younger sibling would do.
You taught me to snowboard,
"Keep your toes up and I'll teach you how to jump."
You let me have some of your Rockstar
And I stayed up all night.
You'd make sure I was by your side
And if anyone got rough you'd push them out of the way.

My family moved away one day.
You'd visit but distance made it hard.
Age and struggles muddled it all.
I was fifteen when I saw the look on my father's face.
He said you died, the call came earlier that day.
Overdosed on stuff you took for ADHD.
They said it may have been a mistake
But deep down I know it wasn't.
You were smart and knew how that stuff worked.
You were in a rock and a hard place.
I felt the same when I was your age.
I can't snowboard to this day without thinking of you.
Playing Green Day on the CD player
And nodding our heads real cool.
Boulevard of Broken Dreams was written for you.
Things I associate with you feel like Deja vu.
David I still think of you.

My dear,
If I were to write you a song,
I'd surely fill my lungs

My dear,
If I were to write you a letter,
I'd surely kiss the sun
Burst into a thousand flames

My dear,
If I were to write your final words,
My pen would bleed
Of all you've been
And never seen

My dear,
If you learned I wrote your story,
Would you understand
Forgive me the tears
The loss within,
If you knew each line was a beautiful creation of mine?

My dear,
You are always mine
From infants cry
To burial time
Don't despair today
This line will become yesterday
You haven't seen my melodies or poetry
We'll kiss the sun another day.

I’ve rinsed these bones for the last time
The gristle of struggle is gone
And the sinews of grief have been stripped away

These bones are white as light now
I set them out in the sun
Ready for scorching relief

These bones are ready to leave
They’ve dug into the ground
And found mother’s hearth

I buried these bones tonight
I’ll dig them up when it’s light
Pile them up for the passerby

These bones are full of life
Waiting for the gentle patter of rain,
And God’s grace

I’ve carved my name into one
So it speaks of me in the beyond
And perhaps when the time comes I’ll hear it whispering my name

Flickering vibrant life
Alive
Flames in your eyes
Tell the story of your life
Smoky hues of struggle
Rich blues of the destructive side
Your fire pleads for life
Raw and barren flames
Asking for respite
Fed to stay alive
Squashed enough to die
Your flame is brighter than this hue
Let it grow
Till it blazes
And you fear it burning you
Then you will see the fire in my eyes
And our dance will light the night

I turned on the gas till the flames took light
Watched the fire with flames in my eyes
Walked right in
Flames didn't even touch my skin
Cursed soul
Can't even burn alive
Heart tempered by starlight
Smoke in my lungs
Devil's child I've become
Special light
For every breath was my lullaby
Candlelight and explosions bright
The flames are the only time I feel alive.

What I know I've never seen
It comes from inside
This place I reside
Speaking of wrong and right
Where fairytales are written and myths live in might
A chaotic place of dark and light
Behold its beauty and beware its bite

Like honey on the lips
A sweet taste of what was,
And will be.
The shadows dancing,
Whispering their thoughts

Does this life within know,
What it has begun?
The veil lifts, Ever briefly
Seeing beyond,
Only a glimpse

Will it live to breathe for a first time?
As the shadows dance,
Life of mine,
Not mine to find,
A lost soul, not this time

A pendulum that started,
Before I knew it swung
The momentum of life,
Runs away
And is starting again

Sweet sickle by my side,
Cleaving golden eyes.
My little drop of sunshine,
I’ve forgotten so much,
Forgive me.

I came with a restless gaze,
And a stormy light.
My decisions aren’t always right,
And I worry I lack the strength for life,
But I know this time,
It was made long before I breathed my first cry.

I can write sad poetry
It’s all too easy
My pen can weep,
The ink will bleed,
Tears of papery grief.

My wound can ever bleed,
A heart that seeps,
A river of unease,
Tears without cease.

Why this is,
I do not know,
All the while my smile never fades,
Sunshine or rainy day,
Dreary winter or summer haze.

I’d like to sit in a paper boat,
Float downstream.
Let the river lead.
Let my poetry find relief,
All my characters finally in reprieve.

Let it be,
All within at ease,
The lion no longer need pace.
Today, tomorrow and yesterday,
Exist only within me
And tonight, the silence is all I need.

Sprawling hills interspersed with trees
Ah it felt like home
Like driving down a barren road
Cities aren't for me
Don't get me wrong
I like the hustle and faces I see
But I'll take the quiet land
No matter the nation it is,
I call the country home
From the cliffs of Gibralter
To the ruins of Gobekli Tepe,
And back round to the massive Red Wood trees,
I'll roam
Down to the burning sands of Berber lands,
I'll stay in the country
Leave the cities to the people
And listen to the trees.

If life were a cigar…
I’ve taken many slow drags,
Inhaled the sweet, smoky, earthy scent,
Held its warmth in my lungs,
Exhaled its smooth burn,
Watched the smoke leech through my skin,
Felt the cancer spread through,
At the cap it releases the soul left in me.
If life were a cigar…
It’s certainly going to be the death of me.

It’s starting new,
Or so I hope.
What made me bleed,
Broke me in two,
Crept inside and stole my warmth,
I sincerely hope has gone away.
My mind was taken prisoner,
Left to rot,
In a place it never wanted to be,
Now this pit I must ascend,
If I am to reach the person I intend.
I’ve forgotten what it means,
Life is nothing to me,
Only a responsibility,
A duty to those around me
And the shell of who I used to be.
Now at this starting place,
An end and a beginning,
I wonder if I have it in me,
I’m not as fresh as I used to be,
And I’ve remembered what haunts me.
Here I start and here I die,
What remains is inside,
Potential
Do I get up and climb,
Or seek wisdom in stride?

My riddled words,
A mystery haunts me,
As if I’ve seen the ending
And it’s driven me insane.

If it wasn’t for the day,
I’d never leave the night.
I’d forget my way,
And my name.

Dancing on the edge,
Of a cliff that’s far too high.
I’ve fallen many times,
So much so I know the climb.

A delicate day,
Spring just a short distance away
Yet winter still promising May.
This time of rebirth reminds me….

I left the kettle on,
Before I woke up in this place.

Ships coming down
Straits of bone
To the bottom hole
Last to see
First to go

Hallowed fields of gold
Brushing gently
Upon little toes
Running to hearth and home
Earth grown

Empty sounds
Go unnoticed
In this field of brown
Ghosts roam around
Knowing not life

Like a winged fowl
Piercing gaze
And hunter's scowl
The reaper comes down
To mazed fields

Graced by dark and light
The fields change
While shadows roam by
Seeking peace in dualities
Opposite extremes

Scythe in hand, harvest is swift
The shadows gaze with uncertainty
Of the unseen
And all within intuition's grasp
Of the threshing fields

Shadows move in sun and moon
Seeking
Fields of gold,
An end to rough terrain,
Answers to the pain

Home is a storm
Raging winds whipping life in,
Electricity crackling just to be alive,
Gentle rain starting off light
Until it remembers its torrential might
Breathing was never easier,
Than in a sky that’s alive
A heavily released sigh
Perfect Chaos
The heavens aren’t angelic sent,
But raw power with its teeth on edge,
Rage and creativity breaking its cage,
Where the ancients create,
And darkness plays with the wind

Home is a storm
Only for those who grin like a kid,
When the warmth goes,
The shelters close,
The precipice beckons,
And the storm begins.

A House of Stones,
Built to last till time grows old,
To protect these bones,
Guarded by a sentinel who is alone.

These words trickle,
Through the stones,
Growing moss in the cracks,
Of this old home.

I wish I could go home,
An ache that is deeper now.
Strange as it sounds,
My places of stones is my only home.

All around me are strange sounds,
Smiling faces that surround,
All met with stoney calm
And the sentinel.

The hearth cradles my heart,
Though winter has been long,
It still warms the house.
However the entry is still incomplete.

The lock is complex and I’ve lost the key.
Forgive me,
All seeking entry,
The stones are not for you to see.

It’s a place of sanctuary and grief,
Set upon understanding,
At the roads of vigilance and fatigue.

I’ve knelt to these blows

Taken my lumps of coal

It’s hardened my bones

Scarred my soul

Now they say it’s time to go

Rise above the smoke

Though my fire burns cold

The mask is gone that hid the old

The sky retreats,
Upon the drum sound,
Every heart utters its last beat.

As eyes grow dim,
Hazed in clouded lens,
Lies a wreath of grief.

A tender embrace,
Wrapped in a cool breeze,
The end nears complete.

All that’s loved,
Feared and hated,
Have come to cease.

The river meets the sea,
A journey of memory,
Of all that’s been and will come to be.

I wonder sometimes,
When I let my mind out to play,
On a late night drive
And when I close my eyes.

What happens when we die?
If life’s a game no matter how hard we try?
Is it a shame I smile when I ought to cry?

Life speaks in whips and chains
And sometimes in sweet summer breeze.
Disease reeks,
And I believe death speaks to me.

If there was an answer to these lines of poetry,
Perhaps there would be peace.
Mystics and priests,
Offer no lasting reprieve.

The poet of relief,
Speaks of the heart’s needs.
Jester of despair,
Bringing comical release.

I wonder sometimes,
Of the mystics, poets, jesters and priests.
What tonight will be,
Will my wonderings find relief.

I crossed my legs and sat
Listening to the silver fox
Our shadows stretching in the moonlight
It's easier at night, he said
The shadows like to play and dance
It's how I came to know them
I've been the predator and I've been the prey
Both left me pondering what the stars say
Do they pity the mouse who lives to die?
Or praise the man who dominates everything but his life? he asked
I wouldn't know,
I've seen the mouse and I've lived a human life, I said
And now you aren't satisfied? he asked
I nodded
He chuckled with gleaming whites and said,
Like the shadows
It's an illusion you've lived
This is why we sit in the four winds
Each blows, saying it's time to grow
You're pulled all ways
But your mind has yet to let go
Release what you think yourself to be
And we'll begin the journey into the untold
First we'll roam,
There is a forest with haunted souls
Several are calling you home.

Do you get lonely up there,
Hanging in the dark sky
All by yourself in eternal night
Perhaps you hear us
Our music and cannons
Screams and sweet whispers
Our constant breath keeping company
Though you've seen many beyond us
We're the newest toy
Hopefully we don't break too soon

Is it lonely up there or are you too close
Perhaps you're a prisoner
Tied to us
Always trying to break free
From a deadly grasp
Burning the night with your light
A cold silent scream of your distress

The maiden gets undressed
Sheathed in skin
Dedicated to you
In sin
Silver bow crossed
For the wolves have come
To run the night
Cruel and beautiful
Your light shines
A watcher and goddess of death and life
You've seen us from morning till night

If I could wipe your tears,
If I could bring you peace,
Know I would
If I could silence the screams,
If I could face your fears,
Know I would.
But tonight, while the moon lights
I'll drink your sins,
I'll grip your hand so you don't fall,
Know I will
I'll push the demons away,
I'll stay with you,
Know I will.
Tonight my friend I'll keep company with you down the twisted way.

Hymns of narrow woods
Tongue of the old mother,
Asking if we remember her ways.

Whispers of Aspens in the winds
Sisters chanting their ancient praise,
Of the vast land in their grasp.

Forest groves around the rivers bend
Reveling in the life water gives,
So they might grow another day.

Into the Unknown,
Wild lands,
Where gods roam.

Mountain folks,
Grasslands where the buffalo roam,
Forest souls,
Jungle dwellers,
Those with salty seas in their bones,
And the desert nomads,
This beautiful place we call home,
Was never ours alone.

It was wild long before we knew,
It spoke to us and raised us to our height,
Until we forgot we were wild things too.

The mountains still speak in silence,
The forests remind us how to breathe,
The seas show us what we need,
And the storms remind us what is ahead.

Where the wild goes,
Our hearts beat and they were never alone.

Jasmine leaves
Blended into tea
Fragrent scents of the day
Petals white or gentle pink
Dragons teeth
Sewed scrupulously
For war someday
Fields in bloom
What will they be?
Dragons teeth
Come to slay you and me
Or Jasmine leaves
Whispering in the steam

Harken the dark
In gulps and gasps
How easy it is born
Quenching itself
On a soft light
A candle amidst a black night
A friend or foe?
Empty and alone
Rushing in
Black waves of oceans cold
Home below
Beats a frozen sound
It's gotten so loud
The candle has lost its glow
And there is no one around

Rising up
Through the smoke
It's coming through to you
Whipping up the clouds
Feel the storm brewing inside of you
Red winds blowing through
Sickness in the air
It'll get washed out
When the rains fall down
After the red winds come through
Been a long time since they've come
They're overdue
Red winds coming in
Westward born and eastward bound
The old is crumbling to the new
Setting sun is rising now
Red winds blowing it down
Won't it be a sight to see the storm come round?

Should you ask of me
I'd give it all away
Light each broken candle
In eyes of grey
I'd find the silver in me
Make them gold
So they warm you in winter's breeze
Each drip of wax
Runs down my cheeks
Burning before its path is complete
Oil and sweet scents
Burn brilliantly
Each night I light what's left of me
Watch myself burn
Feel my warmth radiate through me
A thousand tears for each
Light the way
Twelve Candles
Lit in me

Some see ghosts in the cemetery,
Some see lights as they die,
Some see the future in their dreams at night,
Some hear the divine

All feel their heartbeat,
The quick pulse when brushed with death,
All will close their eyes one last time,
Either alone or in company,
All wonder what comes,
In ignorance and enlightenment

If it’s you and me,
I want to wonder beyond these white cells,
Touch the veil,
Look into infinity,
Hear the melody of madness
With you here we can see past this lonely weather.

Tonight is a night of hallow
One we cannot share
In light or dark
It's a night beyond compare
Of wonders and horrors
Blatant to disregard my care,
Of what I speak
A wile of mine
That wanders my sacred places
Of grey and white
And where the caged beat roars,
Upon the midnight stars
Roam the horses
Of winds and dreams
Running fast
Upon cosmic sleet
The void of all who seek
An endless well
Reflecting each question back on thee,
Tonight is a night of hallow
The trees have said to me,
Follow the roots
Twisted and gnarled as they may be
White and black
For every scar and age
Ash upon your feet
Not to return from this night,
A night of hallow
A lonely journey of the soul
That must be complete.

Someone once called me demure,
I didn't know the word
I looked it up that night
It stuck with me ever since
I'm quiet, I know
But the beast growls low inside
Begging for release
It distracts me sometimes
I don't hear what you said or I nod solemnly
To hide my inner longing to be free
I'll keep my face in the light
And I'll growl at night

My love,
My words have gone
I've lost the fire within
My mystic ease has run thin
This letter is my caged song
I have nothing left to give
And I'm tired of fighting to the ends
I never bought future dividends
So I write,
These lines you shall never read
To say the darkest things,
Deadly ease
Floating away in the breeze
Let my bones be
Spill my blood where the ground doesn't freeze
Set my eyes on the endless horizon,
High enough to see where the sky meets the sea
Bury my heart where my people be,
And if that is too much for now
I'll wait until Grace sees fit
Though my soul is ready to flee
This pain is deeper than it should be
And I've lost sight of the child in me

It's dripping down the walls
Sweet in taste
Bitter for the soul
Pleasant for the mind's control

Surrounding sounds
Nature calls and wild growls
Too much eaten
Yet starving despite it all

All the blood raining down
Doesn't relieve this hunger,
This dying ache
For love and fear surrounds

Won't you let me know
Before I go
That you heard my sound,
My hunger wasn't lost
Amid the jungle sounds

I don't know how much to give or take
Should I live and let go
Or fight every moment I wake
I don't know

Fear hides in every corner
Dark whisperings asking for more
It's why I face forward
Never with my back to the door

I'll take it in stride
I can live without the light
It's not suicide
To gather my might for another fight

Sensitive is what I worry about at night
It keeps me up along with anxieties of the daily why
Do I love too much,
Or not enough for us to be alright?

I'm too tired from life
To give my all tonight
My faults give me strife
It's why I write

If I'm too potent for you
Say it when the sun dips
Just below the view
So I can take one last sip

My life doesn't look busy.
If you're outside looking in you probably wonder what I'm doing.
I know it's strange I'm exhausted.
The sleepless nights filled with dreams and restlessness.
Some days it feels like I've given too much.
I know I seem quiet but it's only because it's so loud in my head.
I know my life doesn't look like much.
But it's so full sometimes I have to disappear for a while.
Don't take it personal.
I just lose myself to these deep waters at times.
I won't always tell you these things, the words will fail me.
I know this isn't for all, I have lost people before this way.
So if you stick around I hope you'll see I'm not as lonely as I appear to be.

A bird flew today
Through the leaves
And trees
Knocking dying leaves from their keep

A bird fluttered today
In my heart
Or in my stomach
I never knew

A bird left today
Taking the warmth
And summer daze
With prompt haste

A bird told me today
To take it easy
Let myself be
Spring will come

For now let death have its peak.

Flipping the ****
Break-up song followed by a pop song
Switch the static
Hear the raging machine
Screaming over society's idiosyncrasies
Minor chords tickling strings of how we're numb
Classic love with the brass fading just right
Keep turning
Someone's writing philosophically
A lyrical potion with a catchy beat
Doesn't that chorus sound nice?
Flipping static
Searching for the sound to match inside
At the edge wondering if you can still feel pain,
Or feeling free to live and let die
Throw in something for the ride
Smoking cigarettes like it's the last run
Stuck in the static
This is all just a replay.

If it were one last night,
To write a final verse,
A single lullaby,
An ode or a melody

When the moon shines bright
Or clouds obscure the sky,
While the stars cold light,
Is hidden by city lights

The approaching night,
Bringing Winter’s bite.
A solemn night,
Of final fight

Softly spoken,
By heavenly flight,
This warm embrace,
Of you tonight.

Peace to an anxious mind,
A drop of water to the thirsty throat,
Breath for the drowning gasp,
Of this sacred night.

Sing me a song
Wintry night,
Of death and life,
Bitter ends and sunset lights.

A beautiful silence echoes this night.
Should morning wake,
Perhaps not,
A prisoner of the night I’ll stay.

Dawn and dusk sit at the edges of my sight
Night sky waits when I close my eyes
Day was foreign sky
Me feet carried me across starry sands
An endless ocean of black
Weighted with the comforts of home
Gravity holding me tight
Though vacuous and cold I felt loved
As if the stars and comets knew my sound
And plants and moons greeted me as kin

The desert is a special place,
Among the red cliffs and hellish scapes,
The empty spaces wait,
Fallen boulders lie like sentinels at the gates

Painted rocks,
Of a ****** sun,
Colorful river, snaking along
Full of Siren songs

The heat is merciless,
A slave master
With chains and whips
But something here,

Whispers through the canyons,
Of what lies ahead,
The barren before the end
No man’s land

Here the mystics sing,
Through the breeze
And swirling sands
Of the beginning and the end.

Mountains, cover me
Sands upon my sleeves
Take me down to the sea
My sails of sleep
Let my burdens drown
Down to the watery deeps
Let my soul run free
Up to the mountain peaks
Snowy caps, cover me
To my knees
Cold air grant sweet release
I'm coming down
Where the ground rises up to meet
The sky and ocean black
Sparks set free
Fires, cover me
One more round
Of air in my lungs
Battle worn and ready now
Cover me until I'm complete

Do you think a shadow knows?
That it's just a shadow?
Given form by some matter and light?
I doubt so, but what do I know?
Perhaps the shadow is real,
And I'm the one who doesn't see,
The illusion of life lying to me,
Making me another shadow dancing on the wall, thinking I'm free.

If I lost you tomorrow,
Would I cry?
Fall apart inside?
A morbid dialogue,
Midnight thoughts,
To make me wonder at night,
About who I am,
Underneath reality,
Beneath this mask I hide.
If I lost you tomorrow,
Would I feel what I deny?
Perhaps this is life,
Knowing better and setting grief aside,
Or I’ve lost touch with what makes me alive.
The former is a warrior’s mind,
The latter a child whose cry died
Neither describe the emptiness inside
Nor the midnight thoughts.
So I ask myself one more time,
If I lost you tomorrow,
Would I still be wondering what’s inside?