Not a lot has happened, really. It feels like this year wasn't even real.

I've spent a whole year denying the fact that reality is closing up on me. Denying, that my dreams, my hopes, my joy. It's all vanishing into the unknown. I'm holding onto it, but my arms are getting tired. I've spend a whole year staring at my life, and quietly watching it fall apart, but not doing anything about it. I've spend a whole year trying to dream. Dream myself away to a place far from where I am. Because I'm not ready. I'm not ready to let go. I'm not ready to live up to the expectations that are put up for me.

I want to hold onto what's left of myself. I want to hold onto those dreams and that joy I get from doing what I love.

Y'know that spark you see in a child's eyes? When they tell you about wanting to be and do all these things. And you know deep down that they're going to be let down one day. One day, those dreams are going to disappear and be replaced with "realistic" goals.

I know I'm not very old. I don't have the wisdom of an old man. But I know that those dreams shouldn't go to waste. I know what I want to do and that I'll have to fight for it. I want hold onto those dreams for as long as I can. Because without them, I don't know who I am. I want to pursue those goals I've made, and there's nothing you can tell me to make me do otherwise.

I am in control of what I'm doing with my one life. And I will not let myself down. When I then once grow old. I might not have reached my goals. I might not have come as far as I wanted to. But at least I'd know, that I never gave up.

I will look back on my life and not regret a single step. I will not regret a single breath. I am done regretting. I am done looking back at my life, every new year, and think "Wow, I haven't really accomplished anything" I am done watching all the things I love vanish into the unknown. No, I'm going to grab onto them and pull them right up.
I've got a long way to go. And I know the road will be bumpy and the wind will blow in the opposite direction.
But for now..

I'll keep dreaming.

Once upon a time
I had a beautiful mind
An oblivious daily life
I was free, I could fly
I believed the world was mine
I had dreams, I had hope
No monotone, or fear of ropes
I was happy, I had joy
I'd only cry over toys

Oh boy how times have changed
I crave those times, in my dying days

Once upon a time
I started writing rhymes
Silly lines over guys
I got crushes, fell in love
A brand new feeling, an exciting rush

Oh boy how times have changed
I crave those times, in my dying days

I'm wanted at the hills of hell
I broke a promise, I killed a girl
She died in despair
She disappeared with no one there

Oh boy how my life has changed
I'm standing at, my dying days

I'm wanted at the hills of hell
I broke a promise, I killed a girl

Oh boy how times have changed
I crave my past, in my dying days

A feeling is such a simple thing
It's so simple most people wouldn't think
Much about it when it appears
It's only once it disappears
That we realize
How it's absence makes everything seem surreal
We recognize how much of a paradise
it is, to feel

I wouldn't know whether many or none
Knows how it feels when no feelings are to come
To the surface, nothing has purpose
Not even the sun
The darkness delves into a loud mind
Mutes it and tosses it from side to side

The brain is silenced and lying on the ground
The door of emotion is sealed
The darkness won and the sun is gone
Philosophers will forever try, with word and sound
To describe how it feels
To be mindlessly numb