Walls are melting
your ceilings third eye criss-crosses for eons before my eyes
and somewhere through the Nag Champa haze
I found your pulsating soul calling my name
without words our bodies meld into one another
My soul vibrating with your touch
my dead weight body coming alive with your kiss
our serpent tongues desperate for flesh
our ripened fruit ready for one another to grab a bite
My soul is whole
My flesh is flushed

Pacing your second floor bathroom with music blasting in the background until your legs give out or your eardrums go numb
is far from anything but stable she states as she flips through the channels.
I guess this means counting your scars and bruises from the night before and drinking until the lights go out isn't considered stable either.
Isn't it.

Dear god if there is a god
let this music drown the voices that scream at night
let the ***** sink in deep
let me be able to voice my mind yet still bite my tongue
when conversations get too deep
let me be willing to wait until tomorrow
to down the pills or break my vow
help me be strong for my mind is weak
help me be stable for my body shakes
help me get to tomorrow, help me see the sun rise.
Help me
Save me
Dear god I hope you're really there

I love you honey bunny
he says as if Jules is a seat ahead of us
with a gun pointed straight at his nuts.
Then you have Dylan making your throat red raw
before the words have even slipped off your tongue.
The jump from teenage delinquency to normal relations
was harder than I thought after all.
Olivia's paranoia ensues on to the next golden boy
and Jill's left ****** is the only joy I feel I bring to the table.
Every tacky horoscope site tells me you and I are simpatico
my head on the other hand is knee deep in delusions
of fates paths ruined and fates paths missed on both ends.
I've foolishly given you my all
and I foolishly anticipate the fall.

A weekend away
yet, one secular moment
will forever stay

Am I what you wanted
or just what was there when fates door opened
was I desired
or the only one willing to fill the void
have I opened myself
to just another man who wanted so much more
am I just a settlement
until another one decides what you're good for

Close your eyes she says
you're walking down a street you barely recognize
suddenly in the distance you see that old maple tree
your mother used to carve your heights into
and the yellow brick devoured by beautiful ivy
that's now taller than you ever could have imagined.
The bright red door invites you inside,
you're stepping on the floor he laid,
out the corner of your eye you see the fireplace he built from scratch
she beckons you to look past that and go forward
up the winding staircase
first door on your left once you reach the top step.

Inside you expect to find your bedroom at age five
but all I see is an old bed with stuffed animals strewn across it.
I grab one, take a seat on the floor
and wait for him to come bursting through the door
to scoop me up in his big arms and promise me
that he isn't going anywhere again.
I wait.
I wait.
I wait for a moment I know will never come
unless I keep my eyes shut.