I know the pain you feel is deep,
your want from life is simple peace.
And though I cannot guarantee,
please listen closely, as I speak.

Presently you stroll alone,
searching for a hand to hold.
You feel your sorrow in your bones,
in harshest sun, you still feel cold.

Pre - dawn, however, is darkest night
that must be followed by morning light.
I pray you won't give up the fight,
the universe will set things right.

I know at times, it seems unclear
that happiness is always near.
But wholly I believe my dear,
someday soon, you'll find some cheer.

The blood wasnt pumping anymore.
  your body can still thrive without a brain but never without a heart
I think thats why ive always felt dead.
  My heart was bitter and black, the only sound escaping it were the whispers of envious mad men looking for their sanity.
  Love didnt have a home in my body, only a motel room where it would come and go but never stay long. Dissarayed sheets and the lights off, hands searching for love but only finding lust.
  I learned to never beg for it to stay the morning after, it always left when the sunlight flitted over last nights empty promises.
  If love ever came knocking now i wouldnt have the slighest clue, id slam the door before it even stepped a foot in.

All of my mistakes are written on the walls.
The floor riddled with discarded hopes.
Anxieties soar around the room,
Bats in an orchestra of anarchy. Aspirations struggle to rise
From the failure - soaked floor.
Beautiful memories hang on the wall,
Framed with care and precision.
Gears gnash angrily at the ceiling
And the stench of loneliness permeates the room.
Furniture is carefully placed
In a weak effort to regain control.
They are torn and tattered,
Obvious signs of terrible creatures.
This room has no doors
And it has no windows.
All my efforts to escape prove futile.
Cleaning and organizing have no meaning. The Room always rearranges itself
Back into its most hideous form.

I lay in bed talking to my maker
Asking "please God, don't let it take her"
Away from me, and away from all this.
While I would do anything for one more kiss.

To hold her in my arms is all I wanted
While we stood against the world,
Bold and undaunted.

We'd smile as we walked, hand-in-hand
Through this world of darkness,
This treacherous land.

"She's my light, my partner"
I prayed to God above.
"Thanks to her, I can understand Love"

We're the dynamic duo,
Nothing keeps us apart
Except, perhaps, an attack on the heart.

But she's stronger than this, i know she'll get through
And things will be like before, old and new.

Together we can surmount this wall.
That's when my phone rang,
And the Hospital called.

I look in the mirror and I see a face.
It's a young man's face.
He's got brown eyes.
His skin is the lightest of browns.
His face is round
And his chin has the slightest cleft
And his hair is short and black.
He is average in every way.
And sometimes,
But only sometimes,
He is handsome.
But I don't feel like him.
I don't feel like anyone.
What does it mean to be human?
I can't be one, otherwise I'd understand.
Right?
But I have emotions,
They just work differently than most.
They're stronger
Less restricted
And more raw.
Perhaps that is why I'm weak.
My anger is angrier
And my sadness is sadder
Happiness hides in its corner.
For fear of its own destruction
Upon the slightest emergence.
The Hurt is more painful.
Paper cuts deep into my bone.
My nerves are raw and exposed
For everyone to attack
And so I lash out.
Because I am hurt.
So I must hurt others,
Those who hurt me.
But then I'm pierced
By disapproving glares.
Because what I did was wrong.
But hurting me, that was okay.
The moral choice, even.
So how can I be human
When I am clearly so different,
So angry,
So sensitive,
So wrong?
And why do I see this human face
In the mirror?

A ball of white heat
Burns in the center of my chest.
It sends out a ripple
Of frustration and anger,
Of joy and satisfaction ,
Of longing and pain,
And though daggers fly between us
The ball of heat is only temporarily injured.
Soon it resumes it's burning display,
Perhaps even brighter than before.
This heat will only continue to burn.
To sear my flesh and melt away my bones.
Yet despite this knowledge,
It continues to burn.
It burns hotly in hopes of being matched
In hopes of being shared,
In hopes of finding a home,
In two bodies, instead of one.
These hopes I know will fall short
They will go on unanswered,
And unreciprocated
Because who this flame burns for
Is fireproof.

To you, my sweetest of poisons,

I hope you know I loved you.
Sometimes I still do.
Your presence gave me warmth
Your words gave me worth.
I looked into your eyes and found home.
I watched you smile and my heart leaped.
Then I told you how I felt,
How you were different than the rest to me.
And you didn't care!
Our friendship was unchanged
Maybe that's not true.
It was stronger.
My love for you had grown,
But in a different direction.
It was in a weight class all its own.
Stronger than platonic,
Different from romantic.
I loved you, yet couldn't have you.
And I was completely happy with that.

Though you were the sweetest poison,
You were poison nonetheless.
A distraction placed in my path.
But you didn't know, how could you?
You found a gem,
I was sent a trial.
And like any poison, no matter how sweet,
You threatened my very life.
I knew of the danger, but I didn't care.
I wanted you in my system.
Simply put, you felt good.
Talking to you, being with you,
It all just felt so good,
In a way I had never known,
And have yet to know again.
But it all collapsed around me,
A curtain weighed down by reality.
I would die if I kept you.

Rehab was awful.
Sometimes I still go through withdrawal.
Thinking of the sweet bliss you gave me,
Replaced by a dull numbness.
I've known many poisons,
But you were my sweetest.