I told her to be my canvas
As I can become the painter
I want to show her how we can work together
Like two people who build forever
I told her to become my muse so I can paint my future onto her rich melanin
Until the tempera soaks into her veins
But she told me it was bad timing
So I figured I would paint her into the right time
Creating a portrait that will be the depiction of her perfection
But then I wondered,
Why does a beautiful work of art continue to live alone
Just trying to understand why she hasn’t been taken
Why hasn't someone invested their life savings into her
It’s as though she was placed in the finest museum
But her radiance is overlooked because of its tainted history
Her canvas is ripped and torn with bruises and scars
Telling me how rough of a past she's had
She cotton and linen is ripped
And her soul is broken
Her paint is smeared upon her face like tear dops
Yet I still find myself staring at her colors
Only wishing she knew how much I did not overlook her
Instead I looked past the rejection and visualized a painting whose core has been damaged one too times
Now I realize it'll take a lot more than weak compliments and mediocre conversation to dig into her deep chromatic tint
What she needs
Is a man who is bold enough to recreate the glow she thinks she no longer has
To repaint the damaged acrylic that was smeared across her heart
I would drown myself into each delicate stroke if it meant I could recreate her
Staring for hours just trying to understand what was originally used to paint her
If only she could see the red paint that bleed from the bristles of my hands attempting to paint a portrait of us together
If only she knew how florescent her smile lightens up my canvas
Even on the days where the lack of creativity suffocates me
She flourishes each painting
She gives it life, she gives me life
She is my muse
My highest source of creativity
And if only I could someday sit her down
And explain to her
That I only want to use this tempera to create you into my cover girl
Because no girl contains the beautiful pigments that have been stained upon your skin
It’s like angels used the clouds as a canvas
Attempting to paint an image that contains the both of us in one setting
And maybe that will be convincing enough to prove to her
That her eyes hypnotize me with a cosmetic chromatic kaleidoscope from each flip of my paintbrush
But I only wish she knew
That there's just something about the art I think we could create

I shiver
Your touch no longer warms my soul
It's more comparable to the winter of '14
When even looking out the windows
Made you familiar with the ice outside
                     I hate
The fact I no longer feel safe
I can't confide my secrets in you
I can't even say I love you
Because that gives you a power
You'll most likely abuse
                      I blame
Your absent mother for your lack of love
I came into your life
And you expected me to save you
But I couldn't even save myself..
                      I apologize
That even though your to blame
I was always too timid to stand
Against your rigid ways
So maybe it's my fault

Maybe I just didn't love hard enough.

If I could I'd climb the levee's that border your heart and dive into the deepest part of your soul despite my fear of drowning
I would have no intentions to walk on this water
My only intentions is to show you my ability to walk by faith
So blind me as I ascend above your walls with no sight just so I can fall deep within the typhoons of your curly hair
They remind me of the tidal waves from the seven seas so if I had to narrow it down you would be something like the Pacific
A body of emotional tsunamis with catastrophic surges from a series of seismic earthquakes but truth is I love being your plate tectonic
I want to be a part of all your movements
But you also remind me of a twister
A rapid spinning tornado moving swiftly while trying to avoid the encounter of a relationship
Not knowing sometimes love requires you to swim over to the deep end
And if you do so…
Know that I will crave you in the weirdest way by drowning myself beneath your abyss until I fall so deep my face is found engraved on your body like the tattoos on your hips
I will tattoo myself on your lips and pierce passion marks across the pigments of your skin until you wear my infatuation like makeup
I will dive into your realm and drown myself in your irises until my spirit rises into a plethora of passion
So let me be the first to say that your something like a Goddess, reminding me of the daughter of Poseidon
I get so lost when I listen to your voice
Those vibrato's remind me of a clash of thunder during storms
A deep blue sea of waves crashing onto the shorelines of my chest just trying to penetrate its corridors
But I am no longer afraid of drowning
I am only afraid of falling this deep alone
So let's take this dive of faith and runaway holding faith and endless possibilities
Until we become more vast than the Pacific Ocean

I like to think that I have five fingers specifically to fit in between yours
The palms of our hands are highway maps to all the places that we'll ever kiss each other.
I like to think that your hands were made for mine bc you have five fingers too and you fit as well into me as I do into you I think that god made your hands for mine and I don't even think about god.
But I do think about how well your hands sit in mine resting so comfortably you'd think my hands were the perfect place for dreaming and I dream about your hands and all the times that I'll get to hold them I don't want to let go.
I remember when all we held of each other were our hands and things felt so much lighter then, trust me,
Your hands are the easiest weight to bear.
I only ever want your hands to occupy the empty spaces of mine bc there are ghosts that visit occasionally and I never want them to stay
Please be my fingertips
Dance on my palms, god made my hands for you, I promise.
I was not meant to pray with these hands bc they are less than holy but so are yours.
I've never held stars in my hand but I'm sure if I did, it would feel a lot like you do. I keep love in these hands.
I keep you in my hands but only bc you fit so well.

I was a ****** to the taste of alcohol for 18 years until the day I lost it to you
My first drink was a mix between reality and denial
This glass consumed the toxins from this relationship that I fell addictive too
I guess that makes you a double shot of ***
No, I guess that makes you alcohol poisoning
Because it felt as though you broke into my liquor cabinet and wrote your name on each bottle
Just to remind me why I am drinking in the first place
You shattered those empty bottles against my heart until I bled our memories
I guess that was your way of breaking the bad news
You used each shard to pierce my ribs
Becuase you never wanted to see us as one
Each shot of Tequila reminds me just how our relationship tasted
Sweet when drunk, but bitter when sober
Your name ran marathons down my esophagus anytime I found myself swallowing the sharp cracks and dents from this Crown
A puddle of Crown sat stagnant at the bottom of my stomach
Normally, Brown is the only thing that sparks a fire in my throat
But your attitude was more flammable than a full bottle of Everclear
And not even Bacardi 151 burns as bad as the feeling you left on my lips
I yearned for the nights where it was just me, you, and Hennessey
But now I spend my 2 am nights in the deepest of conversation with Jim and Jack
But each sip brings me closer to the bottom
Reminding me how we hit rock bottom
We hit rock bottom when you drove this relationship straight into a brick wall
You allowed our love to ride in the passenger unbuckled
So I guess that makes you a murderer
Because you killed everything we had
And now that you’re gone I subconsciously drink slowly
I drive slow
Hoping reality won't hit me so hard
I was hoping to eventually find you when I swallowed the last drop
Searching for the paradise I tried to give us while downing this Long Island
But instead I was brought back to the realization that you and alcohol go hand and hand
Both giving me the best feeling one night
Then leaving me numb
With the same emptiness I felt before I picked up this bottle
And the last thing I want
Is to wake up tomorrow morning
With the remnants of your taste still sitting on the tip of my tongue
You are my hangover

We are like hurricanes
On first sight appear we terrifying
Because all you know about us is what you've heard from others
Which is why when you first look at me
You will see a vicious storm
One whose winds are meant to keep people as far away as possible
One whose winds can damage anything that stands too close
Tornado's filled with the debris of past heartbreaks and insecurities
Destroying anything within it's pathway
So I understand if you must escape
Because monsters like me are not meant to be loved
I have the rage of catastrophic typhoons without full moons
These scars have minds of their own
People, become blinded with terror when staring at the destruction we leave behind…
So I understand if staying here isn't safe for you
But we are only searching for storm chasers
I will show you why we are just as beautiful as anyone else
I will prove why storms are named after people
The only difference,
Is that we are broken
Swiveling through life searching for someone who will look past the destruction we left behind from people who weren't brave enough to love us
Because there is so much more to a hurricane
Other than our twisters of painful behavior
Do not judge me based off what you see from the outside
I am not perfect
I am only trying to remind you
That you will not witness my beauty
Until you become bold enough to reach my eye
But if you can’t...
Know that I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible
I will leave such am imprint on you
The next person you choose to entertain will have to know ME before they even know you
Just to prove
That not all storms are the bad kind
Because we storms breaks just as easy, as anyone else