One time my mother told me she hated my hair
She never actually said those words but it was in her stare
Another time she told me that my piercings reek of dispair
She didn't say it
But I felt it in the air

Then I realized that these feelings were false
projected thoughts
Onto a mom
Who felt nothing but love and empathy
For her self hating child

Someone loves you
sOmeone loves you
soMeone loves you
somEone loves you
someOne loves you
someoNe loves you
someonE loves you

You've trapped me in your embrace
Closed me off from the world
Told me it's better this way
No one can ever hurt you
If no one is ever around

There is a vein in my wrist
Begging to be sliced
And what will come out is not blood
But my suffering

This unconditional sadness eats at me
Some days the way I dress takes a toll on me
Others my hair brings me to despair

But then there are weeks where I feel
Empty
Miserable in my doubt
Yet

I wish that I could cut through this emptiness
Watch it spill over my body
Down in the drain
Leaving nothing
But a stain
Of my happiness

This unconditional saddness is unbearable
But I do not know how to stop it

To find a spot in this world can be hard

I've wandered the forest for so long
Searching for a place where I'd belong
And it can be a painful journey
At times I've felt like I could join the butterflies
But they flew to a height I couldn't reach
I turned to the soil
Where the worms might be more welcoming
But they dug into the dirt
Making it hard to find a trace

I found the wasps and thought their stingers were beauty
But they were not very kindly
I wonder if I will ever find my place
It seems unlikely