New years are depressing,
I don't want to go to the next one,
I don't want to grow older,
With life I am done,
Every year I grow weaker,
And more insecure,
Every new year,
Is a fear,
Of getting closer to death,
Of losing people,
Of being alone......,
Another year,
Another tear,
Happy new year.

As a child,
I would carry something,
It was always on my mind,
It could have been anything,
A rock, a pebble and plastic find,
And I would keep it on me at all time,
I never had any friend,
And that weird thing,
Was mine,
I was hold it in my hand,
Talk to it,
Feel it all over,
And I could trust it,
For months I would carry it,
Till I accidentally lose it,
Or my parents throw it,
Relying and trusting a useless object,
Is much better than trusting someone,
The object will never hurt you,
But someone will,
Now since I don't have anyone,
I carry around a necklace,
I bought it for someone dear to me,
Close to my heart,
A necklace with an S,
But I will never get to the part,
To give that person,
And I just have given everything,
To this necklace,
And I rely on it,
It is a source of pain,
But I just can't seem to leave it.

At two in the morning,
Heavily raining,
On my window someone is taping,
I open the window,
And I feel a chilly wind blow,
I feel someone's cold fingers
On my brow,
And feel it roll down,
There is silence,
The sound of rain in the distance,
And the scent of rain,
The it's darkness,
But it is calming,
A moment I get to witness,
A moment I'm living,
I never understood why,
People don't like rain,
It not that they are dry,
The rain is beautiful,
The sound,
The smell,
The water hitting the ground,
A story to tell,
Under the rain,
To wash away the pain,
It is life,
It is rain.

I have given up,
On everything,
I never want to wake up,
And sleep in the evening,
I haven't cleaned up,
My room for months,
Pizza boxes, clothes, unwashed cups,
Cigarette butts and ashes on the floor,
I have no purpose,
I never feel like walking out the door,
I keep wishing a car would hit me,
I keep wishing if I could just drown,
But I never have the courage to go down,
How pathetic,
I know no one will miss me,
Nobody knows me,
I just want to hurt that one person,
To show how much it meant to me,
To satisfy my ego,
I'd give up my life,
Just for the person to realise,
Their mistakes,
To feel my pain.

An aged traveller,
Moving through a vast expanse,
Empty and chaotic afar,
The traveller casts a wide glance
Emptiness speckled with shimmer,
Following nature's unpredictable dance,
And enchanting view dotted with glitter,

Riding a vessel dubbed "The Lance",
She protects from deaths shivers,
The travellers have only one chance,
To protect the life giver,

For humanity's survival one last dance,
Among the passengers travels hushed murmurs and whispers,
Praying to seek distant lands,
I pose this question to the readers,
What kind of vessel is " The Lance"