I'm going to lose my life.
She's going To end it For me.
I'm Scared Now, what am I supposed to do?
I can't Run, She always finds me.
I'm Alone now.
Feeling Lonely And Hopeless.
That's what she feeds on
She leached on to me.

Its not Strong enough.
I want to feel it all the way.
These thoughts are eating up my brain. My only love?
He's doing his own thang.
Cause he Doesn't care.
Says he does, but baby you ain't really There. Your actions show the opposite of what you claim.
It's Fine. You have always Been that way.
I Wish I wasn't using When I met you. The drug blocked all The negative That poured out of You.
"Idk how to love"
You learn. You search.
You don't have to live in a certain household To know how to be a good person. Your careless & selffish. You deny all your blames and Victimize the pain im feeling towards you. Makes no sense!
That's why.
I want Stronger. To forget all these ****** up Convos.
A Ligter, cotton , a Spoon & needle.
Yes,  I'm getting near.
I can't put up with feeling more sadness!! I'm suffering & you let me. Your letting me Continue wanting to use by You feeling dissapointed & ignoring me.
Pretty ****** up
I'm killing me slowly & all you want is to get over me.
Cause "I talk to much ****"
Well **** Popa stop giving me reasons and stop pointing the finger at me !!

All I Wanted Was REAL LOVE.
Look At me.
I Expirenced what I never wanted
A Broken Heart.
Now I'm Stuck on these Drugs Trying To dump those feelings out
Knowing They Will Be gone only if I Use Forever.
I can't believe I'm still A sad person!
Nobody Will understand
how hurt.
They Are so used to me feeling & Looking  this and Think it's ok.
I'm dying Badly inside.
Driving myself insane.
The one who promised to Keep me sane? Ended up Piling more pain.
Feels like an endless game.
My emotions being gambled Whenever They want to be entertained.

Hey, I'm Back Again.
I'm Sober... Off My Main Substance. I haven't seen my doctor Since "October" 2016

Midnight
The Time When it's best.
Interacting With The devil.
Releasing All My Stress.
Smoking & Lines
I'm tired of this life
Lien about recovery,
I want to stay high.
I Reached That Level
Where I should stay like this forever. Sobriety Always has me under weathers.
Being on keeps me
Away from all wrong.

I'm on this path again.
Not because I want to.
It's the only way to love you.
Which is so wrong & ****** up.
How far I must go to forget The Pain & Sadnes that You make me go though.
How are you ok with this?
How can you let your girl hurt more.
She's depressed and Hafefull of her body & self.
You hardly attempt Anythjng to make her great. Your so good at excuses "oh you'll talk ****" but it's so easy for you to cause me stress.
Set me free & let me go.
Let me Finally live life.
Expierence the world Without Being judged & learn to love Sobriety.

I'm done
With Our love &
anything involved
with you.
I can't continue on with this ****.
I want both SS
Sober & Single.
Find me a new life outside of you.
I'm Always suffering
I'm sad, Down & frusterated.
I'm always told
"Your young & beautiful"
"There are better men in the world"
I contemplated at first.
Saying il never love another.
I shouldn't think like that.
I shouldn't hate Love because of 1 that Ruined and broke my heart.
I have hope.
I don't want to smoke dope.
Il one day be happy.
Feel good naturally.
Someone will come across me
Who is a true Bf
Who will not make me feel bad
Who will truly love me for me.
At the mean times
I'm done being played silly
I'm going to focus on my Sobriety.
Eventually someone New will come between me & treat me how I'm deserved to be.
I'm a great girl who can do amazing things.
Aslong as I'm played dearly fairly.
Looking forward To a real love.
The one I had, Well You
lost a good one

My Life Felt Perfect.
The minute I took That 1st hit.
I was good , living Chill like everyone around me.
I felt alive & stress free.
Worried about nothing.
My life got complicated.
The moment My secret Revealed.
Now I feel twice as miserable.
I got a reminder of why I'm inlove with the unreal.
With All These complications
My minds Losing patience.
I wasn't craving.
now that it's known , I'm feining.
To relieve All These negative feelings.
I'm loving life High.
I'm feeling nothing, that's why

I preached the opposite
of what I reached.
It Was Too Late, To capture Myself.
I no longer hate..
Am I me?
Did I convert already ?
Why do I feel confused..
Are these feelings true?..
How long was I really in use ..
I'm driving my Self crazy ..
Sleepless night have crawled up.
Where is my care of freedom?
From The disease Or is it already leached on me ..
Addiction is scary.
Please Stay Drug free ...

I'm needing A Fix.
I'm low on this Glow.
I'm sadend, Feel weakened.
I'm coming down slow.
I'm feeling My feelings
Tired From Sleepless
Hungry from starving
Feeling from numbing.
Baby I'm sorry!!
I'm urging to wan it.

You hurt Me in the beginning
Continued Hurting
me in the middle.
After all, I Gave You A Chance. Although you deserved So little.
My Love was Given to You.
I Gave You my body & Mind.
I opened and gave you my time.
I closed and shut anything that will Get in between spending time.
What did I do to deserve this?
I Gave You everything I could !
Dropped everyone for You!
I centered You In
My life.
Baby you became my world.
After All The Disrespect and lies
I Invested all my happiness in Your life. Focused on How to treat you right. biggest mistake I've made. For You, The attention and so much love I Showedd You . I lost Focus on what was the main thing. I Abandoned the task that was most important & Should have been placed over everyone and everything.
I left my recovery behind .
All For A soul that wasn't mutual to mine.
Sobriety was most important.
I lost myself and never found me.
I never retouched connection with what was going to help me.
I was told not to get in a relationship on my 1st yr clean.
They warned it will damage and make Recovering much harder than what it was supposed to be.
Throughout this relationship I felt nothing but
sorrow & pain.
Tears and Frustration  
Dissapointment & heartaches
un explanations.
I Was destroyd even more.
I was tossed & played.
My Love has fade and I lost interest in faith.
It was a huge mistake.
My heart got broken
My Love lost its feel
I have no Wants
To be in love ever again.
Thank You "baby..."
For Contributing to my depression
To Teaming up and ******* my life Up like my addiction.
Team players, both got your wish.
I'm left Hopeless , I feel worthless
Yet I'm in need of your presence.
I fell inlove With A new love.
The feelings of being
let down, Broken, Crushed & ruined. Feeling unwanted
Leftout & Forgotten.
im Obssessed With Dwelling.
Replaying Scenarios Of my heart Being Stomped. I'm sprung on The Thoughts of being loved by no one because I'm not good enough.
How upsetting

Hey Love
Have you noticed I've been off?
different vibe, Different talk?
I've been Switching More frequently from A
Good to bad Song?    
It's The Drug.
It's Forming Its self back
to its old ways.
I Was to late and Should have seeked help before I consumed more. After every hit , every line
Ive been burrowing Myself.
Digging The real me far deep in my brain. This drugs insane and difficult to explain
. I don't want this. Believe I Don't like being an addict.
I'm just so far below .
I've fallen to my knees, my heart can't take no more.
So I decided Just 1 hit to relieve all The negative. Sadly enough I know I can't just do it once ..
I'm getting lost baby
I'm trying To save me but this is uncontrollable
especially if Your unhappy.
I can feel it getting worse.
Every time I feel mad I just think about the swirls. How 1 can Elimate The horrors.
I'm Scared. I can feel myself transform and I swear I can't control this

I've started.
Help me before I quickly
adapt to this.
You must do it fast, ASAP.
Once I'm on,
il be hooked on.
It always happens ..
I can't do one.
I need to do 2 Then fein for all.
I hate it. It takes away all the misery, my heart feels painless.
Which is why I crave this.
To feel numb and not mind.
Be in my worst, lost in lines.
I still feel my emotions, But they are slowly disappearing.
When I high I can't feel the sadness but I can still think it.
I cry but my body won't let me which makes me horrified.
To see that this Drug prisons the real me and Releases a lifeless me.
It's ok
I'm beginning to like it.
It sadness me that I'm back on my old ways
. They assum I prefer drugs.
They Believe I like being this ****** Addict?
NO! I wish to be Sober and happy. Feel Reality and enjoy every breeze.
When I'm high I'm nobody.
I live in a fantasy of no emotions.
I'm hooked on Not feeling rather than dwelling on past memories.
This isn't what I want .
This is not the life I'd like to live.
I'm only using to Forget All my thoughts and Depression.

I'm Not on.
Baby Sorry, I'm On 2.
I can't stop now

I know Better Than To not Trust myself.
Temptations Have been So Strong Lately.
Arguments With My Bf Always Trigger me.
I Battled 2yrs Of Hard Urges. Even Once drunk My Bf Threw Money at my face saying to Go Get High Like the Addict I've been.
Last Week, I felt so weak.
I Gave In, I took The risk.
I Got High. I Got Away With it, no one suspected. It Felt Great.. Too great.
Other times I Relapsed i Instanly Went back to My Addict Form and Got sent away to treatment.
I promised Myself Just this once.
Knowingly knowing I Failed Other Times.
Well I'm On Day 4 Of No sleep, Day 5 of consuming Tweak..
I've Been Trying to Act Casual.
But I've been Avoiding Eye contact With everyone. I've been Isolating, afraid To get caught but all I'm doing his Giving hints that Someghings Wrong.
Anyways, I'm Scared & Worried.
When I'm Reaching The comedown I Fein To Use More. Today's The Day ive Ran out.
I'm a few Minutes To An Hour Away From Coming Off it. I Hope To hold Strong And Not Hit up My connect .
There is More negative Than happiness in my life. I hope to Reason And find something To hold on to and help me not fall .

Throughout My life.
I've Created Another.
Gave Birth To A mind Who I let have the  time to learn, explore &
Grow within me.
It's Scary.
it Eventually Had The power To Live My life And take control over the real Me.
It gained Streghth & power.
It blinded Me To See Reality.
It Placed me in new surroundings , gave me new thoughts and a Different state of Mentality.
All in Which I Felt Was Always Me
I Didnt See The New life I lived.
I Saw everything The Same.
I didn't see Any change.
Idk How to correctly explain.
It never Went through my Head That I've changed. I never noticed How Unsual Everything turned.

I Found Evidence.
Proof That it's Not me Doing This purposely.  
Evil does Exists.
I believe People Have 3 Sides.
Good, Bad, Undecided.
I believe These Sides Have the ability to Turn You Into Someone Els Without You Noticing.
I Also Believe "An Addict"
"A ******" "a non believer" And "A religious Person" Are Something Aside The real life You.
It's Another Mind Placed By What ever Higher power.
I have 2 Life's in Me.
Real Me & Addict Me.
They Both Have a real Life.
They can Feel, Think & Decide.
Can Move, Control And Have A voice of Their own.

I Lost Focus.
Thank god i noticed
I snapped out of it.
My mind Was
Transforming rapidly.
The Addict in Me Was Taking over.
So sneaky, ****** Tricky.
It Blinded Me.
Its power is Devloping.
I felt it Take control of me!
It was So crazy.
I felt the devil try to Make its way Fully into me.
I Can't Believe I Let My Self truly believe The Thoughts, Decisions And actions I've been Taking Were Normal. More like i didn't realize I was letting it happen.
my Mind Didn't see Or Capture What I've Doing Is horrible.
I was letting it slide As if it were any regular thing.
I'm So confused, I Don't remember A Thing.
Don't remember Allowing myself To do These bad Things ...

I'm Troubled. I'm Slipping Back.
I need To Act Fast.
I Don't even Reason With My mind or contemplate On That.
I Promised Just once .
Then I Told my Self
"Another won't hurt."
Next I Said i Can
Control The routine.
Tweak, Sleep, Eat.
I already messed up, Im on
Tweak tweak tweak.
It escalated Quickly .
Not even With ******* Did i Fall That Easy?
Im not even thinking about the consequences .
Is it or did i already
get out of hand

Physically And chemically Addicted is One thing.
Being mentally Addicted
Is Another.
I'm A Smart Girl.
Unfortunally I'm clever For what's opposite of Good.
I've been Addicted Chemically.
So Hooked I felt I Needed to Get High To continue Breathing.
I needed A fix everyday To function in life.
I've been addicticted Emotionally.
Every time I Felt Some sort of sadness. I needed to Take
A hit or do A line.
I didn't want to deal with my problems or feel Upsetting emotions.
Ive been Addicted Physically.
I Was Inlove With the routine of Fixing A Line. I Was obsessed With Packing, lighting , Melting and hitting the pookie. It all amazed me and I was stuck on The routine.
Im Currently Addicted mentally.
I consider this To Be
the worsest thing.
You see I've been Sober.
My minds constantly Reminding It's self About the good times.
I'm Always Coming across Things that Remind me of getting high.
When I'm Unhappy, Thinking of dope gets me happy.
It's insane.
To Conpletly Stop This horrific cycle I must Work On Forgetting About It .
Need to learn not to reminisce.

I've Relapsed.
All due To my mentality.
It's clever ways Have made its sources To my Brain.
It Plans Scenerios Before it Plays

You Are Running out of time.
Save me Now.
Notice The Heart Aches.
Fix it, Cure it, Help it.
I'm Weakening.
I don't feel capable of Beating it.
I promise You will lose me..
Hope you catch me Before.
Before I Go farther in the boat.
& Get stranded And Tangled
To A Drug So powerful.
Once I'm Gone, I know il Be gone forever.
It will get ahold of me so quickly .
I will change rapidly.
My misery Will Get to me and Make the Choice of
What's best for it.
If I Fall
I Won't feel sorry .
I Won't care for You or anything.

What Does The phrase mean?
It Means It got the best of me.
I Felt too weak.
Feel Hopeless, I'm on my knees.
******* Is not around, And I couldn't get a hold of My Leaking Roof. Everything Els is not strong enough to cure my broken heart.
I Gave In Once To The voices.
I Promised, Just This one.
It Did The Job And I went Numb.
I escaped my Reality.
Felt No sadness or misery.
I Was On For 3 Days.
Those Days I Was Relived .
It Cured Everything.
From head To toe I felt nothing.
It did Exactly What
I expected To Do.
I worried about nothing.

.
I'm So proud Of Myself.
Longest I've stayed sober on my own. No help, no treatment.
I'm nearing 3years in November.
How Amazing.
through Tough situations
I managed to Hold strong.
Through Hard Days I managed to keep my triggers in place.
It's been a difficult journey.
I put up with so much.
My heart Kept Beating strong.
Every day has been a battle.
Between
my addiction and sobriety.
Every day I Need To remind myself To stay away.
I might be Sober but my mentality is still ill.
The thoughts of Using Haunt me daily.
Thankfully I've Been Strong enough to push them away.
You have no idea how difficult it is. To Not relapse when you feel you should.

******* Left My life.
It was The Bestest substitute.
It Was Lowkey And unnoticeable.
It Was Too Much For So little.
Time, Amount & Quality.
My only helper To Stop My real cravings. It was the closest thing To Feel Amazing.
So Long ******* ..
Never want to see You again.

I Had A substitute.
Who I fired Due To Miss Use.
She began Tricking me.
Her Slow Moves Made me
Start Repeating.
The deal Was To heal bad feels.
To Cure my temptation From the other feel.
A good strategy My Addictive mind Put together .
A short Unoticable High.
Although it Was Low potent & expensive. It Worked Perfect.
I Then started Using For no reason. Just to feel the short feeling.
I spent So quickly.
I became angry.
How did I not notice I was building an addiction.
Worse, on something So weak.
That's When I Stoped.
I couldn't go on.
I Deleted And Blocked.
The supplier to this Worthless drug.
I never Liked it. I always hated this. But for The means to Avoid life a few seconds, I Used it.

Temptation Got To me.
2 try's, within 2weeks
was Good For 2 Straight Years.
******, My Habits Humming.
I know Better, Iknew Better.
I believed I was strong for just one.
Addictions Got me, I have to run.
She's so Happy, that she got me.
I've been fighting and Tackling
My addictive mind Since that time.

I will continue To hold back temptations .
I can't relapse Again.
I got Away with it Today.
Next time I might not have the same luck. It's tough.
Getting high trying not to get caught. It's a ****.
Feeling Paranoid making Sure You are not being noticed and Avoiding everyone.

Don't hate Me, Don't blame Me.
Please Don't Make me Feel Worse.
Don't tell me I'll never change.
Don't Assum I want to Continue being a drug addict.
Don't believe drugs are my only happiness and it's all I care about.
Don't leave me
Thinking It's drugs I prefer.
I Want To be Sober.
It's Just Really hard For Me To forget The Power Drugs Provide.
Easy Numbness And Cures all My misery and sadness.
It's hard For a Drug addict to Just Forget and Quit something That gives You An easy solution to Bad days.
Would You Stop Doing Something That makes You feel Better?

I Relapsed & Now I'm worried.
Will I Go back to my old ways?
As much as I desire The Feeling of escaping my reality,
I can't live Like that. I don't want to be a drug addict all over again.
The Feeling Is pleasant . The Living of being 1 Is Horrific.

I Love You, but Im Sorry.
For Failing on Myself And Dissapointing You.
After 2yrs of being sober,
I Relapsed again.
I Couldn't Help it. I Had To Use.
Temptation Was Strong And I Didn't try fighting it this time.
I Didn't See A Point In Staying Sober. I'm miserable Either way.
We are always arguing.
You Are always Making me feel sad and hurt my feelings.
I'm Tired Of Being a fool And forgiving You. When You don't even deserve to be forgiven.
You Don't Treat me fair And don't show me real love and Affection.
Always at your convenience.
I have Always been Good to you.
Honest , Loyal , trustworthy.
I Don't deserve to be treated less.
I Wanted To Use.
To not feel The way I Do Anymore.
To Forget all The ****** up **** you done to me and feel  Numb.
Please Don't hate me.
I Hope You understand.

It Does Not Make me Happy.
It Numbs me completely.
It Helps me Avoid Situations I Don't Want to deal With.
It Turns me Careless & heartless.
It Cures My
Heartbreaks And loneliness .
It's A very sad thing.
to Not be Able To Feel Anything.
To Turn To Something So deadly that's Ruining Your life and Making Things worse.
Instead of Having the Strenghth To Reslove it Sober and still find and feel real happiness.

I'm letting You know now.
I'm Losing my strength.
I'm losing my will And Power To stay strong and remain sober.
I feel like I can't Do it anymore.
I just want to go back to my old ways. I Want To feel numb and not ever feel any type of hurt again.
Why Do drugs have to be dangerous.

You Are My biggest Trigger.
You Give me Many Temptations.
You. You. You.
I'm getting tired Of
Giving you love.
I'm Tired Of Constantly Being let Down by you.
We Are always arguing.
About things You continue Doing That bother me.
I Want To feel happy.
I want to smile and laugh.
All I Do is Frown & Feel down With You.
Knowing about my life And what I went through, You should be Finding ways to Excite me.
Not Break me down and crush me
Not give me reasons to hate myself even more.

Sorry Love ..

I Did It. I Used.
Why? Because of You.
I'm Hurting And Stressing.
My broken Heart Couldn't stay strong any longer.
Im Overwhelmed.
I'm Tired hearing "I'm Sorry." When You don't mean it and Do the same thing all over.
My affection and Love is fading.
I Can't Continue giving you my all.
When All You give me Is Betrayal.
The Decisions and actions You Chose Are The Reason To My **** Talking and ****** mood.
Should I Stay Or Leave You?
What Do I Win And What Do I lose.

What If i Do Relapse.
Take A Line or A Hit.
What If i do go back To my old Addictive Ways?
What happens next ?
Will You Give me another chance and Help me over come it for the millionth time?
Support me and be by my side.
Or Will You Stop Being My Friend and Never speak to me Again?
Forget me like I was
no one in your life.
I Question Myself
What's better For me.
Being sober & depressed.
Being high & Feel no emotions.
The question Will remain ..

I'm Feeling confident.
I'm feeling Brave.
For the Wrong Decision.
I'm Giving In And I feel the Dare Stronger.
How much longer?
To Be happy and Sober?
Im Wanting What's Faster.
Misery and Methamphetamine is The correct answer.

I Can Hear Her calling.
She Senses My unhappiness.
She can feel My Misery.
She Used To Come Right over. Now, She doesn't have the power.
What she does is try to convince me From a distance.
She tells me Amazing Things.
She Reminds me of the good times We had and how good it felt.
Her words are powerful.
The more I listen, closer she gets.
Although She's very lovable And The bestest Friend you can have .
She's extremely evil.
She Slowly Tricks me into Letting her get closer To me.
I Now have control over that.
Back then i didn't.
As Soon as she called, I followed.
I Worked so hard to Not Be Able To Say yes And Hold back from playing with her Now.
But lately....
She's been Coming around more frequently . She tells me Everything I want to hear and It's becoming harder for me to Not listen. She's very smart .
For That reason, I'm worried.
I feel So unsure.
Do I relapse Or do I let it go ?
I've been Clean for 2yrs.
I did it on my own. Thankfully.
She Asks me If I'm sober, Then why am I still unhappy?
she Tells Me What's The point of being Sober And yet still sad ?
She reminds Me of the Satisfying feelings She Provides.
She Tells me "Why be Unhappy and Sober. When You can be Unhappy but feel amazing"
I have been feeling So tempted Lately. These arguments With my Bf Are Making me want to give up. they are giving me strong temptations. I can feel My Mind Weaken ..

You Are my biggest trigger.
Baby, You Are Pushing Me.
I'm Scared To Fall.
But The Pushing is getting strong.
Baby, I'm Scared.
I'm Scared At the fact That I'm Not Afraid. Too much on my brain.
My Pain Is Building Up.
I'm running low on Space.
I'm sorry but I can't tolerate!
This is Becoming to much.
Many arguments Left unresolved.
Baby I Can't take this Anymore.
The Fighting & broken promises.
I've held strong for long .
I'm getting to that Point ..
Where I'm Going To Give in.
I'm not happy, I'm So miserable.
They told me Sobriety Is the best feeling ever. Why aren't I Joyful?
Why am I still Depressed !
Baby, I've told You many times.
Please change . Please treat me nice. Show Me How great life is Sober. It's You Who wants me Drug free. I Cleaned up For You.
I Quit For You. You promised To show me how great life is off drugs.
I'm Still waiting ..
I'm Waiting For You To treat me like Your queen. I'm Eager To Live happy with You & off drugs.
To Smile , Enjoy life and Love each other.
So Baby? When Does it start ...
Why Do You Still Treat me Unfair?
Why Do You Still do things that make me Feel Upset. Why am I Living The opposite of what you said? I Fought temptation Many Times. I Managed To Not relapse Through Times I Should Have.
I've been Strong. For You..
like I Said, I'm weakening .
What's The Point of staying sober?
I'm starting to forget. I'm Starting to lose faith in sobriety.
You want me To Be Kind & Sweet.
Respectful, loving & caring.
You want me to play wifey.
Baby, Why must I Stay around?
If You Ignore me Whenever.
You Forget About me Easily.
You don't care how I'm feeling.
I'm Supposed To Be Positive.
Stay happy, Kiss and love you unconditionally.
You want me to show You affection.
Treat You like A King And be at your service .
I Am A Puppet, Your prisoner.
I Don't find This Fair. We are supposed To Be even.
Why Did You make me your gf?
Can You tell me What was The point of Quitting Drugs ?
I Changed my lifeStyle for You.
You Wanted Me To be Yours.
You promised me A better life.
I Am Yours now & im So Unhappy.
I have been Loyal, truthful & Loving.
You Have Been Unfaithful, Careless and Lieing.
It hurts me To know You Said "I'm Pushing You away" with My constant Tripping & arguing .
It crushes my heart. How do You not see That it's You that's causing me? How do You not see How Careless You Are About my feelings. I'm the only one With The privilege To say "your pushing me away". You have Done Things That I should have Left You For. Yet I've never Told you "Your pushing me away" I put up with Your ******* a lot. I forgive and forget everything.
Yet, You Are the one losing interest in me? That hurts.
Im Strongly attached To You.
I'm So used To Being with You.
You Are My daily Task & routine.
My Life and choices revolve around You. Your the center Of My World.
I'm Sprung, I'm obsessed , I'm in love with you Popa.
I gave up drugs To Be With You.
You became My new Addiction.
I Do everything You Ask me To.
In return, I Get tears running down My cheeks and feelings Hurt.
I Am Changing.
Im No longer A Fool Like I was before. Where I let you Walk over me and Treat me however And Still love and Sweet talk With You.
I Don't Show You Much affection Anymore . Why? You give me no reasons To Be Lovable.
I'm Arguing More Frequently.
Why? You are giving me many reasons To Be negative with you.
Listen Closely Baby ...
I'm Tired of all Your b.s.
Tired Of You doing whatever.
Im Tired Of Not being treated how I was promised in the beginning.
I can't continue Being played like a fool. I can't keep moving forward in a relationship where I'm not happy.
I'm Drifting baby, Hope you Notice.
Hope you realize It's because of Your decisions and Doing as You please. It's the Lack of affection, And The fact That You don't think whether your choices hurt my feelings. The fact that You break promises and Do things behind my back.
I've Done Nothing As Bad As You.
If I have? It's because of You.
You Always come first in my agenda. I always Think about your feelings and how Certain things will Affect You.
You Want Me To stop arguing And talking ****.
It all Starts With You.
You just have to Do Right and Not things That Get me angry.
Treat me With Love.
You will Get the same back plus much more ...

I Made it 2 Years Sober.
That's A miracle And such A blessing. I Did it on my own.
I managed To Fight Temptations.
I was able to control My Self.
I Can't believe it... I Never thought I'd actually Complete it.
Never seen myself Actually accomplish.
Sobriety, such a beautiful Thing.
I was Scared To Get Sober.
Now I'm Scared To use.
How Crazy is That?
Never once in my life did I See myself Stop. The plan Was To O.D And Happily die High.

I'm Wishful
But All The Wishs I've Been Wishing for Seem Sinful.
What is There To Smile For?
All Good Is Hard To Reach
And All Bad is Easy, No Hard Work.
Lately I've Been Walking Near A Familiar Path.
I'm Feeling Suicidal & That's That.
Hopelessness
All Day Feeling everyday experiencing.
I'm Just so Fed Up
Sick & Tired
Of How My Mind Acts.

You Hear Sobriety
People assume its Automatic Happiness.
Its Not Easy, im off drugs but i Don't know me.
Im Not Motivated, im not happy.
I Feel Confusion.
Getting high made Me forget How to live life .
My Mind Dosnt Function right.
& it *****.
I know Nothing About Myself
Anymore.
I Find it sad.
I Don't Know Where i Stand in life
I Wake Up every day just thinking when.. When Will the day that i actually know myself come.
Because once it dose i just know my life will be easier.
Right now?
Im living life miserable.
Becoming sober isn't simple.
hell lot of frustration towards the people helping me.

There is a monster
who lives in my head,
she talks to me softly
she wants me dead.
She tells me this time
I'll stay in control.
She tells me not to let anyone know.
She convinces me that
no one cares,
she whispers the pain
is to much to bear.
She tells me how wonderful
I will feel.
She tells me she loves me
and it is real.
She tells me not to call anyone,
My heart starts racing,
she tells me it will be fun.
She tells me not to think of
past times,
she promises I can do it just
once this time
Who is this monster who calls me
by name,
crystal ****
shes waiting to start the game.

We Break up
Then We Make Up.
We argue & Talk ****.
Then we Get Close And touch lips.
Grab me by my hips
And start feeling on my ****.
Soft kisses
Turned to aggressiveness & hard breathing.
******* Slowly
Steady leaning, as I have my hands around your waist.
Saliva running down my face
As I Move my head around.
I love how you taste.
Getting lead to the bed, you lay down.
I Look into your eyes
Ask if you're ready for the ride.
You Instantly say yes
As I climb your feeling on my thighs.
The feel of the slide makes my kitty feel as if in paradise.

Im not Going to go on
If all we do is argue on & on
I Can't Keep Up.
Fighting With Both my relationship & sobriety & trying to remain positive.
We Talk nonsense
We Never sit down and work it.
We just let it pass bye.
Im Not liking this anymore
Being more mad at eachother than smiling & laughing.
We say were going to work it out
It all seems to get worser to me.
I Want to be with him
But the experience is hurting.
So many wrongs
We don't seem to even get along.
Friends & enemies
At the same time.
You can't see yourself without me & i can't see myself being without you.
But its probably the best thing..

My Bright Light.
The Turn for help & support.
My Dark light.
The Turn For Blame & Shame
I Thought The only feeling a bf is supposed to make you feel is loving.
Why am i experiencing the opposite.
All Day Arguing.
About some misunderstanding or nonsense.
He Wants me to grow up & change but how if He has me tied to a chain.
Can't expect A Sad person to stop crying if the only things that revolve them are hurtful.
Yes He Makes me happy
But it quickly turns into a froun once he starts talking about
All The b.s i should still be feeling bad about.
Instead of Putting new thoughts in my head that will be helpful for my future. He Puts back the ones that is ruining and holding me back from being successful.