Everything is asleep
and in pain, in love
and dreaming
about another life
I say to myself,
it is time I take my own
lookout, unfaithful
sailors know they can't
see a thing but they keep
their place on the prow
out there in the darkness
where boats are colliding,
oh yes, they are blind
or awake feeling the dark
like light, like those levels
of cold and heat underwater,
you know what I mean,
when you are dreaming
or in danger, that place
where fish live and sleep,
sometimes I think I understand
everything,  but I know that
I am wrong, and incredible
as it seems, the shadow I see
when I'm hung, I want to think
of hideouts in the mountains
where a man can go to die there.

"what do you do when you know it won't last forever?"

"you do it anyways.
become a legend.

Oh, and darling
If you asked
for water
I'd bring you the ocean

Having a friendship with you was emotionally taxing. Some days you were awesome and on most,you were ******.  I'd wake up not knowing which you I'd get that day. You have messed me up more than anyone else,and what made it worse was you never even noticed . You might disagree but,when someone tells you you've hurt them,you dont get to justify it or decide that you didn't.

It was rainbows and butterflies and **** in the beginning but as time went on,it got real. You weren't there when my whole life was falling apart,on days I woke up hoping to die. You were never that friend I could rely on for emotional support..I'm just gonna assume it's because you're such a happy person so you have no patience for such?Don't know but ya.

I told you our friendship was slowly dying but you refused to believe it. While you were busy with your awesome life,I was learning how to not be so reliant on you,how to go back to life without you,how to fall out of love with you  (because i never really got over you) but anyway,I'm over all that. All the effort I put into our friendship, I'm gonna put into myself.

Oh and,nice move not putting up a fight,how easily you let me go shows me how much I meant to you. Anyway ,bye.

.

Looking on
this expanse that encircles me,
closing in during open hours,
unlocking doors I can’t seem to walk through
Stairways of rotted, termite eaten steps
each with my name painted on them,
creaking underfoot,
losing to the weight of
long lines at self serve counters
wrapping around as if
nothing is free but here
for some reason it is

And I stand right in the middle
alone in this ocean of faces,
polo shirts and penny loafers
staring at cell phone screens,
calling someone,
talking with their hands,
hands free?
Paying it forward,
coffee for the next guy in line,
but not me

For I am just here, anywhere,
somewhere like this,
a thing plopped down,
fallen from the sky,
splattering on the earth,
consumed by the soil,
muddied footprints and all
trudging through the wilderness,
carving a path of existence
breaking branches and
scattering bread crumbs

Still I am me,
standing tall among the taller,
enjoying the shade,
sipping lemonade and eating apple dumplings,
pushing, not pulling forward,
dreaming, (of course)
regardless of tire tracks and scars
or pointed fingers,
Pounding the pavement,
laying a foundation,
driven beyond

Parking lot base,
asphalt themed destinations,
a checkerboard of last rites and dead batteries,
yellow lines on the horizon,
handicapped up front
Looking out over the valley,
watching the world go by,
admiring the beauty,
loving life,
rejoicing in the fact
that it is all so immensely
vast . . .

as am I