All I wanted to do was prove her wrong.
I wanted to be the warm gooey center.
To convince her not to give up.
To make her see that it can happen;
It can be real.
I wanted so badly to show her someone could care.
Without limits.
Without regrets.
Without fear.

But I couldn't be that person.

Having s a crush on someone is like a mosquito bite:
You don't know when exactly you got it,
It's only really annoying to you,
You pick at it so it gets worse.

It's not that I don't feel I'm good enough for you,
It's just that I think you deserve the world.
I might be only one man,
And the world is too big for me to carry,
But I'll bring you the moon so you'll feel the weightlessness I feel around you.
But I'll bring you the stars, the ones you used to live amongst so you'll always shine.

Do you write for yourself?
Maybe in the hope that someone reads it?
Or do you create because you're supposed to.

There is only a brief and fleeting moment, never to be experienced again.
Where words flow on digital paper and I think about you.

You'll probably never see this; I don't expect you to Google my name.
But I wish you didn't have to and we could share this.
But that's not meant to be.

You're remarkable.
And I still love you.

So I guess this one is for me.

I check to see if you see my Snapchat.
Because sometimes they were for you.

And even when they aren't,
Everything was meant for you

The only place that allows you to go back in time,
Is the only place that can stop you from moving forward.

I burden you,
I know that.

Because I give you a choice.
I'm terrified you won't choose me.

It's strange how when we look in the mirror and hate our reflection people try to make us see differently, as if we are sick.
It's even more strange that when the mirror reflects something you find worthy of appreciation, people still try to change you, as if you are a narcissist.
Why don't they want you to be happy?
Why can't they allow you to be sad?

Upon their wings, but under their wake
Below their sight, yet about their fate

As the moments pass and I see the signs
Away it is carried in shackles and binds

There is little time left and it is known why
Because the wings were not meant to fly

Carried away beyond all that can see
Except with their eyes closed where it's 20/20

I left your wake and you plague my eye lids
Poisoned by memories I wish not to forget
Burry away this high school obsession
For the future is in my possession

No more following the blind and the feeble
I surround myself with the humble and strong.
Passed up and moved on, but you're still there.
Memories are forever, but the future's weather is fair.

I write text messages to people in my life that don't exist.

They did exist.
And these texts would have been read.

But neither of these anomalies occur now.

When I was younger I injured myself.
From the injury I hurt the muscles in my eye,
Which occasionally allows my eye to "drift."
Late at night, sometimes I'll see two of something,
But it usually only happens when I'm very tired.
I wish I could have been more tired around you.
I wish I could have seen more of you,
Even if it was the same moment.
There could have been two of you.

But now there's none of you.

We are unique.
Individuals.
Snowflakes?
There is nothing wrong with you.
There is nothing wrong with being a little different.
Hold onto what makes you so perfectly you.
But if you're not happy, change.
More.
Less.
Faster.
Slower.
Adapt and overcome.
I'm not afraid.
Grab my arm.
Be fearless.

It's an invite to something toxic
The situation, not the invitation.

It's heart felt, seeds and bleeds,
It's a combination of fear and beer.
Sadness and hope.
Emotions made of thin rope.

Did I read it?
Did I feel it?
I saw you typing it.

You're on your pillow
Tears in your eyes.
Knowing I'll read it on the other side.

I want to wipe them away
I want to take you away
But I must back away

Someone will always get hurt.
I just don't think it should be you.

Even though it was civil,
We understood
We acknowledged
We listened
She listened.
It never makes it easier.

I'll cherish our memories.
I hope we make new ones.

Don't you see?
You could call.
3am love broken, heart aching, soul pouring.

I've thought of what I'd say.
I hope it comes.
Because I'm selfish.

I don't want you to feel pain.
Just to feel me.
I feel you.

Because even broken.
Even bleeding.
You're the summit.
You're the peak.
You take my ******* breath away.

That's a long time, 17 years.
When I met you we didn't see eye to eye,
In fact, I regret how I acted towards you.

17 years.
That's a **** long time.
Every **** say turned perfect when you meet me,
Whenever I'd come home, you'd kiss me.

17 years.
Can't believe it was that long.
My favorite memories are napping together,
Because you were always so perfect.

17 years.
How were they so fast?
Even when I returned home you feel asleep,
Right on my lap, so if course I stayed.

17 years.
Not long enough.
I miss you, best friend.
With every fiber of my being I miss you so much.

Just tell her she deserves to be happy.
She does.
You just need to believe it.

I wrote the goal on the wall.
Whenever I lose sight, I am reminded.

Not only of what it takes,
But what I am willing to do.
What I am doing.

I can't stand this place,
because you're here.

Early mornings. Late nights.
Because you're worth it.

You didn't leave because you wanted to.
You didn't even leave because you had to.
You never left, but you just aren't here.

You see, light has no mass.
Therefore it has no gravity.
It cannot push you;
In any direction.

A shadow is the absence of light;
But it has the same properties.
Massless.
It's just a little different.

I'm the shadow.
I can't pull you.
Towards me.
The only direction I want.

It's beautiful that I know what you'd say, even when you aren't around.
Because we used to do that together.

I need to find something that is new.

She's the song you don't want to end
She's the book you're afraid to finish
She's the fantasy you make in your head,
Of what she is and what she isn't.
And she's all that and more.
To me.

I wish the bad memories were easier to remember,
Because the positive ones make me miss you the most.

I wish the fights we had were the first thing I thought of,
Not the smell of your hair from the shampoo still in the shower.

I wish I could remember the hurt before I remembered the love,
Because without the ******* I still want you back.

I wish I could have found a single imperfection with you,
Because then I would understand why two people aren't meant to be together.

I wish sleepless nights of hurt and anger were the ones I remember,
Not the ones where I feel lonely and forgotten.

I wish time moved faster for us,
So I would have less of a gold standard to how someone should make me feel.

I wish I hated you,
Because I crave the way you hated me.

Today is my birthday.
If I had any candles,
I'd wish for you.




To be happy.

Is love when you want the other person to be with someone better than you?

At death's door he stood,
"Release your last words, mortal."
In his last breath, "yeet."

Is it out of a lack of respect?
For myself, of course.

If I let me down,
I haven't left where I started.

But if I fail you, well,
Then I walked backwards,
From where you put me.

I could say "I Love You," 1000 times,
And each time it might mean something different.

I love you, for how you bring light into a room.
I love you for how you make me feel.
I love you, because you're my best friend.

Or when I say "I love you," and with every fiber of my being, as indefinable as it is, I love you, in the way you want it to be.

Today I won.
The war inside me is over.
I've lost so many battles;
But the war is won.
And I celebrate.

Done days we feel it,
The impending doom and dread.
Where we feel alone.
Where we simply feel dead.

But maybe were supposed to.
..
Feel the darkness' shadow.
Just because you can't see me,
Doesn't mean I'm not alone.

But I am and I'm not.
I'm alone, but alone with all of you.
Where the list and confused,
Can come here and feel true.

If I'm not with you, I'm with someone else,
I have to decide what's best for myself.
My mental health.

Looks like I'm here to stay.
Haven't found anyone who can pull me away

You're a product of your surroundings.
For things that won't be mentioned.
He did things to you and now you're broken.
And I remember the night your head met my chest, even just as friends.
Can anyone save you from yourself?

It's taken me so long
To see through her smile.
Don't think it's not genuine,
It's the purest of them all.

But behind that smile is someone.
Something.
That loves you.
For who you are.
And they'll always know what to say.

She's there when you need her to be.
And I love her.
She deserves the world.

And she'll make sure she gets it.

I came here for solace and remission, peace and reflection.
Because I've discovered the heart will point you in the right direction.
It'll make you do loads of stupid ****,
But don't give up on it.
You're just meant to learn and continue, like a green mushroom you picked up in your living room.
Because history can help make you, but your heart defines what you hold true.
So give a helping hand to a sister or brother, so you can hold your head high having done right by your mother.
I keep tabs on my past to find out if I'm on the right Trail, but I really think we're supposed to fail.
Life is meant to be hard, but keep looking out for life's mushrooms, and rise above and fly far.