I am nostalgic for humanity, the good in humans. My emotions have been consequential lately. I feel that I’m not ready for the emotions of others, negative emotions because of my actions. If they could feel what I feel, see what I see, would they treat me different? Would it change their response? I’m honest, yet deemed a horrible person. No matter..life moves on with or without you. I can’t stick around to ponder on the feelings of others. I have my own self inflictions. I’ve been feeling so sad and guilty about Jay. I had a dream about him. I fell into hole after his death and found comfort in it. I feel extra lonely lately and I like it. Puts my reality into perspective. I’m always so torn that’s my reality. Everything is half and half with me. Half of me enjoys being lonely, the other half wants someone around. I just don’t want them to confuse the need of company as a need of commitment. If they are more than that to me then I’ll let that individual know. I wanna self reflect so badly. Half of me wants a friend, someone consistent and the other half feels lustful, I want someone consistent for that as well. Every situation is a triangular spectrum. Both sides can be chosen and beautiful colors will show...a beautiful outcome is possible

Yes I have fears, yes they’re derived from my past. But I’ve become so empathetic with my fears so they are present but they don’t consume me or alter my feelings. I fear vulnerability, I fear pain, I fear loneliness, I fear you and the power that comes when you feel so deeply for someone. But my fear of not taking that risk is even worse. I fear losing out on feeling like every inch of me unthreads when you kiss me or touch. I fear days without you. I fear not hearing your voice. I fear losing out on the love that could be exchanged between us and fear the leap of faith I’m taking but I fear most staying stagnant and watching love pass me by on the other side so I will like you because of my fears but I will also love you despite all the other fears.

It puts me at ease to trace the details of your skin
Admiring every pore down to the mole on your chin
The way your thumb is perched on your lip with the slightest grin
Eyes closed, mind wandering back to a world only you know
The light creeps in across your skin, a luminescent glow
I’ve never seen morning be so kind to someone I know
You’re beautiful to me in a way that can’t be explained
The way I look at you with such detail could be deemed insane
My idea of your beauty is unfathomed
Every inch...every spasm
I pray to experience morning like this with you for days to come
Sacrificing sleep to see in that first morning sun

If
          it Ever
           Was
              It
         Always
              Is.    
                                    ­                                                             Jon York   2019

All of the
hope  I  have,
       begins
         and
        ends
  with  you.

       I find
you  in  sad  
      songs,
  the sounds
      of rain,
      sunsets,
     Sundays,
      smiles,
  and all of the
         little
       things
    in my life.

      Always
    remember,
         my
   heart holds  
          you
        when
       my arms
       cannot.                                                          ­               Jon York   2019

I am alone.
With just some people I'm moving on.
Some talk less, some talk a lot.
I don't know if they are friends or not.

I am alone.
With some fears I'm moving on.
Some are scary, some are not.
I don't know if they are real or not.

I am alone.
With some deep wounds I'm moving on.
Some hurt more, some hurt less.
I don't know if they will heal or not

I am alone.
With a fake smile I'm moving on.
Sometimes looks good, sometimes not.
I don't know if it works or not.

I am alone.
With some burdens I'm moving on.
Some are huge, some are little.
I don't know if I will repay or not.

I am alone
With some secrets I'm moving on.
Some can save me, some can lead me to death.
I don't even know my remaining breaths.

-Paras Bajaj #PoetrybyParas
Instagram : @mr.parasbajaj