I don’t believe in heaven
But if I somehow did
I know you’d be there waiting for me
How you were back when you lived
I don’t believe in heaven
But if I went there I would see
Four little furry faces
So happy to see me
I don’t believe in heaven but
Sometimes I wish I could
If you had ever spoken I think
You’d say that I should
Because
The closest I’ve been to heaven
Was being loved by you
The innocent love from pets now lost
Is the truest love it’s true

The world didn’t end,
When I was fifteen.
I woke the next day,
As I’d always been.
I didn’t quit life,
When I was twenty five.
I put them all first,
Now I’m here, still alive.
Though it may sound like
A strange thing to say.
I can’t imagine me leaving
In any other way.
I still feel it so
Deeply inside.
That by my own hand,
Is the way I will die.

Don’t like,
Don’t look.
Don’t want,
Don’t read.
If you do,
Then I’m not
In control
If you bleed

I spend my nights
In shining armour
To intently avoid
With ardour
Any hint or sniff
Of Love
I can’t allow it in
Because
If my nights are left
Wide open
My heart unguarded will
Be broken
So I spend my nights
In shining armour
Alone and safe
For ever after

Is this calm?
If I’m scared it has reason,
If I cry it is rhyme.
This must be calm.
Is this life?
If I care I have cause,
If I love then I try.
This must be life.
Is this what it’s like?
To feel fear that makes sense,
To cry, be incensed.
To care and to love,
To know it’s enough.
To be calm, to live, to be alive.
Is this really what it’s all like?

What a strange irony
To miss a past so intensely
That in the present was hell
But I knew it so well
In retrospect I was taught
To be strong with the fraught
And learn to appreciate
What once felt desolate
A strange irony indeed
To suddenly need
The things I was wasting
Flavours of pain I miss tasting

I am annoying and
You are indifferent
I pray to the stars and
You don’t believe in them
I’m full of love and  
You are just full
You never stop pushing though
I still pull
I’m a lot smarter than
You give me credit
And I hope for things knowing that
I’ll never get it
But you’re building money and
I’m building a home
And the way that you’re going
You’re dying alone