happy
                                                                  
           ..                      sad
     angry                   ..

..
               ..                                  euphoric

anxious                 ..                happy again.

     my emotions doing parkour

the fire in my heart
melted the ice in yours
the dribbles trickled down
into me and put my fire out.

the worst part about it
wasn't losing you

it was losing
ME.

sad to think about
the only flowers i will ever receive
will be the ones placed on my grave

the way you only want me
when you need me
it's like i'm a glove
stored away in a drawer,
on hot days  
when things are good
you completely forget me.
and on cold days...
when things are hard,
you want to get me out
and use me again
to warm your soul.

Like that little sore on the inside of my cheek
i kept biting and chewing and biting at your love

i read all our old text messages
first i laughed.
then i cried.

I wonder sometimes

what it must be like

to mean everything to someone

or
to
even
just
be enough

i bought a vacuum sealer today
not for food
for you
for your clothes
you died before we did your laundry

your smell lingers on the ***** shirt
your intoxicating smell
your smell i will never smell again

i bought a vacuum sealer today
not for food
for you
for your clothes
vacuum sealed to keep your smell forever
because i can never let go

i
will
take
the
homophobic
slurs
you
spat
at
me
and
smear
them
across
my
cheeks
like
war
paint

.
.
.
now I tell
my journal
.
.
all the things
I used to
tell you.

.
.
.

my depression is like a storm cloud
slowly absorbing hurt
forming drops of pain and anxiety  
then it comes crashing down
soaking me in pain
and just when the sun starts to shine again
storm clouds begin to build again.

H - E
E - A
A - R
R - T
T - H

Life without you
is way too much
The thing I need
is your touch
The pain  inside
is way too real
And I just don’t know
how to deal
Now look at how you made me feel…

the crushing weight out here alone
All I want is to call your phone..
But you’re not there…
You don’t even care!!!

this hurt inside Is breaking me,
My heart in Pieces,
like debris…
Why cant you just come back to me?

you drown me  in oceans of emotions i am unable to swim in
and then you send me a life boat
just to toss me back into the ocean

My "forever"
lasted only 4 months
My "I will never leave you"
left me.
My "I will always be there"
wasn't there when I needed him most.
My "I promise"
broke his promise.
My "I will never hurt you"
hurt me real bad.
My "I love you"
stopped loving me.
My "everything"
turned to nothing.
My "You can trust me"
B
         R
  O
             K
        E  

MY

     HEART.

i don't know what i feel for you
but it feels good
like the smell of fresh cut grass
and that first summer rain hitting the sidewalk
it feels good
like your favorite food
or a really good song
it rises inside me like helium balloons
it feels good
like a cold pool on a warm day
and that cocktail after a long day
it feels good
wonderful actually