As I found empty space beside me
I reached for loneliness
I found a hand
but no solace I receive
instead the cold
and ****** hand of the other me
when we embraced I felt a chill
not from wind or water
instead it rippled through my mind
making itself at home
forgetting the boundaries
I had set before
yet still hand and hand we walk me and the other

The truth was in my eyes
the whole time
all you had to do was look

It’s not your job but it’s nice
Just because it’s not your job
Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it

Windy streets
quiet towns
let the snow
come
          c
              r
                 a
                     s
                        h
                            i
                               n
                                   g
                       down

I’m skinner than before
and still
I can’t glance in the mirror
and still
I can’t wear tight clothing
and still
I glance at my stomach
and still
I can’t eat lunch somedays
and still
my thighs bother me
and still......

History remembers love
as something that happen
I happened
you happened
us, never happened

Whenever you don’t text back
I’m afraid
I stare at my phone
until it yields an answer
waiting for a ping

When you aren’t on the bus
I stare at your spot
as if you’ll appear

Even when I know
you’ve moved on
I comb the hallways for you
searching for the infamous smile
that I’ve learned to love

still you are my lovely disadvantaged
my anam cara
my problematic emotion
you were amazing

I must forget
forget the smile
the texts
late at night
forget the brush of your
skin against mine
and the hugs
I didn’t want to end

You are my lovely disadvantage