I wonder how I've ended back up in this position
dependant on not just a chemical or two, but
dependant on the love of a person
You see, I was not born a human, nor have I lived as one,

I'm used to the beauty of the darkness, for in dark places
beautiful flowers grow, but it takes eyes
shadowed in darkness for decades to see them
and to pluck them, one needs a still heart
that no longer beats with the rhythm of a living being

that darkness has shaped my world, shaped my mind
yet in her voice, her words, and her love
I've found myself slipping from that place
being pulled into one in which I do not know how to live
Here there is light, and sights to be seen
with eyes practiced to the sun

I used to believe the universe whispered to me
and maybe it still does, it's just that it's been so long
since I've listened, that its song is distant
raw, and uncaring

You see the universe is lonely,
that's why it turned into you, and into me,
to be embraced with it's own warmth
to embrace itself in its own desire,
what a simple thing we endeavor, is it not?

By becoming creatures bounded in time, and space,
we've forgotten our true self and along with it
the wellspring of love that created us,
now we seek it, although in lesser forms,
experiencing it with only a few
and the upper casts of beings know this,

Somewhere deep in our subconscious we also understand, and we know that we've forgotten it.

It's just that demons have embraced darkness, and a total absence of love, while we try to fill ourselves with small glimmers plucked from flowers that grow in the sun.

Demons, on the other hand, pluck flowers that grow only in the darkness, and those flowers have power over mortals, they will call to thee and under their spell, you will dream dreams meant for only devas, asuras, demons, and spirits.

This nectar is not meant for humans, yet in our arrogance, we reach for their stock and supply,
and with it we compose beautiful songs and paint beautiful shapes, we piece together majestic art and music that can open the mind, bend it, twist it, and mold it in ways from which it can never retreat.

We create,
Things that even devas desire,

We create,
Things that even demons devour,

But to us humans these things are toxic, they are too much, and we become lost to them.
Such that we call madness is a consequence of reaching too deeply into the well of knowledge with an unbalanced, ignorant, distracted, and frail mind, and in doing so, we forsake everything for the pitifullest glimpse of eternity.

In that place; only gods and asuras may roam freely; humans, on the other hand, are far too greedy,
far too curious, far too ignorant, and far too dangerous to possess such knowledge.

We should stick to light plucked from flowers growing in the sun,
because those flowers which grow in the darkness will only lead to our damnation, the conclusion of our race, and the manifestation of something far more terrible than any of our myths ever suggested.

How many days has it been?
Since all this started?
When did life become so hollow again?
Was it the drugs? The loss? My actions; I can no longer defend..

So hollow, Follow the rules but break them in silence..
Caught red-handed with a needle in my arm,
Surrounded by thugs with blank expressions
So zen; I'm a menace to myself, step off the path
into a place where I suffer alone; it's easier that way,
at least, that's what I tell myself, that's what I say.

With no one to hurt, or to hurt me, I break all the rules
and grin a melancholy grin, hoping for a stray bullet
to end it all. I can't do this again
was everything I struggled against in vain?

With a star in my sky, and a path to follow,
I hesitate to explain myself, I'm just so lonely
A giant phony, With no one there to catch my tears
So I go on living my life muddled in fear
It's not the first time, so just stay clear.

One of these days, I'll reach back to all the hands
Offering me a place to rest my head, so solemn is my mind
even surrounded by friends, I find myself totally alone
everyone eventually hits rock bottom..

So hollow, Follow the rules but break them in silence..
Caught red-handed with a needle in my arm,
Surrounded by thugs with blank expressions
So zen; I'm a menace to myself, step off the path
into a place where I suffer alone; it's easier that way.
at least, that's what I tell myself, that's what I say.

I just want to get out of here, I stare at myself in the mirror
and see that I can't find even a semblance of the man
I once was; where did he go? Did I grow out of it?
I'm no longer myself, and it really couldn't be any clearer.

Why am I so scared of losing something that isn't mine?
I mean what time is it anyway? Think I forgot something,
or maybe someone...?

I've been lost in drink, and tears, and pills with various shapes
why do I always pick the ones I can't have?
What a life joke is sometimes!
Listen -- pain will always come in various huh? and sizes..
and what of my fate? To suffer? to wither?!
Always, always.. just lost in a daze...
or is this all just a phase?

I can't remember right now, the hours getting late
and i'm buying a stairw.. wait, what was I saying?
ne-way, whatever, I dunno but It makes me wonder. :)

I hate being like this, but I can't give it up,
cause' ya know, they say drugs ****; but baby,
I'll tell ya somethin' thrilling
the largest cause of death.. I mean really..
is just being born, and well ya' know, maybe.
but **** it, someone once said come as you are
revetahw, lets not talk falsely now
I'm lost, minds ****** and fried,
and I've eaten far too many pain killers.

Everyone who's ever loved me
has abandoned me one way or another
and soon left me alone, drowning
in my own little sea of shame
and with no one there to save me
I became tired of playing games
where I'm the one left wanting
left desiring
left...

And when you speak my name
all that will come out of your mouth
is shame.

I tried to be everything they wanted me to be,
see I gave it my all, now it's falling apart
and in my head I simply long to be free
What is free anyway? See?
See?
See...

I've never known,
Never had enough to lose to care,
and never cared enough to lose what I had,
now it's really enough,

Enough..
Enough...
Enough....

Please,
Please take me away

On your tiny little raft floating at sea.
Untie the rope from the dock and let it drift
and carry me with the winds, and when I land
in lands so far away from myself that I can no longer
find a mirror or thing that evokes a memory,
Maybe I can finally say, I'm free,

Hey, hey, hey hey hey!

I'm finally gonna be free...