she knows she has to let go
but she's not ready just yet
you were playing with fire
but she didn't see it as a threat
she likes pretending she doesn't miss you
pretending she doesn't care
but you set her on fire from the first moment you were there
and her biggest mistake wasn't falling in love with you
it was thinking you would love her back
now no one can make up for what she thinks she lacks
and as the nights grow longer
she's become increasingly afraid to admit
you don't just constantly cross her mind
you still live in it

We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to learn what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love

We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away

When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from

We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we believe
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you

You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you

And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love

I'm wrapped in corner winds
of morbid misunderstanding

where monsters will emerge
and turn to dust in an instant

here you endure the anxiety
of an uncontrollable silence.

I thought,
There could be nothing more awkward
than two half naked middle-school girls
fighting in the middle of a locker room
the imaginative and ingenious verbal warfare of “*****” and “Perra”
bouncing off the tall cold grey concrete walls of the showers
combined with the energetic and exaggerated use of hand gestures and physical intimidation
could not be ignored
though I tried, even as the others spectated and incited the two opponents
Because mi guela always says Las mujercitas no se meten donde no la quieran
(Little ladies don’t intervene)
I thought there could be nothing more awkward
Than hiding my face inside a gym locker
With two half-naked middle school girls arguing behind me
Until I heard one of them say “Stop acting like a Mexican”
Mujercita o no I could not remain silent
“What’s that supposed to mean? I asked her, “You know I am Mexican too?”
I thought there could be nothing more awkward
Than two half naked middle school girls fighting
Until I saw both their eyes appraising me
Then shifting between each other
with their brows raise in agreement they said to me
“Mariza you know you’re white” “An Oreo when it comes down to it”
I didn’t know that the name of my favorite cookie could hurt so much
When said with a strange mixture of disinterest and certainty
And I didn’t even know what it meant
But I knew that it was an evaluation of my Mexicanness of my identity
All the mujercitas slowly poured out of that locker room
Not a one making an objection or even feigning interest in what was said to me
It did not matter that I spoke Spanish
It didn’t matter I grew up able to quote every Maria Silvestre movie line
It didn’t matter how much I idolized Vicente Guerro and Emilio Zapata
It didn’t matter how I saw myself
The mujercitas agreed I was dark on the outside, white on the inside
For years, I tried my hardest to prove I was Mexican
But it seems that the standards changed every year
No one was ever convinced
No one wanted to be associated with me
No one believed that I truly cared about the Mexican community
To this day I am trying
What does it mean to be Mexican?
I’m still trying to figure that out
It must be more than a facha, a look
It must be more than music, celebrations, a shared Language, And an Experience
It must be but
No body has ever told me what it is
Only what it is not
Which is Me
an Oreo
And all that it implies
A pocha, a race-traitor, a sell out
Dark on the outside white on the inside

Temptation knocks at my door
tonight,
Wanting to come in.
Wanting
to make a fool
out of me.

She flirts so audaciously
willing to fornicate,
To please her
To please me

But this isn't right.

Sin crouches at my door
tonight,
Waiting to strike.
To barge in,
To attack,
Hold nothing back.

Temptation thus leads
my downfall
and Sin,
the cause of my death.

What hope shall there be
of a ressurection?

A flame out of control,
On a cold December night,
If love was given wings,
We once were soaring in flight,
Turbulence picked up quickly,
As I held on to your hand,
Afraid that we were falling,
But you promised not to land,
I began to rest my fears,
And trust that you were true,
Until the venom you spit at me,
Made my sky no longer blue,
I then began to fade,
Into the clouds so ever dark,
But I quickly crashed and broke my wing,
And worse I broke your heart,
You tried to stitch us back together,
But my heart bled through the thread,
And I fell too many times,
Not caring love was dead,
Until revenge grew in your lungs,
And you found you couldn’t breathe,
So in desperation,
You did the same to me,
The betrayal sank us quickly,
To the bottom of the ocean floor,
We were both beaten black and blue,
When we washed up to the shore,
Time began to heal our wounds,
But scars forever there,
And in one last attempt to keep us,
You decided not to care,
An 8 week 2 day fetus,
Never got to breathe this life,
Because once I tried to trust your words,
You again stabbed me with a knife,
My world is now forever changed,
And my heart forever broken,
But I’ll never forget the day we soared,
Or the day we fell to the ocean.

now
whenever i tell him that
i love him
he doesn't say it back
instead
he asks
why