Google says happy is the feeling or showing pleasure or contentment
My friends say happy is when they are surrounded by people they love
My family says it’s when you’re filled with joy
Scientists say it’s a chemical reaction
Strangers say happy is having a good life
I say happiness is joy in the moment and that no one can always be happy
But what do you think?

If someone flinches when you want to put your arm around them
Someone else's hand wasn't that nice

If someone questions you
Someone else has lied to them

If they don't tell you everything
Someone else betrayed their secrets

Behind every cranky, complicated person
Or every person who is afraid to love
Is someone who's tired of being hurt

The thing about mental illness is that you aren't depressed enough, sad enough, bad enough. Nobody cares until you reach their standard, and that standard is bad enough to effect them

If you saw me you wouldn't think I was depressed or that I self harm or that I'm suicidal. I don't look like any of those things. That's why nobody actually takes me seriously when I say I've had a bad day or have been feeling awful. No one actually believes my pain is real. So maybe I do make it up, maybe I'm just making a fuss out of nothing. I'm perfectly fine

I lied and said I was busy
I was busy;
But not in a way most people
understand.

I was busy taking deeper breaths.
I was busy silencing irrational
thoughts. I was busy calming a
racing heart. I was busy telling
myself I am okay.
Sometimes this is my busy
And I will not apologize for it.

I am always the one starting conversations

Always texting first.
Always making a effort.
Always last to know.
Always the one who isn't doing anything right.
Always the loser.

I want to not make such a huge effort, and let all of it come naturally.
But if I stopped trying so hard.
no one would reach out to me.
I would be left behind
In a corner,
Crying to myself.

So don't you dare say that I need to "chill"
Because you don't know ****

I wish for money
No that’s not right
I wish for a man
Still not right?
I wish for superpowers
Again, not right
What I wish for
Is stability
Independence
A will to live
I wish to be happy
I don’t need money or a man or even superpowers to make me happy.
So why should you?

She said she was okay,
And you believed her?
Let me tell you what's wrong with her.
She's tired.
That's exactly what she is, tired.
She's tired of getting hurt.
She's tired of being let down.
She's tired of the lies.
She's tired of caring too much.
She's tired of holding it in.
She's tired of feeling broken, damaged, worthless, never good enough pain.
She's tired of being judged.
She's tired of all her flaws and insecurities.
She's tired of trying.
She's tired of getting her hopes up.
She's tired of being treated like ****.
She's tired of putting a mask on.
She's tired. Want to know how I know all this?
Because she's me and I'm really tired

I love his smile
I love his laugh
I love his hair
I love his sensual kisses
But do I love him?

I love how smart he is
I love how he’s open with me
I love the trust we have for each other
I love the honesty
But do I love him?

I love the vulnerableness
I love the rush
I love everything about us
But do I love him?