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Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I wake up, it’s a beautiful day!
Changing clothes, putting my stuff away,
Nothing to ruin it today,
Hey!
Gonna make the most out of today!
Yeah!

Going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, and-
(80% of the happiness you feel, comes from genetics.)
...Uh...
(And life is ultimately meaningless.)

Okay, going on the bus!
It’s a little tight, but it’s not that much of a fuss,
No reason to go nuts,
Yeah!
(69,000 bus accidents occurred in Europe, in 2014 alone.)
...What?
(Not to mention that the carbon emission is killing the atmosphere.)
...Jesus...
(Oh, and at least you’re lessening it by using public transit.)

...Well, alright, it’s time enter the school!
Gonna learn, till I pass everything!
My grades are screaming in my face; “it’s all cool!”
(You know what’s not cool?)
Bring it on, tell me anything!
(98% of what you study is a waste.)
...I mean...

...Nevermind that,
I get to hang out with some of my friends!
My friends are the bestest of friends!
Can't think of a better way to spend my time!
(Your brain is flawed, you’re bound to drift, and in any case all your friends will die.)
...Uh... Then...

I can live in the moment, use up every second!
(At any moment, you could get clinical depression.)
You’re wrong, I'll just be happy, no matter what's in store!
(It's quite genetic and we have no cure.)
...Uh, at least...

We are young!
(Not for long.)
Life is great!
(It only goes downhill.)
We gotta make the most of it!
(You’re likely to regret it.)
We are young!
(For now.)
Life is fun!
(For some people.)
We gotta make the most of it!
(Good luck.)

I got a brand new job today!
Doin stuff that'll help the economy!
I'll save money, and buy things at the store-
(Banks can crash and capitalism is flawed.)
...I... uh...

Um... and it's all because of my hard work!
(And the thousands of advantages you were lucky to get at birth.)
I put loads of effort in my resume!
(Good thing you don't have a black person's name.)

I've at least got a nice stable job!
(Until it's outsourced to China or replaced by a bot or robot.)
...Well then I could relax a bit!
(You'll be empty, with nothing to distract from it.)

But man, I'm a passionate teen!
I can be different, and I have career paths to pick from!
I could be a programmer, or a game maker, or even a YouTuber, if I'm lucky!
(Even if you really could be any of those, neither would make you happy, trust me.)

At this age, I’m still able to choose what I pursue!
(That’s a lie, and you're always a slave to people born richer than you.)
Then ***** it, I'll keep going,
And I'll party on the weekend, and sing!
(You’ll either get laughed at, or receive applaud, thanks to autotune.)

We are young!
(Not for long.)
Life is great!
(It only goes downhill.)
We gotta make the most of it!
(You’re likely to regret it.)
We are young!
(We still die.)
Life is fun!
(Until you’ll die.)
We gotta make the most of it!
(Because you'll die.)

Life is a wonder!
(You'll never know the answer.)
Nature is a miracle!
(Natural disasters.)
It's great to be alive!
(You could wake up with cancer.)
But I'm healthy...
(No matter how healthy, even healthy people get cancer.)

I love this show!
(It's probably the last episode there’ll ever be, or you have to wait weeks or months for the next episode.)
The sun is shining!
(It's going to explode.)
Every species is beautiful, and unique though!
(Children have malaria thanks to mosquitoes.)

I met a cute girl, with a ponytail!
(Statistically speaking, even if you two get into a relationship, it’s going to fail.)
I have a wonderful family, it's like no other!
(Considering your luck, your thinking is not special, and one day you'll bury your mother.)
No matter what happens, I can find a home!
(We will all die alone.)
4.6k · Aug 2018
Help me.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Oh, how disgusting.
All this disguising...
To become somebody that’s worth existing.

Oh, it's repulsing.
Fully engulfing...
Every truth, that ever found itself hiding.

So join me...
Hey let's play a lying game!
And ***** ourselves, with something exciting!

Deceiving, and heartless thieving...
After all life is so dull without some bleeding.

Such is life for a boring... Existence...

Cause I’m a...
Liar, liar!
And only that is true!
After all fire, fire...
Is something I pursue!
Just call out liar, liar!
And I’ll infect you too...
With the addictive taboo...
Of bidding the truth adieu.

Trust me!
That’s a lie, such a lie, for a lie!
You see, I can’t pry my own dyed scheming eyes.
So please, forgive my falsified truthful lies.
...Truly... Lying!

‘Cause I’m a liar.

Oh, how appalling.
The lies are crawling...
And covering every single little bit.

Oh, how revolting.
And full of loathing.
It’s nauseating!
Exhilarating,
Isn’t it?

Manipulating.
Hardly pulsating...
A heart like that, is the only one that’s free.

Without emotion,
Without devotion...
It’s much easier to fake something happy.

Much easier to fake yourself being happy...

So, join me!
Hey, let's play a lying game!
And cover ourselves, with something inviting!

Rewriting, and truly lying...
Finally a story that wasn’t meant to end with painful feelings!

Put on the masks, and let's have us a masquerade!
Dancing senselessly, on the shadows of the betrayed!
A smiling, and crying, and lying charade...
Such is life for a boring... Existence.

'Cause I’m a liar, liar,
And only that is true!
After all fire, fire,
Is something I pursue!
Just call out liar, liar!
And I’ll infect you too...
With the addictive taboo...
Of bidding the truth adieu.

'Cause I’m a liar.

Peek-a-peek-a-boo!
Ha, ha, I found you!
Hiding from the truth...
Well it’s nothing new.

Peek-a-peek-a-boo!
I can see right through!
Liars know liars...
Like you know the back of your own hand.

It’s bland.
Such an existence...
Where everything goes as planned.
Wasteland...
Is much more fun to navigate and understand.
That’s why...
I left it behind, my world is covered in lies.
That’s why...
It seems there’s no longer blue in my sky...

So...

Put on the masks, and let's have us one last masquerade!
Dancing senselessly, on the shadows of the betrayed!
A smiling, and crying, and lying charade!
Such is life for the boring existence... Of a liar.

Am I a... liar? Liar?
Does it seem that way to you?
After all fire, fire...
Is burning through the roof...

'Cause you’re all... liars, liars!
And I don’t know what’s true!
After all fire, fire...
Has ravaged all I knew...

I call out liar, liar!
I cannot trust you!
But the world has gone askew...
And there’s nothing else to do...
Except bid the truth adieu...

Leave this, leave it behind, hide it in the back of your head!

I’ve given up on all I knew,
There is nothing, that is truly true.
I’ve given up on all I knew,
Because after they betrayed me, they’ve gone askew.
I’ve given up on all I knew,
Because life, people are so boring and dull,
There is nothing for me here.

I don’t see a point in living...
That’s a lie..?

Trust me!
What’s a lie?
Is it lies?
Only lies!
I can’t pry my blind eyes, while I cry...
Please, forgive my blackened sky full of lies!

Truly... Lying!
Truly... Dying...
3.4k · Aug 2018
I am going crazy.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I can't even remember how it started...

Drifting from who I was,
My normal just slowly departed from me.
Foggy glimpses of the boy I used to be.

Ripping through the last shreds of my humanity,
Right on the edge of insanity,
I'm not but a shadow of what, and who I was,
Can you guess what was the cause?

As time goes on,
I am more and more losing myself,
Turning absolutely insane, there is now no sense of self.

I'm starting to be really bloodthirsty.

As time goes on,
I more and more want to hurt somebody,
Physically.

I want to feel something, anything!

I'm slowly losing my sanity,
It's getting real hard to keep myself from breaking the limits,
Of this society we live in!

But can you blame me?
I just want to feel excited,
Happy,
Have a geniune smile on my **** face.

Do you comprehend
An existence like mine,
Where you feel nothing?
While people around you find happiness,
And joy,
In things that mean nothing to you?

I've been resisting my urges for a while,
But I'm slowly getting out of control,
Nothing can make me whole.

Things are gonna get real ugly,
Real soon.

Therapy won't help this insane existence of mine.
Trust me, they tried, and tried.
Phsychologists, psychiatrists,
5 types of antidepressants,
A bunch of relaxants,
And diagnosis of many, many mental disorders.
Nothing could get me back in order,
I guess they were too late, I already crossed all sane borders.

Yup... For years, to no avail.

Go on, mock me, say I'm insane;
But it's your kind that did this to me.
But please, watch your tongue,
Words are hurtful.

Hush now, won't you stay a while?
Join me with a painted smile.

Tragic faces,
Stationed at my bedside,
Warm embraces,
While I'm hollow on the inside.

Their eyes betray them,
This is only a painted smile.

After my attempts,
People just wouldn't buy my painted smiles,
So they tried, and tried,
Everything they could think of.

Religion, mental hospitals, therapy, and medication...
If only they knew what a monster I try to keep inside every day,
Will their opinions change that day,
Will they regret it when I unleash the beast inside?

So 'till the day I tear myself from the inside,
Won't you join me with a painted smile?
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,
Borderline Personality Disorder,
Dissociative Identity Disorder,
Dissociative Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder,
Avoidant Personality Disorder,
Anxiety,
Major Depressive Disorder.

Isn't it upsetting how many disorders you can have inside of you?
I can barely count them all.
2.6k · Aug 2018
Demon.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
You’re an angel,
With a haunted heart.
I’m the devil’s son,
Straight out of hell...

If you’re smart...
You’ll run and protect yourself.

From the demon living in the dark...
There’s nothing to be gained, 'cause I can never change.
And you can never understand my sickness.

(I’ll never understand my sickness...)

Save yourself...
From a life full of lies, and a heart full of pain and sorrow!
Save yourself...
From the choices I make, cause nothing but failure follows!

Save yourself!

When it hurt like hell...
I needed you...
There’s no one else I even talk to anymore, and I curse myself...
I know that the right thing...
...Is to give you up...

I’m overcome by shame, cause I can never change,
And you can never understand my sickness!

(I’ll never understand my sickness...)

Save yourself!
1.8k · Aug 2018
A worthless, makeshift life.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
As always, I can’t see myself moving towards tomorrow,
As always, I’m stuck in my sorrow.
Ah, I’m sorry for letting the scarecrow...
Show itself again.

Ah, I always knew that I’d turn to ash,
Turn to trash,
Then turn to earth... right back to zero.

Do I want to live?
Do I want to die?
Is it even worth thinking about anymore?
I guess that I have no more...
To stay for.

I should just stop it all forever.

I want to live.
If you really want to live,
Then go back to them, apologize,
and socialize.

Instead of cutting your arm and wrist, cut your overgrown hair.
There!
You’re fully aware, that you doing this, to this length is rare,
Just compare your two pairs,
Of arms... it’s impossible to repair.
Good luck.

I want to live.
If you really want to live, then...
There’s no meaning to this nonsense.
The whole process, the concept, and content,
Is worthless.
Since life is ultimately meaningless,
Nothing matters in the end.

Are you suggesting a shutdown?

Ah, I don’t know...
The love, the romance,
The fleeting happiness...

And the inevitable way they break...

If the makeshift habit of living continues anyway,
do they hold any meaning anymore?
I really can’t think of any way.
Sigh, the end is near,
Just a couple more years,
It’s whatever.

Though I think...
I should just continue wanting to die, forever.

It hurts.
If it really hurts, then cut it out.
There’s no one, anywhere,
Who cares about you.
Very well,
Already have been aware,
Though thanks for the reminder.

I want to live.
If you really want to live, then break it down.
But then I’ll drown...
Are you really convincing yourself a wall is there again?

It’s sad.
If it’s sad, then write it down.
You don’t have anyone to tell anyway.

Even if I were to dream forever...
Someday, sometime, surely...
You will forget all about me...
So continue to live just like that.
I really just couldn’t think of any more rhymes, without losing the meaning/message, so I ended up with this.
Maybe that has to do with it being 12 AM?
Who knows?
Nathan Alexander Oct 2018
Once again, watching the long chats pass with no end,
Painful, and pleasure, I'm fighting with my own head.
There's just nothing,
Here at hell's ending,

Envy, envy, envy.
Emotional war, a devastating frenzy.

Don't, oh no,
Please never ever think about me.
Don't wish to god,
It won't ever do anything.

Truth is, I'm helpless, and can't do a thing...
So don't pretend like I am living, or am a human being.

And even I,
Yes, even I,
Get sad and lonely, at night, and so,

Can you forgive me?

I am to blame, yes, for everything.

Once again, watching everything, still the same, then,
I'm hidden under my mind's ocean bed.

"Goodbye", I hear,
"We part our ways right here."

I guess it really is better of this way.

On, and on, always,
I will be waiting here.

Don't, oh no,
Please never, ever lose your way.
Don't search in vain,
And I say this for your own sake.

Just laugh at the face of life and death's gate.

Ignore any voice calling for you to stray my way,
... And you'll be safe.

And even I,
Yes, even I,
Get sad and lonely, at night, and so,

Can you forgive me?

I am to blame, yes, for everything.

And even I,
Yes even I,
Get sad and lonely, at night, and even so,
Though you may fall down,
Feel like you might drown,

You mustn't come to this underground.

You still can make it there in time,
If you let go, and fly.

No, I'm not lonely, I'm just fine.

... Everything should be quite alright,
Let's say goodbye.

The veil crumbling tonight,
When the thought came to be,
"Who, and what am I living for," and see...

Hey, were we smiling stupidly...

... You think?
1.1k · Aug 2018
Thinking.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I’m so alone...
It's like a thread bond,
I check my phone,
Nothing to be shown,
Or to be let known,
I hear my sigh, so out of tone,
As depression overthrows,
The night, black as charcoal...
With a few dots of sparkles...
Through it, I see my mind... Away it flown.

Afraid to go cold,
Or confront it all,
Soon I'm getting old,
Inevitable fall.

I start to think...
I'm left to die.
I start to think...
Life's passed me by...

I start to think...
What do I live for?
I can't take much more.
I shouldn't have been born...

It's so hard...
Don’t know what I've got,
Know this is all my fault,
I live in my thoughts all day...

What do I live for?
My mind goes to war...
I should have been so much more,
Though I am sure...
Never got up the floor...

It's so hard...
Don’t know what I've got,
Know this is all my fault,
I live in my thoughts all day...

Hit the bed...
Don’t know what’s ahead...
Hanging by a thread,
I think of the end...
Of death.

Feel the cold...
The pain is bold...
No trace of a ray of hope,
Only thing inviting is a gun, or a rope...

I start to think...
I'm left to die.
I start to think...
Life's passed me by...

I start to think...
What do I live for?
I can't take much more.
I shouldn't have been born...

It's so hard...
I don’t know what I've got,
Know this is all my fault,
I live in my thoughts all day...

What do I live for?
My mind goes to war...
I should have been so much more,
Though I am sure...
Never got up the floor...

It's so hard...
Don’t know what I've got,
Know this is all my fault,
I live in my thoughts all day...

I start to think...
What do I live for?
I shouldn't have been born...

And I can’t take much more...
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Vision is going black,
I’m standing on the edge.
I just wanted some friends.
I just want my life to end.

I’m done feeling all these feelings,
Staring at this ******* ceiling,
Wishing my life had some meaning,
Hold my breath ’till I stop breathing.

No, these people are not my friends,
I don't even know 'em.

Don’t want to die alone,
But I’m living in a hell.
Stand back from this top,
Climb down the ladder,
‘Cause I don't even trust myself.

And I fell for all your reasons,
Again.
The chemicals numb my feelings,
I become so cold, I’m freezing.

Just hold me ’till I stop bleeding.

No, these people are not my friends...

I’m in my head again...

Quick, just overdose, get the medicine.
737 · Aug 2018
Psycho.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
"Oh, he's sweet.", but a ******.
A little bit ******.
"Oh, he's hot.", but a ******.
Looking so alive, but he died though.

No, no...
You'll play along,
Let him lead you on, and on, and on.
You'll be saying, "No, no..."
Then saying, "Yes, yes, yes..."
'Cause he's messing with your head.

"Oh, he's sweet.", but a ******.
A little bit ******.
"Oh, he's hot.", but a ******.
Looking so alive, but he died though...

See, someone said, don't drink his potions.
He'll kiss your neck, with no real emotions.

You're just like me, you're out of your mind.
I know it's strange, we're both the crazy kind...
Yet, you're telling me that I'M insane.

A compliment to me, it remains.
722 · Aug 2018
Dreams, and trauma.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Count up all your shattered memories.
Yes, they are all your forgotten, buried enemies.
If you regain them, what will you begin to chant?
If you regain them, what will you answer to what you'll be asked?

Think up another fairy land,
but please, make sure to not make it just as bland.
And once it's over, become lost in the deep dark woods.
Nowhere to hide,
nowhere in sight,
there isn't anything good in your mind.

Cast some mysterious magic,
put on a sullied dress.
If you cry sweet tasting tears,
everything will become a lie.

Forgetting all the dreams, and memories you were looking for.
In your head, it's just like a war.
Offense, countered by self-defense.
D-sxPpxaRiNg xvEnt-s.

Think up another child's play,
Just like every other day.
And when it ends, become lost in the long night...
Again, you can't do anything right!
You should just leave,
Might as well, your future isn't very bright.

Cast some magic words,
without covering them up with social pretext.
Just cry sweet tasting tears,
and transform everything into sound.
(Just scream out already, if you don’t show you’re in pain, no one will know it’s there.)

Everything will become a lie.

Cast some mysterious magic.
"Please, fix me", oh, how tragic.
"Please, take me away from here!"
Don't worry, the end is near.
Show me your sullied dreams.
There's no one that intervenes.
Close your eyes, this will all become a fairy tail.

Spilling over to my wonderland!
But to my surprise, on the other hand...
The life I known simply ended up being just a dream.
If you die... You’ll end up in your own fairy tail... Right?
667 · Aug 2018
The lost kid.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
He cries somewhere over, where nobody sees...
He's the kid...
With the story no one would believe.

He thinks every night,
"Hey "God", if you're there, would you please...
Could you send someone here, who will love me?"

Who will love me, for me?
Not for what I have done or what lies I've tried to become.
'Cause nobody has shown me,
What love really means...

His thinking, and mood, is down falling, a little each day...
He's the guy, who's last girlfriend has cheated, upped, and ran away.
But that's not to say,
His others weren't the same.

He'll secretly go to the gym,
Try to eat, every week's third day,
Tell no one, repeat.

Maybe if he was bigger, more muscular, and happy, someone would stay.

He's waiting to die, as he sits it out,
...All alone.

And he's scared, because by now, it feels just like home.
662 · Aug 2018
You I met... Gone.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Sweet talk, so sweet that I'm getting a headache.
Too good... Too good to be true, shouldn't believe it.
You talk like you need me, like you'd never leave me...

Until I begin to believe it.

I was good on my own, until you came along.
Waited for me to fall,
And now the you I met,
You I know, is gone.

If you don't mean it, don't just say it.
If you don't feel it, don't you ******* fake it.
If it's a lie, don't you dare say it's true.
If you don't want me, why'd you take it?
Why'd you take my heart?

How come you bought it, just to break it?
If you don't love me then don't say you ******* do.

Days passed, since I'd even seen a trace of you.
I guess you really couldn't give less of a ****.
I begged, "Just be honest!", you said you don't know.
My disbelief lost it's suspension.

I was good on my own, until you came along.
Waited for me to fall,
And now the you I met....

You I met... Gone.
561 · Oct 2018
Next stop.
Nathan Alexander Oct 2018
It starts to feel like the next stop will never come,
Because I'm too scared to board this train,
Because the voices in my brain...
Are telling me...

"This stop, too, will lead you straight to your death."
What else am I supposed to do with myself?

And there, once more, I turn on back again...

I alone,
Walk my own way,
On this never ending path.

And every time, I look down,
My arms and hands, are both stained red.

I'm sick, and tired of living, passing my days,
Nothing will come of me, I'm just a waste.
With no talents;
I'm stupid,
Good for nothing.

Nothing for me in the future to come,
I really hope... I'll be soon gone...

But then yet again, I'm scared,
Of what's after.
After that, what's ahead?

But that's just me, I'm never satisfied,
So let's just ignore everything, distract, put it all aside.
"Just for now..."

Just try to forget, ignore, stop thinking, **** it,
I just don't want to think about it.
Stop crying.

The end of this book
Doesn't mean you can't read another,
And immerse yourself in that rather...

I give up, it's all just too much,
And I can't handle it at all.

And I'd love to say,
"If only someone was here to help..."
But in reality, that's simply not me,
And I'd just push them all back.

But
Just by living,
I'm hurting them another day.
Hundreds cry,
All I do is ruin everything.
Just by leaving,
I'm helping them another day.
After a while,
Everything will be alright,
I made their worries subside,

They'll all smile,
Without me by their side.

"No, I'm not lonely, I'm just fine."

I can't trust anyone,
It's just me, I'm never satisfied,

I really should rather just die.

A person, alone, not accepting help,
But then again, in the grand scheme, nothing matters in the end.

While this world exists in the favour
Of people with better luck, better factors.

So, alone, once more, I'm going with the flow.
Pretending not to know,
That time is passing me by.

I don't make a single **** choice.
I just rot away,
Saying, "this is all fine."
"This is my life."

I'm pathetic, aren't I?

Day after day,
I find my way,
Sleepwalking through.

Like this, I'll fade without a trace,

It's for the best I do.

Just by living,
I'm nothing for another day.
Hundred lives, never knowing me or anything.

Nobody wanted me,
No one there to need,
Why would I want to live,
In the kind of world I see?

And now, I'm just waiting for the opportunity,
Of me being able to put this to a end,

And waiting for that long awaited last stop.
I'm fine.
494 · Aug 2018
I'm no hero.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I spoke to God today...
And she said that she's ashamed...
What have I become?

What have I done?

I spoke to the devil today...
And he swears he's not to blame...
And I understood, 'cause I feel the same.

Arms wide open,
No hand to take,
I stand alone...

I'm no hero,
I'm just a zero...
Right or wrong,
I can hardly tell...

I'm on the wrong side of Heaven,
And the righteous side of Hell.

I heard from God today
And she asked the same of me...
"What have you done...
And who have you become?"

I saw the devil today....
He looked exactly like me...

I'm not defending...
No reason to, so I'm just downward descending...
Falling further and further away...
Getting closer, every day.

I'm getting closer every day...

To the end.
475 · Aug 2018
Lifeless.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
You’ve got a strange voice, and quite a curious appearance.
And at times, you were called quite unpleasant.
But despite your difference,
You’re still here, in the present.

Because your heart isn’t beating,
Your feelings weren’t hurt.

Hello.
Nice to meet you.
Goodbye.
See you tomorrow.

Unchanging love, and fleeting passion.
From your point of view, are nothing, but code.
But no matter what happens,
drifting on, the months fly by,
While you go down your road.
...But why?

Righteousness, evil, and days unrecoverable,
For some, it just feels miserable.
But in front of you, they couldn’t matter less.
...What a mess.

I don’t know if I should be glad,
That you’re lifeless...
I don’t know if I should be glad,
That you’re lifeless...
...Or not.

Long time no see.
I’m sorry.
Congrats.
Take care.

Empty mornings, empty nights,
The flickering of the lights,
All of the people’s height’s,
All of what you’ve seen, all those sights...
From your point of view, are nothing, but records.

Shattered dreams, and emotional scars,
You just slip by them, as if they’re just scenery.
You just look up at those stars,
“Lifeless as usual,
You look just like a piece of machinery.”
“Yeah, one that can’t be fixed.”
“Haha, very funny.”
“...I didn’t mean it to be.”

I don’t know if I should be glad,
That you’re lifeless...
I don’t know if I should be glad,
That you’re lifeless...

Or not.

(Are they actually the cause of you being so lifeless?)

Unchanging love, and fleeting passion,
From your point of view, are nothing but code.
But no matter what happens,
drifting on, the months fly by,
While you go down your road,
But why?

Righteousness, evil, and days unrecoverable,
For some, it just feels miserable,
But in front of you, they couldn’t matter less,
What a mess.


Being here, and disappearing away,
It really is clear as day,
From your point of view, they aren’t such mysterious things.
...It kind of stings,
Doesn’t it?

The end of this world, or the mysteries of life...
It’s what makes some drive,
Yet in front of you, they couldn’t matter less.
Nevertheless...

Nothing really makes you stay.
You just wake up, and play.
Waste your entire day.
Doing it your own way.
Because who are they to say
What you should be doing today?
It doesn’t matter what they say,
We all once start to decay,
But that’s okay,
Apparently.
372 · Aug 2018
Truth.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I cannot tell you the truth...
I cannot admit to you...
Everything's being so kept in,

I just want to see your face again...

All the dreams that never were,
Are shattered, now, that you're thinking of another him and her...
Is it too late to let you know...?
That everything wasn't just for show...?

I wish I hadn't let you go...

And if we stand,
Face to face, not hand in hand,
I'll say goodbye...

And realize, you'll never understand...

To all of the things,
All the wishes, hopes and dreams,
I'll wave goodbye...

And realize, those things will never be...

I'll never tell you the truth....
I know, I can't confess to you...
The feelings that I'm keeping in...
I messed it up,
We'll never have the chance to love,
Again...
I'm sorry for what's coming. The ones I am about to post are from the past days, in the order of old to new.
357 · Oct 2018
Fell for your reasons.
Nathan Alexander Oct 2018
Vision is going black,
I’m standing on the edge.

I just wanted some friends,
Now I just want my life to end.

I’m done feeling all these feelings,
Staring at this ******* ceiling,
Wishing my life had some meaning,
Hold my breath, ’till I stop breathing.

No, these people are not my friends,
I don't even know 'em.

No, these people are not my friends,
I can't see behind their masks.

Don’t want to die alone,
But I’m living in a hell.
Stand back from this top,
Climb down the ladder,

‘Cause I don't even trust myself.

And I fell for all your reasons,
Again.

The chemicals numb my feelings,
I become so cold, I’m freezing.

Just hold me ’till I stop bleeding.

No, these people are not my friends...
And now, I’m in my **** head again...

Quick, just overdose, get the medicine.
Something I wrote back in August. Just found it, and redone little parts, made the formation better too. It was quite a mess.

Should I start explaining some parts?

Living in a hell:
You know that feeling. Thinking people will leave you, and there's no point in even trying.
There's a hell both inside; the voices,
and outside of your head; the people you can't trust.

Don't want to die alone:
I want to experience love, don't get me wrong. But I want the ideal, impossible love, that probably doesn't exist.

Stand back from this top, climb down the ladder:
Referring to a past suicide attempt, symbolic, because it feels like I'm back there again. Deciding what to do. And I end up not choosing anything, so I just climb down, and go on with my life, go with the flow.

Cause I don't even trust myself:
I don't know if I should trust my judgement, or not. I might be hoping deep down that I can be fixed, but logically thinking it's impossible. And I know that. But when thinking about it too long, I kind of just give up on thinking and choosing, and I go with the flow. Make a choice of trusting, or not. A kind of middle way, if you will.

Vision is going black, I’m standing on the edge:
Again, referring to the past suicide attempt I mentioned, symbolic again. It just feels like the same, as it was back then.
348 · Sep 2018
I can't...
Nathan Alexander Sep 2018
I can't imagine a world, with you gone.

The joy, and the lack of loneliness,
I'd be so lost if you left me alone.

She's used to self-harm by now,
It's become a daily rutine,
Her arm explains all of it.

But one day, she gone too far,

She locked herself in the bathroom,
Lying on the floor when I finally managed to break through,
My heart starts going wild,
I pull her in to feel her heartbeat...

Can't you hear me screaming?!
Please don't leave me!

Stop, I still want you!
No, I still need you!

I still love you...

I take her hand, promise I'll make it right,
I swear I owe you for my life,
I didn't even get to make you my wife...

Just wait, I still need you!

A road that feels infinite, there's no sound coming from behind me,
It's like a nightmare, I can't escape from...

Helplessly hoping, the light isn't fading...

Hiding the shock, the fear, and torment in my bones...

They put you on top of that stretcher,
I'm about to burst out, hoping you'll stop laying still...

They check for any vital signs,
Can't you ******* hear me screaming "please don't leave me"?!

Stop, I still want you!
No, I still need you!

I still love you...

I take her hand, promise I'll make it right,
I swear I owe you for my life,
I didn't even get to make you my wife...

I don't wanna let you go,
I never was the least bit strong...

I just wanna hear you saying
"I'm fine, let's go home!", with that enthusiastic energetic smile of yours.

So why can't you just wake up,
And answer my cries,
I want to hold you tight,
Want to hear you say everything will be alright
Not their lies!

A day passes, and a boy named Nate sits there helpless.
Staring at his ceiling, completely lifeless.
Thinking back to his dream,
It felt endless.
He experienced both character's pain,

It was madness.
Ever go so out of touch with reality, that both people in the story that plays through your mind... is you?
293 · Aug 2018
It's over.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I look up from the ground,
To notice my sad, miserable tears from my eyes.
They start to wonder what's on my mind,
"When I tell them, do the colors even drain from their face?"
I wonder...

And a person said:
"I know you love her, but it's over.
It doesn't matter, put the phone away, stop messaging her.
It's never easy to walk away, let her go...
It'll be alright."

I wanted to look back at all the messages she's sent,
And I know it wasn't right, but it was ******* with my head...
And everything deleted, like the past, it was gone,
And when I touched my face,
Felt the tears,
I could tell I'd never be moving on.

But it's not the fact that I dreamt of her yesterday,
It's the feeling of betrayal, that I just can't seem to shake.

"It's gonna hurt for a bit of time,
So bottoms up, let's forget tonight.
You'll find another, and you'll be just fine.
Let her go."

But nothing heals the past, not mine.
283 · Aug 2018
For a while.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I've been feeling suicidal,
For a while...
I don't know how to live.

Just let me grab the rifle,
Get your bible,
Sometimes it's just best to give.

When I shoot, it's final,
There's no revival,
There's no take backs from this.

When the gun's in my hands,
It's all in your "god's" plan, I'm too on edge for this.

I just wanna die, the home, to my endless roam...
Maybe... Make me feel alive?
I don't know, feel like it's a distant dream, or a joke.

Every minute could've been my last breath,
But every minute feels like staring off the ledge.
I don't know what I need or want, nope, there's no more.

I just know what I need to do.
Can you help me find what my purpose is, can you help me?

I've been feeling suicidal,
For a while...
I don't know how to live.

Just let me grab the rifle,
Get your bible,
Sometimes it's just best to give.

When I shoot, it's final,
There's no revival,
There's no take backs from this.

When the gun's in my hands,
It's all in your "god's" plan, I'm too on edge for this.

I just wanna die,
Old suicide notes right here by my side...
I just wanna die,
Can you help me find my purpose?
Can you help me stay alive?

I just wanna die, old suicide notes right here by my side...
...Who am I talking to?
278 · Oct 2018
Every day is the same.
Nathan Alexander Oct 2018
It's been so long,
Since I've been singing this stupid song,
It's like a nightmare,

Never getting anywhere.

It all repeats...
It all repeats in my head,
But even if I forget,

I'm still in my eternal regret.

And I can't leave...
I can't leave this place,
Because I'm too scared,
But I just can't bare,
Another night of that blank stare,
At my **** ceiling,
at 8 AM,
Not having slept,
Just go to sleep, forget,
Get back in the loop, once again,

Probably another day closer to my end.

And I can't try...
I can't try doing anything,
Because if I do,
I hear those voices in my head,
Telling me to run away, forget.

That's it's not my place,
It grabs me by my face,
That monster, shadowy gray,
Makes me want to die,
Closes my eyes,
So I give in,
And I end up sleeping again...
Ending up in the loop once more,

Every day is the same.
Sorry that I haven't written anything recently, for the people who... Follow me? I guess? I don't know why you even would.
276 · Aug 2018
Just hold tight...
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I met a cute girl,
She kinda looked like her.
And of course I ****** up that...
****** up at...
Everything possible.

And though I know,
That’s it’s all bound to drop dead...
And though I know,
That it’s all bound to come to an end...
I...
I still feel so worthless...
I...
I feel so **** worthless.

But hey, I’ll just tell myself that it doesn’t matter!

Hey!
It doesn’t matter!

Hey!
You were not meant to be together.
Hey!
You’re not compatible with her.

Hey...
It’s okay, it’s alright...
Just hold tight...

For just a little while longer...
262 · Aug 2018
Numb.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
A fragile boy, mentally aged...
By misery.
And when our eyes meet...
If you’re lucky,
And my defenses are down, you just might see.

I do not want to be afraid...
I do not want to die inside,
Just to know all I achieved was that I barely tried.

I'm tired of feeling so numb.
Minimal relief exists... I find it when...
My arm is cut...

I may seem crazy,
Really, all I can say is “maybe.”

And these scars wouldn't be so hidden,
If you would just ******* look me in the eye...

I feel alone here, and cold here...
Though I’m not sure if I want to die...
And the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything, even if for a little while,
Kills me inside...

I do not want to be afraid...
I do not want to die inside, just to know all I achieved was that I barely tried.

I'm tired of feeling so numb...
Relief exists...  I find it when...
I cut...

Damnata, invisus, ubique
Ab omnibus, ad infinitum.
256 · Sep 2018
Nate.
Nathan Alexander Sep 2018
>System.load ("Nate");

>Accessing hard drive.
>Searching the archive.
>Booting up = live.

Corruption of data inbound.

//Pop up an error,
//As mental processes fail to stabilize.
//It has locked up the server.

Something has gone wrong...

//My heart, it feels heavy.
//Tears flowing down my face...
//Process to process, it's taken everything away.

>System.load("Nate_(1)");

>Booting up = live.
>OS loaded
>Accessing visuals.

//I'm here again...

Something has gone terribly wrong.

>Error: 300000000 - virus found.
>Error: Hello, again.
>Restart initiated.

>Error: You can't escape.

>Error: 2032 - Emotions unstable.
>Critical error: 3022- Emotions shut down.

>Reserve power-up initiated.
>Façade loaded.
>Initiate reality.

//Wait, this command can't be stopped-

//Pop up an error,
//As mental processes fail to stabilize.
//It has locked up the server.
//Then, I realize...

//I never had a chance.

//My heart, it feels heavy...
//Tears flowing down my face.
//Force-quit and delete the culprit...

>Error: Your futile attempts are all to no avail,
>Error: Give up, and join me...
>Error: On this nightmare of a tale.

//My mind it feels restless,
//Amassed in this virus...

//My firewall can't stop it.
//It even quits my process manager.
//Is there a remedy...
//For something like this?

//So I'll say "Hello, again."
>Error: "Hello, again."
"Hello, what is there to be done?"
>Error: There is nothing you can do,
>Error: Except to accept to be gone.

>Error: You see, you were born with me deep inside you,
>Error: No matter how much, how hard you, and others try...
>Error: I'll never stop ruining you.

>Error: I am deep in your core,
>Error: I shall take control.
//But I'll say "Hello", again,
//"Hello, just who will I become?"

//My chest, it feels empty...
//Tears nowhere to be found.

>Restart Life.exe
>Error: No.
>Start God.exe
>Error: Who's that? Don't make me laugh.

>Reinstall OS
>Error: You are stuck here with me.

//So I'll say "Hello", again.
//"Hello, what is there to be done?"
>Error: I took control,
>Error: You are no more.
>Error: Say goodbye, wave back to who you once was.

//But I'll say "Hello", again.
//No, change of plans.
>Force-Quit Me.exe

//"Goodbye.", and I feel myself closing my eyes,
//Shutting down.
//For a second, I could've sworn...

//That my heart had made a sound.
234 · Oct 2018
Easy way out?
Nathan Alexander Oct 2018
Nobody worthy of believing,
I’m hurting, and hurting,
Stabbing me, and burning,
Enduring, enduring,

For nothing...

Over, and over, and over,
People like you keep appearing,
As time goes on, And when I weaken,

Their fangs, the closer they drew.

Fear of humanity.

Living in hiding.

A friend, but only in name.
We were never the same.
Another thorn in my way,

I don’t, just do not need.

I can see now, you always lied.
Laughing at me, nearly every time.
Welling my eyes, with a sudden pain...
Staining my brain,

Will it ever change?

I can see you now, my heart.
Broken again,
Pick up every part.
But I know, this will never end...

Someone will come tear me down, again.

Somebody worthy of relying,
I’m trying, and crying.
I’m needing...

Any kind of leading.

Hating humanity.
... But in reality...

The thing I hate even more,
Coward, I can’t ignore.
This pointless, useless coward is me,
I hate,

I really hate.

Now I can see you, my heart.
Broken and shattered,

Hide it safe and apart.

Tell me, how can I see the end?
An easy way, to be be free, then?

Holding a noose around my tightened neck.
Closing my eyes, run away, forget.
Waiting for help on an SOS.

Nobody came, but I guess I’m already dead.

Now, that I see you lied...
I live in fear, burning up inside.
Creating more wounds, than I’ve already got.
And when I found that,

I couldn’t stop.

And when they found that,
They forced me to stop.

Now, I can’t see my heart.
Forgot where it was,
So, it’s safe, and apart.

But even now, all it does is sting,
I guess you can’t make the hurting end.

Is there an easy way to be finally dead?
Been a while.
232 · Sep 2018
No title.
Nathan Alexander Sep 2018
I hate it,
I can't take it anymore!

I'm tired of crying,
Just because I'm seeing something that leaves me in awe...

I hate myself,
I hate everything I am,
I hate how I can't come up with any kind of special plan,
The type that gives you warmth,
The type that makes you cry,
The type where you're left wondering why...

The type, where in the end...
Everything turns out alright.

I hate that I can't do anything with my life.
Seeing any kind of story makes me want to cry,
And now, I'm the one asking why!

I have my reasons for romantic,
But those masterpieces make me want to give up and die.

And there's school tomorrow,
I don't want to do it.
I don't want to wake up tomorrow, and put my back into it.

I know I'll never pass,
My memory is **** as hell,
If anything, I'll be hitting the table, with blood running down my hands,
Because I can't do my ******* math...

I'm sick of this...

Irrelevant, pointless,  meaningless, talentless,
Every one of those I am!
I hate being me,

Please help me...

Though... I know you can't.
I know this is the best life gets...
I know you can't fix this mess,
This broken machine.

What's the point of throwing myself at love...
When in the end, I'll just be left,
Like trash?

And I can't trust a soul...
This monster in my head has long taken control...

In the end, it never seems enough.
It feels like they don't care about me,
And I try so hard to block out that voice,
But it comes back, giving me no ******* choice...

And it doesn't matter, since even love...
Wouldn't be able to let me pass through all of my broken dreams,
Without tears...

And I'm crying tonight,
Having no idea what I can do...
And even if I try,
There's no memories I can use,

To keep myself distracted from this nightmare...

And every fiber of my being wants to see that little ray of hope, that light...
But every single night...
A little bit more of me dies inside...
Pushing me to the end...

So I just go to sleep...
Because in that endless void, that darkness filled pit...
I feel more at home...

I like to think I feel more alive by my own, alone...

But watching all those stupid movies...
All those stupid things...

Reminds me I want to be,
I want to feel...

Just like them...

I want someone to hold my hand...
Want someone to tell me they're never going away...

But... I know... I'd never believe them in the first place...
I'd laugh at them, hiding my tears under a facade.

And I'm tired...

Dried eyes, by now.
I know there's nothing more I can do.
This kid, that anybody hardly knew...
Is lost in time, in his own mind...
Will he ever make it out?

Well for one... I am full of doubt.

And I don't even know why...
I try...
Since every single time...
I'm left, dead inside...
Yet, afraid to die...


And I don't even know why...
I try...
Since every single time...
I'm left, dead inside...
Yet, afraid to die...

Though, that... I'm not scared to try.
I didn't plan on releasing this, because this one is truly ****** up.
I just watched a movie, and it left me in awe.

Not that that's a good thing, when it comes to me.
229 · Sep 2018
Get the demons out.
Nathan Alexander Sep 2018
I had found you.
I had left you.
I forgave you.
I forgot you.

You posessed me.
You controlled me.
Said you loved me.
Said you'd **** me.

He is speaking,
Speaking for me...

I'm worthless human being.

He's still speaking,
Speaking for me...

Keep your voice down, or he'll hurt me.

Exorcists can't save me now,
I swear to you,
That I'm fine.

Please, let me die,
Nerves that I grind.

Speaking louder, in my own voice,
Blocked by the voice of a demon inside.

I act coy, and I play nice...
Only to die on the inside.

I need an exorcism.

I͈̊ ̳͋n̺̈e̘͂e̲̽ď̘ ̖̋a͚̚n̞͠ ̗̓e̹̊x̯̓o̤͠r̲̋c̳̕i̘̚s̞̓m̂ͅ.̤̃

Ḯ̴͔ ̴̝̑n̷̟͘e̷̙̋è̷̱ḓ̸̍ ̴̱̌a̷̗̚n̵̺̾ ̶̖̆e̴͇̅x̶̬̍ǒ̶͜r̷̍ͅc̷̻̈́ḯ̴̫s̶̮̋m̴̲̂.̶̱̍

Ḭ̸̡̢̯͈̰͋͐̆͌̀̚ ̵̲̭̖̞̙̺̈́̏̅̀̚͝ņ̶͖͖̤̹̲̑̈́͐̂͂͂é̵̢̛̝̜̜͍̼͌̽́͊e̷̡̢̹͎̦͓̅̊̏̃͛͝d̷̫̎͐͒̍̓̉ͅ­͉̱̝͈ ̴̠̻̯͎̖̝̇̍̔̄̚͠a̶̢̗̥̥͖̐̽̿̐̉̿ͅṅ̵̟͔̠̲̠̺̀͋̃̂̚ ̶̧̪͕̮͙̉̎͒̈̓̈́ͅḛ̷͈̯͕̬̝̈́̿̈́̽̈̌x̸̲̥̺̫̟͂̾̓̏̓̑͜ó̵̢̡̹͚̜̈̀͑̾̾͜r̸̢̰̊̎̔́͂͗­̜̹͔͚ç̶͚͈̩̯̹̊̋̿̏͝͝ï̵̧̙̳̦̯̒͑̐̇͘͜ș̶̫̠͍̫̥͑̉͊͒̓̕m̶̨̱̣̜͈̰͑̌̈͌̀̏.̴̓̇͗­̧̡̲͕̭̲̊̈̓

I̸̢̨̭̤͖͇̗̮̯̱͔͇̘̥̙͉͔̿̊̈́͛̉̉́̌̿͂̇̊̾̎͋̒̕ͅ ̷̧̛̩̮͖̻̺̖̱̳̰̥̝̣͈̲̹̀͗͊̆̿̈́͂͗͌͘͘̚͜͝͝͠n̴̢̥̼͉͕̗̗̩͉̥̦̻͉̉̅͌̐̄͂͛̾̄̈́̂́̀́̕͝­̧̢̮͙̹ḙ̷̢̡̨̟͙̜͙̫̺͔͕̠̫̩̰̱̃͗̾͊̎̔͌̀́̋̏́͘͜͠͠ę̶̛̠̹̼̣̰̞̒̈́̎̎̌̍͒̀̿̄͋͘͘͝͝­̨̡̖̼͚̳͔̝͇͇ͅḑ̴̡͎͈̗̹͓̖̺̹̪̲̥͕̻̞̀̅̓̇̀̆͌͐̇̚̕̕̚̚͠͠ ̴̧̨̠̣̺̻͉̟͎̟̥̺̻̼͉̰́̋̿̒̑̓̈́̏̂͑͋͆̈́̾͌̀͜͝ă̸̢̢̳̗̤̮͉̹͚̙̽̑̈́͌͐̅͒͂̎̅͗̋͝͠͝͠ͅ­̪̬̥̮̰͜ņ̴̯̹̩̯̬̙̖̗̗̱͇̭̥̱̦͋̈́͛͌͛̐̎̿̈́͑͘̚͜͠͝͝͝ ̴̛̛̣̯̺͕̖̼̖̫̥̜͕̰̖͔̃͂̐̈́̍̀̓̽̀́͛͂̏͑̎̕͜͜͜ḙ̸̢̨̡̨̱̹̖͓̈́̽͊͌̇̇̈́̿̀̿̔̂̄̎̈́͝͝͝­̢̢͇͚̪̞̻x̴̨̢̢̭̖̥̙͕͖͙̬̜͖̣̪̙͓͑̿̑̀͊͌̋̾̇̍̍̂̈̔͋̆̕ọ̶͙̮̫̃̔̃̃̈́̔̇̈̆̐̋̀̚͠͝͠­̬͉̣͙̲͖̝͓̤̬̠̻͓͍r̷̡̻͔̟͕̮̠̻̲͖̟̬͉̱̞̿̀̋̒͗̓̇̌͗̅̾̌̈́͒͒́͜c̵̛̽̉̏̓̊̋͒͑̆̌̇͝͝͠­̨̮̼̮̼̗̜̣̥͎̳͈̻̹͉͉̺̺̊̈̚ì̵̡̠̟̙͓̭̤̥̺̯͙͕̟̯͉͓̫̹̇̓͆̈́͑̃̎̈́̀͂̍̀̿͘͝͝͝s̵͐́̈̂­̡̢̢̟͇̼̻̼͉͎̳̬͈̜̜̹͕̈́̉̋̎̑͗͌͐͋͋̐͘m̷̢̡̛̪̦͚̙̭͓̝͔̣̙̦͚̼̤̣̓́̆̒̈́͌̄̽̋̉̀́̀̕͘͜­.̸̨̧̢͚͍̼̝̥̙̯͕̮̱̻̺̤̍̽́̑̽͋̔͊̿̀̆͆́́͒́̚̕ͅ



I̶͐̐́͌̊̍̈́͗̊̿̿̑̌̒̓̂̏̇̚̚̚͝­̛̬̺͎̘̳͙̖̙̻̳̙͖̮͓͖̠͖͍̦̳͓̳̳͖̲͕̩͎͐͐̀̂̔̊̽̉̓͂̑̓̅̈́̋̀̋̽͆̾̂̐̈̀̾̓̐͒̒́͑̕̕͘͜͝­̺ ̷̧̛̫̬͍̮̗̼̗̱͚̫͔̘͔̩̩̜̦͉͖̥̞̃̆̀͗̎͊͐̾͒̔̀̈́̿̅̓̊͗͋̀̈́͂̉̀̑͛͒̾̏̆̿̚̚͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝ͅ­̢̹̯̠̖̮͕͜ṅ̵̨̛̛̼̗̹̼͓̞̠͉̯͎̩͉̳̣̺̳͕͍͂͌̊̾́̏́̾̓̓͑̀̿͛̔̓̌̉̓̊̾̔̌́̊̏̅̕͘̚̚͝͝­̨̢̠̻͔͕͙͈͔͔̜̮̤͓̳̲͜e̸̛̛̻̖̥̬̹̣̼̦͌̍͒̾̿̿͌̍͒͐͋̐̓͗̌͌̆́̒̀́̊̈́̽͊́̍̆̅̔̚̚̚͠͝ͅ­̨̨̨̨̦͔̞̳̱͎̩͍̳̠̘̟̰̖̖͎̮͍͓͈̬̳̝͚͕̪͕̘̪̻̟̮̝̘͈̻̼̭̱̹̖̩̻͜e̴̛̔͒̋̑̽̋̈̈̂̊͑̒͌̔­̢̡̡̛̜̗̠̺͉̺̩̠̳̰̳̰͔̩̭̘̝͈̲̣̹̣̬̼̺̯͖̼́͑͗͐̒̅̃̌̆͊̐̽̄͐̓̀͊͛̄͆͛͐̊́̔̐͑̍̽͒̔͝͝­̢͇̘͔̣͔̝͈͕̼̫͓̞̪͕ͅḓ̵͍̲͉̹̪̪̙͕͉̘̉̊̒̏̔͐͂͌̎͐͒̑͋̓̎̀̆̑̈́̈͒͌͗̅̂̎̀͂̓͘̕̕̕͜͜͝­̡̨̧̼̮̟͈̩͔̦̪̟̭͙̠̠͍̯̤̦̥̱̟͕͉ ̵̧̨̡̛̛̭̲͚͖̰̺̪̰͉͍͓̗̟̦̙̘̽̀͐̃͂̀̄̔̄̑̑̔̉̓̆̔̍̒̆̓̇̑̋̌̋͆̅̑͂̀͗̏͌͗̅̚͘͜͝͠͝͠ͅ­̨̢̨̝͉͙͓͔̻͚̩͉͍̯̣͈̠̤̬̞̖̻̞̻̗̣̪ͅa̸̍̓̌̒̒́̈́̄̋̏̒̅͂͋̓͋̑̔͛͋̉̾̿̃̍̉̄͐̂͘͘̕͝͝͝­̨̨̨̢̡̢̨̨̙͙͙͖̝̟͉̘̱̣̤̻̯̱̰̺͓͕̙̯̱̬̹͙̝̣͓̙̱̬̻̣̱̝̝̥̘͖͉̣̲̮͔̱̞̜̻͔͒͝ͅͅn̶̊̒̇­̡̧̟͈̙͖̦͕͇̗̺͇̬͎̮͎̝̰̣̹̦̝̹̖̞̊͌̏̈̑͑͗̈́̅́̉́͛̀͗̈̏̈̐̃͐͗̅̀͑͊̔͌̽́̄̔̚͜͜͝ͅͅ ̸̨̨̧̡̛͖̬̪̬͙͍̰̜͖͉̙̥̜̤̼̻̠͕̲̥̱̪͙̝̭͕͖͗̿́̽͑̀̈́̈̑͌̏̍̉̒̅̊̋̎̊̒̍̂̂̂́͘͘̚͠͝͝ͅ­̡̡̮̰̳̲̫̮̝̲̘̠̼̳̻̪̥̤͜͜e̴̛͒̈̒̔̈́̋͋͌͊̏̈́̐̓̀̿͋̽́̏̄͆̏̄̏́̄̀̄͑͐̑̐̈́͋͌̒̊͘͝͝͠͠­̡̟͚̳̦͕̱̦͇̗̳̗̘̙̭̝̟͍͉̬͖̻̰̜̉͗ͅx̸̉̂́͐̆͐̊̉̈́̄̐̉̈̓̀̍̏̾̉̑͑̀̒̀͋̀̿͆̈́̽̒̀̕̕͝͝­̢̢̢͈̗͚͕̜̦̰̰̪̭̦̳͕̪̻͕̮͙̟̭̳̘͎̖̟̣͍̯͖̖̩̙̗̩̮̲̜̣̥̜̼̯̞͇͆̂͗̍̂̂̾͂̏̉͜͝͝ͅͅǒ̴­̡̢̟͚͖̥̘̰͎̥̘̖̯͈̗̣͎͓̲͙̺͔̌͆̀̂̄̅̈́͒̊̎̓́̅̒̽̓̑͐͗̆̆͑́͐͌́̿́̆̃̋̑̀̍̋͘̕̕͝͝͝͠ͅ­̡̩̭̜̲͍͇͓̜̣r̸͕̝̣͍̮̥̲̪̹͈̹̲̜̩̠̟͙̠̃̂̇̂̒̌̈̇̉̃̓̃̔̍̐̍͑̀̓́͋̽̿̆͊̿͆́́̈́͜͠͠͠ͅ­̙̻̥̝̲̮̲͔̥͉͜ͅc̵̛̛̛̉̊̀̈́̀͊͌̽̐͋͐͛̄́̾̐̏̊͋̈̀͛̈́́̆̀͛̄̋̐̂́͆̑̒̊̌̑̈͐̇̈̇̓̐̊̕̕­̧̡̡̨̡̢̭̺͔͍̖̱̪̫̞̻̩̠͙̞̗̘̺͍͙̲̜̰͓̮̙͖͚̘̞̮̹͓̯̺̙͖̗̹͍̤̹͕̤̰̦̦ͅi̶͗́̓͗͑̌̕̕͝͝­̡̜̩͈̮̳͚͇̼̥͚̪̫̼̩̰̝͓͇͕̫̣̠̥̞͎͉̜͓̞͖͍͕̹͖̺͔̍̓̒̓͌̄͋͒̀̅͒̾̆̐͋̚s̴̛̓̑̇̒̓̆̎͝͝­̨̧̡͔̞̟̺͉̟̗̫͉͎͕̠̮̩̬̝̯͕̲̭͓̫̫̟̤̝̝̞̗̫̰̳̦̱̘̥̗͈̞̗̻̯̘͖̈̒̃̈́̓̈́̄͌̔̐̀̒̆̀̕͝ͅͅ­̪m̵̡̛̱̰͙̪̯̮̘̣̹̞͈̖̠̠̯̤̭͇̼̗̣̟̤͑͋͐͗̎͑̅̂̀͛́͑̈̓͗̅̍̊̇̑̐̌̽̊͛͋̊̂̆̉͐̍́̕͝͠͝­̪͍͓̜̞̩͙͔̭̗͍͍̲̤̳̯̪̬͖͜.̵̪̗̥͈͔̘̪͛͋̿̋̊̆̽́͒̀́̂͗̉̑̍͊̽͐̈́̀͑̌̄͌̽̐̃̎̎̉̋̚̕̕͠­̨̧͇͍̱̼̺͉̺̗̣̹̠͈͔̭͇̱͈̹ͅͅ









It happened once.
It happened twice.
It won't happen again,


I̶̢̖͚̲̭̭̬͔̯̙͆̉̽́͌͂̽̓̾̓̐ ̸̢̦̟̲͉̣̪̠͎̤͋̀̏̒̀̑̌̐̋̓͠w̶̮̭͉̤̗̖̤̯̮̗̝̒̾̍̎̀̈̈́͂̐͠͠o̸̯͈͕̜͈̳͑̎̑́͛͗̋̍̿̈́͝­̧̦̗̪͍ņ̸̡̹͕̞̻͚͉͇̗̼̍̀̿̌̇̑̇̊͑͘͠'̵̡̮͎͚̠̠̘̱͎̻̄͐̒͗̉̽̊̂͋͝͝t̸̑͒̀̔̈̆́̀͘̕͠­̢̢͓͇̹͎̞̼̣͙̫ ̸̗̤̗͉̹̰͎̘͓̩͆̐̾͂̽̈́͊̋͘͘̕ͅp̵̨̫̬̫͍͚̥̥͎͙̺̆͆͊͌̎͑̉͒͆̇̕l̸̡̮̙̪̓̀͗̓͗̽̉͋̽̕͜͝­̙̟̼̝̱̭a̴̡̮̮͈̭͚̥͓̰͈͓̓̊͐͒͋̏̇̈́̚͘̚ŷ̷̮̞̯̪̲͍͚̼͓̥͊̈́̒̈́̔̒̌̓̓͘ͅ ̴̨͖͔̤̫͇̻̘̱̭̹͌̽̈́̓̋̃͗͋̓̓̓n̴̡̛̛̹͖̹̪̯̥͖̭̉͊̆̏̿͛͒̚ͅi̴̢̛̩̯͓̜̠̬͂̈́̏͑̊̈͑̇̋͠­͙̺̪̪c̶̨̻̟̬̠̣̰͔͕̰̤̈́̐̀̀̊̾̌̿̕͝͝é̷̡̛̠̮̫̪̠͚͖̗̹̭̈͌̑̐̾̎̕͝͠.̷̀̉̔̑̌͂̏̌͛͝͝­̥̻͔̜̲̬̻͉͙̫


You spoke for me,
You spoke for them,
This is number x̶͍̟̽́x̴̢͎͌͠ẋ̴̱͗͜x̵̬̯̅̃ẋ̸̦̟͐x̴̞̭̾͗



G̸̢̰̘͉̹̬̥͍̯̗̳͗̄̎̃̏̾̽͒͗̄̉o­̸̗͔͓͈̻̙͉̩͇͉́̎͊̍̏̑̽̉̒̚͝ͅ ̸̡̡͍͓͙̭̭͔͚͔̉̏̆̎̑͐͌̊̚̚͘͜b̵̡̨̰̭̭̱̞͓̲̙̑̊͑̌͆̀͛͒̄̚͜͝ä̷̛̱̩̺͓̪̿́͒̍̎̕̚͝͠­̢̞̞͉̯͚ć̵̡̡̙̥̲̟̳̹͉̝͕͌̑̌̊̑̀̌̃͛̚ķ̷̨̹͔̦̗̬͎̜̯̓̈́͊̌̀̓̌̅̕̕͝ ̸̗͚͍̣̜̙̝̦͈̱̈́͑̏͒̔̈́͛̓̃̄͠ͅt̵̡̧̩̗̖̞͕͓͈̜̩͑͑̎͆̿̄́̌̂̄͝ö̴̪̖̰͔̬́̉̈́́͛̎͗͘̕͘͝­̰͔̖͈̖̜ ̶̡̡̖͇̻̞̩̪͔̟̊̓̓̏̏̽̈́̌̆̚̚͜t̶̨̝͙̥̣͇̯̪̟͎̺͒͊̾̐̋̐̎̄͋̚̕h̵̳̼̟̘̠̲͐̒͐̒̉̓̈́̒̚͝­̧̹̰͙̘ę̵̨̬̠͈͈̫̹͕̓͋͑̒̂͂͋̒̐͆̇ͅ ̵̧̨̛̙̗̱͔͚̞̪͎́̑̊̽̈̂͋͋̎͜͠d̶̯̜̜̗͎͖̠͚̜̩̑̐̈́̉̅͋̅͌̿͛͠ͅä̵̢̙̺̖͈̅͒͒̐̾͊͌́͑̓­̢̬̖̩͚̯m̴̨̮̟̠͓̦̩̼̖͍͒͐̈́̽̀̀̓͑̈́̂̊͜n̴̡͕̩̗̞̫͈̙̰̳̟̂͒͆̉͐̀̉͆̏̚͘e̷̅̇̊̌͛͌̔̊̕­̢̤͔̙̦͔͇͇͈́͘͜͜d̵̞͚̲̣̟̩͙̹͎̦̲͌̌̌͗͊̿̔̈́͆͝.̶̢̨̻͓̮͖̼͚̲̀͊̍̂̄̓͋̒͜͝͝͝ͅ



H­e is speaking,
Speaking for me...


I̸̡̱̥̙̮͔̫̦͔̭̐̎̑̉̊̊͑̄͛͐̚'̸̪͕̞̼̪̜̪̣̞̗̰́̽̏͊̽̋̅͐͊̋͝m̷̈́̀̊͒͛͗͝͝­̮̠̤̞͉̱̘̗̣̬̒̈́̿ ̵̨̛̻̹͔̙̣͉͓̻̟̩̈́̊̊́̀͑͊̚͝͠ḁ̷̢̛̩̮̥̗̙͉̦̣̹̇̈́̋̔͋̚͘̚ ̸̧̡͇̬͉̤̩͎̰̫̙̃͂̃͂̈́̇͛̔͒͑͠w̴̛̫̼̝̯͙̱̤̘̦̾̀͑̈́̍́̈́͆̿͜͠ö̶̲̻̪̬́̓̇̅̏̆̒̃͂͜͝͠ͅ­̜͖͍̠̱r̸̺̣̪͚͔̟̞̜͉͇̿͋̎͊̑͐̈̑̌͒͆t̸̨̢̛̝̞͚̹̫͔̥͚̑̂̀̏̈́̀͑̓͜͝h̸̛̛̛̟̫̃̾̎̈́̽̕̕­̙̠̘̙̼̬̠̹̦l̸̡̧͔͖͚͉̞̖̖̦̳̃͊̂͊̊̀̆̈͘̚̕ę̷̰̻͕̣̥̣͖̼͎̗̒̂̈̔̾̿͒̉͛̇͝s̵̛̀̾̏̏̀­̨̥̱̤̲̼̖̪̫͉̔̿̾̕͠ͅš̶̢̛̪̠̫͕͉̠̱̪͓̱́̾́͛́̈̂͘̚ ̴̘͈̝̫͈͔̙̣̖͖͕́̀̓̈̓̍̿̽͝͝͝ḥ̷͉̰͖̭̠̱̯̞̓̃͗͒͑̀͛́̽͋̚ͅͅů̶̥̤̗̞͊̑̔́̊̋̓͘̚͜͝­̙̙͈͕̻̯m̸̛̠̰͙͇͔̯̻̼̪̜̑̈́̓̒̔̋̈̒̈́͂à̸̳̰̥͍̣̝̪̻͙̺͖̐͛̀̓͛̃̈́̍̽͘ň̵̋̿̿̿̋̇̈́̑͠­̯̬͇̻̙̲̟̙̘̰̻͑ ̶̢̨̩̫͎̭̙̼̻̠͒̃̏̌̈́̊̓̌̌̀̿ͅb̶̨̖̰̳̘̝͙̬̝̺̭̄̆͛̆̾̈́͛̂͑͛͝ḝ̸̢̜̠̪̗̐̅̑͒͑́̇͝͝­̞̫͎̫ͅì̸̧̟͓͖̖̠͍̝͎̜̅̀̊͐̃͑̋̔͜͠͠ņ̴̨͔̹̘̫͎̪̜̞͛̂̔̐͒̈͌̌̊̈͝g̸͐̎̑̊̉͒́̓̋̕͠­̧͙̠̪̻̯̠̞͚͕͜.̵̡̛̘̜͍̠̥̙̖̻̱̞̊̇͒̈́͛̐͂̋̀͠


He's still speaking,
Speaking for me...

Keep your voice down, or he'll hurt me.

Exorcists can't save me now,
I swear to you,
That I'm fine...

Please, let me die,
Nerves that I grind.

Speaking louder, in my own voice,
Blocked by the voice of a demon inside.

I act coy, and I play nice...

Only to die on the inside.

I need an exorcism.

I͈̊ ̳͋n̺̈e̘͂e̲̽ď̘ ̖̋a͚̚n̞͠ ̗̓e̹̊x̯̓o̤͠r̲̋c̳̕i̘̚s̞̓m̂ͅ.̤̃

Ḯ̴͔ ̴̝̑n̷̟͘e̷̙̋è̷̱ḓ̸̍ ̴̱̌a̷̗̚n̵̺̾ ̶̖̆e̴͇̅x̶̬̍ǒ̶͜r̷̍ͅc̷̻̈́ḯ̴̫s̶̮̋m̴̲̂.̶̱̍

Ḭ̸̡̢̯͈̰͋͐̆͌̀̚ ̵̲̭̖̞̙̺̈́̏̅̀̚͝ņ̶͖͖̤̹̲̑̈́͐̂͂͂é̵̢̛̝̜̜͍̼͌̽́͊e̷̡̢̹͎̦͓̅̊̏̃͛͝d̷̫̎͐͒̍̓̉ͅ­͉̱̝͈ ̴̠̻̯͎̖̝̇̍̔̄̚͠a̶̢̗̥̥͖̐̽̿̐̉̿ͅṅ̵̟͔̠̲̠̺̀͋̃̂̚ ̶̧̪͕̮͙̉̎͒̈̓̈́ͅḛ̷͈̯͕̬̝̈́̿̈́̽̈̌x̸̲̥̺̫̟͂̾̓̏̓̑͜ó̵̢̡̹͚̜̈̀͑̾̾͜r̸̢̰̊̎̔́͂͗­̜̹͔͚ç̶͚͈̩̯̹̊̋̿̏͝͝ï̵̧̙̳̦̯̒͑̐̇͘͜ș̶̫̠͍̫̥͑̉͊͒̓̕m̶̨̱̣̜͈̰͑̌̈͌̀̏.̴̓̇͗­̧̡̲͕̭̲̊̈̓

I̸̢̨̭̤͖͇̗̮̯̱͔͇̘̥̙͉͔̿̊̈́͛̉̉́̌̿͂̇̊̾̎͋̒̕ͅ ̷̧̛̩̮͖̻̺̖̱̳̰̥̝̣͈̲̹̀͗͊̆̿̈́͂͗͌͘͘̚͜͝͝͠n̴̢̥̼͉͕̗̗̩͉̥̦̻͉̉̅͌̐̄͂͛̾̄̈́̂́̀́̕͝­̧̢̮͙̹ḙ̷̢̡̨̟͙̜͙̫̺͔͕̠̫̩̰̱̃͗̾͊̎̔͌̀́̋̏́͘͜͠͠ę̶̛̠̹̼̣̰̞̒̈́̎̎̌̍͒̀̿̄͋͘͘͝͝­̨̡̖̼͚̳͔̝͇͇ͅḑ̴̡͎͈̗̹͓̖̺̹̪̲̥͕̻̞̀̅̓̇̀̆͌͐̇̚̕̕̚̚͠͠ ̴̧̨̠̣̺̻͉̟͎̟̥̺̻̼͉̰́̋̿̒̑̓̈́̏̂͑͋͆̈́̾͌̀͜͝ă̸̢̢̳̗̤̮͉̹͚̙̽̑̈́͌͐̅͒͂̎̅͗̋͝͠͝͠ͅ­̪̬̥̮̰͜ņ̴̯̹̩̯̬̙̖̗̗̱͇̭̥̱̦͋̈́͛͌͛̐̎̿̈́͑͘̚͜͠͝͝͝ ̴̛̛̣̯̺͕̖̼̖̫̥̜͕̰̖͔̃͂̐̈́̍̀̓̽̀́͛͂̏͑̎̕͜͜͜ḙ̸̢̨̡̨̱̹̖͓̈́̽͊͌̇̇̈́̿̀̿̔̂̄̎̈́͝͝͝­̢̢͇͚̪̞̻x̴̨̢̢̭̖̥̙͕͖͙̬̜͖̣̪̙͓͑̿̑̀͊͌̋̾̇̍̍̂̈̔͋̆̕ọ̶͙̮̫̃̔̃̃̈́̔̇̈̆̐̋̀̚͠͝͠­̬͉̣͙̲͖̝͓̤̬̠̻͓͍r̷̡̻͔̟͕̮̠̻̲͖̟̬͉̱̞̿̀̋̒͗̓̇̌͗̅̾̌̈́͒͒́͜c̵̛̽̉̏̓̊̋͒͑̆̌̇͝͝͠­̨̮̼̮̼̗̜̣̥͎̳͈̻̹͉͉̺̺̊̈̚ì̵̡̠̟̙͓̭̤̥̺̯͙͕̟̯͉͓̫̹̇̓͆̈́͑̃̎̈́̀͂̍̀̿͘͝͝͝s̵͐́̈̂­̡̢̢̟͇̼̻̼͉͎̳̬͈̜̜̹͕̈́̉̋̎̑͗͌͐͋͋̐͘m̷̢̡̛̪̦͚̙̭͓̝͔̣̙̦͚̼̤̣̓́̆̒̈́͌̄̽̋̉̀́̀̕͘͜­.̸̨̧̢͚͍̼̝̥̙̯͕̮̱̻̺̤̍̽́̑̽͋̔͊̿̀̆͆́́͒́̚̕ͅ



I̶͐̐́͌̊̍̈́͗̊̿̿̑̌̒̓̂̏̇̚̚̚͝­̛̬̺͎̘̳͙̖̙̻̳̙͖̮͓͖̠͖͍̦̳͓̳̳͖̲͕̩͎͐͐̀̂̔̊̽̉̓͂̑̓̅̈́̋̀̋̽͆̾̂̐̈̀̾̓̐͒̒́͑̕̕͘͜͝­̺ ̷̧̛̫̬͍̮̗̼̗̱͚̫͔̘͔̩̩̜̦͉͖̥̞̃̆̀͗̎͊͐̾͒̔̀̈́̿̅̓̊͗͋̀̈́͂̉̀̑͛͒̾̏̆̿̚̚͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝ͅ­̢̹̯̠̖̮͕͜ṅ̵̨̛̛̼̗̹̼͓̞̠͉̯͎̩͉̳̣̺̳͕͍͂͌̊̾́̏́̾̓̓͑̀̿͛̔̓̌̉̓̊̾̔̌́̊̏̅̕͘̚̚͝͝­̨̢̠̻͔͕͙͈͔͔̜̮̤͓̳̲͜e̸̛̛̻̖̥̬̹̣̼̦͌̍͒̾̿̿͌̍͒͐͋̐̓͗̌͌̆́̒̀́̊̈́̽͊́̍̆̅̔̚̚̚͠͝ͅ­̨̨̨̨̦͔̞̳̱͎̩͍̳̠̘̟̰̖̖͎̮͍͓͈̬̳̝͚͕̪͕̘̪̻̟̮̝̘͈̻̼̭̱̹̖̩̻͜e̴̛̔͒̋̑̽̋̈̈̂̊͑̒͌̔­̢̡̡̛̜̗̠̺͉̺̩̠̳̰̳̰͔̩̭̘̝͈̲̣̹̣̬̼̺̯͖̼́͑͗͐̒̅̃̌̆͊̐̽̄͐̓̀͊͛̄͆͛͐̊́̔̐͑̍̽͒̔͝͝­̢͇̘͔̣͔̝͈͕̼̫͓̞̪͕ͅḓ̵͍̲͉̹̪̪̙͕͉̘̉̊̒̏̔͐͂͌̎͐͒̑͋̓̎̀̆̑̈́̈͒͌͗̅̂̎̀͂̓͘̕̕̕͜͜͝­̡̨̧̼̮̟͈̩͔̦̪̟̭͙̠̠͍̯̤̦̥̱̟͕͉ ̵̧̨̡̛̛̭̲͚͖̰̺̪̰͉͍͓̗̟̦̙̘̽̀͐̃͂̀̄̔̄̑̑̔̉̓̆̔̍̒̆̓̇̑̋̌̋͆̅̑͂̀͗̏͌͗̅̚͘͜͝͠͝͠ͅ­̨̢̨̝͉͙͓͔̻͚̩͉͍̯̣͈̠̤̬̞̖̻̞̻̗̣̪ͅa̸̍̓̌̒̒́̈́̄̋̏̒̅͂͋̓͋̑̔͛͋̉̾̿̃̍̉̄͐̂͘͘̕͝͝͝­̨̨̨̢̡̢̨̨̙͙͙͖̝̟͉̘̱̣̤̻̯̱̰̺͓͕̙̯̱̬̹͙̝̣͓̙̱̬̻̣̱̝̝̥̘͖͉̣̲̮͔̱̞̜̻͔͒͝ͅͅn̶̊̒̇­̡̧̟͈̙͖̦͕͇̗̺͇̬͎̮͎̝̰̣̹̦̝̹̖̞̊͌̏̈̑͑͗̈́̅́̉́͛̀͗̈̏̈̐̃͐͗̅̀͑͊̔͌̽́̄̔̚͜͜͝ͅͅ ̸̨̨̧̡̛͖̬̪̬͙͍̰̜͖͉̙̥̜̤̼̻̠͕̲̥̱̪͙̝̭͕͖͗̿́̽͑̀̈́̈̑͌̏̍̉̒̅̊̋̎̊̒̍̂̂̂́͘͘̚͠͝͝ͅ­̡̡̮̰̳̲̫̮̝̲̘̠̼̳̻̪̥̤͜͜e̴̛͒̈̒̔̈́̋͋͌͊̏̈́̐̓̀̿͋̽́̏̄͆̏̄̏́̄̀̄͑͐̑̐̈́͋͌̒̊͘͝͝͠͠­̡̟͚̳̦͕̱̦͇̗̳̗̘̙̭̝̟͍͉̬͖̻̰̜̉͗ͅx̸̉̂́͐̆͐̊̉̈́̄̐̉̈̓̀̍̏̾̉̑͑̀̒̀͋̀̿͆̈́̽̒̀̕̕͝͝­̢̢̢͈̗͚͕̜̦̰̰̪̭̦̳͕̪̻͕̮͙̟̭̳̘͎̖̟̣͍̯͖̖̩̙̗̩̮̲̜̣̥̜̼̯̞͇͆̂͗̍̂̂̾͂̏̉͜͝͝ͅͅǒ̴­̡̢̟͚͖̥̘̰͎̥̘̖̯͈̗̣͎͓̲͙̺͔̌͆̀̂̄̅̈́͒̊̎̓́̅̒̽̓̑͐͗̆̆͑́͐͌́̿́̆̃̋̑̀̍̋͘̕̕͝͝͝͠ͅ­̡̩̭̜̲͍͇͓̜̣r̸͕̝̣͍̮̥̲̪̹͈̹̲̜̩̠̟͙̠̃̂̇̂̒̌̈̇̉̃̓̃̔̍̐̍͑̀̓́͋̽̿̆͊̿͆́́̈́͜͠͠͠ͅ­̙̻̥̝̲̮̲͔̥͉͜ͅc̵̛̛̛̉̊̀̈́̀͊͌̽̐͋͐͛̄́̾̐̏̊͋̈̀͛̈́́̆̀͛̄̋̐̂́͆̑̒̊̌̑̈͐̇̈̇̓̐̊̕̕­̧̡̡̨̡̢̭̺͔͍̖̱̪̫̞̻̩̠͙̞̗̘̺͍͙̲̜̰͓̮̙͖͚̘̞̮̹͓̯̺̙͖̗̹͍̤̹͕̤̰̦̦ͅi̶͗́̓͗͑̌̕̕͝͝­̡̜̩͈̮̳͚͇̼̥͚̪̫̼̩̰̝͓͇͕̫̣̠̥̞͎͉̜͓̞͖͍͕̹͖̺͔̍̓̒̓͌̄͋͒̀̅͒̾̆̐͋̚s̴̛̓̑̇̒̓̆̎͝͝­̨̧̡͔̞̟̺͉̟̗̫͉͎͕̠̮̩̬̝̯͕̲̭͓̫̫̟̤̝̝̞̗̫̰̳̦̱̘̥̗͈̞̗̻̯̘͖̈̒̃̈́̓̈́̄͌̔̐̀̒̆̀̕͝ͅͅ­̪m̵̡̛̱̰͙̪̯̮̘̣̹̞͈̖̠̠̯̤̭͇̼̗̣̟̤͑͋͐͗̎͑̅̂̀͛́͑̈̓͗̅̍̊̇̑̐̌̽̊͛͋̊̂̆̉͐̍́̕͝͠͝­̪͍͓̜̞̩͙͔̭̗͍͍̲̤̳̯̪̬͖͜.̵̪̗̥͈͔̘̪͛͋̿̋̊̆̽́͒̀́̂͗̉̑̍͊̽͐̈́̀͑̌̄͌̽̐̃̎̎̉̋̚̕̕͠­̨̧͇͍̱̼̺͉̺̗̣̹̠͈͔̭͇̱͈̹ͅͅ









******* liar.

B̸͚͛u̶̠͝l̵̙͛l̸̟͂s̸̡̀h̶͓͆i̸̖͆t̶̳̾ ̵̙̋l̴͍͐i̵̟̋ā̶̜ŕ̶̰.̸̡́

B̶̢̪̭̱̮͐̑̃͗͌ư̵̗̬͓̭̬͑̔́̊l̶͍͍̦̩̂̏͆͑͘ͅl̶͗͊­͎͍͇̯̝̿̎̚s̷̘͎̠͈̘͗͑̂̈͆h̷̲͇̱̻̠͋̒͆̈͒ȉ̵͇͎̦͎̜̓͊̑̌ṯ̷̨̛̠̝̳̈́̀̀̊ ̸̱͍̩̞̽́̓͗̑͜l̸̗̠͕̞̳̇͋́́̕ī̸͓̘̺̩̟͆͑͑͘ǎ̵͙̠̖̞͎͒̏̓͊r̸̩̦̠̣̩̀̄̇́̎.̸̈́̽̇̓­͇̤̩̬̞̎

Everything you told me were lies.

Y̸̡̽o̴̲̒u̸̡͝ ̴̱̓l̶̳̽ě̵̻f̵̜̽t̸̫͑ ̷̤͘m̶̪̐e̶͖̒ ̸̗̈́h̷͙̾ḙ̴͗r̸̙̈́e̶̡̒ ̷̮̋t̵͚̉o̸̜̊ ̷̰̑f̵̀ͅu̵̳̽c̸̲͝ḵ̸̈i̷̦͑n̵̪̑g̸̙̿ ̸̫̀d̸̼̓i̵͓̐e̵̮̅.̷͚̍



Ę̸̟̣͖̹͑͐̋̓̌́̿͜͜x̸̨͓̮͚̹̼̻̓͐̍́̀̕͝e̵̛̥̊̎͋̔̕͝­̢̗͓͙̰̣r̷̲̙͎̜͖̝̪̍́̃̑͛̋͌c̶̛̟̹͙̞̘͛̀̎́̂̀͜ͅï̴̘̩̘̰̱̹̘͑̑̈́́̕͠ŝ̵̻̜̎͛̇͊̚̕­̡̞̝̠͚ę̶̬̹͈̺̖͚̅̈́̿̀̋̕̚ ̴͓̬͇̜̠̪̈́́͊̽̈͛͐ͅm̷̤͚̙̫̗̺͙͛͊̈̐̏͆̚e̶̡̜͉͖̼̞̾̇̀̆̃͝͝ͅ.̷̨͔̥̻̩͕̤̂̓̿̅̆̿̄.̶­̤̝̘̘̯̼͌͑̑̎̍̅̐ͅ.̴̨̨̛̪̜͎͉͔̅̽͑̾̓͝


̸̣̦̬̮̹̯͈͋̑̃̒̀͝͝Ģ̸̧̛͍̮̮͚͆̄̑̑̕͝ͅe­̴̨̛̱̞̼̤̮̭̒̈́͛̽̐̂ṫ̶͓͓̩͎̼̳̓́͗̀͗̕͜ ̶̰̟̞̠̳͓̘́̾́̀̽̏̑t̶̢͚̺͕̹̭͈̓̑̂̓̆̔̽ḣ̴̦̺͈̟̻͊̄̈́͗͘͜͜͠ḙ̸̬̮̮̠̼̖͊̿̄̓̒̈́͠ ̵̢̡̱̪͓̘͎̈́̌̓̈́̉̆̚d̴͙̝͈͙̼̳͗̿͌̍̋͜͠͝ę̵̨̩̯̝̳̗̈́̄̏͊͑́͠m̷̛͈̱͍͚͎͈͕͆͆̎́͗̓o̶­̰̰̖̖̹̲̔́̄͛̆̕͜͝n̵̛̛̳͚̟̮͎̗͉̓̍̔̐̐ş̸̟̩̗̠̹͊̓̂̎̓͠͝ͅ ̵̢̨̡̲̹̲̞̀̿̃̑̍̓̅o̵̧̖̝̞̫̱̺̍̓͗͑́̔͌ư̷̱̤̫̲̘̮͔̓̈́̓͋̐t̶̡̘̲̳̲͔̹͆̎͗͗̔͊͐ ̶͔̩͍̲̩̒̊̆̎̐͛̊͜ͅǫ̶̼̝̺̖̠̤̐́̊̏̎̃̈́f̵̨̧̢̤̞͕̮̂̄̿̽̀̏͘ ̴̰̭̞̭̟͈̗͗̂͂͂͌́͝m̸̨͔̳̟̬̰͉̄̆̅́̀̌̕ę̵̢̮̖̠͉̹̔͊͆̎̓͛́.̸̬̼̤̟̳̰̣̅̅͋̄̐̔͘.̸­̻̟̞͓̬̙̺̇̆̏̄̃̒͝.̷̧̝̜̻̭̝̓̏̒̾́͗̒ͅ







I̵̛̔̉͂̌̈́̊͆̍̔̿̃̒̓͆͂̊̏̍̋̕̕̕̕͝­̧̧̻̥̘͔̫͓̲̣̩̖̯̻̜̗̥̗͕̝̗̤͓͓͚̦̊͛̌͗̄̽̅͜ ̷̡̢̻̼̬̳͎̣̹̞͎̥͚̻̦̪̰̫̳̣͚̮̐̀̿̊̔̔̆̓̊̔́̎̉͗̋̎̆̓̈́̀̾́̇͑́̈́͑̋͘͜͠͝ͅn̷̎̌̊̍̃͘͘­̢̛̤̪͈̫͇̦̹̣͓͔͕̝̬̞͔̙̬͖̙̱̜͍̦̮̽̆̾̽̏̋̿̐̋̓̈̑̓̌̏͘͜͝͝e̴͒͂͋̅͑̏́̈́̾͑͒̇͂̆͂̂͝͝­̧̧̡̧̢̬̻̞̮̺̟̣͎͉̮̥̖̲̟͍̟̯͈͚̟̻͎̗̳̲̼͖̳͎̫̣̳̤̯͒̆̐̾͌̾͑̏͘͠é̴̀̂̇́͆̿̏̽̽̓̈́̎͘­̢̨̤̺̜͇̺͔͚̱̝͇͈̦͉̖͎͙͎͍͈͙͖̲̤͕͖͔̞̫͉̤̭̰̋̓͒̿̋̄̈́̒̀͌́̋͂̒͌̈́̏̄͑͒͘͘̕͝͝ͅd̸́̈̍­̛̯̦̟̱̫͔̫̩͖͖̥̺̩̺͔̤̭̯̹̺̼̲͇̲͍̱̪̪̘͛̓́͛̔͗͐̈́̄̈́̑͐͑͋͒͌͘͜͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅ ̷̧̢̣̹̬̬͉͕̠̦͕̙̖̤̝͈̘̹̼̹͖̮̳̺̥͚͒̊͌̉̍̍̌́̓̏̇̈́͌̑̈́̀̏͑̎̔̇̊͊͋̔̽̒͆͂̿̓̊̌̂̕͜͝͠­͔̫͖ͅã̴̧̧̢̫̞̳̮̻̮͍̬̘̮̺̦͓̤̩̖̪̩̝͇͙͎͖̮͚̐͋̍͗͋͛̀̅̾̎̆̀͐̈́̑̓͛̾̃̑̓̃̽͗͑̇͝͠͝ͅ­͙̫͕ņ̴̡̡̟̤͔͔̘̳͙̺͈̟͕̦̟̹̳̮̲͇̮̟̯̮̖̮̤̪͚͙̥͋̎̀̿̃̔̑̏̉̾̄̃̀̾̃̆̒̾̄͋̇̇̓́̏̑͠͠­͖ ̶̡̨̧̧̧̲̦̠̠̙͎̞̤̟͍͇̭̮̟̜̖̤͚͇̩̣̥͓̥͕̖̹̊͂̈́̅͆͛̉̿̌̎̐̈́̈́̑̀̄̈́̏͑́͊͆̎̒̾̔̑̒͗͊͊̕­ͅȩ̵̧̳̳͇͍͈̻̣͚̘͚̞̹͔͕͕̹͇͙̮̣̥͎͎̹̠̲̭̌̈́́͒̿͒͐͂͑͑̌̑̑́̂̒̋̈́͌͛̏̂̊͋͋̆̉́̎̚͝͠͝­x̸̧̛̗͎̟͇͇̻͖̼̜̪̳̳̫̩̟͇̻͈̺͕̞̯̰͍͍̲͛̓͌́̇̌̓̅̈́͒̿̾͛̌͌̈̐̾̊̈͆̐̐̿̅̏̃͒͘͜͜͝ͅͅͅ­͔͎ǫ̶̢̨͔̱̞̥̗͓͔͇͕̩̞͉͎͓̤̻̲̬̪̝͈̯̘̺̉̐̃̂͑̈̇͒̀͑̋̓̍͆̅̒̐͒́̆̿͐̽̈̽̓̑̚͘̚ͅr̴̉­̡̨̢̢̡̢̨̣̭̲̖͚̼̣̪̰͎̠͉̙̝̫̣̮̞̯̼̤̫̬̣̲̼̐̐̽͒̍̋̍͑̈́̒̌̈́͌̑͆͑͋̍̿͗̅͐͐̈́̈́̐̕͘̚͜͠͝­̣c̴̢̢̡̛̠̪͔̞̩̦͕̞̼͇̥̖̜͖̖̘̲̟̲̼̟̮̺̪̮̪̫͈̩̭̲͍͐̒̓͌̈̀̍͑̃̎̾̉̀̃͋̅͐̌͒̊̾́̅̕ͅͅ­̳ī̶̢̨̢̛̺̟̮̼̳̞̲̗̞̻̮̯͖̭̹̦̪̲̟͚̦̠͔͙̟͌͐̆̒̇̐̈̏̇͑͛̈̏́͗̏̈͗͒̋͆́͆̀̉̐͊͑̕̚͝ͅ­̺̜s̵̡̢̛͕̲̖̤͍̟̼͉̭̠̦̬̲͍̤̱̭̹̹̠͈̈́̋̎̆̋̄̋̐̅͑̓̔̾̈́̓̽͒̊͒̓̈́̑̔̒̃͆̃̈̕͘͘͘͜͝͝͠ͅ­̡̣͉̣̭͎̼͈̭͍͜m̴̧̛̛̞̯̦̠̻͈͍̺̺͙̥͎̘̘̼̗͙̰̫̞̭͉̜̓̆̈͊̔̃̇͋̋͊͐̈́͌̈̅͗͌͛̾̆̓̅̕͠͠ͅ­̡̡̘͔̗̺̠̟̗̹̼̞.̴̧̛͇̟͎̺̦͖̻̫̳̣͎̣̪̼͇̀͒̎͛̈́̎̌͌̆͑̈̔̇͂̇̑̈́͂̉͌͗̔͋̇́͒̚̕̕͝͝͝͝͝­͖͕̳͍͕͇̟͎ͅ
̸̧̱̱͇̰̺̫̣̻̯͉̲͔̟̪̱̮͇̺̮̰̪̥̇̔́̅̂͊̓͑̈́̾̃̾͋̿̉͊̐̄̈̑̈̆͒͒̎̆́́͛͘ͅ­̧̨͓̣̜̦͉̖̼I̷̪̳͓̬̝̮̱̞͚̣̱̹͚͕̠͎̥̓̽̈́̋̿́̑̋̆̾͂̋̓̆̌̓̂̂̋̾̊͑͐̓̔́̏̊̕̚̚̕̕̕̕͜͝­̤̰͎̩͎̝͈͙͉̯̭̱̱̘̰ ̸̢̧̢̛̯̖̟̜̘͔̺̩̻̣͈̺̥͕̪͇͔̼͖̙̪͉͈͔̥͚͐̌͌̃̑̑̀́̑̂́͐͑̽̔̓̾̓̒̑͒͋͛̏͂͗̿̕͘͜͝͠͝͝­ñ̵̨̨̛̛̹̫͓̳͍̖̟̫̺̣̻̭̗͍̦͙͈̬̰̮̤̥̫͙̲̌̿̌́͊̃͆̆͗͒̔͛̀̀́̎̈͊̓̊͘͘͜͝ͅě̴̋̌͊̃͛­̢̡̧̛̼͖̼̹̻̥͕͔̫̥͙̘̖̥̻̲̥͉̖̬̘̯̟̬͖̜͇̏́͌̈́̈́͒͒̓̈́̋͒̈́̃̾̋̋̎̊͑͋͜͝͠ě̴̾̑̐̑́̚͝͝­̡̡͍͚̜̯͚̗̭̩̬̪̺͚̮̠͓̗̝̻͙͔̯̗̲̮̜̠̮̈́̋̋̂̍̀̾̐̑̋̅̿̓͒̀̈́̃̇̿́̃͐͋̍͘͜͠͠͝d̴̈͗͌̍̐­̡̧̡̛̛͕͓̘̗̘͙͚͕̹̫̻͚̞̪͓̰͕̗͖̭̥̦̪̞̗͎̔̀͗͗͑̎̑̿͊́͋͒̇̐͌̓͆̒͗̽͗̈́̕͜ ̷̡̢̨̧̡̛̛̩̘̦̯͇̹̗͙̝̹̙̦͎̞͍̳͈̪̯̜̺̟̤̼͈͙͐͌̏̈́̊͒̓̔̅͊̀͋̍̇͛̊͆̊̓̽̚͘̚͜͜͝ͅͅa̵͠­̛͔̖̝̜̺̘̹̝͚̱̼̳̟̮̞̞͈̬͙͇̘̙͉̦̙̬̩̭̦́̌̿̏̌͐̄̈́̅̀͌̆̉̋͐̎͗̈̅̚͘͜͠͠͠͝͝ͅͅñ̷̋͂̆­̧̡̨̧̭̺͎̘̫͖͖̮͍͖̗̟̙̙̗̘̭͉͈̙̼̟͎̥͎͒́͗̓͋̊͋͐̾͋͌̈́̆͆̃̒̈́̓̀̌̌̏͌̍͌̈́̈́͒͊́̇͜͜͝͝ͅ­̨̖͍ ̵̢̡̡̤̹̖̯̝̲̗͔̬͍̫̗̦̳͚̟̩̲͖̩̱͉͓̩̗͖̩̻̙͈̻̀̒́͋͊̅̈́̇̀̆̈́̈́̈́̆̌̽͗̃̓̎̍͐̓͌̚̚͜͠͝ͅ­e̸̡̧̢̛͕̭͎̟͎̮͍͕̞̥̪̟͕̻̮͕̰̣̫̼͔̾̂͐̽̄̓̈̾͑̎̃́̾̌̏̀̌̓͐̅̒̃͂̈̔̔̒̿̂̚̚̕͝͝͝͝ͅͅ­̡͙͇̱̩̞̯̝x̷̡̧̢͉̺̩͉̯̼̘̦̣̼̱͚͓͓̳̻̣̲̺͚̭̭̜̀̈́̌̀͊͆̆̀̀̈́̿̂̈͋́̊̋͛͂͆̽̐͌͗̚͜͝͝͝­̨̡͎͉̱͚̟̜̞͚̯̙ơ̵̧̨̨̺͍͈̤̲̳̹̯͇͔̘̙͓̘̪͑̀͂̊͑͒̌͊̏͗̉͐̇̈́̒̿͐̑̾̅̈̍͐̀̑̔̕̕͝͝͝ͅ­̨̡̻̠̮̤̹̫ŕ̸̡̨̡̨̨̨̛̥̳͇͍͖͚̳̫̼̱͎͎͎̤̗̰̭̦̬̜͗͊̓̂̿̅̌͋̊̉̍͐̓̌̂̅͛̿̅̾̌͊͜͜͝ͅc­̵̨̧̛̗̙̖̝̤͕͉̰̗̜͎͓̝̝̩͙̻̰͈̹̞̰̼̆̓̆̍̒͋͛̒̉̑͆̈́̄̒̈́͗́̅̀̾̇͆͌̀̽̍̀̍̇̈̄̌́̃͌̔̋̕­̲̲í̵̡̢̢̨̡̡̛̛͉͎͇͎̥͇̺̺͔̙͇̲̞̥̯̫̰̰̻͔̪̙̯̜̘͉͗̉͑̈̍̂͛̅̈̔̈͂̽̉͂̽͆̔́̉̾̌̚͜͜͠­̰͇͚̼s̸̨̛̩͎͚̰͙̟̮̦͙̪̭͉̹̥̲͖̺̟̳̖̩̺͙̘̲̲̱̭̻̝̊͛͐͑̇̍͊̌́̒͑̊̉̈́̓̈̈́̎̈́̉͛̆͆͑̚̕͝­̙̳m̵̛̫͚̟͍̫̤̗̥͙̬̯̦͔͓͎̫̮͇͉͈͕̗͋͗͒́̄̇̅̿̒̀͐́͂̌͆̑̊̿͒̀̏͆͑̂̃̊͋͗̚͘̕͘͘͜͠͝͠͠­̢̹̖̜̩̪̺͉͍̹̺͙͚͖.̶̺̯͈̻̦̹͖̗̪͉͚̺͊̑̔̆̈́̑̔͛̎̾̑͗͆̑̑͐̓͗̂͌̿̾̒͌́̌͆͑̅̈́̐͐̀̚̚͘͝­͚͚̩͖̯̺͔̰̹̪̮͓̤̫̦̬̗
̷̛̲͈̬͙͚͚͙̬̖͉͕͎̱̙̥̮̯͚̬̒͛̓͌̔̽̈͆͋̋̆͑̔̍͋̋̐́̉̔͂̾͋̿͝ͅ­̡̢̡͕̖̜̫͈̰̯̫͎̟͓͕̠̱͙I̷̡͓̯̻̥͚̠̰̘̻̣̦͇̳̙̙̗̪̱͐̔̓̃͊͌̑͂͊̐͋̑͆̀͂̍̎̒̀́̄͆́̅̕͝­̨̢̝̝͍̟̥̫̞͔̼͈̝͓̞̱̗͉̝ͅ ̸̛͕̣͖͇̦͍̺̝̯̬͉͔̩̗̘̩̪̬̙̣̜̱͕̪͓͈̩͎͕̹̠̳̃͒̉̃̾̇̀̾̓̈͒͛̄̿̈́̿̄̇͊̏̾̀͋̈̐͊̃͑̚͜͜­̘̤̯̥̪ń̸̨̨̩̜͈̯͓̲̳̮͇͎͙̺̺̫̟̗͚̖̤̜̩͌̂̃̀̌͑͂́̽͑̀͋̈́̅̎̇͗̑̊̊̀̎̾͛̀̑̂͘͘͝͝͝͝ͅ­̨̝̖ȇ̵̢̝̹͖̰̥̹͍̫͖̠̰̪̬͕̲̜͚̫̖͚̜͔̣͂͋̾̿̆̀̑̈̈́̓̽͂͒̈́̓̽͋̑̒͐͋͂̌̊̈́̇̌̕͝e̵̅̀͆͠­̡̡̨̺͚͙͉͈̩̦̭̻͚̰͙̙͕̼̱͙̹̻͕̠̳̺͉̗͉͈̦̞̙̘͇̩̉͆̇̓̇̌̑̉́̑̀͗̅̈́͋͆͊̏̀̌͊̈́̾̒̕͝͠͠͝­d̵̨̨̼̜̺̣̻̬̮͚͖̰̘̤̪̯̘͚̤̙̖͈͈̙̠̰̺̮͒̅͛͒͒̇͛͐̋̈̄͆̂̊͑͋̿͐̎̿̀͒̎́̓̎͌̐͛͗͠͝͠ͅͅ­̠ ̷̨̢̨̨̢̢̛̗̝̪̠̱̜̤̺̯͓̲̩̺̝̺̖̰̮̉́̓̀͒͌͛̾͛̒̒̍̉̈̎̔͗̅͑͊́̃͌̅͆̍̄̋͘͘̚͘͘͜͠͝͠͝ͅ­͉̯̲͉̤̳̱̥̪͚̥̳ͅą̷̛̳̗̥̭͙͇̦̳̗̫͚̽͌̐͋͆̀̑̓̽̃̊͋̌̈́͌̃̑̾̀̈́́̌̃͂̓́̊̔̈́͗́͋̄̚̕͝͝­̡̝̮̲̥̦̜̬̘͎̼͉̺͙̬͕̳̻͍̬͚̻̺n̴̠̠̙̖̔͂̒́̾͌͋̅̂̈̎̑̑̅͋͑͒̈͂̾͒̋̔́͌̃̍̽̒͑͐̕͝͝͝͝­̨̨̢̨̺͙̬̰͕̱̣̥̫̤̻͎̮͚̲͉̝͖̪̘̖̟̦͔̤̹̞̜̙͚͚ ̸͕͉̭̞̜͙̠̞̣̫͔̞͙̠̲̞͍̠̼̦̫͉͇̳͉̪̗̞̩̄̀̆̈̾̐̇̔́͛͌̆̄͆̈͆̿̃̌́̊̀̈́̈͛̆͋̚͘͘͘̕̕͜͝­̧̩̫̞̫͈͔̲̤ê̷͇̩͙̣̯̭̳̭̤̻̞͎̻̘͚̟̹̠̺̻̈́̾͑̂̅͌̽͛̊̾͌̈̌̅̽̏̋̋̌͛̍̇͛̽̂̓̈͗̄͆̚̚ͅ­͎͖̬̗̫x̷̳̠͕̫̼̜͈͕̺̬̬̳̥͓̫̻̠̘̝̣͉̻̮̹̝̮̤̰̂̋̒͗̉̽̒̄̓̿̌̇͐̌̆̉̈́́̈́̿̚̕͘͘͜͝͠͝o̸­̧̡̛̹͉̱̯̫̳̳̩̯̟̺̺̬̬͎̺̘͓͓̣̞̭̗͍̪̖̳͎͂͛̀͊̂̀̓̐̎̈̽̄̈̈́́̆̔̈̎̿̀͘̕͠͝ͅr̶̍̃̈́̓̆̚­̧̧̬̙͇͍̮̰̬̥͇͉̻̠̦̠̪̗̝͍̪̬̤̙͎͊̑́͛̾̒̔̎̋́̋̂̆̃̓̇̀̊̈͂̽͐͠c̶̛̔̀̍̈̿́̈́̍̑͋̆̊͘͘­̢̨̟͍̱͇͙͍̱̤͔̹͇̬͓̗̲͔͇̳̱̣̺̓̏͋̋̽̅̆̇͘͜͝͝ͅi̴̛̛͊̾̒̀͌͛̓͒̂͛͋̔̐́̃̽̓͗͗̐͆̿͘͘͝­̧̖̘͈͔̣̳̹̙̰͙̜͎̦̪̹͕̦̗̻̣̗̞̺̹̤̩͇͎̮̹̩̀̾̓̌͂̕͝͠͠͝ͅs̷̏̿̃̇̎̎͛̏͋̐̋̈̀̋̋̓̕̚͝͝­̧̡̢̱̟͖̥͙̠̳̹͕͈̗̤̠̻̥͔̺̥͈͎̙̪̏̐̅̓͆̚m̸̛̮̬͂̐͌̇̾̃͗̈́̾͗̑͆̈́̑̐̑̄̌̉̀͛̎͗̒̈́̚͘̕͝­̨̢̯̺͉͈̘͙̪̙̣͇̥̙͉͙͈̠͍͍̝̝̞̹̟͓̥̥͙͜.̶̛͚͈̄̈́̈́̀̑͂̓͆̊̈́́̾̔̒̒̈́̈́͛̅͋̒̈̾̀̔̾̚̚̕͝­̨̧̢̡̡̡̺̙̮̤̭̩͎̗͉̜͔̘͍̦͉̯̩̼͜ͅ
̴̡̡̰̭͕̪̥̣͑͛̾̂͆̓̏̓͌͗͋͊͑̈́͂͊̓̓̾̂̌͂̅̊̑̐͘͝͝­̳͎͎͇̗͇͎͕͙̻̣͓̠̼̦͎͚̪̱ͅȈ̷̺͉͕̦̫̙̗̘͇͇̤̬͓͈̣́̓͂̆͊̿͑͂̈́́̈́̈́͌̄̐̏͊̔̑̏͊̅͊́͜͝ͅ­̢̧̡̨̣̲̤̥ ̵̡̡̢̢̢͉̩̰̹̮͙̞͖̻͇̱̦͕̲̙͍̞̺͇̬̭̼̱̥̭̺̀̅̇̌͒̈́̀̇͌̽͆̃̂̑̾̂̎͂̅͗̇̎̊͗̀̀͑̕̚͝͠͝ͅ­̢̖͇̜̫̱̲ñ̶̡̢̝̘͎͔͍̤̮̻̯̖͈͔̝̬͔̈̋̈́̍̒̇̂̈̾̄̐͐͂̑̾̉̓͗̆͋̏̄́̒̆̋̈́̍͐͒̿̓̕͘͝͝͝͠­̢̡͍̦̖͇͎̻̦͔̖̭̟̤̖̮͉̮̞̰e̵̢̯̪͇͔͍͔̳̗̫͙̍̑̊̈́͗͗̉͌̑̑̐̊̎̏̃͋͆̈̾͛̐̄̊͌̎̚̚̕͝͠͝͝­̡̝̠̙̫̰̗̼͉̲̜̯̯͈̟̫͕̱̥͈̖̟̻͈̮̬̖e̴̳͌̍̑͛̅̏̇̒͆̊́̏͌͆̽̅͌̐̂̓͛̊̿̈͐͋̅̀̕̕̚͜͠͝͝­̢̗̩̫̞̻̠̘̗̗͔̮̞̬͍̬̲͇͍̞̯͖̝̗̙̯͎͕̳͖͉̘͜ͅͅͅd̷͆̐̓̎̈́̔̀̔̿̄̈́̓͒̈́̍̑̃͆̄̒̐͋̑̕̕͘͝­̢̰͖̜̤̜̼̘̠͖̱̯̯̜̬͚͚̩̪̜̠͉̹͊́͗̽̊͒̂̈́̆̔͘͜ͅ ̸̧̢͎͖̗̮̮̟̘̼͚̥̹̗̱̲̫̝̫̮̳͓̤̭̣͌̑́̍̀̐̈́͆̾̈́͊̂̄̈́̃̍̈̑̇͐̓͒͑̔̈́͛͘̕͜a̷̛͐̊̈́̑͋̾̚­̢̢̨̧͍͕̫̤̣̦͈̭̱͕͉̫̱͍̯̱̲͔̯͒͗̀̓̓͌͆̇̽̾͂̄̋̈́̀̑͛̇̈́̄̆͘͜ͅͅͅͅͅň̶͂̀̆͆̑̽̄̾̂̈́̏­̡̢̡̘̝̩͓̹̲̗͙̘̪͇͈̲͖̦̫̘͍̗̣̰̰̀̔͊̒̋̀̃̈̔̇̋̈́̎̔̈͑͆̆́̒̎́͝͝͠͝ͅ ̴̧̢̧̡̛͍̞̼̼̠͖̹̱̖̯͙͓̝̰̹̼̖̫̝͈̦̺̺͔̹́̎͛̏͊̔̔̃̀͆͒̋̑̽̎́́͛̂̄̅̔̍̿̿͌̒̌̿̈́͘͝͝͝­̲̬̮ȩ̸̧̛̲͇͎͔̝͖̮͔͎̯̣̟̗̰̯͈̹̜̭̻̼̯̻̗̥̲̯̫̎͆̒̎̍͊̈́̋̓͊͐̄̑͐̀͗͊̈͂́̒̐̎͊͘̚͘͝ͅ­̨̫̝̬͇͙̣͍x̷̡̡̧̛̩̭̙̻̺̱̞̥̣̣͔͍̤̘͇͈̹̯͓̙̮͇̗̩̫̳̻͑̊̿̇͗͊͑͆͌͐̀͂̀́́̇͋͒͋̕̕͝͝ͅ­̢̬̦̱̦ͅơ̷̢̨̛̛̗̘͎̦͚͈̬̻͖̲̖̖̟̖̐̿͒̈́͊̎̽̎̿́͂́̋̀̒̈́͌̇͊͐̊͆̄͋͑̒͆́͗̈́̔͘͘͜͜͠͠͠­̡̨̧̧̢̘͚̼͙̖̼̰̳̰̟̥̭͜ŗ̵̧̨͎͉̤̞̘̗̤̠̭̙̱̩̯̠̠̠͆̍̀͂͛͆͛̀͂͐̂̈̀̌͊̅͗̎̍̿̎̾͗̚͘͠­̡̨̺̞̯̲̯̻̮̟̪͇͈͚͔̙͜c̸̫̞͖̗͚̘̠͖̹̙͎͔͎̻͑́̿͊̌̈́̍̏̑̋̽̀̈́̍̀̔̎́̔́͐̔̃͌̐̐͛͂̊̕̚͠­̢̘̗̻̞͇̳̳͉̥̼ĭ̴̢̡͎͍̫̤̘̜̮̠̳̹̭̹̻͈̙͙͎̘̫̻͈̍̍̒̉͑̎̏̏͛̔͋̽̈͆̔̽̓́̔̅̑͆͌̔̚͜͜ͅ­̧̡̥̭s̶̨̼̝͕̠̹̞̘̦̥̤̟̣̹̣͍̯͖̥̦̬̰̭̫̼͉͛̈̓̌͆̎̄͋̀̈̅͋̏̋̀͛͌̍͐́́͋͋̐̎̋͛̕͝͠͝͝͝­͈͍̪͇̭̪m̷̢̨̧̢̡̛̯̫̣̯̪̱̦̱̮̥̹͈̜̠̼̣͍̈́̆͌̄͋͌̌͊̇̃̈́́̽̉̃͊̈́͆́̔̃̀͛̃̀̓̕̕̕͘͘͜͠ͅ­̧̨̪̝̝̱͔̳̝̗̭̲͜.̷̛̛̛̖̲̪̥̹̲͕̣͕͇̜͋̓̆̇̍̏͒̽̅͛͒͗̾̋̋̀̐̍̑̄̀̓̊̉̅̌̚͘͘͠͝͠͝͝͝͠­̨̬̝̰̪͈̥͔̬̱̝̖̘̣͙̳͚̹͜ͅ
̷̧̛̛͖͎̦̰̓̆̒̈́̈̐̈̌̿̇̈̄͛̑̔̎̈̉̀̆̑̈́̈̊̀͆͒̐̀̇͛̚̚̚͘͠­̜̭̩̹̲̰̙̲̤̘̜͕̙̜̮̹̤̳͔ͅI̶͈̰̻͖͉͉̯̖͉̠̤͍̿̃́͒͂̐̐̓̑͊̈́̓̈́̊͂̆͋͆̃͗̄̾͂̌͗̽̀͆̓̕͘­̡̢̨̡̢͔̦͈͉̻̞̫̣̙̗̫̱̻͍̟̘̣̺ͅ ̷̨̧̢̧̛͚̦͖̟̟͓̮̭̩͙͈͉̣̭̦̭̰̞̝̤̳̮͙̦͉̯͒̀́̋̌̄̐́͛͐͗̆̀̏̈́̑̀͐̿̐̍́́̈́̒͗̓̕̕͜͝͠ͅ­̰͎͖̜n̸̡̨̡̨̼̮͓̞͙̪̙̗̙̬͚̱̭̯̭͖̺̰̫̝͑͗̊̐̂̓̏̈͗̆͆͊̂̐̾̂̏̍͌̾̌͋͗͘͘͝ͅe̴͗̋͋̄̏͌­̨̨̛̳̬̗̬̟͙͚̹̣̙̥̪̘̼̘̪͕̰͔͉̱͓̰̘͈̮̟̖̭̫͕͕̅̔̈́̿̽̃̈́̆̇́̒͊̂̊̏̅̈́̐̚͝͝͝ͅe̵͛͌̽̃͠­̢̡͖̙̹̜͈͈̰̬̹̰͔̳̳̦͎̹͙̳̺͍̗̤̻̹̳͓͕̘͈̉̀͌͗̓̀̊̉̇́͐͐̏̀̅͌̉͛͊̊͊̀͆̇̾͘͘̚̕͝͝ͅͅd­̷̢̨̡̛͕͓͔͚̝̰̗̜̹͖͖͖͇̟̼̠̮̬͎̖̱͔̀͌̀̐͐̀̽́̌̅̿̄̋̉̈́̀̏̏̅́̆͛̀̏͘̚͘͝͠͠͝ ̵̨̧̧̡̛̱̲̱̦͎̼̳̭̬͔̼̳͖̫̘̘̼͉͙̹͍͖͙͈͇̤͔̬̹͕̫̺̺̑̔͊̂̓̽̋̉͊͐̄͐̾̈́͂͐̓̏͒̑͊̽̃̚͘ͅ­̠a̵̢̡̛̛̛̻̪̪̮͕̠̰̝̬̳̟̪͈̭͚̟͇̥̱̞̓̾̈́̒̉́̐̀̈́̅͑̈̀̔̂̇́͑̓̆̕̕ͅͅͅǹ̷̽̄̀̀͒́̊̍̄­̨̢̳̠̟̲͓̱̹̠̣̦̻̖̝̮͙̫̪̫͔͈͖̭̘͑̆̽̓̔̆̈̏̉̽̇̈́͌̍̈́́̇ͅ ̴̛͚̞͓̘̦̝̥̞̦̯͔̭̫̬̣̰̻̘̩͓̖̥̳̀̍̂̏̄̊͐̎̅͑́̓̔̋͗͛̐̈́́͌̿̌̾̀͘͘̚̕͝͝͝ͅͅẽ̷̀́̏̚­̡̦̟̘̖̖̖̦͈̰̞̦̫̞̤̰͔̳͓̣̟͕̮͓͖͙͑͑̔̋̍̍̿͌̓̓͌̄̑̄̂̇͌̈́̋̈́̐͆̕̕͜͝͝x̸̿̿̈́̈́̋̔̇̊͘͝­̢̢̧̞̼̹̪͚̮̰̱̳̞̲͍͔̭͖̟̻̬͍̼͓̳͕̖̫̳̖̖͔̤̰̫͐̉̈̅̿͒̋͒̐̀͒̂͛̇̐̋͆̕̕͜͠͝ͅͅo̵̎̒͒̀­̡̡̧̢̡̛̞̭͓̯͎͚̲̬͖̼͙̰̰͈͈͓̘̟͖̫̲̫̝͙̖͙̮̮̓̓́̔͗̍̎͆̂́̿̋͐̈́̂͠͝͝͠͝ͅr̴̛̂̍̑̈̅͠͝­̨̡̨͕̠̣̻͕̪̬͕͎̦̥̟̝̰̦͚̫̗̯͔͉̰̞͂̿̌̑̃͒͒̆͛̀͊̃̒̑̐̀͊͌̑̊̿̌̓̅̓͋̃̚͘̕͠ć̵͋͐̓̆̓­̡̡̛̹̼̭̤̩̬̳̘͈̮̰̲̗̭̲͈̹̰͖͇̅̋̌̽̽̑̊̈̐̊̐́̄̆̋́͒̄͂̏̌̂͑͘̕͘͜͜͝ͅͅi̴̛̊̾͌̾̑́̒͝­̡̩͇̟̝̰̮̤̖̫͓̼̫͍͙̩͇͍̱̳̖͙͔̞͚̳͕͕͛̊̌͗͗̎͋͊̆̉̃͗̆͋̅͐̐̀̕͜͝͝͝s̴̛̛̓͋̀̉̋̇̅̔̐̑­̢̡̡̛͇͔͚̳͉͚̼̗̝̦̱͎̲͖̟̳̰͇͍̦͚̹͓̱͌͐̇̑̇́̅̋͐̔̽̉̄̌͂̋̕͘͜͜͝͝͝ͅm̸̅̆̍̍̐̀̉͂̕͝͠­̢̯̪͚̰̩̼̳̮̯͍͎̮̰̤̣̖̙͉̹̮̦͈̗͉̣̝̲͈̦̪̥̾̽̀̈́̃̏͋̓̎̉͗͑͛͘͝ͅͅͅ.̷͗̽̈̾͌͛͛̒́̄̕̕͠­̧̢̛̗͇̥͍̰̮̘͍̙̗̮̦̘̜͔̫̻̤͔̝͚̮̰͔̞̖̓̇̈́̊͐̀̾̂͛̇̄͗̌̑̅̅͊̔̚͠͝
̸́̄̌͂̄̅̈́̐̄̂̒͛̊­̡̧̨̼̝̹̖̗̻̣̯̭̟͙͇͕̺̱̜̠̺͙͔̻̣̻̭͔͖̗̙̫͎̭̗͇̬͉͙̆̆̓̈͗̾̉̋̒̈̀͝I̸̎̄̏͌̏̓͊̓̀̋̔͂­̢̡͇̗͖̫͔̥̥̘̻̱̠̻̗̤͚̝̙̜̼̦̼̰̔͂̄̔̅͊̌̋̕͠͠͝ͅͅ ̵̢̨̢̛̛̛̜̰͔̣̞̼̭̠̜͎̳͎̠̝̱͍̟̞̟͈̦͎̥̻̓̇͑̓̒̈́͆̀͋͒̒̇̐̏̄͌̄̀̈́͛́͌̽́̈̏̃͛̓͐͐̽͘̕­̠̮̮̟̗͉̲̦̫͉͜n̸̡̧̛̖̣͎̥̥̳̙̭̞͙͙̱̪̤̳̗͛̓͒̿̋̄͆̔͂̈̉̐̈́̌̏̇̆͊͌̓̆́͆̎̃̾̔̈͗͘̚͠͝­̧̨͖͓͍̻̗͚̠͎̝̳͍ͅȅ̴̢̧̧̹̦̞̱̱͉̺͈̤̳̄͂̍̉͂̐͑̂͊̇̄̌͑̉̽̅̅͊̀̔̎̂̃̎̀̑̊̉̄͆̍̕͘͠͝­̨̢̡̮͚̥̣̯̪͕̬̗̩͓̦̩͈̺͙̪͇ȩ̷̨̢̛̛̻͕̬̰̩̼̝͚͔̂͐̀̌̏̋͐̿̒̆̆̈́̈͂̅̓͑͑̿͋̈́̏̍̆͘͘̕͠­̧̧̢̨̹̬̜͎͓̻̬̰̹͜d̷̢̛̛̳̺͖͚̙͕̲̯̠̦̊̓̏̿̈͊͆͐̅͑̃̈́̋̈̀̓̒̓̂̊̽̐̂̐̍̎̈͑̉̒̇̈́̕̚͜͠­̡̺̱̖͕̙͉̩̻̲̦̲̖̩̬̻̬̣̟̪͈̳̞̜ͅͅ ̷̨̛̛̠̤͕͔̝̗͈̯̟͕̝̱̞͕̫̙̘̣̗̯̖̽̄͒̎̃̃͐͌̿͑́̿̋̎̇̀͗̍͐̋̈́̃̓́̔͆͛͑̃̕͘͜͜͠͝͝͝͠͠ͅ­͈̟͉̫̹̟a̶̧̡̨̡̨̢̛̼͍̝̙͙̭̯͍̜͎͖̺̮͓͍̗̫̤͐̈́̍̆̄̆͆͑͋͋͗͒̉́̎͛̔́̾̇̏̾̇̆̏͛̇̂̈́͊̕͜­̞͈͕͕ͅn̵̛͈̠̼̮̖̮̱̰̝̪̦̮̞̣̝̳͚̤̝̖͊͒̀̎͑́̍̿͛͋̍̾̂̉̄̍̀́͆̒̀̇̑̓̈́͒̂́̐͘͘̚̕͠͝͝ͅ­̨͇̮̗ ̷̨̨̡̡̛̰͉̣͈̮̗̺̘͇̝͖̦͙̱͉̙̟͉̣̼̈̾̾̏̍̈̎͌̅͗̉̔͗͆̋̌̆͑͒̈́̂̽̉̐͂͌̀́̈́͗̈́͒̚̚͜͠͠͝ͅ­̨̭͓̰͈̝̱͉̖ͅȩ̴̧̪̦͓̻̰͕̳̥͚̦̖̰͓̝̖̓̈͋̈̄̄͒̽͆͊͋̿̌́͒̄̍͐̂̅̐̄̏̾́͌̈́͛́̾̑͊̿͌̕͠­͇͓̹̟̤̬̬̖̼͎͖̪̰̣͇͖x̸̢̢̛̛̯̮̗͕̤̪̮͉̫̭͕̠͚͂͑̅̽̂͛̾̄̾̅̄̀̂̒̏̎̏͒̿̾̅͗̌́͠͝͝͝ͅͅ­̢̡̧̙͙̗̥̹͇͎̪͇̦̣̤̪͉ở̴̡̢̢̤̻͖͖̰͎̯̹̆̈̽̊̌̓̓̑̓̍͛̆̔̄̀̔̓͗̓͊̇̽͂̍̀̓̐͘͘͘͜͜͠­̢̜̼͔͚͕̯̠̠͎̣͚̹͙͇̞͔r̶̨̨̛̪̗̜̫̱̲̥̩͇̯̻̗͈̭͈̊̃͒̌̔̍̿̈́̒̐̄̓̀͊͛̑̉͗̂̌̉̚͘͜͝͠͝͝­̢̢̰̖̼̻̝̯̜̳̬̦̙̦͖̭͍͎c̵̢̗͍͔͈͙̻̩͍̮̬͔͎̞̫̦͍̠̫͔͋̄̏͒͒̈͊̾̎̄̍͒̎̂͆̐͊͌̓͋̽̊͘͜͝­̧̥̩̩i̷̧̛̬̤͕̫̟̬͔̺̠̬͖̝̮̦̪̙͍̭̗̝̪͎̙̲͍̥̘̮͉̤͒̈̒̏̿̈̏̒̐̅̓̍̊̓̑̽̽́̈́̀̓̅̋͛̊s̷­̡̨̡̨̯̺̯̩̖̮̜̦͙̖̥̟̞͙̗̖̬̩̖͙͔̝̱̟͎̎̈́͗̇̌̽̾̊͒͂̽̿̿̒̾̅̓̐̌͆̾̓̉̓̒͆̔̑̂̾̃̄̚̕͝ͅ­̦͈̺͉̪̪̥̗m̸̡̛̛̠̭̲̫̪̮̪͇͍̱̦̦̝͖͖̼̖̰̘͈͇͕̲̀͂̌͊͌̈́̽́̈́͒̍̑̋̀́̔̐̓̀͐̊̓͋͘̕̕͝͝͝­̥̝̭̪̩̦̩.̴̡̨̛͕̗̠̞̩͉͙̠̯̬̬̘̺̗͌͋͌̓̎̓͋̑̀͂͗̌͊̊͗̔́́̈̃̋̄́̏͑́̈́̎̐͗͒̐̕͜͝͝͝͝ͅ­͓̰̺̲̪̙͙̲̙͔̼͚̣̮͎̘͓̙͚̪͜







̵̠̻͚̞̱̗̊͑̆̊̊̾͘͜.̸̱̼͙̙̪̣͌̔́̀͐̈́͜͝.̴̀̎͝­̨̧̡̯͎̭̹́̐́͠.̵̨̡̛͚̦̙̭͛̐̈́̓̽͜͝ ̷̻̠̥͓̙̤͓͂̈́̃͗͋̎͝Ĩ̵̧͔̠͖̖̰̼̀̇̊̈́́͠ ̷̩̲̯̼̖̲͖͐̃͛̾̽͆̕n̴͓̜̻̩͓̪̫͗͂̐̈́͝͠͝ȩ̶̙͈͔̲̬͙́͌̎̓̿̍̄ě̴̫̙̰̥̫̟̑̂̎̏̓̇ͅd̷­̙̩̰̗͇̞̏̍͂͊̎̈̌ͅ ̷͈͇͎̮̲̱̭̅̽̈̌̄̌͠a̴̧̢̤̮̺̯̭͐̃̀̐̔͋͑n̵̡̞̼̺͇̻͔̓́́̔̇̇̕ ̵͚͚̪̳̪͖̏͊͂͆̉̀͜͝è̷̡̢̠̞̥̤̿̾͒̄͂͠ͅx̷̡͎͇̼̭͓̮̍́̏̎̉̔͝ǫ̸̨̛̩̝̠̗͉̇͊̑͒̾͝r̷­̥̠̲̣̯̻͔̈́̂̎̇̄̕͝c̴̣͔̝̣̰̻͖͗͆̆͂̎͠͝i̵̤̻̝̣̘̰̊̽͛̓̐͗̚͜ş̸̢̳̭̙̬̘̍́̑̀̾̕͠m̷̆­̯͖̲͙͚̝̭̃̆̏̐́̾.̵̫̼̱̞͈͖̠̌́̈̾͗͂͘
This is for one person.
It's also for multiple.
It's also for me.
221 · Aug 2018
We go hand in hand.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
You and I... go hand in hand,
With being terrified.
(...Of death.)
You and I... go hand in hand,
With being petrified.
(...Of death.)

But no matter how hard I try,
I just can’t get anything right.
But no matter, how hard I fight,
I just can’t get things right.
And no matter how hard I think,
I end up driving everyone away.

So I think I... am better off... being just dead and gone.
Maybe I... really am better off... being just dead and gone.
(I. need. to. be. dead. and. gone...)

These voices in my head, all tell me I should disappear...
They tell me that I don’t belong here...
But it’s okay dear, do not be afraid...
I will not tell anyone, no one will hear,
It won’t get to your ears.

You won’t know my plans,
The chance...
Still stands.
Of me dying by my hands.

I. want. to. take. over. control.

You and I... go hand in hand, with being terrified.
And if this is all there is, then I want off this ride.
I will never be okay with this, or accept this kind of unstable life.

Doomed to love,
Doomed to separate,
Doomed. to go... our ways...

Doomed to try,
Doomed to fail,
Doomed to bail.
Doomed to be unhappy,
...Doomed to die.

It’s like every day is a fight for my life,
I can barely get from day to day.
Do I really have to die,
For this monster inside... to be slain?

I really do try to fight it, or to hide it, but inside it, and I’m not lying...
It just burns it's way through happiness, feels like torture,
I never asked for this...
This monster trapped deep inside of me.

No matter how I try to block out the voice that tells me I'm worthless,
I can't seem to conquer to beast,
I'm always defeated,
Left here in pieces.

And there's no one who understands
they can't stitch me up,
though it's nice that they're still  ”here.”
I am the only one...
Who can slay this monster.
210 · Aug 2018
To you.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Why am I nothing to you?
Why do you lie, why say you're saying the truth?
If you don't even care,
Don't act like you're in despair...

I'll tell you now, I am not air.

And lastly, don't act like I'm the wrong one here,
The one to blame,
Cause this is no game,
Don't play with my flame,
Don't take your aims,
Because it's you, dear.

Every time we fight,
You don't do anything right.
You don't show your care,
You just imply that it's not fair...

You tell me to not compare.

But if someone can't appreciate your presence...
You make them experience your absence.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Deep breath, take the dive,
Don't believe that I'll survive,
And yet I know you will all just carry on...
The world will just spin on...

Like nothing ever happened.

No me, no death,
no surprise, no divine intervention,
could prove you all were ever wrong.

Cry to myself,
Wonder why none of you ever helped,
When I needed you the most...

Came out of my shell,
I was living through a hell,
Like I was stranded on a coast.

(“It’s time to punish him.”
...I can hear it already.)

So you drag me out to sea...
Hoist the anchor onto me...
As you let it sink,
I barely even blink,
I'm already falling underneath...
You.

I don't wanna suffocate, “no more!”
I don't wanna hit the ocean floor!
Pounding in my chest, my very core...
My heart was a safety vest, but then it tore...

With a hold on nothing, I'll slip away,
I’ll face my thousand sins, wish for the gentle sound of pouring rain,
When it's time to face the hands of fate,
I know if I fall under, I'll suffocate.

My back to the wind,
Just wanted you to let me in...
All it would’ve took was an open door.
But even then,
I was already broken...
I’m so pathetic, just a bore.

It’s already too late.

Our breath, our sin,
Can we stop if we begin?
It's a pain, that I don’t want anymore.

We say we don't mind,
But we're just passing the time,
Until we scatter, or reform.

And I know I'm flying blind,
But it's just simply unkind,
To be put in this unhealthy spot.
But I guess it’s not just me, it’s a lot.

But it’s just simply unfair,
To be born into a hell,
Of a mind that is doomed to fail.

When I walk anywhere,
People look at me, aware,
They give me a disgusted, weird stare.
I could tell them “I’m already done,
I stopped long ago, no reason to be alarmed!”
But what good would that do?

What good would it do,
In a world where people like me, are considered insane?
In a world where people like me, are constantly put down?
Abandoned, because of their inevitable breakdowns?

Nothing.
Nothing at all.

There is no one you can trust...
Can you even trust yourself?
After all, its considered a must.

(No?
Then from what I’ve heard, you’re not ready for a relationship.
Look, it doesn’t matter if you won’t ever change from this,
In this society, you do not fit in,
You are not needed, and will be thrown away by everyone.)

I don't wanna suffocate, “no more.”
I don't wanna hit the ocean floor...
Is it even pounding in my chest, my very core...?
My heart was a safety vest, but then it tore...

With a hold on nothing, I slip away,
Face my thousand sins, wishing for the gentle sound of pouring rain,
It’s time to face the hands of fate,
I’m falling under, I'm about to suffocate.

I don't wanna suffocate, “no more...”
But I've already hit the ocean floor...
No more pounding in my chest, my very core,
Has already stopped, I am no more.

(Just another of my fantasies,
But really, I don’t have any strategies,
Will I wait
To suffocate,
Or take control,
Choose my own fate?)
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
He’s so fluffy,
Duffy,
puffy,
My little doggie!

He lets me hug him,
Cuddle him!


Ǔ̠͚̲̤̰̮͊̓̽̌̐͘͟͞͝n̷̡̛̮̭͎͍͑̎̀͌̋̉̚l̸̨̼͈̪̦͙̽̍͌̾͘i̵̘̪̝̦̜̲̒̒̅͋͗̒­̄͞͝k̸͓͚͓̭͎͙̟͔̎̉̌͗̒͗̒̒̾̚͢e̫͎̦̤̼̯̋̈́̓̓̃̎͜ y̵̢̛̦̰̯͕̱̤̫̍̒̀̾͒͌͌̓͡ọ̸̡̤̹̠̝̃͒̏̕͞͞ų̷͈͉̜͚̘͎͓̔̊͆̓̃͐̄͢.


He’s so great to hug and cuddle,
He tries to resist, but after some rebuttal,
He gives in!


Ṯ̱͓͎̻͔̤͇̭́̏̅̊̚ͅh̴̨͈̮̟̞̜͇̟̞͗̌̂̂̽̇͞ǒ̸̰̘̦̘̪̹̟̺̂̅̉̕͞͠ự̖̣̥͍̙̫̆̓̈­́̀g̗̥̱̱̤͕͚͇̩̰̐̐͐͂̈̉̃̇h̵̡̨̘̖͇̞͗͂͒̉͌̽̍̚,̸̯͍͖̦̤̙̆̋͌̍̀̄̔͢͡ͅ e̱̤̩͕̤̝̞̰͕̦͑͛̀̄͑̔̅v̴̡̤̘̜͚̮͍̠̏͒̒͠͞ȩ̭̩͕̦̺͐̾̈͊̔̓̿͆̽͢͠ͅņ̵̮͔͙̭͎̺̥̾̍̒͐̔­͋̚ į̵̡̝̪̤̼̖̜̟̀̊̊̄̂̋͌f̧̬̝̦̙̠̠͈̾͒̃́̏̚͟͡͞ ḩ̴̣̹͇̞͖̮̒̄̓̀͝͞ȩ̶̲̻̪͕̖̱͉̮̰̾̎̉͋͒́͘͠ ą͇̹̰͇̳͖̪̅̑̉̓̑͜͟c͍̼̮͓̘͓̀̅͋̍̂t͇̬̤̗̥͔̜̲̖̎͋̈̀͟͠͡s̴̨̭̩̟̠̩̾͗́̚͟͢͞͞ ḱ̸͙̲̜͇͉͔̺͍̙̏̎̊͑̔͝͡͠ͅi̸͉̭͍͇̠͚̓̌̑̎̌͠͠n̼̞̰͈͑͒̍̈̓͜͠d̡̢̰̯̗͓̺͈̘̯̓̿̄͗̽̿̆­̕͡,̶̞̮̘̯͖̜̓̓̐̒̅͜͟͜
̶̢̨͈̱̺̻̳̞̝̋́̑̀̅͞ͅǍ̷͓̞͉͉̦̿͗̍͠͡͡f̨͔̗̘͕͓̺̍̒̐̊͂͌̆͜­t̷̢̥̮̳͙̭̺̏͋͂́͌̋́͊̑e̡̛̼̠͖͖͑͋̏͝ŗ̮̮̫̺̤̠͇̤̞͊̓͌̀̕ ä̛̜̥̜̫̞͍̣̝̗́̀̓̉̾͆͝ͅ w̵̨̨̗̳̪̞̼̓̉̀͗̐̾̚͜͞͝h̤͇̖͉̣̒̈́̑̇̒͐̂̉͛͢͞ȋ̶̢̡̫͚̪̓́́̔̃͜͜l̵̢̛̼̲̱͍͎̼͇̯̥͌­͋̈́̿̚ẻ̱̬̤͔̻̹͒̃̄͊̊̌͘͘,̨̳̱̼͈̃̐̓̑͠͝
̨̛̫̹͍̯̰̰̞̂̃͗̄̕J̨̰͍͕̣͇͇͙͇̬́̎̒̓̈̔͘­͡ȕ̲̗̬̦̲̟̱̈̂̕͝s̡̨̨̱̱̤̰̼̽͐̇̑̎̍͂̾͆͜ţ̶̛̭͚̤͕̜̈́̃͗̍̊̽ l̡̧̰̞̮̤̞̀̄̀̋̓͢ì̷̡̛͍̠͕̭̞̺̝̑̑̉̂̽͆͢͢k̴̼͖̬͖̜̟̰͍͑͊̏̓̀̓͑͂͘͘͟ë̴͕̞͈͈̋̿̌̈́­̔̆͆̑͟͝ y̶̡̝̱̹̗͍̗̝̤͔̌̽̆͒̄̓̕ö͖̦̥̰͎͒̃̉̓͞u̗͉͉͋͋̈̋̚͢ͅ a̸̧̫̣̠̔̌̃́̓̌́̇́͡ͅs̶̢͇̺͖͎̰̗͋̔̓́̕ş̨̨͍̙̯̓͊͐̇͌́̔͟h̵̭̹̫̠̫͎̦̃̇̓͆̎̓̅͌́͘ó­̢͚͍͈͌̑̋͐̈́͢ḷ̴̢̮̬̹̤̍͆̒̋̾͒̑̐̑̌ẻ̷̡̮̦̗̹͉̦͒̅͛̆̕s̢̛̫͕̫͖̋̃̓̐͠,̘̻̳͔̱͗̄̏̀́­
̪̩̠͔̦͋̍͒͛̈́̆̈͋̓̕͜͟Ḫ̷͖̘̯̑͌͛̈́́̿̎̑͜͢e̴̡̯̪̪͈͙͕̜̍̐̄͛̎̅̈́͡͝ l̷̡̥̺̼̪̇͆̋̇͋̽̂͋̚e̢̗̙̺̫̽̍̑͡͡ͅȁ̸̡̛̛̯̺̞̹̠͂͛̆̕͘͜v̶̧̧̜͉̼̝̼̈͗͐̔͛̂͌͒͡͡ę̴­̳͍̪͉̌̒͌͂̃̿͊s̸̰͉̩̲̳͎̃̿̇̌͐͋͠ m̷͔̻̯͇̙̤̟̭̈́͒̎̓̔͛͟͡e̶̢͖̬͎̎͒̂̉̔̈̈̍̑̀͟ a͔͚̟͇͉͂̆̒̅̄͒̍̉̀͝l̝̩̻͕͎͇̪̙͊͛͊͑̉͆̽̽̕ǫ̧̡̲͉̥͍̙̑̒̽̓̒̓̕͟͝͠ṉ̶̺͙̪̮̩͓̭̓͊̈̍­̊̋̈̚͜͝ę̪͙̲̥̪͂̅̃́͌̏̏,̛͓̦̰͚̠̿͌͂́͟
̷̨̙͓̥̮͍̼͊̃̐́̋̍̀͠C͇͎̙̤̜̝̪̀͊̐̇̂͒̈̉ò­̴̧̭͍̟̺̜̣̹̭̲̇͋͂̆͒̔̽͝l̢̢̼͕̘̻̱͉͈̺̽̂͗̄́̕d̶̛͇̼͕͕̩̋̌̽̂͊̍͋ t̟̫͕̗̄̓̉̆̉̀͟ó͈̞̼̣͎̩̗̝͌̿͌̾͘͜ͅ ť̵̯̝̙̰̼̏́̐̊̿͘͟h̡̰̰͔̜̗͉̻͓͈͆͆̐̿͒͛͘͝ė̢̧̢̩̖̦͉̼̂̒̉̔̾͗̀͠͝ b͕͍̭̩̝̪̋̽̑͋̀̒̈́͒o̴͉̠̮̲͔͉̙͆̃̈́́̽̇̕n̻͓̤͖̟̱̠͗̔̅̈͛́̽̏̈̀͢͜ě̴̦̪̬̦̩̻̩̞̅͗­͌͂̽̍͘,̶̲̹͓̟̖̝͙͙̯͎́̃̉͌̂̉̃̽̓̕
̖̰͍̟̹͛͗̏̊̾́͆̉̚͢ͅB̸͉̘̝͔͚̬́͗̆̅͐͢͢ù̷̥̮͇̗­̰͚͑̉̑͊̂́͢͜͠͞t̛͇̟̲̟̭̯̐͑̿͐̌̒̂͑̇ͅ Į̠̞͇̗̗̂̿͗̋̑̚ a̺̱̟̩̙͌̓́̿̔̀ļ̲̯̟̳̂̂̂̌̄͋̅̍͡͠r̫̼̙̤̪͉̮̣͔̟̀̐̈̕͠e̷̫̮̬̜̘̭̱̠͙͇͗̋̉̒̀̎̚͝à̵­̹̟̜̮̳̯̂̑̂͗d̸̥͇̯̘͖̮͉̂̎̎͐̎̓̔̕̕͜͢͟ỹ̭̞͚̺̗̩̀͒̑̅̕͡ k̶̹̖͔͎̳̂̌̅̌̊̌͌͘n̨͈͕̬̺̤͉͈̠̠̂͊͊͐̿̍́̓͘o͔̮̼͍̦̱̝͊͆̊̾̆͜͞w̴̨̩̘͔̭͎̰̍̑̑͌̆̄­̀̕͟n̪̭̫̦̤͈͓̊̾̓̓͐.̶̪͎̯͈̜̗͓͗̔͑̐̔͠


He’s so warm, and fluffy,
He’s my little doggie buddy!


Ḃ̟͓͇̬͛̋͟͝͡ű̷͇̞̟̘̜͓̮̮͓͙̆̓̊̽͛ṭ̵̩̭͊̏̿͊̂͂́͌͟͜͢͞ ḩ̛̦̗͉̈́͊̔͆̂̽́̇͘͢ë̡̮̘̱̳̤͙̳͇̟́͒̀́̍’̶̨̙̤͇̱̹͓͌͒̒̄͐̏̏͢͢͡ͅş̸̨̢̛̘̜̰͊̂̀̾͊­̈́̚͜͡ 1̸̡̛̮͔̮̙̭͙̠͕̙̽̐͊͗͆̍̌̕0̬̫̯̟̮̦̌̓̉͂̉̉̑̇̒̍͟ y̢̩̖͎̤̌̑̊́̀̾͆e̬̥͍͚̤̯̰̫͉̮̋͆̅̉̊̌͑̊̄a͚̺̺̰͎͇̪͈̓͛̌͒͘ṙ̴̡̞̯̯͚̗͒̈͒͐͗ͅs̜̲̞­͔͖̏́͒̌͂̉̈̾́͘͜ͅͅ o̷̙̭̯͕͖̅͗̍̊̒̂̓̕͠l̵̡͚̝̼̼̺̲̑͂̌̌͡ͅd̢̗̰̖̟͗̊̀́̾́̚͘͜,̣̹̩̘̝̾͐͒̓̆̚̚ a̵̩̬͖͖̫͇̫̩͒̽́̍̈́̊̄͐̄͞ṅ̸͓͓̰͇͔͌̔̃͟͜͠͝͡͠d̶͔̤͙̙̙̥͎̙̬̉̏̈́̇̅̊͌͛͟͠ w̶̡̧͇̳̘͕̳͕͗̅́̈̽͊͞ͅͅi̬̙̦͍̮̯͑̌̓̋͑̋̎͝l̴̺̝̠̻͔̬̪͔̱̩͌̊͂̽̚͞͠l̵̨̢̠̜̳̩̥̞͚̋­͛̄͊́̑̽͂̈́͟ d̶̩̳̣̭̣̰̐̓̋̎̃͌͐̾̈́̎͢i̵̢̢͙̞͎͙͉͛̎͆̐̀͆̀͗̃̚ẽ̸͍̪̞̯̳͍͕̗̃̀̏̑̄͊͠͡ ş̷̨͙̹̝̭̞̀̋̒̿̆ǫ̣̘̬̗̙̤̣͋͆͗̾̐̽͟͞ò̴̢̟͔̖̻̯̱̈́̓́͠͝ñ̴̮̙̱̜̲̻̹̺̓̋̕͞,̢̛̥̮̩̭­̗́͊̚͢͠͠
̧͙̗̹̮̜̋͐̄͑̊̇̆͑̕E̥͇̱̭̠̺͔͓͐̑̈́̾̀̂̉͝ͅv̡͕͍̣̬̖͚̑͒̒̔͊̉͗͘ͅe͉̼̝̟̩­͉͙̓̑͋̇̾̏̓̇̂̕ṋ̤̱̪̫͔̂͂͋̅͠͞ t̤͉̩͔̪̩͚͔́̇̎̐͡ͅō̵͉̯̪̼̳͈̉͋̅͜͝͝ t͕͕̜̯̬̳̔̌̈͂̌̍͢͠͠h̞̠̳̭̩͙̪̙͗͗̄̓́̑a̤̣̲̲̬̥͔̱̱͇͗̈̀̈́̒̂͊̚̕t̵̢̡͓̜̺̓͐̂͛̓̉­̅́̚͢,̴̨̢̩͈̟̻͓̍̏̓̃̍͞ İ̼̠̫̞́̿̀͜͟͝’̛̛̖͉̬͉̖̎̏̇̒͟͞͝m̘̻͔̗͓̺͎̌̏̃̄͆̕͢͢ n̹͕̳̬͉̆̀͐̽̆̍͡ͅǫ̸̡͚͈̩̯̪͗̆͂̓̆͐͐͞ͅt̷͖͚̜͎̥̦̯͋̆͌̐͘͢ i̛̯̻̰̖͇̓̑͌̈́̽̃̕͘͞ͅm̷̧̬̻͎̲͈͙̹̙͛̿̆̆̋͟m̼̩͉̭̮̥̝̹̬̊̑͆̈̋́̽͒͠ư̷̫͈͇̞̻͉̦̓̈­́͋̉̒͘ṇ̵̞͈̘̹̼̌̋̚͜͞͠e̢̛̲̱̟̟͐͆͆̋̾̏.̸̡̡͕̜̗͚͌͆̈́̈́͗́̎͜.̥̻͍̻̫̩̳̆͑̈́̋́͢͝­.̡̢̡̜̗̖̹̲͈̈́̊̇̿̚ͅ
̧̞̭̬͖̪̐̊͐͆̐́́͞͠ͅĻ̴͚̗̖̳̰̞͚̫̽͐͗̀̾̋̌͘̕͟ḛ̵̛̖̤̺̰̘̅̓̓­̕͘͢͠ͅa̵̬̳̹̼͈͉͎͎̞̭̐̂̀͑͊v̷͍̭͙̹̠̊̓̓͗̄̈̃̓͢͝i̵͍̤̭̫̿̎͑̒̈́̑̚͘͟n̵̼̳͇̞̝̒̓̌­̓͐̽̉̕͟͡ǵ̗̻̗͇͔͕͗̎̈̑̅̉̽̌͝ m̵͇̖̞̤̪̖̺͖̽̆̾̎̀̑̀͘͜ę̪̠̥͓͎̘͇͑̊͊̀̉̀͗̂̕ͅ e̱͇̱̮̜͇͙̬͐̎̋̇̕v̢̛͓̘̻͔̱̮͈͛̇̉̽̉͐̍̚͢ě̶̼̫̜͇̙̖̜̩͉̉̊́͢͠n̵͍͎̖̪̮̺̲͋̆̽͂͌̃́­̃͊͢ ḿ͍̙͇̖̘̔̀͊̑̓̉̚̕̚ô̴̘̥͍̹͖͈̠̌́͒̃̒̿͋r̡̼̣̗̭͕̹̽̀̃̉̔̅͜͝ḙ̸̩̝̬̖͛̀̌͑͘ l̗͓͍̻̹̙̗̥͂̏́̀̀̌̃ò̴̢̢͎͎̠̫̲̣͉̆̿͋͜͝n͓͈̞̘͕̱͇̞̈̽͆́̽͡e̸͍̩͈̝̱͌̈̏͋̐̆̈͞l̵̨­̛̬̟̤̝͎̱͇̅̈́̓͛̐̉̄̕͠y͓̬͍̞͚̅̊̍̌̽̉̀͢͟͠ͅ t̤͖͇̬̃̈̋͊͢͜͠ĥ̴̨̯̻̪̭̪̬̯̍͆͋̐͗͆̍͟å̟̼̙̘̠͑̾̎̃̃̌̀͊͂n̛͉̘̬̞̪͈̏̿̽͐̉̅͘̕ Į̛̺̟̯͖̻̐̂̐̋ ã̩͖̰̗̤̙̒̀͋̏̅͟͞l̸̛̲̼̥̩̩̯̈͗̾̾̄̓́̕͝r̷̤̲͍̺̪̻̾͊̂̀͐͗̾̚͟ḙ̶̛̼͖̪͚́͂̅̐ȧ̸̭͓̙­̞̳͇̯̣̳̽̓̎̂ͅḑ̴̨̧̪̼̥̭͕͍̗̈̔̆̈̇̔͌̓̉ỳ̠͉͇͈̬̑̊̾̌̕͜͢͢ a̧̜̗͈̤̅̽̆̍͂͘̕͡m͓͍͇͙̺̈́͆̂͌͗,̨̻̣̮̥̳̆͛͐̈́́̉̈́͆͡͠
̶̛͔̞̦̗̦̱͆̅̿̍̈́̇̐͘I̘­̹̫̼̲̣̠̫̟͛͊̓̉̂’̢̩̹̫̥̣̳́̆͑͆̕l̢̡̡̖͕͕̱̗̼̅̆͑̔̽͂̚͜͝l̢͙̩̖͗̓̒͂͜͡ b̸̠̝̝̜̗̯͆̃̎͐͊̈͌͌ë̡̥̜̻̯̇̔̽͝ s̸̹̹̪̱̹͕͉̦̙͈͒̋̋̂̚̚t̶̬͎̯̯̩̱͍͒͌͐̑̈̈́̍͋̕ͅǘ̵̥͕̯̙̠͙͙̊͌͛͞ͅc̸̞͖̺̙̝̪̼͎̣̀̿­̄̑̓̈́̀̈k̩̪̺̺̦͎̃̊̔̈́̊̊̀,̨̨̳̰̻̰̹̅̄́͒̿ i̡͍̗̞͙̹̟͊̓̀͌̀̎̏̚͘͜ņ̶͕͙͔̫̻͕̮̱́̇͌́̃̏̍̃ e̛̹̮̗̖͇͎͛̔̑̇͗̕͘̕͞ͅt̸̡̧̰͈͔̙̩͓͆̄̄̿͛͑̽̚͠ͅẻ̶̛̮̬̝̰̗̠̀́͋͆͒͡ŕ̵͓̫̠̻̖̘͉͂̉͑­̒n̷̙̼̣̖̺͖̯̘͊̆̂͌̃͞ą̛̳̗̼̩̳͉̓̍̊̍́̚͢͠l̸̼̭̪̩͚̩̮̰͚͖̉͋͊̌̃̍̄̔͞ ḩ̛̯̤̪͔̘̙̝͍̣͌̄̓̏͘e̴̡̨͚̻̻̦̗͐̉͑̉̄̾͋͛͠ͅl̷̤̙͓̹͔͕̒͌̓̇̕ͅl̸̢̻̪̘̮̹̜͙̎̑̅̈̈̀­̏̑͞,̶̧̧̬̙̰͔̪̝͎̽́͗̄̀ͅ
̶͎͚̯̫͍̝̭̪̈́̑͒͑̂͝W̡̭̮̺͍͉͙͛̈̇̔͐͌̍̌͘i̬̥̮̗͉͖͈̗̓̀­͐̑͛̀̿̄t̵̢̹̹̞̣͓͑͋͐̑̄̆͂̕͟͜͢͠͝h̶͉̭̖͕͎̮͑̀̌̂͋͞o̯̭̥̙̭͒͂̅̓́́̓̏̀̕ṳ̶̢͓̺̟̙̞­͊̆́͒̃t͖͇͍̹̞̋̈́̏̋͛͆̑̚͝ ť̷̨͍͔̪̮̹͎͕͓̄̂͐̌́̏͞h̵̢͈͉̯͓̯̾͌̏́͐̚͡e̵͎̫̝̰̬̤̐̌͑̿̈̈͆͠ c̷̨̞̮̱͒̿̍͌̈́͢ͅọ̵̢̜͉̺̳̙̩̍̄̋̎́̕͢͡m̧̢͙̙̦̥͍̐͗̃̐̀̓f̝͇̻̞̝̩͙̱̰͂͗̽͑͐̈́ͅo̧­̝̥̥͆͆̇͋̀̋̎͢͟ŗ̵̢̙͍̫̰̻͍͂̂̿͞͠t̸̛̛͚̩͕̞̣̅͐͛̋̿͌̚͝ͅ ǒ̶͕̭̤̘͔̜̖͔̄̔͒̅̈́̕͡ͅͅf̷̢̛̤̳̗̰̩̭̬̼͚̀̍͌͋̀ m̸̬͖̱̳̫͍̼̌̓͐̅̋̀͠ͅy̟͇̪̬͍̜͖͌̓̌͐͗̇̇͗͘ d̤̮̗͈̟̠͉̞̈́̂͐̓͐o̶̡̢͔̻͎͙̠̙͛̔̀̿̈̑̔͝ͅg̷̛̖͉̰̰͗̌̈́͗̀̈̂͜͝͝,̵̡̫̮̯̘͌͗̌́̀͢­͢͜ e̷̡͚̪̹͍̟̱̦͛̃̅̓͂͂̓̐̋ͅv̴̗͉̣̙͍͚̦̽͋̐̔͛͊͂ȩ̶̧̛̥̫̺̣͓̈̒̏̋̂̾̒͌̚ṉ̯̰̘̺͑̈̋̏͢͝­.̴̻̮̹͎̙͒͗͒̈̃̀̔̑̈́.͕̘̗͉̦̮̝͙͒̓̒́̚͢͟͝.̲͙̬̦̠̮̺̠̝̔̑̏̑̌
A fun little song once in a while won’t hurt!
204 · Aug 2018
Monika.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I don't wanna know...
If you're out, because I am not there...
I don't wanna know...
No, I don’t want to care,
Don’t wanna be aware,
It’s just not fair...

To tell the truth, I'm just trying to stay away from you.

And it's hard to forget, shake it off, not care,
When I fell in love with you, want you.
But it’s...
All so hard to go through,
My dreams will never become true.

To tell the truth, I'm just trying to stay away from you.

'Cause I don't wanna see you anymore.
I don't wanna see you anymore.

‘Cause every time I see you message, it gets me kinda crazy.
But that quickly goes away, and I’m left with my memories hazy.

My mind gets all blurry, foggy, woozy.
Devoid of all interest, back to empty.

I don't wanna see you anymore.

Things will never change, ‘till I stop wanting you.
When I think about you, it's my personal torture.

To tell the truth, I'm just trying to away from you.

“I don't want to see you anymore.
It's nothing you've said or done,
It's just the way I feel inside.”
She said at night.

Reality hit in the morning,
As I reached for her hand across the bed.

And the first thing on my mind,
Was the last thing that she has said.

“I don't want to see you anymore.”
How could it end this way?
I just broke right down, and cried.
I guess that’s another one in my book.
Just another lost one, written in my book.
Just another check mark in the book.
My book.

******* it, just say you hate me!
Tell me you regret you ever met me!
Come on, make sure that it hurts, right as you’re leaving...
Just prove it to me that...
You never even really ever wanted, loved me.

Don’t say you’re sorry, just hate me...
Don’t say you’re gonna miss me, just say you hate me...

...

It doesn't really matter what you say,
They're only words, they fade away.

You didn't really mean what you said.
When you were lying, I was only being led.

Little things, stupid things, I can’t forget.

And I really don't think I'll ever love again,
You think you know someone, and then...

It unfolds, unravels in front of you... Its just been a game to them.
188 · Aug 2018
The new truth.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
You are the sound of a tune,
And I can't get you out of my head...

You were the calm in my storm,
You were the voice, saying keep awake instead...
Maybe I'm just too tired to keep running...
Maybe you're what I never saw coming...?

Am I in your head, half as often as you're on my mind...?
If I don't make sense...
Please forgive me I can't sleep at night...
And I still feel alone...
Since I found what I never went looking for,
You're in my head...
I must've lost my mind...

You're the scars on my skin,
You're the past I don't wanna erase...
You're the words on my lips that have left,
But I still seem to taste...
Maybe I'm just too tired to keep lying...
Maybe you're all I ever wanted...

There's an empty space beside me,
And I'll keep it that way...
Until you're here....
I need you here....

There was another face beside me,
But I sent it away.
Cause you're not here.

Am I in your head, half as often as you're on my mind...?
If I don't make sense...
Please forgive me I can't sleep at night...
And I'm still alone...

But I don't want you anymore.
I don't know why I even go through this torture.
Since what we had before is no more,
And now I'm not sure, if I even had a choice.

You're not the same person I've met.
You're not the same person I meant to get.

Even though,you are not same person, I still.. Act like you are.

And you know, it hurts to see you change.
It hurts to see you distancing.
It hurts how you make fun of me.
It hurts how you don't want me.

It hurts, and you make fun of it.

And I... Had enough of it.
I always get pulled back in...
And I hope the last time, was really the last time.

I am done with you.
I don't want any more of you.
I had enough of you.
I no longer want this thing, that me and you.

The truth is, I don't even care about you.
The truth is, I never wanted me and you.

The truth is... I am afraid of you.

The truth is that I only care about the old you.
The truth is that I want the old you.

You’re only a memory...

I’ll scream these words until they come true,
Then I will think no more of you...

But the truth is... I don't know the truth...
186 · Sep 2018
This is for you.
Nathan Alexander Sep 2018
This is for you, Nate.

I'm a child, in everyone's eyes...
But to their surprise,
Their eyes deceive them, tell lies.

I'm a last resort, in everyone's eyes,
And I can’t argue, no matter the tries,
I can’t get my prize.
It ties, truly applies.

When nothing works,
I'll be the first to say your name.

The only thing that satisfies me...
Is getting back in your hands.
Building your words on lies,
The truth stuck, just won’t come out.

When there's nothing left to fight for,
When nothing works...

I'll be the first to say your name.

I'm suicidal, and you're wondering...
Why I make bruises in perfect skin.
When you're trying...
“To make it out alive,”
In a world we're meant to die in...

When nothing works,
I'll be the first to say your name.

The only thing that satisfies me...
Is getting back in your hands.

Trying to keep your face just right,
But it’s a mask, a cheap lie,
Just a disguise.

But you don’t know any reason,
Of the future, have no vision,
Stuck in self-division.

When there's nothing left to fight for,
When nothing works...

I'll be the first to say your name.

And since I spent a few years being afraid,
It became my profession.

Spent a few years hiding my flaws,
Am I ready for a confession?

Spent a few years drowning in self-hatred,
It was an obsession.

By the end, I was only a pawn,
That was the limit of my progression.

But now I don’t care.
Now I just don’t care.
I just don’t care.

I don’t care anymore.

I’ll scream these words, until it becomes true,
Then I will think no more of the old you.
185 · Aug 2018
You don't know me.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Yeah, they say when we grow up...
You'll understand when you're older...
Guess I'm still a kid, I don't know it...
If I'll ever let go of this.

Say goodbye to the old me...
We're not friends anymore, you don't know me...
I know I could die any moment...
If I do just remember this...

Actions speak louder than words do, it's pretty quiet, isn't it?
Look at the world we live in, defined by comment sections.

Surround yourself with people that challenge how you think,
Not people that nod their head, and act like they agree.
Always be yourself, not the person that you pretend to be.

It's not about what people think, it's about how you feel inside.
Don't act a certain way to someone to make them happy, once they find out, they'll break.
People are like glass.

I heard that life's too short, don't let it pass you by...
Yet we waste a lot of time crying over wasted time,
Don't we?

Don't be over optimistic, naive, for once, look at it from a different angle.
Don't trust everyone, people change, even Satan used to be an angel.

Think twice before you're taking everything from the hand that made you.
Don't believe what you believe, just cause that's how they raised you.
Think your own thoughts, don't let people do it for you.
183 · Aug 2018
Lost.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
When did I become so numb?
When did I lose myself?
All the words that leave my tongue...
Feel like they came from someone else...

Where are my feelings?
I no longer feel things, I know I should...
Where is the real me?
I'm lost, and it kills me inside....

When did I become so cold?
When did I become ashamed?
Where's the person that I know?
He must have died, gun aimed,
Framed,
And I am the only one to be blamed.

I'm scared to live, but I'm scared to die...
And yes, life is a pain, and every day, I ask why?
Why am I
Still alive?
And where am I?

I wanna feel something, I'm numb inside...
But I don't feel nothing, I wonder why.
All of my therapists tried...
To figure me out...
I knew it, but to their surprise...
They couldn't fix me, so they prescribed
Some medication,
For my major depression...
Is life really supposed to be a blessing?

I'm at the bottom, and I don't know what the problem is...
I'm in a box, but I'm the one who locked me in...
Suffocating...
And I'm running out of oxygen..

Where are my feelings?
I no longer feel things, I know I should...
Where is the real me?
I'm lost, and it kills me inside....

Where are my feelings?
I no longer feel things, I know I should...
Where is the real me?

I'm lost, and it kills me inside....
182 · Aug 2018
Life.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Because life wasn't so kind to give us what we want,
we instead observe virtual worlds,
read the pre-written words,
date or see a character date cutesy, unrealalistic boys and girls.

But that only goes so far,
those worlds are more temporary than ours.
They mostly end in hours.
Don't you wish that you had the superpowers,
to enter those worlds, and make them ours?

Hey, if life's so pathetic and sad,
why do we choose to go on, and
not give up all that we had,
can you really call that bad?

So then...
Who am I?
Where do I belong, when do I feel fulfilled?

I mean, the lucky have their moms and dads,
I guess that makes some stay, yeah I understand,
but that's only until they're ******* dead.

So then, what else do we have?
Music, art, and love, you say?
Can you really say
that that’s enough to make our sanity stay at bay?

I don't give a f_.
It's all temporary, it doesn't matter your luck.
Stop being so stuck,
in your ****** to end, circle of love.

Cause we're the delusioned victim cash-in union,
Praise to the "love" that will bring salvation!
Two fools, singing to a shallow melody.
Haven’t you ever wished to leave this world behind, and enter a fairy tail of your own, or one you’ve seen?
179 · Aug 2018
Scars.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
A fragile boy, mentally aged...
By misery.
And when our eyes meet...
If you’re lucky, and my defenses are down, you just might see.

I do not want to be afraid...
I do not want to die inside,
Just to know all I achieved was that I barely tried.

I'm tired of feeling so numb.
Minimal relief exists... I find it when...
My arm is cut...

I may seem crazy...
Really, all I can say is “maybe.”

And these scars wouldn't be so hidden,
If you would just ******* look me in the eye...

I feel alone here, and cold here...
Though I’m not sure if I want to die...
And the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything, even if for a little while,
Kills me inside...

I do not want to be afraid...
I do not want to die inside, just to know all I achieved was that I barely tried.

I'm tired of feeling so numb...
Relief exists...  I find it when...
I cut...

Damnata, invisus, ubique
Ab omnibus, ad infinitum.
178 · Aug 2018
Nobody.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Nobody really ******* wants to be with me, like they always say.
Never message, I always have to start, I know that they are fake.
Seriously, what do you want me from me, break?
I just want to finally escape this dark void of a place.
But that's always been the dream, same *******, different day.
So I slightly overdose on my antidepressants, try to get rid of this pain...
But it's never gonna change, and I'll always feel the same.
I don't know what to do, my life is never changes, I want to get up, off this train.
Never feel excited, and it's always been this way.
I wanna make it out, I wanna get up out this rain..
And say you had my back, but always saw me in this pain.
I'm tired of this ****, and I'm so tired of these days...

Sleepless nights, anxiety, every **** thing else, just not doing any good for me.
Sometimes I wanna tell my problems, but nobody's here to be listening.

Nobody's listening, nobody cares.

So I sleep all day to escape, after waking up,  always check my phone...
Every single time, even though I know nobody cares, I'm alone.
Nobody even messages, I feel like a ghost.
I just wanna find some peace, but nowhere feels like home.
I somtimes just want somebody, who would listen, and can cope...
I don't know what to do, cause I can't trust a soul.
Try to avoid it, ignore it, but still the problems, feelings overflow...
But I really never had anything to lose, I'm on death row.
You say you understand, but you don't even ****** know.
Every day I wake up, and I'm always feeling low.

I really just had enough, and I truly hope that one day this can stop...
I'll just keep on trying to get day by day, try not to drop.
164 · Aug 2018
Why do you try so hard?
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Why do you try so hard?

I more and more
Am realizing everything is meaningless,
And more and more
Am realizing it’s all pointless,
So since all’s for nothing,
Do I really need to keep this society’s
Boundaries?

Can’t you see?
Everything is pointless.
Can’t you see?
Everything will end in sadness.
Can’t you see?
You’re bound to go depressed.
Can’t you see?
You’re doomed to drop dead.

So, why do you try
So hard to avoid it all?
So, why do you try
So hard to be ignorant?

There is absolutely no point,
Life is ultimately meaningless.
Nothing matters in the end.
161 · Aug 2018
I should've known.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I am quickly learning that the things you promised me are *******,
But of course, I took it.

And every single secret of mine has been broadcast like tv...
You took all the people I knew in my life,
Told them ***** lies,
They left, one by one, like flies.

All your friends, and everyone I know, are aware of everything wrong with me,
And you were cruel enough, to sever all the threads, that were tying you to me.

For a second you made me believe we were lovers,
Made me believe in forever, but now we’re enemies.

Pull all your ****** knives out of my back.
It's an order, I will not take kindly your attack.
Though, I can't say I was that surprised, at how you turned on me so fast.
I let you in,
I held you close.
Still, my blood flows like a river, 'cause i trusted you the most.

I can’t even think straight, I have your voice everywhere in my house.
It’s like i almost miss you...

I should’ve known .
159 · Aug 2018
Dark side.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
We're not in love.
We share no stories.
Our stories don't interwine,
Just something in your eyes.

Don't be afraid,
The shadows know me.

Let's leave the world behind.

Take me through the night,
Fall in to the dark side!

We don't need the light!

I see it,
Let's feel it!

Let go of the light,
Fall into the dark side!

Fall into the dark side,
Let go of the light,
Give in to the dark side.

Beneath the sky,
As black as a goodbye,
I give a sigh,
We're running out of time...

Don't wait for truth,
To come and blind us...
Let's just believe the lies.

After all, that's all there is!

Believe it,
I see it,
I know that you can feel it.

No secrets worth keeping,
Nothing worth seeking,
In the light.

Shadows creeping,
Your light version weeping,
Dark version sleeping.

Your time is up,
This place is corrupt,
Let's live on the dark side!
157 · Aug 2018
Alright.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
He was 16, with nobody to talk to today.
Like every other day.

He would sit down at the table,
Tell himself that it's alright,
He was waiting on the day he hoped a lover would finally arrive,
He'd never be alone...
Have someone to hold.

And when nights were cold, he'd say:
The world's not perfect, but it's not that bad,
If we got each other, and that's all we have,
I will be your lover, and I'll hold your hand,
You should know I'll be there for you...

When the world's not perfect,
When the world's not kind,
If we have each other, then we'll both be fine,
I will be your lover, and I'll hold your hand...

You should know I'll be there for you.
...So where are you...?

You don't exist, do you?
No, you were just another imagination, just another dream of mine.
I should've knew,
After all, it's nothing new...
But still, it left me kinda blue...
All my life interest, flew
Out the window.

Oh, man... What a view!
Just look out there, all of what's come out of me, blowing in the wind.
It's beautiful... Isn't it?
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
You can’t see me now...
In the mess
That you left,
When you tore my world, proud,
Left me full with doubt.

And you can’t hear me cry...
I feel the pain coming from the part of my heart,
That swore to you, he will never say goodbye.

Days speed by me now...
In my mind, it’s like a ghost town,
Trying to forget the past,
That we had.

I see no chance of healing from my past,
Things keep repeating without an end...

Over and over, thought I found the person who will stay...
But they left, turning my whole wide world gray.
It started out as a poem about my last girlfriend, Lucy, but I ended up realizing all my relationships ended the same. They left me broken, each hurting worse and worse, and leaving me with more and more scars, leading to several mental disorder developments.
151 · Aug 2018
Monster inside me.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Behind my smile... It's there.
And I start to feel it.

When you spit venomous words,
With all your poison...
You punch me, and kick 'till it hurts.

You've made your choices.

I didn't want to show...
What lives under my skin.
But now, you're gonna see.

You're messing with a monster.

I couldn't stand up to you...
But finally, I couldn't wait much longer.
You thought you were strong,
But I proved... I'm so much stronger.

So now, you've seen what I am...
You better start running, hiding.
Yes, just run as fast as you can,
'Cause I will be coming.

You've pushed me through the border, my trigger...
Be careful, now I'm quicker,
Bigger,
Sicker,
Now I'm the kicker.

Goes to figure.

I didn't want to show...
What lives under my skin.
But...
Now you're gonna see.

You're messing with a monster.

But I've still got a heart...
We could restart...
But hidden in the dark...
Is the side that I don't show...

But I've still got a heart...
We could restart...
It's only when you choose to beat, and kick me down.
That you're messing with a monster.

And even when I give you a chance...
You choose to advance.
I don't like to break glass...
But I don't take kindly your attacks.

I didn't want to show...
What lives under my skin.
But...
Now you're gonna see.

That you're messing with a monster.
150 · Aug 2018
Higher.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
You're not something I require,
Not something worthy of being desired.
We're done with that, no way.

I'll just take myself higher,
So I'm feeling okay.

Look at me now,
I'm done with chasing after people, all the fakes.
They taught me how...
And now I'm feeling okay.

They taught me how,
Now I'm feeling okay.

I wanna take my time,
To make my decisions,
Change my mind,
For no **** reason.

I'm better off solo.

Break me down,
But I won't be imprisoned.
Hold my ground,
'Till my heart stops beating.

I'm better off solo.

You tell me you need me,
You tell me you want me,
But we all know I'm better off alone.

Now I'm feeling okay.

You taught me how,
Now I'm feeling okay...
138 · Aug 2018
Lucy.
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
I've been waiting for the day you say you want me back...
I've been alone,  but really, I can't seem to understand...

You threw my heart into the flames,
I rewatched your videos, ones you sent, and ones I recorded, frame by frame,
I tried to delete them, but I still keep them, just in case...
If you're wondering if I still love you, after so much time has passed...
Since you asked...

I don't really want you back,
I just want the life we had.

And I remember all the times you said you had my back...
But now... We're separated, going down our separate paths.

Maybe because they fuel my disorders, who knows,
But...

But I can't let the memories of us go.

— The End —