It used to be your pleasure I soaked up with the tissues
Now they can't seem to get enough of my tears
Sometimes I let them be when I lay down to sleep
They roll down my face as if in a race and I'll bet on which one first reaches my ears
It's the only thing I haven't been wrong about in years

I wanted to tell you about him
After all, what are best friends for if not the confessions of sins
But that´s how you made me feel
As if he was the devil and if I put my hands on his body then it´d be just so I could rebel
Out of spite, you said he was fine for a night
A benefit for bodies with no feelings in sight

But I did not want a night
I longed for a chance at forever
The slightest hope at something that will not pass like the weather

I wanted to tell you about him
But there was something about the secrecy
His smile against my mouth and his hands on every part of me
That made me want to shut a door
Cause that would mean I have the key
And I did not want you to have a spare
At least not in the beginning
Because what if it turns out it´s not love after all
And all the door is good for is to hide my sinning

And I was used to it
The unsteady moods and sudden attacks
I'd changed into someone who couldn't be hurt
Stopped trying to fix his errors by addressing them first
I'd just never expected to be needing that back
Good I kept all my baggage and never unpacked

i hate a mess
but i’d hate
not seeing yours
all over my bedroom
floor
more

I feel neutral
My cat is purring
I have a type of love
And food
And a roof
Over my head

So why
Do I feel
So dead