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I became unsure as to the correlation of knowledge with meaning,
And happiness.

“There’s always a lighthouse.
There’s always a man.
There’s always a city.”
There’s always a question,
There’s ever a quest,
There may be an answer
but never an end.

Experience everything,
Be anything,
Forget nothing,
Become something;
This is existence.
There’s no turning back.
The unexamined life is not worth living,

But the over-examined life loses meaning.
All we can do is to grant each other equal significance
and thus strike a balance between being.

Lines Three, Four, and Five from Elizabeth in Bioshock: Infinite.
The book's spine had been surreptitiously eyeing him the past month,
Wedged between a vintage hi-fi tube amplifier and the wall of his closet.
Underwhelmed by the memory he had justified keeping for too long,
Upon spring cleaning he resolved to be rid of it. He grabbed his bike.
Hurtling down by the river, he uttered "...better things" and flaked it in
and briefly remembered
watching movies on videotape with her, holding each other
in the grainy glow of VHS.
I cannot fault your etiquette,
"Fate had you by the heel".
I state that Europe has committed to democracy;
Achilles might personify this at present
given the silence in Rome, Madrid, and Paris.
I hope our solidarity endures afterward, for
another great recession is coming, and thereafter
another counter-culture will rise from the discontent
and be fated to excess.
Palace of Nations
Unto the self.

Sometimes I fear my ventures are too vast in scope
but I cannot fault my curiosity or love of crafts.

It's all that there is, left here for us.
An infinity of eternal resolution.
It beckons, strange tidings
I contend there was a moment in history
when G-twn had the highest rate of MDMA use in the world,
And I was there at the heartbeat of it all.

At the start of this story
there was a great recession
and those pills were our savior.
They led us into the dark, wherein I found myself.

We went camping at an abandoned hotel and I took a half.
I was 17, and it was special. I don't regret it, but looking back
on the years that followed is difficult. It felt medieval. Youth
spent in search of a better life. All we had was faith, Session
be praised. All sorts of slang and substances
were slung around the town.

I finished school and didn't look back. My heart belonged to G-twn.
I was 18. I spent a summer as a runner and something of an addict.
Then I went to uni, and my closest G-twn friends were all there.
It was class. I smoked a lot of ****. At some point I did acid.
On New Years I went all in and burned myself out,
After this I cleaned up and actually studied for the rest of the year.

G-twn does strange things to one's memory, blends all your nights
into one. People always seemed to be around.
I was 19, still getting a feel for the scene.
I started going to raves. They were great
but one night I got some bad pills, I could have died.
Scared me wise for a lifetime. I had been so careless.
Thenceforth I began doing more thorough research.
I discovered the dark markets. Safety became my priority.
I realized how deeply I cared for my people, my city,
That my happiness is dependent on them, others.
This helped me forget my issues.
I was at ease in college, among my colleagues.
We treated campus like an extension of our living room.
I felt like I belonged. There were so many groups, so much time
spent among people as diverse. I trusted my friends, together
we became well-acquainted with psychedelics. We were
a cadre of psychonauts, and I was so proud.

We'd come so far from our audacious beginning,
Kids coming-of-age in The Great ReSession.
I was 20. I left to live abroad for a year
and when I came back G-twn was just as I'd left it,
But I was different.
Upon my return
the heartbeat was arrhythmic.
Here's to all those the lost memories.

In time MDMA's rampant popularity waned,
Abetted by garda crackdown. Now drug use is as dominated
by ***** ******* and sweet cannabis as it was dear ecstasy.
The wave's broken against the land.
There are still those who praise, the odd cabal of psychonauts
who get their dark research done,
A cadre dedicated to those arts.

I continue to taste new psychoactives when I've the time,
Sadly it's become something of a lone venture of late.
Nevertheless, I think exploration a good-in-itself.
Knowledge for knowledge's sake and all that.
I am 25 now. I wonder whose mind this is.
In 2017 Irish drug users had the highest "average number of days of ecstasy (MDMA) use... by country"
I've been running the shadows. Seattle. Berlin. Hong Kong.
I learned the hermetic arts, got chromed up, and lost my crew
after a corp caught our industrial espionage. The astral planes
are fraught with activity from a new plague. Best to hide out
in the matrix 'til things calm down. I'll write about past exploits
and can continue my ventures in psychonautics. Last night
I tasted a couple milligrams of alpha-Pyrrolidinohexiophenone
and stayed up until 5am watching Euphoria and writing.
α-PHP is remarkably potent
even at the threshold.
Shook Ones Pt. II.
Unto the universe.

When beliefs are all you have
they become of you.

All I have left
is time.
No longer than I
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