Monotone: Poems

97 · Mar 2018

Day to Day

Monotone Mar 2018

Day to Day

From day to day
From time to time
We all repeat the same steps
In this process we call life.

96 · Nov 2021

Molded For You

Monotone Nov 2021

Molded For You

I’m not the right flavor for you.
My love is shown a particular way-
I give you reassurance,
you consider it babying you.
I ask about your day-
tell me I’m simping.
I want to call-
and you say I’m annoying.

But then-
I change those habits,
And now I’m a walking red flag.
You molded me how you wanted me,
But now you want the original again?
I’m sorry, but you don’t get that choice.

94 · Sep 2021

This weighted plate

Monotone Sep 2021

This weighted plate

I was told I ruin everything-
Every friendship, relationship, or in between.
I give every small piece of me,
rarely asking for any reprieve-
and yet I still manage to ruin it.
Every single time.
I keep taking the blame,
because I know your shoulders are weak,
and while I may be struggling,
you are certain to crumble under the weight.
For now I’ll continue to carry your mistakes,
but I ensure you that I won’t always.
I’ll eventually clear this weighted plate.

93 · May 2021

Define it

Monotone May 2021

Define it

Define a crush~
Is this someone who you're just attracted to,
or is this someone you know well and have feelings for?

Define 'talking'~
Is this just chatting amongst many different people,
or is this something considered exclusive?

Define dating~
Is this going on a few dates with multiple people,
or is this loving one person and unmeasurable feelings for them?

Define engaged~
Is this a trial run of marriage,
or is this a promise to love someone for the rest of eternity.

Define marriage~
Is this an agreement to only love one another,
or is this a contract that keeps the two of you stuck together?

I'm so confused. So please, define it.

91 · Feb 2021

limb by limb

Monotone Feb 2021

limb by limb

I received your letter today,
but it was impersonal and cold.
There was no I love you, or 'babe,'
It feels as though you're pushing me out.
You're shoving me away,
pushing me into the deep, unkind sea.
It tears me apart, limb by limb,
and my soul simply breaks.

I wish you could see precisely what you're doing to me.

91 · Jun 2019

An Ache To Bleed

Monotone Jun 2019

An Ache To Bleed

I don't know what's wrong with me.
Right now, I'm too aware of my unscathed skin.
I want to pierce it, I want to tear it.
To see if my emotions will seep out,
so that I won't have to deal with them

89 · May 2020

Each and Every Way

Monotone May 2020

Each and Every Way

It doesnt matter how we speak or hang,
Fortnite, minecraft, or voice calls in some other game.
In person, far away,
through a call, or texted wording,
Each and every day
You bring a smile to my face,
and I know I love you in each and every way.

88 · Nov 2020

I ate today

Monotone Nov 2020

I ate today

I ate today.
That's a step in the right direction.
I ate today.
Tomorrow I'll clean,
but for today,
I ate.

87 · Apr 2020

12:32 am, 4/8/2020

Monotone Apr 2020

12:32 am, 4/8/2020

I can't help but be saddened
And utterly maddened
As I sit and contemplate
The feelings my prior poems demonstrate.

86 · Feb 2021

I may be breathing, but...

Monotone Feb 2021

I may be breathing, but...

I may be breathing, but I'm not alive.
I'm a puppet, strings controlled by an invisible hand.
I'm told where to go, what to say, how to act,
but I'm far from being alive.
I have no real thoughts,
and I feel no happy emotions.

I may be breathing, but I'm not alive.
I've given away my control-
to someone who won't throw me off a ledge.
but I'm far from being alive.
Every day I sway near the edge of a cliff,
and my puppeteer yanks my strings away again.

I may be breathing, but I'm not alive.

86 · Jul 2020

I Won't Let You

Monotone Jul 2020

I Won't Let You

I want to forget it all
and love you unconditionally once more;
but, it doesn't work like that.
You broke my trust and my heart,
And as much as I love you,
I won't let you tear me apart.

84 · Feb 2018

Millenials

Monotone Feb 2018

Millenials

My mother wants me to go to college
My father prefers me go to technical school
My uncle thinks I should go into the Military
My aunt pushes me towards the Navy

However, out of four brothers
Not one tries to influence me.
Not a single one.
By doing this,
they encourage me to be me.

And that, is why us "Millennials" ignore the older population.
Ignore the stuff you all say that is stupid and frustrating.
We break the mold because we refuse to sit in one.
We push the boundaries you set,
Because we want to be OURSELVES.

84 · Feb 2021

Honestly, I Would Rather Be.

Monotone Feb 2021

Honestly, I Would Rather Be.

I may not be gone,
but really I am.
My heads lost,
travelling worlds and over seas.
I'm simply a shell,
moving place to place,
never truly finding a spot to stay.
Words spill out of my mouth,
but really, I have nothing to left to say.
I may not be deceased,
but honestly, I would rather be.

83 · Apr 2018

asdfgh

Monotone Apr 2018

asdfgh

I never knew I'd feel something worse than a stab in the back.
Something worse than being lied to when you already know the truth.
Something more wretched than watching your love die day by day.
Something so horrible, that I hid the pain.
No, you're right.
You didn't take a blade to my back
Instead, you set a fire to my soul and watched it go up in flames.
You destroyed my will to think for myself or love or hurt or enjoy.
You burnt the very thought of happiness to a crisp.
And left me to stumble through life, numb and betrayed.

83 · Jun 2020

Whirlwind of Confusion

Monotone Jun 2020

Whirlwind of Confusion

I detest
That we are
So far apart
Yet also so close.
It just hurts
So much
But also,
Doesnt.
And I'm a
Whirlwind
Of confusion.

81 · Apr 2020

Dear Me

Monotone Apr 2020

Dear Me

Dear me,
You're not good enough,
nor will you ever be.
It's your fault you know,
you didn't speak.
Maybe as a child you were asking for it,
but those other girls weren't.
They shouldn't experience what he did.
Those touching hands in places they shouldn't be.
The psychological terror of being called a liar.
The fear of it happening more, and more,
The memories crashing back every time a boy got close.
You let them get put in that same spot.
You helped him get away with it.
It's all your fault, so no.
You're not good enough,
you will never be.
You are trash, and nothing will change that fact.
Sincerely,
Me

81 · Sep 2017

Butterflies

Monotone Sep 2017

Butterflies

Its new, this feeling.
Its odd, yet nice.
Its nice, and welcome.

I get this feeling,
when I hear from him,
when I see him,
when I think about him.

81 · Jul 2020

Calm

Monotone Jul 2020

Calm

I feel like I'm living in grey.
The things that once made me spiral
Into a mess of tears or jump for joy
Don't seem to have any affect on me.

Im neither happy, or sad.
I'm just in a constant state
Of numbness, and I wish...
I wish I knew if this was the calm
Before an ugly black storm.

81 · Feb 2021

Once Again...

Monotone Feb 2021

Once Again...

If I once again gave you my everything,
would you leave me behind silently screaming?

80 · Oct 2020

A Devastating Breach

Monotone Oct 2020

A Devastating Breach

Just when I thought I couldn't be any more alone,
you took a step back, leaving me in total isolation.
And while I understand what you're going through,
It still tears me apart, piece by piece by piece.
You don't think yourself capable of loving anyone,
meanwhile I gave you every single bit I had stored away.
Now, my eyes can't stop leaking and I feel entirely numb.
I slowly begin rebuilding my walls, this time reinforced,
so that maybe this time they won't be breached so easily.

79 · Nov 2020

Dear You,

Monotone Nov 2020

Dear You,

I regret to inform that I am sad.
I'm sad because I keep getting pushed away.
I don't want to be left isolated.
I keep doing my best to help, to support,
but in the end no one ever stays.
I'm always alone it seems.
Even if the room around me is crowded.
I stay friends with those who hurt me,
because even then, I still don't want them to leave.
So yea, I'm sad.
Because, both those who make me hurt
and those genuinely care for me leave.

Sincerely,
Me

78 · Feb 2018

Human.

Monotone Feb 2018

Human.

I think it's time you tried something new
those cat calls really don't suit you.
The cute boy that I used to know
is now going after every "***."
Hey I get it, you're growing up
You're no longer just a little pup.
I do have just one thing to say though,
you really shouldn't have to put on such a show.
You're friends should treat you as a human
not as if you're some garbage can.

78 · Mar 2019

Mr. Puppeteer.

Monotone Mar 2019

Mr. Puppeteer.

Once again, there you are.
Poking your head around the corner,
watching every move I make,
and using me as yet another experiment.
You pull the strings
in this wild, complex relationship,
and I cannot help but to wander
what would happen
were I to cut them.
Would I stand tall and alone,
no strings needed?
Or would I fall,
crumpling to the earth,
shattering my chances at life?
One day, Mr. Puppeteer,
I shall find the answer,
and your puppet will be puppet no more.

78 · Feb 2020

.

Monotone Feb 2020

.

Its only now that I realize people only tolerate me.

Im not close to anyone in particular, in fact they're lightyears away.

78 · Feb 2018

Believe me, I know.

Monotone Feb 2018

Believe me, I know.

Believe me, I know.
I know you have a Girlfriend.
A Girlfriend who deserves more.
Deserves more than your nasty thoughts.
Your nasty thoughts that drove even me away.
Me away to the opposite end of the page we had made.

78 · Jul 2019

Lately

Monotone Jul 2019

Lately

I've wished nothing more
than to have someone to love
for my own.

78 · Feb 2018

Asunder

Monotone Feb 2018

Asunder

I'm divided, Split in two.
One me for me, one me for you.
I'm worried you will see right through.
As if I were a window for anyone to view.

Sometimes I forget who is who.
I don't want to be a perfect copy of you.
I don't want your beliefs or how to.
I don't want to be spat out after you chew.

77 · Apr 2018

Alone on the Edge.

Monotone Apr 2018

Alone on the Edge.

And forever she sat, alone on the edge.
Waiting for someone she knew to be dead.
While simultaneously still holding the hope
That someone, anyone, would give her a shove.
So she could fly, and play pretend
while losing herself to the void within.

77 · Nov 2020

~

Monotone Nov 2020

~

Yes. It tore me apart.
I gave into my stupid heart.
I let you play with my emotional needs.
Even now, I watch as my soul bleeds.
It isn't fair.
You didn't even care.
I was maimed,
meanwhile you weren't ashamed.
You didn't act hurt,
you just left me to die in the dirt.

77 · Oct 2017

Old habits, tricks, and tips.

Monotone Oct 2017

Old habits, tricks, and tips.

Memories long since past are spilling out as if a flood was beginning.
I see each one, every single one.
I had forgotten your old habits, tricks, and tips.
I had wanted to forget those beautiful, deadly things.
It only draws me in, like a warm blanket and a hot cup of chocolate.
It draws me in and makes me think.
Think about what old habits, tricks, and tips people associate with me.
I slowly fell asleep, for once thinking about myself.
Yet the next morning my thoughts were back to you,
a never endless routine.

75 · Feb 2020

????

Monotone Feb 2020

????

Are you ******* stupid?
Are you emotionally impaired?
Do you understand im dying?
Do you wish I wasn't here?
When will you hear me?
When will it become clear?
Am I so unwelcome that nobody'll ever care?

75 · Apr 2021

just... listen to me, please.

Monotone Apr 2021

just... listen to me, please.

Stop looking at me.
Please just stop.
I'm tired of being on the spotlight.
Just stop criticising me-
you keep instruct-no demanding me.
You keep demanding me to change.
Demanding me to be okay.
I don't want to change.
No matter how much I want to be okay,
I don't want to change me.
My essence, my unique.
Just let me be. Please?
Stop staring at me.
Stop looking at me.
Just... listen to me, please.

75 · Jul 2019

Hopeless Desires

Monotone Jul 2019

Hopeless Desires

I'm trapped.
Stuck.
Stranded.
Isolated.
Confined.
Imprisoned.
Held captive to my own mind,
and unfortunately I feel as though
I can't reach for anyone.
I long for human connection
and empathetic conversations.
I long for someone to make me
smile, laugh, and love.
For someone to ease
the feelings
of loneliness, pain, and despair.
Someone to cherish.

74 · Mar 2020

Emptiness

Monotone Mar 2020

Emptiness

I have never felt more alone than I do now.
Everyone keeps disappearing,
Leaving me to confide only in my demons.
Demons who poke, ****, and pry at my mind;
Convincing me that I don't belong.
Convincing me that I am useless.
Convincing me that I need to disappear.

74 · Feb 2021

My Thoughts Exactly.

Monotone Feb 2021

My Thoughts Exactly.

One: *******.
Two: I'm stupid.
Three: Can we end this?

73 · May 2018

:')

Monotone May 2018

:')

I wasn't even aware I had these feelings for you until you decided you loved her. Guess it's too late now.

72 · Feb 2020

Fuck This.

Monotone Feb 2020

**** This.

I cry.
I scream.
I holler.
I scratch.
I kick.
I bite.
I tear.
I fight.

I fight to get out,
but I cannot escape my mind.

72 · Mar 2018

I'm not surprised.

Monotone Mar 2018

I'm not surprised.

I'm not surprised.
I'm not surprised because you're not the only one whose done this crap.
I'm not surprised because this isn't the first time I've been let down.
I'm not surprised because its happened so much I've become immune.
I'm not surprised because I've grown to expect this from people like you.

I'm not surprised that your mad that I'm not surprised.
I'm not surprised that you decided to pull this crap too.
I'm not surprised that it's happened yet again.
I'm not surprised that I'm not surprised.
I'm not surprised.

72 · Jul 2019

I guess you'd call it maturity?

Monotone Jul 2019

I guess you'd call it maturity?

When I was younger
I'd have never thought
that life could be this cruel;
However, as I've grown older
I've realized many key facts,
one of which being that,
it seems to have
just as many joys as it has sorrows.

72 · Dec 2020

I'm breaking and waiting

Monotone Dec 2020

I'm breaking and waiting

Am I invisible?
It really feels that way.
I watch all these people interact all around
and I'm in the middle of it all
but though I'm right there
noone hears my voice
or senses my presence.
I'm just alone
it's just me,
but i'm surrounded by so many bodies.
And they're talking, smiling, laughing.
and I'm breaking and waiting
for someone to just acknowledge me.

71 · Feb 2018

In A Place Filled With Sound

Monotone Feb 2018

In A Place Filled With Sound

In a place filled with sound,
I feel so alone.
No friends or family.
No siblings or enemies.

In a place filled with sound,
I cannot hear a thing.
No laughter, cries, or reprieve.
No yelling, whispering, or screams.

In a place filled with sound,
I see nothing.
No people, animals, or trees.
No colors as vivid as can be.

In a place filled with sound,
I taste nothing.
Nothing sweet or salty,
only bland and boring.

In a place filled with sound,
I smell nothing.
Not mommas homemade cooking,
or freshly cut grass.

In a place filled with sound,
I do not exist.
No trace of me ever did.

#senses #taste #sight #feeling #sound #smell #me

71 · Feb 2021

This "Happy" Lie

Monotone Feb 2021

This "Happy" Lie

My mind is vacant, like the sky at night.
Only tiny stars that are not-at-all-bright.
They hope to pierce the sky, but instead they make it cry.
Rain pours down, soaking me and forcing me to drown.
I sink far and deep, hoping that if I drown it'll keep.
I'd rather die, than keep waking up and living this "happy" lie.

71 · Oct 2017

Piece by Piece

Monotone Oct 2017

Piece by Piece

I feel so guilty,
loving someone new
for all I had ever loved
was you
You who trapped me,
Isolated me,
infected me,
and dissected me.
Piece by piece,
I was turned to nothing.
Yet this someone new,
with just a smile
has freed me,
and turned me into something

71 · Jul 2017

I thought not.

Monotone Jul 2017

I thought not.

So sweet you are,
my lovely prince,
but wouldn't you rather
show the world
your desperate dark
needs and desires?
Wouldn't you rather
destroy the loving trust
you have earned for yourself
by playing false and dim witted?
Wouldn't you rather
throw false trust down the drain
for the love of your life?
I had thought not...

#love #trust #desperate #dark #desires

71 · Aug 2020

What am I?

Monotone Aug 2020

What am I?

Am I too fat, or too skinny?
Am I too loud, or too quiet?
Am I too tall, or too short?
Am I too happy, or too sad?
Am I too outgoing, or too shy?
Am I too rich, or too poor?
Am I too tan, or too pale?
Am I too ugly, or too pretty?
Am I too much, or too little?

If you're going to tell me
What society thinks I should be
Then at least set a realistic standard.

70 · Sep 2020

I'm suffocating by myself

Monotone Sep 2020

I'm suffocating by myself

Everywhere I turn
there's no one.
And it's suffocating me,
this deafening emotional silence.
It's wrapping around me tightly,
refusing to let me breathe in the happenings around me.
Sooner or later,
it'll get too tight,
squeezing me into a void where I've no need for air.
And, I'll be happy to be there.

70 · Mar 2019

Tug-of-War

Monotone Mar 2019

Tug-of-War

As one side is tugged left,
the other is tugged right,
and soon enough,
something once so precious,
so dear to me,
is ripped in half;
stuffing bursting from the seams.

70 · Jul 2017

A Story, A Truth

Monotone Jul 2017

A Story, A Truth

May I tell you a story?
May I tell you a truth?
A high school guy,
meets a high school girl.
He becomes her whole world.
They laugh, they dance, they smile,
until they run the other direction.
And this girl realizes,
she has no idea how to love another,
or how to trust a second soul.

69 · Oct 2020

But Hey, At Least I'm Alone

Monotone Oct 2020

But Hey, At Least I'm Alone

I cannot pinpoint what direction it's coming from.
Something is wrong, It feels off,
like something is bound to explode or erupt.
I'm scared, despite waiting for it to happen.
I'm ready, but I know it'll hurt me.
So now I anticipate the coming storm,
with my anxiety and depression keeping me company.
But hey, at least I'm alone,
so no one else will have to worry, and
no one will be inconvienced by the bullets that are about to destroy me.

69 · May 2020

just a fraction

Monotone May 2020

just a fraction

You make me so happy
And I hope that I can return
Just a fraction of that happiness
Back to you because
Youre an amazing person.
And you deserve to be happy.
And I love you so much.