She’d walk up with all the graciousness of spilled paint
A glass of wine for a long day
Who has developed my room in sepia?

We’d missed the festival
Mixing in the kitchen, a flannel excitement
Why did we ever take that walk?

I’ll never know why

Every year I can’t comprehend another quarter
I anxiously await and loftily avoid the thought of-
Pounce on every forgetful ray to-
Release hot air in defiance of-
The sterile spray of the other side of the coin

The ashes born of Ares’ antithesis clings to my arm as if to slow me
Calm me-
Yawn me-
As if the earth longs to all together toss probability
Budgeting all the uncertainties of life

Finding stability in the isolation of population is what it seeks to do
And I am sure of it
I am one with it
And in my hatred all I view is the sky filled with static

Particles and the ever-certain participles scattering on my lawn
But it’s lonesome-
And how it is cold-
Without the midsummer clammer I find myself in scrutable control

I can’t rid my head of the pervasive interference
Is it no more than I can avoid that the-
I can’t absolve blame if the-
Equinox persuasion is the fray and rein of my of control?

misplaced, my intentions lay
a muddled sultry mess with the essence of my soul tied on
knotted and forlorn
nestled like bungee cords in the back of a suburban
the countless ambitions and insurmountable lows
they don’t treat me with focus
they cling and sink and surface in little moments
they fog my glasses and leave me empty, in a stupor
walking through any alleyway that beckons my name

it’s foreign to be misaligned with your conscious projection
someone put this out of sync
something left me out of frame
i’m pouring substance to smudge the scrawlings of a hallowed obsession
my autocratic, autobiographical TMZ
a drink to dull the sharpness of my critiques

a little remedy to sleep

Here I sit in beneath gypsum sky
Forgetful in a pitiless tomb
Laying upon an artificial knoll
I made this myself

My splintered hands crawling towards the latch in obdurate gesture
With the dismal resolve of my skeletal percussion
I made this myself

The pulse in my frame an uncertain litany
Tried torn from the brief and the certain
Not shy from a skip or a leap
I pry this myself

Unversed expression interrupted in speech
I crept down the moss extending decrepit tendrils
The treaties of dawn or a query of nebulous ambition
I pry this myself

I asked for your name in pinhole obscura
I called on your intrusive pest of a credit
I trusted your fallible cacophony divination
Maybe you have given it your all

Your eyes they felt, like a  b i g   l a k e
I had been failed, but now I  a m  p i n k
It reaches down and it counts o u t
the grain exhales, through your little hands
in the loose sand
We were one, when my m i n d rests
They can’t touch what I’ve never had

Your focus it felt, like a  t r a n q u i l
A state I’ve never been
Our shoes were all, in the c l o s e t
you use the space to dance for them,
I n  y o u r  t r a n q u i l
Not unaccustomed, but I’d never been
and I  l i k e  i t

My mate has midsummer light and it’s filling his cup
He’s getting closer up with the spark
hugging soft sheets as we speak
My voice is dry and tired it sounds just like all the moans and squeaks

Sitting, touching wrinkled forehead and callused hands
Another warm beer will read my mind
Pouring golden over my pining cheeks
Somethings wrong here and it tries
and tries to hide but it leaks

The love of your life is out there
And probably overdosed on ******* ******

This is the last song
Taped up bodies and muted cars
This will be the last one
If I can swing the stick
I can’t be wrong

Hold me just a little tight
I need the takeout
The lawn is overdue,
earning sweeping bare feet
Fending off rain on neon nights

I’m looking for a pickup
One that can transcribe,
Vibrations uncanny
Senseless in my mind
I’m only a little open
And it’s my last song tonight

Take off the roof and pass me the moon
Let’s drive in the dark too far
I haven’t been moved in so long
But I feel it’s making up for lost time
Treat me and need me
Tonight’s song can wait for soon

A morning so bright it’s white at the edges
holds his head in aches washes away at the walls of the trenches
Just a boy in a cobbler shop playing to his muse
Sewing men’s threads and pulling at rubber souls
Feeling a needle is not as sharp as it is dull
A metallic rust foamed in his workman’s sink
A trinket lay silently where only he could think to keep


An afternoon so gloomy it’s ripe like sweet trifles
A cold front sleeping across humid drowsy  tendrils
The treetops are trotted but not yet bare
The wind does not carry as much as it cares
A fermented love song torn in its callous drinks
The dream of the summer will fade in a week

A night so porous the skin yearns to breathe
The daily flick to an ashtray pins the beat of the city on a wreath
The street posts dare not glutton on as guidelines
The echoes don’t comfort as far as they try to hide
A pleasure in silent transfiguration of the dusk
A stalk so golden yet burdened to rot at the husk

What’s new with you?
Would you like to see my reel?
I’ve spent so much time waiving
I can’t touch a hand
The fruit of my labor
Isn’t Warhol made
The doors been shut dear
Forever night for five years

I haven’t transcended
And met with unfamiliar scorn
Im not a critter
No page of Kafka has been torn
I bring my audience furniture of leisure
Though I’m caged with key in hand
It is rusted, but at least I am well fed

There’s no fields of juniper
To hold you by the hand
I never got past the hotel party
Can’tcha understand
A rip in my sneakers
A ratchet to the land

Please don’t linger
Just stay a little longer
No reference in the stanza
Just a drowsy man
I won’t feed on you
I’m a vampire in yesterday
I want to speak to you in earnest
But not long enough to know what to say

The last knock at my door
Laid out a soft rapt
It was everyone I knew
Rang up to find out
Did my fingers sprawl
How do I know my legs grew

All the cars in my town
Flee yellow and blue
Filled to the brim
Pulling the street wide out
How did all distance set in
Do I know my stride is at whim

A cliff side is calling
I hope that I don’t fall in
The vines lay all tied back
I’ve ate all my egg yolks
I fold in my linen

I’m young and I’m weary
I’ve been younger too
Something is gone here
I peaked years ago,
and no one knew

It was as shaky as it was stable
As catalog cheap, as it was painted for an heirloom

We sat clothed in Saturday mornings
But this time we couldn’t speak
If I could I’d tell you
This particle board was pressed
With all the scheduled pitches and lunchtime whistles

The veiny grain roped and ebbed
In long wallflower cantations
And there a boy was lost

It should have been a museum’s muse
But all I threw out today was a ****** coffee table

I promise I am that fool of which I speak
The powerlines prowess admits to me,
In its careless potential and off color decree,
But I do not listen to it’s evening exposé,
Opt for inspecting the way it’s wires bend and contort in the breeze
The cut in the cord and the energy it seeps,
The pensive cold blue of rapid release

It’s burnt and **** and treats me with a saga of distaste
I sway wishing for the musty lust in the tangible fillet
A muddled display of connectivity, after it’s time and still I hope not too late.
In all the contact reveries, you will not find one of such dismal elation
Just a spark in need of a metaphysical escalation
I plead for a being I cannot fool

I am a mountain in Maine
That I dug into and overcame

Indecision and indifference, the oily buffet of a jaded sunlit stare
It’s all up here-
It’s all out there

I kiss at the flood light
That I drove beside at midnight

Transience and dependance, a honeyed yarn maze in retired rafters
It’s all right before-
It’s all near after

Can I really die?
If only in memories I like to be alive

Grass whistling in a deep purple pink warm sky. Little flecks of light flashing in and out. In our eyes, it was endless. I smell rain and smoke and something dull. A past smile beating on a drum.

Drank the morning rain and felt it in my chest
Clung, suspended with the fog on my vanity
I have a pencil to my temple,the graphite looks impressed

It sees the twitch in my neck, before you ever spoke with breath like turpentine
All in all the days are just one big joke
-I should be the chummy punchline

I can zip up all my **** in a ***** pack strapped to a camels back and it’ll act as the last straw
Always think I’m raw
But I’m overcooked overlooked and let’s be honest I didn’t think I gave a single ****

Backed up and a tummy tuck and I’d be ******* tight
Lucked up and a yanny *** double sided mirror got me squintin to see past and nothing nearer


Two toned silhouettes grinding in a tight dress
Too many gin and tonics and a touch of chronic, mess
On the chase but not looking for a ring
I’m no sonic,
More is less.

I’m sitting curb stomped and digested
If lest be lest at least I forget it
I swear this is a hot *** summer
I don’t know a single digit of your ****** number.

Why is it so strange to me. We haven't talked in years, we weren't lifelong friends. We usually just sent messages electronically. Nothing but ill-fitted pioneers of electronic pen-pal practice. I didn't know what to make of you. I mean how much could our inclination to keep up the conversation be attributed to real intellectual thought. "Intellectual thought" I hate when I boil things down to things like that. So pretentious and blue-cold. But nonetheless we talked for years intermediately. Maybe it was something of a comfort, maybe it was attraction, maybe something in a grey area between.

I know you had some family troubles. I know you'd yell at me for drinking, and I wondered why. I heard once your father was in jail for drunkenly running over a girl. I still don't know if it's true, and I'm sorry if I subconsciously treated you as if it was and never asked to talk about it. I was bad at those things. I know we never talked about your marriage. I never even knew if it officially had gone through, or when you had broken up, or even if you had divorced. I don't know if I wanted to know, it seemed like you didn't want to tell.

You did tell me you started smoking. I was younger and more keen to be excited upon hearing someone else I knew enjoyed a bowl. We always made plans to smoke together but I was always to tangled in my high school relationship. I didn't know you'd get too relaxed with substances. Or at least I don't remember thinking of it.

I don't even remember thinking of you anytime recently. Not exactly the thing one would expect to read, but it's true. I was as unready as I could have been when I was told you had passed away. I knew snow had fallen and hoped a fatal crash wasn't your goodbye. With a little help of our once linking electronics, that had pinged our little bits of data to and fro in the atmosphere and into each other's hands, I found out you had been struggling with addiction.

I felt weirdly ashamed for not having known. I'm not the best friend, I'm not the partner, or the boss. There's no logical reason I should have caught the clues or been observing at all. Yet an insistent feeling that I should have at least known what you were going through ticked in my head. I remember feeling so strange when you had married, because you had said you wanted to marry me. I had never taken the statement seriously, but it still holds me in disbelief, much more now. Maybe it's that in the core of it all you wanted a future. I'm sorry you overdosed. I'm sorry I can't write to you any more.

It's been a lull,
It's been a time,
Since the day we met,
Giggling in parking lots beside the park
Sitting idle with the running cars,

You said you wanted to marry me.
We were kids, but you spoke it still.
A refuteable claim as it was,
From your lips you birthed space and time,
A choice.

In some realities, devined it be that we make that choice,
And join hands in serenity,
And now I am left to wonder in how many,
You were kept from harm.

In how many realities,
Did I keep that needle from your arm?

A meadowlark call, a brief marked stall on a structured walk.
A couple blocks more and the forest adorns the river and the rocks.
At this stop the wind has not yet been blocked, and it wavers on with the scent of crinkled leaves. 
  And just as it had begun,
the moment ends as the pathway bends.
I know it can be found and felt again, if I'm able to release and retrieve.

No *******, no poems. Nothing to hide behind. I remember listening to this Modest Mouse song, freshman year of high school. I had 20 bucks of **** **** socked away in a ps2. I had so many deep, but not intricate feelings. Maybe these are the best kind... It was a year of a fresh new start. I felt like the outcasts in all the halloween specials and ******* I had watched, as well as this tragically different being. I started hanging out with E. He's an indie wrestler nowadays. But back then we mostly smoked our cannabis, made jokes about historical events or political agendas. We were in a video production class. The class let us roam in and out and off of school grounds, missing other classes even. It was perfect. I met the older kids, we'd drive around, I just remember it now as sunny and a little chilly. I even lost my virginity that year. It was a train wreck of a relationship. Two people trying to hard to be older than they were. She was a senior then and had just lost her father... I still wonder sometimes if she's okay and I don't know why. It's not romantic worry, it's not hoping for reconnection, it's just a sentimental anxiety. It was a time of friends, running in nature and crunching leaves with my cross country team. It felt right. It felt so good to be old enough to be the freaks and the geeks all rolled in one. I didn't know then in 5 years who I'd be. I didn't know those people would fall away from me. My fitness would fall away from me. I wouldn't go to the library high with E anymore, shooting nonsensical politically engaged videos, full of bad hidden jokes and nearsighted irony. My sophomore year E stopped attending high school. We stopped talking so much. I haven't seen him in 3 years now. And only then it was a quick hello, his hair has grown so long. His eyes didn't look rebellious but lit with hope anymore, they didn't race. He looked older, real-er. Our momentary grasp on time and reality gave through the cracks in our hands. Now I sit at university. Barely scraping together classes for some mod-podge video art minor. Sometimes I feel like I like film because it reminds me of those old times. I still have fun, I still have experiences that ******* away, and at only 20, I'm sure I have many more to come. But I still can smell the cars and the schoolrooms, feel the trails and the weather, and taste the air and the packed lunches, from half a decade ago. I peaked in high school, and I'll never belong anywhere as much again.

All the natives strike up a match.
They watch, they dance.
The night blends with their flames, vibrant and young.
I follow her pine-scented hieness,
A dream of a girl.
And to bed I lay alone,
And to sleep I cannot fall.
Even with the bottles counting more.
Anchor to the weak and weep to their chief,
I've waited long enough in my own apathy,
Masochism poetry for small-town sympathy.
The line has ended,
And jump I must.
I'm trying to edit,
The parts I cannot trust.
But a night with you,
Bourgeois and red and true,
Might soften the blow,
And from my sullen head,
Imagination could brew.

Drink, ****. Poor. Lick, sensual fits. ****. I'm lifted like a arobatic wind, and drifted like a scattered garbage bin. I'm long and I lay verisimilitude to your crude oil painting of a Dubloon, your family ruin, treasure. I bring pleasure and distraction in a measure I can't measure up, too. I'm falling asleep on kin's couch as I dreamed I touched you. A canvas I placidly transit in my dream fallace. But I, I am I gilded knight, a sanctioned right, a shortened night. Why in hell cant I spill a little, content with being the **** for once, at the expense of my happiness, I choose constants.

Windowless, shadowless, fluorescent a room and schoolyard scent. A lecture on earth's composure rumbled on as thunder sounded when I need not know where my toes were. Terrestrial topography in the row marked 2 or 3. The hierarchy of "figured out" and inane diplomacy, but I was feeling fine. I was sitting alone and still and looking at the morning faces. I left spaces left and right so I could swallow my mind and wrap up tight in the vacuum allowed. The collided waveforms hit my selective ears. I'll see you next week. I'll see you next week. My knees are weak and I'm writing the words I don't know how to speak and writing the rhythm, the subject I so often treat poorly, write off as a cliche archetype made for the gullible, penned by the phony. Yet I can't wait. A nervous anxious wonder I can't shake, like a beautiful sun gliding over a closing wake with the wind on its back and a ship to take.

Do you think I could fall away with October's leaves. The wind hits calm but true, the sun wakes for its bouts in the noon.  What's a campus fall to me? Do all these people know I see them? Am I a veiled expectant? An invisible crutch, my panning stare raising their arms there and back again as they follow the surveyed lines the pathways provide. It's prolonged smell of mud that takes me back. But ahead there's a campus fall. Equinox fear me not. I am not holding you to fate. I won't shiver or shrink if you miss the date. But I fear, oh what a pair, the campus and the fall, an anxious wait.

Sip sip chug
Wipe it under the rug,
When it forms a lump
Try to stand
And jump
jump
jump.
It's dizzy in here
It's worse out there
Sip sip chug
Lean in for the hug,
When it feels too tight
Try to walk
Take flight
Fight it
Fight.
Sip sip chug
Keep your look smug,
the love in their blinks
Maybe try
Don't think
Think
Drink
Chug chug chug
Wash down Wash
Away
Ride the wave
Stay in the car
Stay stay
Sta-

I could never believe in solipsism
I can't fix the world
Maybe that says more in disbelief
If all that is, is because of me...

Does the reading of the day,
Trinkets and truffles and all,
Sweeten the taste of clay,
The rust, the blood, the brawl.

Tremendous the power of,
The firefly in the apothecary jar ,
When the pompous lid above,
Sits illuminated as the star

How sour the noble bell,
Rings for those who would be on the seat,
Trained on their bottom as it swells,
Mocking and ruling the masses on their feet.

In immobilized time,
I could find all that's mine.
In sacred seconds I lay,
Holding, yearning, circumspect in my movements

Traveler's time is newton's law.
You can change but you can never stay,
The motion sickness rolls down the cheeks
Dripping off of weary chins.

To live, to die
The buzz words of the Romance languages
They mean but nothing,
without the passage of time.
The beauty, the despair.
The words, the truth that catch you heart and your eye,
Are past, present, and future.
All the time.

Those old school friends with their cigarette lips
They don't think of the likes of me or you,
Up on the golden screen.
We weren't quite quiet or reckless
We trialled in something temperate but restless.
Something we bore down to bone,
A noisy belief in man, blurred like a Monet, believed to be etched in stone.
But those old school friends, like you and I, had frames to contain their Icarus flight.  Now, follow on in your new momentary monetary monastery you now call home.
The curious truth is the note is a note regardless of the flute. The credits close, the air stalled, and most rigorously life itself cares not for the "who", but slitheringly moves on.

I'd never questioned it before
What all the camera flashes
What all the picnic baskets
Showed up for

If not for the steady hold
It couldn't be for the speed
It couldn't be for the need
Of something simply bold

I'd never felt the hotel bed
For all the the cultured gravel
For all the temporal travel
The history it read

If not for the pure blank sheet
It couldn't wait for more
It couldn't wash ashore
The romancing callused feet

I'd never noticed the speed
Of course the gold couldn't stay
But does the need go away
With wasted time and heavy aches

Can compound interest
And societal indifference
Distract the great adventurer

Tell my financial travel
Do the landscapes I missed, unravel
And blossom stability
Or philosophical infertility

That secular moment
The door held in all the negligible knocks
All the chariot questions
And from the hinges came,
From the elusive, dissimilatory frame,
A shuddered cry, an inhaled yell
As the unanswered door sighed and fell,
The pretending pretense we both adored
Stiff and still it lay, a peregrine ward

Dissoluted night and righteous day,
Can't we wander and cut and fray
Under starry-eyed statuettes

Tired maelstrom, sunny morning
Try and follow me and stick and sing
Above the yellowed casement

Doubtful breeze and hefty storm
Guess the color and mood and form
Beside our long knotted cadency

Flowing draft, gentle night
Forget and sleep and write
Alongside the fairing,

By the seconds that forgot luck,
And the future hours
That just might

I have a great familiarity with the night
Midieval conscious flowering in flight
I wish to speak to you soon
In the light of the moon
Don't fall from me
My words will slip through the grass, and the dew  
Your presence a subtle, comforting silk sinew, and carry on

Shower me in the forests embrace
The birds call, the pollen's jolly mace
What do I do from the ember burning low
When a fire has come to warm my home
Your posting smile, I wish to want to behold

Please beckon my drunken call
The sticks, the leaves, the silent waterfall
I only could dream I knew the rings of the oak
Instead I count the thoughts on the night that we spoke
Where, if at all, will the spring's roots grow.

Those hours spin on
In great rememberence, divine demi-consciousness  
And I only wish to you
To spill the cup from which I drank
And start it all anew.

Silver-tongued silverback acrobat,
Sliver among passive track, those little tacks
Swing up high, sweep on by
The air is your medium, your cartilage courage
I thought I was something highly, flying freely, sighing too.

Cotton grass on trickling, bubbling, thinking brook
Garfish thought twice and took to my hook
Devour me I spoke to the placid sky
Leave me here, in Schrödingers hour,
If I reel in thine I may find the acrobat or an empty line.

When the clocks grew silent,
Mellow abiotic laws swept away with the evening's wind
The light hit the hills with the softest envy
And the grass sat content between our toes

What became of the twilight gleanings
Pangea evaded you like the sheepish fox
Were the pieces arranged, devoid of meaning?
Trembled hands settled and stilled.

If the clover grew to touch the sun
The lonely ground sank to feel the core
And the trees whispered to the birds
Would it be a puzzle at all?

Most of my light bulbs burnt out
The sun hits hard when it shouts
It's when I saw the ragged crane that flew
Everything developed in shades of blue

My favorite Spring ran away
It hides back two years in the lovely shade
Looking back as I walk the stage
The sun hit and burnt the page

With the fox's speed and the rabbit's crutch
I came for expertise, only to learn too much
The crane still flies by most days
But now it's grown and patched, it could never be the same.

There was my search for lighter air,
I can't get off the ground.
So the geared clock it goes, it shakes it runs
Sweetness me, your holy father was a butcher's son,
White absence on the canvas of warm forest and rayleigh scattering.

It's never felt so long to Spring,
The tentacles of longing hold the weeks,
I am but the lemon, and the guardrail king.

I'm ******* sick of proper nouns.
Press me into history
**** on sore thumbs in misery.

Photo album blues, you read.
I want the traverse sound
Recording the port city 'round.

The profound.
I can yet to see,
The people dancing, and beside them
Me.

Rainfalls peddle in sunsets of peach falling on, falling on like autumn leaves
Floating down like sour snow.
Am I ghosted?

Through my great lens, looking how the remedial planet spins on and wept. I cannot say it did not create
I cannot speak words as is the writer's fate

My silent observatory
observes the world, even me
The diamond and the rough
In every Swallowed ambition, estate addition, and paintbrush.

I'll climb to every mountain top
Speak my name to the cyclops.
Don't give me ***, don't give me ******.
Show me the lives you live, the years you order.

A tear shed in your silent walk
I'll carry joys to your sidewalk chalk,
When the tide comes to foam,
And the ocean is but loam,
Could it still be?
Will everything I see, be familiar to me?

I think I've done this all before,
I feel every moment as if it's spent,
I'll be here watching the 4th dimension,
In permanent sentiment
Am I ghosted?

My kettle sits on the stove,
My mind blends with the walls painted beige.
It secedes.
The thoughts are bound and timed.
Though released, half remain inside.

Standard lines for a futurist agnostic
The present presents a snowy rustic
But what of the faces and spaces that speak to me.
Have we not all been what we wanted to want to be?

My arms reach into the blue
Solitude,
Magnitude,
Saturated markets in the human condition
Intoxicating predispositions in an ideal so sober.
I awake to a lukewarm kettle, nothing boiled over.