Staring at the ceiling again tonight
wondering why I feel so alone.
Another night of tears to endure;
I just can't seem to put my mind to sleep.
Feeling like I'm always in the way
so I keep distancing myself from you.
Trying not to show just how scared I am
that you'll disappear when you see how bad i can be.

Feeling tears well up in my eyes today,
burying them deep so nobody sees.
Worried that this is all pretend
So I'll slowly pull away until I'm no longer there.
Trying my hardest not to let you in
keeping all those thoughts locked away inside.
I've been hurt and used a few too many times.
I don't think I could handle another pain like that.

They always say you'll be okay,
give it time these things do pass
but with every new downfall
the darkness gets colder
and I can no longer escape its death defying grip.

It has been a while since I have taken this dip,
lost all myself control to the anger burning within.
I'm begging for someone to notice
that I am losing my grip on reality
Wanting to just slip away for good.

For right now, I'm done fighting these noises
I'll just let the shadows take a hold of me.
If they tear me to pieces
destroy all I've made.
Then at least I can fade invisible.

Someone asked if I was okay
but all I could muster was 'I'm fine'.
The way they looked into my eyes
I knew they could see that 'I'm fine' was all lies.

I quickly turned away, for them not to see my tears
and tried my best to place a smile across my weary face.
I tried with all my might to whisper: 'I'll get through this,
I've made it this far. Maybe not tonight, it's just taking me a little while...'

I know they saw that I was hurting
and I knew that the pain was becoming too much to take;
but this burden is mine to keep,
it is mine to bare alone.

They reached out to hold me closer,
as they placed their hand on mine.
They said they would stay, and help if they can
but i have heard those lines spoken too many times before.

Lonely, darkened thoughts of what once was,
happy childhood memories of frolicking in autumn leaves,
dancing round in the summer sun rays
knowing nothing more than childhood innocence.
But how fast the seasons can change!

Nights of tears and wondering why.
Why was I the one you decided was not good enough?
Why was I the one you believed would amount to nothing?
Now in my head, a plague of demeaning phrases
Mimicking your voice of 'little girl, sit down and be silent'!

Echoes! Echoing torments of my life flash before me
as soon as another tries to help me see different,
But maybe I do not wish to be fixed,
Maybe the broken, empty, pain is what makes me, me.
But right now, all I see is an emptiness... beckoning me to an end!

Staring at myself in the mirror,
counting every tear that falls,
watching all the hurt play out
across my face, once again, when I'm all alone.

Lying through gritted teeth and fake smiles
that everything is fine and I'm okay -
Knowing that I spend nights begging and pleading with myself
just to keep fighting and holding on a little longer.

Wondering what I must do to stay,
feeling like I no longer have control.
Dragging myself to the edge of the pier...
Pushing and pulling, wanting to jump but not!

Inner voices of conflict;
should I stay or should I go.
Wondering if one step is all it takes
or if things are worth pushing through.
When tears spill in silent, desolate corners
like the rain falling over the sea.
If no-ones there, then no-one sees
and you can pretend its all a dream.

Scared up arms and broken hearts
wondering what is left to hang on to.
Blood that falls, stain your hands
leading you to believe that it can be all over;
no-one has to know just how you are hurting.
You can slowly slip away like a shadow on the wall
The lights go out and so you disappear,
lost to a world of why and how did this happen.

Some days it feels like I've lost all inspiration,
A prisoner within my own body and mind,
I sleep through the day and cry through the night,
Just caught in a downward fall...
Its taking too much effort to fight,
I just don't have the strength,
trying to hold on to whats still left of me.

When the life you had planned
slowly slips through your hands
when it feels like those plans you made are the only reason to stay.
When you can't find your way,
when each day is the same
when you've lost the fight inside of you
is there anything worth holding onto?

Its hard to stay strong, when weakness is overbearing.
I'm wondering if someone is there;
I'm not always good on my own,
I need someone I can rely on when things are rough.
There are dreams I've let die
that I've neglected to even try
I need to find out how to turn this darkness into light

When you feel so far from who you were
when you've lost all signs of hope
when you're searching for some peace but it feels too far away.
When your words have disappeared
and it feels there's nothing left inside of you,
is there anything worth holding onto?