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Marya123 Aug 2021
i wish i understood the songs of requited love
more frequently
than i wept to the songs of heartbreak
this life is short indeed
with time flying by
And with each year that passes
I feel closer to an unknown end
Like I failed without knowing why or how
Like I should be somewhere better
Like I should have been someone different
something wholly different from what lies under my misshapen skin
To find the elusive 'The One'
Among 7.8 billion people in this cruel world
With a ring on my finger, a declaration to humanity that I'm spoken for
Milestones I never set out to achieve for myself
With the dreams I chased remaining unfulfilled
Marya123 Jul 2021
If I could let everyone know
All the death I feel inside
Revealing when I feel low
I don't know if they'd be surprised
Maybe they saw, and did not ask
Maybe they knew, and kept away
I don't know which I would prefer...
I'd like a 'How are you today?'
Marya123 Jul 2021
Little match girl
Standing on a sidewalk
Seeing a world move on
You know you will be gone
Will anyone remember
Your words forged by pain,
Aching to be read,
Your tunes searching for hope,
Pleading to be heard,
Your voice, weak, feeble,
But unlike any other?
There wasn't time
To get through fear
To show them who you are
Alas, you lie, awake
Buried in books
Waiting for your last breath
Listening to this elegy
Was life worth it?
Are you proud
Of who you have become?
Could you have done better
If you had more time?
Marya123 Jun 2021
Strangled to death
By a noose of intricate lies
That used to keep me alive.
Marya123 Jun 2021
If there's anything that serves as a guide
If there's an instruction manual out there
Titled "How to get through what you're feeling"
Or "For Dummies- Life's a *****, it's not fair"
I'd read it, I'd absorb every word, every phrase
I'd apply it to myself, I'd help others facing the same
I won't be frozen, I won't be struck speechless
I hope I'm not playing an impossible game
Tell me the lessons, I'll get through the tests
Lend me blueprints, cryptographs, codes, a sign
Don't leave me in the dust, paralyzed, numb
Don't make me pretend like everything's fine.
Marya123 Jun 2021
Alone again
By myself
(I chose this)
Man is a social animal
I don't know anyone here
Everyone I know is so far away
I'm drowning, I'm drowning
(I chose this)
Thoughts are louder
They're consuming me
I'm fighting to stay alive
(I chose this)
I'm trying to stay sane
I'm trying to find hobbies
"Don't wallow in self-pity"
"Go out and do something"
I'm trying
(I chose this)
I don't regret it
But God, it hurts
(I chose this)
Marya123 Apr 2021
It may seem hard, and even impossible at first, and you don't know if there will be an end to this pain. And it IS hard, difficult, frustrating and annoying. That's how you know the path is worth travelling. But the only way you find out whether you heal, is by trying. By trying, failing, giving up, and trying again. By taking that first, second, fourteenth or hundredth step. By giving it your all. If getting through this is important to you, some way, some day, you can do this. I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know you can. You are good, and worth having in this world- it will not be the same without you. No matter how strongly you feel otherwise- there are people out there who love you and have been illuminated by your light- not because it shined any brighter or differently- but because it was there, and it made a difference. It doesn't matter if they know or realize that. You need to know that. You make a difference, by being here. Those fears and demons in your head- they are there to remind you that there is good worth fighting for, and that there is a heaven, a paradise that you need to get to through them. You deserve a life without the trauma, without the past ruling you. Listen, let them be- but don't let them consume you. They are not you- they are remnants of a forgotten time, a forgotten self, a past self, habits and routines that need to be forgotten. And in time, through hard work, they will lose their hold, and you will have new habits, routines, people, a new you to rely on. Believe in that. You are whole, no matter how broken you may feel right now. You are whole.
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