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MacW May 20
Desire vs. Denial
Who will win
No
Stop
Don't feel this
Your laugh cracks the silence I built like armor
My stomach tightens
But my spine stands still
It's not fair how Desire flares
When I've sworn I'm done burning
Your hands never meant forever
But they memorized my skin
My skin memorized them
I miss your smile like fire misses air
My hands curl empty
Forgetting you're not mine
You push me away
As I play with your hair
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Do you even care?
You laugh with her
Like we never had language
She holds your gaze
I hold my breath
Each time she makes you smile,
I swallow storms
Desire strikes Denial
But Denial tries to win
I chant closure like a prayer I don't believe in
As if Desire yelled 'Never'
And my heart obeyed
I still ache with emptiness
In the places you used to fill
I know I shouldn't want you back
But god knows I will
Desire is quieter now
But it hasn't left yet
Maybe silence IS the answer
The answer I haven't met
I walk past you like a wound dressed in lace
My pain will never be shown to your face
As if Desire yelled 'Never'
And I nodded along
Still bleeding
Singing the same old song
MacW Apr 30
My pain is gone
The weight lifted
My heart freed
My heart was cleared at dawn
Freedom I was gifted
Was a need
I dont live with greed
I live once again freed
He cant hurt me
The scars
They are gone
The blood is cleaned of spite
The alcohol has stopped calling
The smoke has cleared
The fairytale is over
A happy ending once again
He is my friend
No longer lover
Nor enemy
The perfect restart
We feel the same
For the second time
I would give my soul for this steady to stay
My pain has evaporated
We
Are
Free
My life has
For one last time
Shifted
Shifted to its place
If he would answer my calls
There will be no further falls
I love him
Not as more than a simple friend
I will hold my end
Of the promises I made
I will always be there at his aid
Neither of us are hiding
We are once again free
MacW Feb 27
At what cost was this lie?
This lie of love
This lie of care
Was it all a show?
Was there truly never love there?
I know it takes time and time ticks by slow
But for what did you cause us both pain?
Were you really just shy
Or was that too a lie?
My heart is shattered
Our love has scattered
My love was true
All my love
Reserved for you
At what cost was this lie?
Did you know it would go this way?
Did you know you were leading me astray?
Was I truly the first?
Would that make me your worst?
This lie of love
This lie of care
I lay in bed wondering "o where?"
"Where shall my heart rest?"
My heart is dying in this disheartened chest
This chest you once used for rest
This mind which was once one to follow yours
Now scattered
Shattered
Along this hard cold floor
The floor of the home i dreamt for us together
The home in which we could live our forever
This dark purple door
Your favorite color
My favorite?
The sea of blue and brown in your eyes
For what cost were your lies?
My heart
My pain
Your heart
Your name
Your name I could have had
Your hand in my hand
Side by side
My head on your shoulder
The place i would never have cried
Sitting in that blue and green chair
My fingers running through your hair
I thought you loved me
Now I can finally see
It was a coax
I’m sorry
I'm sorry i believed
I'm sorry i was so naive
Im sorry my prince
I was once your beauty
Now i'm the beast
It was all your hoax
For what cost were your lies?
Tears still flood these broken eyes
I wrote this about a relationship I was in and the time following was (and still is) the darkest time of my life.
MacW May 21
I knew this was coming-

It doesnt make it hurt less

When you said his name my heart stopped
Any time you look at him
No
This is wrong

You deserve joy
Only joy
Understanding has fleeted

But I need to realize
Another chance
Causes another heartbreak
Kindness between us is gone

As
If
Desire
Yelled
Never

Every no turned
Lies to yes
And he will be yours
Your happiness is more important
Not my sanity
Even in the longest run
MacW May 11
I didn’t mean to dim your light,
To turn our laughter into night.
My words, too sharp — they cut too deep,
And now I lose you in my sleep.

If I could wind the clock back slow,
Undo the sting, unmake the blow,
I’d trade my pride for peace instead,
And hold you close, not what I said.

You’ve given me a love so rare,
So warm, so patient, always there —
And still I faltered, blind with fear,
Not seeing I had all right here.

I never meant to let you ache,
To be the cause of what might break.
But if your heart can still forgive,
Then let me learn, and let us live.

For loving you is worth the pain
Of learning how to bloom again —
So take this truth: I’ll make things right,
And fight for us with all my might.
MacW May 26
Take me back to our first glance from across class
Take me back to the first time we heard each others name
Take me back to the first time we said hello
Take me back to the first time we sat together at lunch
Take me back to our first conversation
Take me back to our first aimless talk about green day
Take me back to the first time we said see you later
Take me back to the first time we talked in a class
Take me back to the first time we walked to class together
Take me back to the first time I had love in my eyes when I saw you
Take me back to the first time I asked for your phone number
Take me back to the first time you saw that love
Take me back to the first time I could tell you loved me too
Take me back to the first time i held your hand
Take me back to the first time we hugged
Take me back to the first time we said I Love You
Take me back to the first time I sent you a good morning text
Take me back to the first time you sent one back with a heart <3
Take me back to the first time we sat together in that blue and green chair
Take me back to the first time we kissed
Take me back to the first of 4 shows I saw just for you
Take me back to the first time you cried and I was there with you
Dont take me back to the first time you were honest
Dont take me back to the first time you said you lost me
Dont take me back to the first time you said you were leaving
Dont take me back to the first time it was As If Desire Yelled Never
Never take me back to the first time her response to Desire said no
Never take me back to the first time you saw her
Never take me back to the first time you loved her
Never take me back to the first time the cycle repeated under a new name
And never ever take me back
Not even to the first time
MacW Apr 30
i love two ghosts
and both are still alive.
one blocked me on christmas
and the other never unlearned the silence.
He walks like he forgot
he once held my heart in a lunchroom chair,
that he painted memories in purples
and now pretends he never saw the canvas.
my sister breathes in the same world
but not in mine—
our only words came when i was eleven,
and i keep rereading them like scripture
as if they’ll grow more meaning
with every whisper.

i don’t know how to reach
what won’t be reached.
maybe love like this is a one-way street—
no signs, no turnarounds,
just a dead end you drive to over and over
because the wreckage feels like home.

i want to tell them:
i’m not trying to haunt you.
i just want to know you exist
in a way that includes me.
but i keep folding my voice
into the corners of unsent messages,
hoping maybe
they’ll feel the weight
and open a window
before i disappear entirely.
MacW May 30
We all know
Of the Soldier
The Poet
And the King

But not all
Have heard stories
Of the fire
And the wing

Of the one
Called the Rebel
With a heart
That will not yield
Who will rise
When the silence
Is the loudest
In the field

Of the one
Called the Wanderer
With no crown
And no home
Who will walk
Through the ruins
So the lost
Won’t be alone

Of the one
Called the Dreamer
With the stars
In their eyes
Who will speak
Of a future
That the world
Won’t recognize

The original three
Only are
Because of the wanderer
With her love for the sea
The rebel
And his want to be free
And the dreamer
Following a path only they can see

And together
They roam through
Every forest
Every kingdom
Every fairytale
Every end of the earth
And still
They keep the skies blue
MacW May 20
Unspoken words fell between us like snow.
Remember how you smiled, soft and sudden?
I wanted to believe you meant it.
And maybe you did — for a moment.
How fast warmth turns cold.

Summer light flickered in your eyes,
Tangled with lies you didn’t tell out loud.
Every goodbye echoed longer than the love.
Leaves changed faster than we did.
Light doesn’t mean truth.
And I finally stopped mistaking the two.

Sometimes kindness hides the cruelest hands.
Time didn’t soften you — or me.
Even now, I question what was real.
Promises spoken over texts mean little.
Hope hurts more than heartbreak.
Everything I gave, you swallowed whole.
Now I hold it back.

Loving you felt like an exhale.
I didn’t know peace could feel temporary.
After you left, I stopped breathing right.
Maybe that’s why I still get dizzy in the fall.

Anger was easier than grief.
Love didn’t feel safe with you.
Even your touch was lined with shadow.
X marks where I buried the trust.

And you — you were something else.
I called you prince, but you vanished like a ghost.
Daylight sits heavy in the chair where we used to meet.
You led me on like a dance.
Now, you spin circles with her.

Tried to be what you wanted.
I lost myself learning how to bend.
Maybe I never should have.

Jokes turned into arguments too fast.
Underneath every “haha,” something cracked.
Laughter isn’t always love.
Long nights didn’t save us.
I searched for warmth in your shadow.
And came out colder.
Now I light my own fire.

In the beginning, I believed.
Sometimes I still do.
Kisses don’t mean connection.
You proved that the hard way.

This is what I learned from loving you
Holding on hurts more than letting go.
Even the sweetest lies stain the tongue.

Every ending writes itself, eventually.
Names fade, but the ache carves deep.
Desire doesn’t mean destiny — I know that now.
MacW May 19
I'm not sorry for falling in love with you
I'm not sorry for ending things
I'm sorry, I did still love you
I'm sorry I still love you
I cant keep my eyes to myself
Your body
Your brain
Your hair
Everything is irresistible
I hate myself for loving you
I hate you for loving me
I hate the way our eyes still meet in the halls
I hate the way you still look me up and down
With softness in your eyes
I hate the way I feel like,
Like I'm caught in a web of lies
I hate that I'm sorry
I hate you, I'm sorry
I try to look good for you
Even though I left
I still admire you
Even though I left
I hate myself for loving you
I hate you for loving me
We may have been meant to be
We may have gotten our dreams
But you weren't for me
I'm still so sorry
I'm sorry for loving you
I'm sorry for pretending I dont
I'm sorry I hate myself for loving you
As much as I hate you for loving me
The punctuation and lack thereof in the 3rd and 4th lines have some deep implications, reread until you understand.
MacW May 14
You thought the flame was outside of you.
A threat. A storm. A monster at the gates.
But the fire... was always me.

Every word I gave you —
a spark.
Every glance —
a flicker.
Every kindness —
kindling.

You saw what I allowed.
You loved what I became.
And still, you never questioned the warmth
until it burned.

Tell me —
did you really believe I sat at your side
to serve your vision?
To dim my light for your comfort?

No.
I watched. I waited. I wove.
Not chaos —
intention.
Not rage —
design.

You built your kingdom on the matchsticks I handed you.
And now you tremble at the smoke?

I don’t set fires, darling.
I am the fire.
And when this world finally turns to ash,
you’ll remember one thing:

It didn’t fall by chance.
It fell
by Me
MacW Jun 1
I used to be free
All too soon before
I turned to stone
The moment my guardian angel
Stopped guarding me

I fell in love with a fairytale
He was mine
We were sweethearts
A love story to be told
More true than in the story books

An angel was sent to protect me
He stayed
He cared
He loved me
He never tried to leave

He told me every story
I memorized every word
Every movement
Every glance
Every smile

I know every detail
Of anything he ever said
He was my angel
I was forever his
He loved me forever and always

He never said goodnight without:
"My Love"
"My Beautiful Angel"
"My Goddess"
"Beautiful"

My heart
So eager to feel love once
He said we were soulmates
I say we drew the right cards
My dreams told me we were meant to guard each other

60 days, 4 hours, 1 minute, 12 seconds
All the time we had before you were gone
Every word, every memory, every dream
Caught in a frame of time
This was our first goodbye

261 days, 12 hours, 7 minutes, 50 seconds
How long I have loved you as of 12:16am today
Every second a reminder of when you left
Every minute a debate to beg for your return
Every day another attempt to cut my string of life

The difference?
201 days, 8 hours, 6 minutes, 38 seconds
Every day, another stone I set for you to find her
Every second of it another tear dropped from my eyes
I didn't just cry you a river, I cried you a sea

180 days, 8 hours, 17 minutes
The time it has been since you left for good
I have been numbed
I looked into Medusa's eye and chose to see her beauty
Yet I still turned to stone

200 stones I have placed for you to find her
Only one last step
She is yours
You are hers
One more stone and one more tear and you can both be free

I have become stone
Not the last step, but the first
You have reached her at the sea
I hope you can learn to see
She will be the one to get you on one knee

I cried you a sea
I let you turn me to stone
I learned that guardian angels,
They don't get told who to protect
They go and find them on their own

A fairytale
Too real to be true
The story books only tell of the true loves kiss
Never the oceans or the paths taken to get there
A fairytale, and I get to see first hand that true love is theirs
MacW Mar 10
When the world has done no wrong,
You have not lived
When your life has only pain,
You are not where you belong
When you fall in love
That fateful day
You’ll pray they will stay
Will they?
No
But you will cry
And you will live
You will decide to never love again
But like a storm
It will fall upon you
When you want it the least
You will soon learn that your heart has healed
You will no longer wish love should die
When this love comes again
You will laugh
You will live
You will lie
As you reach a momentary high
You will realise you can't fly
So you will fall
You will reach
For anything
Anything at all to catch you
One day you will wake up
You will think momentarily
You will wonder if it was a dream
You will be freed of all pain
You will realize that you have yet to look around
When the world has done no wrong,
You have not lived
Truth
Truth comes in the knowledge that life has pains
But unless you look around
If only for a moment
You will find your joys
You will live freely
You will find where you belong
Your hearts storm will soon rest
You will find someone with which
You are at your best
You can let the old pain continue to fall
And you can let it learn
Alone
That it just does not belong here
You wont need to live in fear
You will someday wear
A white dress
Or a suit with a pocket square
You will still have stress
But you will have someone there
And you will look around
On some fateful day
And you will then
And only then say
“This life may cause me pain
I may have little gain
But this life was never wrong
I never saw those
That held me up
And threw me a thornless rose
My life has been lived
And it is now
That I shall finally
Say goodbye”
All pains will retreat
All memories reconvene
And all you ever knew
Will lower you to your love
And life shall tell you
“Thank you
For you have truly let me guide you
And you caught my faults
And let me see
Goodbye
You are free
Eternity awaits your hand
Lead him as you have led me”
You will wave
You will smile
You will cry
You will tell the world
One last
Goodbye-
This poem is meant to help readers understand how they can lead their lives. The personification of eternity and life are meant to help the reader visualize that life will hold your hand as you choose your paths and eternity will follow you until you allow it to lead you. This hopefully shows that a life well lived will hold pain and fear but it will be well worth it.
MacW 3d
Life holds our hands like a mother at dusk,
with palms still warm from the day’s quiet trust,
her breath is a song we have known since birth,
full of sunlit fields and the scent of earth.

She teaches us rhythm with trembling grace,
sways us in circles we ache to retrace—
each heartbeat a footfall, a whispered plea:
stay just a moment longer with me.

But Death waits quiet, just past the line,
not cruel, not kind, just steady with time.
A shadow in velvet, no need to speak,
offering rest for the bones that creak.

We dance that edge with unspoken dread,
our heels near the dark, our eyes ahead.
And still—before the final fall,
we turn once more to Life’s soft call.

A breath. A blink. The final sway.
The ghost of light at close of day.
And then, as dancers do in time,
we step across that thinning line—

not dragged, not torn, but led with grace,
into Death’s arms, a gentler place.
And Life, behind us, sheds her name,
but never once forgets our face.

The hardest part of living
When everyone loses the faith
You had always given

Now your world falls to grief,
the bridge between
what was and is—
a breath, unseen.

The space they filled still hums with light,
though they have vanished from your sight.
Grief is love in different skin—
a door left open, a voice within.

Life and Death juggle your world
Some days the world feels brighter
Some it feels it should be lighter
Say your prayers, your goodbyes, never lose their loving eyes
MacW Feb 27
You looked my way today
For the very first time
A cold shiver rode down my spine
My knees went weak
It was only a glance
With one look you changed my steady stance
I know you saw me
I know you hate me
My eyes are drowning again
My heart is not yet free
Your face said it all
As you left I was about to fall
My heart you buried
And to think I thought we would get married
On that last day I almost knew
I almost knew we were through
You pushed me away from your side
With that you stole my pride
You barely held my hand that day
The same day I begged you’d stay
The same day it was hours I cried
That day I got my first scar
My heart was broken
The pieces thrown far
Why did you stare in such a way?
A way I didnt know if i wished you'd go away
Or stay
I know now though
I wish you didn’t go
I wish you didn't leave me here
Broken
Hiding in fear
I never knew this was truly a place
A place I live in your disgrace
Our whole life we could have had to share
Now I crumble in your hurtful stare
There is a town of broken hearts
You dropped me off there
Where
O where did you go
I loved my life with you
But away with my heart you throw
Goodbye my love
My teary eyes
Filled with cries
Cries of hope you will return
My heart is one victim of the heartless burn
I know you won’t
I know you hope I don't
So why did you stare at me today?
You have caused my heart yet another affray
And you left me here
Like a broken stray
Here I stay
You watched me stumble and fall
You watched as I tried to crawl
Back home
To you
To where and when my heart was true

— The End —