our secret moments and i was high in that feeling
watching film on a reel with you but now all i can do is reeling
looking back at memories that were full of laughter
the night we had, i couldn't look away after,
so close yet i couldn't bring it up to you
i'm still in love when the lights went out
under the moonlight, it felt like a movie
and woke up to find your lips close to mine
in my fatal fantasies we're always together
but the next morning brought desertion in the light

if i could fly in the sky, i will declare my love to the people on ground
if i could talk to the birds, i will ask them to add some melodies in the scene
but you stood across the road, denying something you started
the look from your eyes and its torturing action- my cheeks grew warmer
but something in this moment without you, i feel how far we really are
our places close but hearts still hundred miles far
my desk is the only place i can write about my muse
thinking you're closer to me but its a poem you will never learn of

i meet you in dreams but
the fear of desertion continue to exist
emotions in my dream seem far more stronger
in reality too both our faces looks so gray
i can't even console you in your grief
i don't want you to know about how i feel
it's supposed to be a love affair meant to die
either in grave or by moving on with time

staring into your eyes but 10 second seemed bit harder
hot flush from your stare and i felt my cheeks grew warmer
your face slacking happiness and heart covered in dark gray
i wanted to whisper you 'my love' and tell you i'm here for you
putting your faith in me, you uttered your agonizing account
if i tell you 'i love you', would you let me share your pain?

looking into your seraph eyes
ferris wheel had put us high
being lifted up in the air
but with you it felt safe and divine
lights from the ground reaching the sky
we had the world below our feet
with no one to tell who to love
we held each other close before the fell

mesmerized by the look in your eyes
i wanted to whisper a secret
exhilaration hit us soft and sweet
so the fall felt haunting and divine
put away desertion in that moment
the moment of beauty in your charm
we both screamed at top of our lungs
and shared our secrets before the rise

please don't be in love with someone else
you heart is no one's but mine
but who am i to tell you this?
when you're not really mine

i wish on every shinning star for you to come
i wish for a day when you will see for who i am
i already saw you, you have pain stuck under your skin
so i will help you bury it in mine

your gentle eyes cried a little times
your lips so sweet but red in pain
your face so blue but hides the color gray
the sadness no one knows about you

i'll tell you something holding your hand
you have a admirer who cares about you
the cannons that are aimed at your fort
will submerge in the sea before they hit you

lying on a pillow you used the other night
the night we spent under the moonlight
only few stars in the sky but you looked so bright
my demons and ghost got so fright
a solace in that moment but pain is what i feel now
your memories tells me to smile but
there’s a big side to the eyes i can’t see now
now begins another race to survive

lying on a pillow you used the other night
the night we spent under the moonlight
only few stars in the sky but you looked so bright
my demons and ghost got so fright

a solace in that moment but pain is what i feel now
your memories tells me to smile but
there’s a big side to the eyes i can’t see now
now begins another race to survive

i hope to see you shine, i don’t want to say goodbye
now that you’re close to my heart, i see you for who you are
i watched you sleep with your lips close to mine
the innocence on your face hides a painful past behind that beaming smile
will keep these feeling buried till i’m alive and for you i’ll die 2 years in advance
so my love can last forever and my memories will decay in grave with time

memories blending with the melodies
melodies i hear that bleed memories
memories that are covered in gray
melodies make me relive the pain
wind up in the circle with nowhere to escape
nostalgia is a sin to commit, melodies are my bane
memories holds a grip on me, don't associate song with your pain
cadence is a song that nature hums
after goodbyes, never meant to happen
live or die, the world moves on
i'm too weary to play this tortured game

Arrival of fall, rustling of leaves
Strangers walking down the alley
Far reaches from the city grounds
A girl, a charmer arrived in the fall
The planet on its tiptoes danced 16 times
To welcome new chapters in her life
In the trouvaille, I found a friend in a stranger
A friend I never knew I needed,
In my journey to love myself
The courage flowed like river from her words
Her aura that outshines moonlight
In longing of someone, she counts the stars
A hidden sadness behind the beaming smile
A hidden pain behind those eyes
In her happiness, the gunnen rises on me
Went through ups and down
She always fought the demons in her mind
A figure who loves “tea”, to be debutante in her prime
Have friends like poison ivy
But she knows how to live life

lurking in the shadow
to hunt her down
to put all the blame on her
there’s a man dressed as clown

was it that “her clothes too short”?
was it that “she was too easy”?
reasons circled around
there’s a man dressed as clown

clown is unapologetic
clown is a predator
clown is a hypocrite
there’s a man dressed as clown

in my periphery, a messenger arrived
carrying the sadness and the news of goodbye
“the roses you sent died out on their way before they could bloom
the dreams you planted were set on fire by the demons you fought”

now walking alone on the empty streets at night
staring at the moon wondering if you’re looking at it too
i would talk to moon thinking you’re hearing on the other side
beyond the seas, you were still close to me

the moment I saw the text cloud appear and disappear
i knew that was when I lost you in the argument
the moment of silence that followed was not just any peace
but a calm before the surging storm
a storm that wreck havoc in its path
and tore me to my bones and soul

now in my tomb of silence, carving your name on the stone
i lost the one I cherished, now I lost the one I loved the most
weeds and fog has covered the grounds in november’s cold
my thoughts are burning my skin, I want to drown

you’re so majestic, I don’t deserve you
you’re so grand, I don’t deserve you
your heart is nothing but pure
and I fear my gray one will infect yours too
my love can cross border’s but yours can cross universes
i hope the sun smiles at the brightest for you
you’re kind, I don’t deserve you
you’re the muse I don’t want to hurt, I don’t deserve you

winter knocked at my door
before it could bloom
staring into an abyss
i long for the days old good

deserted like embers from burning firewood
love took a huge rebound
still waiting for it to return
return in the best shade of blue

i saw the gray entering my periphery
the fog  covered my sense of insecurity
thought- the lost is for someone who are “us”
but my story didn’t even began

loving someone new was never so torturous
moving on but my face is still gray
reeling at night, smiling in daytime
desertion from you still haunts my midnight

thought that love would make its grand return
but the lingering sadness over-weigh my fervor wishes
the fleeting feeling of love
but it failed to turn gray into a blue world

why would you stare into my eyes?
it’ll keep a hold on me
while you’ll leave me behind
unrequited this story will be
just like in the past I couldn’t be-
“someone’s muse but they were mine”
my face will turn gray again
and this feeling will die in a million times

sound of burning fire crackers reminds me of a day
light from burning fire crackers reminds me of a day
when you were her, joining the group with joy
i watched you from the sideline when your face light up pink
the smile that never faded till you were here
but the feeling engraved within me tells me to cry
i meet you in my dreams and always try to tell you
“i love you mother, you were so blue”

in your eyes, there’s a plea
as if they’re in search of something warm and sweet
the look that you gave me sparked something
something very dangerous that needs to be handled with care and free
free of insecurities for it to bloom
bloom in the best shade of blue

my plea is to forever hold you dearly and close
never letting go of your hand and let it freeze
in november’s cold when it’s snowing outside the window
i’ll build something with snow and let you laugh at me
my plea is to forever hold you close
and peace will never leave our door

there’s a ghost in my glitter filled room
that reminds me of you
and says, “you are my only muse”

night is the hour of peace
but once the clock strikes at midnight
the ghost comes out to take me to hell

loving you was never a crime
but when i’m trying to move on
your memories still lingering around this time

in denial
but pacing while room is on fire
motion capture fail to paint his emotions
"I'm fine"- a product of his illusion

litany of reasons but pain stuck under his skin
too afraid to pen about, too afraid to scream it out
demons are his rulers, will demons be the winners?
help! he is drowning he can't put out this fire

went to the well to fetch some water
to water the plants and to drink some water
but fell in endless well with no bottom
he went to the well to fetch some water

the hope of his dreams is way bigger
the fruition period slipped before the reaches
fell in the well, a never ending torture
close his yes? will the nightmare be over?

the demons are the rulers,
the demons are the winners
who will pull him down
gravity- a force stronger

cold barren land
plants have died out in the fog
long winter days with no warmth of sun
dreams i planted have died out in the cold
2 years of hell for this and that
for to fall behind him and her
gave my blood, sweat and tears
for to be back at the beginning

lost all my hope
lost all my faith
i reached my heights
i reached my patience
a ray of hope, a ray of sun
brought the warmth lost for years 2
“my dreams”- a product of my work and efforts
but a grand victory awaits ahead

oh my! oh my!
i always prayed for days like these
“when i would run late for the class
and someone saving me a spot”
though something it speaks to me
of truth i’m facing bigger than my dreams
“this ain’t your dream college
this ain’t what you worked for”

but something it speaks to me
“avenoir a great this desire, till you see the worst”
a savior in the war
a refuge from my demons
shelter till i fly again
my cold barren land
has already dug my grave
i’ll stay till the summer arrive

fire raining down from the sky
and my planet turned to hell
with no sign of life but only cries
of his, her and their memories at midnight

strange streams leaking from my eyes
i wonder, “will i even survive?”
poetry i write from every dying
pieces of memories and fragments of my life

at the cemetery of dreams
buried but not achieved
their dead soul rises at night
to haunt my existence
and remind those good memories

something i added on the fabric
something i penned on the paper
remain unforgettable
and I find myself reeling and mourning
days turned to nights
and nights turned to days
with no sign of goodbye

fleeting memory of you
one fateful encounter
you are my muse
a solace in that moment
standing across the road
our roads will never cross
you see I’m a “sad amorist”
i will always say, “our stars will never align”
i will paint my knuckles red
for a glimpse of you
but scared of the thought
you belong to someone else
i’ll leave a letter at your door
my idea of you will never fade
my ink for you will never run dry
it’s a letter that i will never fly

wake me up when it’s all over
“when the ink of my pen stops bleeding
when there is no trace of their memories”
wake me up when the nightmare is over

november’s sadness will take me down
burn the bridges to the next run
lunar eclipse and pacing under the sun
gray will return in it’s darkest shade

the chains that hold on to me
i kept ‘hold on to the memories’
now screaming looking at the sky
beacon tell me will I survive?

the chains of the past
and the pain stuck under my skin
the blood moon is on the rise
and something buried will come out at night

in chains of blood
in chains of memories
i try to survive
but haunting midnights comes after

to be someone’s muse- a feeling unknown!
an honor so grand but beyond my hope,
the vastness of the sea before my eyes
its secrets can’t be hold in a rhyme,
midnight’s darkness- a friend before
now a foe, never haunted me before
a rose by other name can be “forget-me-not”
sorrows, sorrows and prayers always knock at my door,
cemetery is the home for the spirits
cemetery is the home for the memories,
i long for the “good old days”
when summer never left me alone,
now in my winter’s barren land
a glittery hope is what i pray for!

oh my these beautiful days!
autumn has come and will soon be gone
with leaves falling down brown and pale

some leaves are clinging with the hope
will they even survive the winter’s cold rage?
i summon the greatest of the force
to teach them how to fall away

hope is a devil in disguise
that will make everyday hard to survive
if you don’t fall down, will have nowhere to stay

my muse
my unspoken words
our antithetical stories
your charm
your goodbye before the dawn

i traced the lines of our fate
never aligned
the red string woven around
which seems too weak
your presence lingers around me
like a shadow

rain poured down before
before we became alive
before i let it out
before i could hold on
before you screamed it out
i watched you being washed away from my shore

i watch the rain
blurring edges of my side of the world
as i wait for it to cleanse my wounds
as i wait for it to blur my memory
as i wait to let go

shipwrecked and i found myself
on an deserted island
not a place to call home
i made a raft to conclude this journey
to reach at your shore
“is it a good idea”, i asked myself

i’m floating alone on sea
seagulls carrying my letters
but couldn’t reach because of storm
storm coming from your side
storm that you sent
send me back to that island

i’m lost in the woods
with no one to guide me though
i had two options
but chose the one that led to you
a choice that i regret,
a reason why i can’t get you out of my head
still on this endless journey to your shore

i saw in the mirror, a reflection of mine
the wallflower that fade and shine
standing atop in the war against my fears
demolished the walls, became a people pleasure
made friends that spew out poison
nothing good came from letting pretenders into my life
took off that mask and enjoyed my own company
now I have someone, a true friend of mine

my world surrounded by gray clouds
a moment’s happiness is all i seek
my heart covered in magoa
a affectionate touch is all I need
i want his life
not jealous but rather envious
judged by the divine power
my latibule lies in his world

the last words of farewell
were sharper than a knife
the last words of farewell
damaged more than a cannon fight
all my fears conquered that war
leaving me to drift on the sea
with no sign of shore
thus began the night,
never to come to an end
crying in veil
and my pain reached new heights

how should i define?
define the idea of you?
my nerves are pranking me
to believe,
“it will be same as someone before you”
for once
i want to dream, i want to believe,
“your love will be grand as seas”
i leave this letter at your door
with a painting of you from my mind
you will never absquatulate me
your beaming smile will forever hide my crimes
the crime i define as- “loving a liar”
that unforgivable sin will bury in the past
and my idea of you will forever last

three years of hell
three years of pain
three years of desertion
three years of lying to myself
“that someday your ship will arrive
on my shore now covered in weeds”

you set out on the seas
to look for your stolen peace
your memories growing over me
prisoner to who I have become
my eyes are starting to feel blurry
death is creeping upon me

shattered your heart
something I never really dreamt of
deepen your scars
something I never really meant to happen
i wanted you to smile
and just look at me
but when you needed me
i burnt down your city
you never even smile
yet you never even became angrier
lack of emotions on your face
i still ponder, “how you feel?”

in quiet of the nights
his demons comes out
and begin to rule over his mind
attacks are made
wounds re-open
and bleeding doesn’t stop
as he confront his demons
with his head high but knees on the ground

memories, promises
failed dreams, enemies
and 19 years of life
flash before his yes
everything start to pull his nerve
with screams so loud, a cursed man’s curse
his house is his grave
and there are cries in his silence
begging for help and lord’s forgiveness

the clock pointing to midnight
the walls are coming closer and closer
i’m going mad
my biggest fears begins to rule over my mind

scared of my own thoughts
scared of voices that tells me to die
i would put my hands on ears
and close my eyes

the paper says “i’m depressed”
stuck between haunting midnights
a fight between life and death
have no clue where i shall seek shelter

clouds cried in pain
and turned purple-pink
ataraxia is on the rise
the savior has arrived
to turn the blood moon
back to gray

was it all an illusion, a dream?
i opened my eyes
they are nowhere to be found
certainly a beautiful place to visit
to take away my pain
even if its just in a dream

in the serene countryside,
he found himself on a cliff
caught in chains of blood
pushed to the edge by his father will
who wished he never existed

too depressed to scream it out
even the nature can't help him out
alive but hushed into a confinement
only to live scared of  new dawn

in my boat with a knife
floating on a silent, blue sea
what a serene beauty
bewitched by the cursed one
my boat is drowning
the moment's grace to draw the knife

climbing up high to touch the clouds
gray mountains are challenging me
my leg slipped, i'm falling down
the moment's grace to draw the knife

for me blue is a shade of gray
happiness is an illusion
always ending up in the same old cage
where death keeps a hold on my thoughts
an inner turmoil that is never at peace
poetry i write,
from every dying fragment of me

in search of closure,
I kneel on the ground
and pray to the god of sky
and ask him to take back gray
give me my blue sky
In search of solace,
I met a lot of travelers
With stories of unrequited love and
Hope for love in their eyes

The drought ended after 50 days
For to be back at my door in 5 days
A friendship built on love bond
The bond broke, I’ve nowhere to run
I turned into a ghost, never slept through the night
Cried all day long, a never ending torture
Without getting sight with tears in my eyes

sacrificed on the name of joke
became laughing stock of the group
my friends reflection in the mirror
appears rather dull than bright

rust entered in the open wounds
scars that cover my whole body
friend is a word to use with care
growing ivy does not make them rose

my dead silent heart
and covered in magoa
longing for something beautiful
that can lethe my pain
and set me free

a savior is all I seek
who can cast the right spell
who can revive a soul dead
who can fulfill promises
who can stop the rain red

betwixt the chaos and happiness
i'm feeling something
in the tranquil nature of wind,
in the tranquil sounds of birds
in the tranquil calmness of the pond
i see a reflection of mine
and hope for the eternal peace
to put out the fire
to challenge the eldritch figure
who has destroyed my home

i've been vexed by my haunting dreams
i've been vexed by the actions i take
each step i take feels like dying
each breathe feels like perishing
each thought feels like confined
time to quell this nearer or beyond the horizon
clouds of uncertainty surrounds this question
all i know is a place in my mind
where tranquility takes over my soul