Its as if there is a vice grip
On my heart
And every time you kiss me
It squeezes me harder and harder
I feel stuck and safe
You're constantly there
Around my heart
And you know the power you hold
You know I am
As needy as an infant
As a senile old woman
As a *******
I need you to constantly tell me
"I love you I love you"
So I know you won't leave me
And if you do
I can hold that against you
That you love me
And my constant needing pushes you away
And I am just sorry that I am like this

Let’s lay down and you can hold my hand forever.
Let’s close our eyes and imagine a world together.
You can kiss me on the street of a familiar neighborhood.
You can hug me at your building without wondering if you should.
And I’ll dance with you in a beautiful white dress.
I’ll lose myself in your eyes and you’ll lose all that stress.
You’ll be with me. Who cares who sees?
We’ll shout our love from the tops of trees.
We’ll be completely devoted, no lies anymore.
We’ll kiss openly on the crowded dance floor.
Don’t open your eyes. Please, let’s just stay.
Let’s lay down and wait for that day.

Im sick of drowning out everything on my pages and blotting out everything in my mind and leaving ink stains on my finger tips because I can not come to force myself not to be with you.
Im tired of writinglove poems and verses.
Thats not what I've beenfor.
Im one for deep thought provoking sentences that rip at your own exsitance until you begin to comprehend its ice bruge meaning.
I don't want to be this way about you.
I dont want you to be in my dreams.
Because my dreams have a funny way of turning into nightmares at the happiest moment.

a couple days ago
i tried to **** myself
by ingesting a handful of
different pretty pills
in the hopes
they'd make me
a pretty corpse
i thought maybe
they'd plant roots
in my stomach
and grow flowers
out of my eye sockets
but then i realized
those pretty pills
would ****
not only me
but the ones who already
saw flowers growing
in the darkest parts
of me

my heart still beats faster when you wear your hair down
and even when you wear your hair up
and even when you look like you'd rather not wear your hair at all
I still think you're one of the most lovely humans alive

Sorry doesn't cut it.
You put me threw 8 years of hell.
I lived with you in a cesspool of hatred and now you say it wasn't right
For you to degrade me and grind down my self-confidence to the point Where I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror?

No.

You taught me I couldn't even believe my own father loved me.
How am I supposed to believe that you will even remember my name After I move out, which will be as soon as possible, if you couldn't Even prove that you cared for me as a father.

So don't you dare say you're sorry.

You give me
These songs like
Youve thought it
Over a millions
Times.
For just an
Hour I had
You.
But that was
All I needed.
You were there,
So it made
Everything perfect.

doused with petrol and fire,
drowsiness and the lack of sobriety
bring me all that I desire
trepidation overcomes me.
they say there are two kinds of people in the world
one who comes out stronger,
another who dies in the crucible
maybe there’s the third
those who are used to the dirt
tearing the world into shreds
because that’s all she could understand

what is the provenance of our suffering? what is the provenance of our pain?

in my mind screams imperfections. I’m ugly, grotesque, an abomination. I deserve no one

there is no way I can escape myself for I am trapped. lodged between the dead and the living, I must be somewhere in between. so badly I want to leave my place, to leave me entirely. leave to a better place, a better place in my head.

I must be delirious. thinking that I have lost too much of myself to remember who i am. I now exist as an insignificant shell of who I used to be.

I used to make bright, fluorescent yellow chalk to draw the lines. to create space between everything, like a vacuum. this separation was the good and bad, this separation was my feelings and I, this separation was my life. like all things else, it fades and goes away.

faded
faded
and faded
till one day I see it no more.
there was no line, no boundaries and no separation.

the horrors of my past haunted me
the guilt from inside my heart overwhelmed me
the crazy from deep in my mind resurfaced
the pain within my scars hurt again

I try to retreat back to familiarity
take cover, I say, take cover!
but there was no one left
I was alone
I am alone
just days ago, I thought i would never be
I thought wrong

I need air
I need to wake up
enough