Things have been feeling very off for me.
I wake up and stare at the light coming in my window and wish I could live in a timelapse and watch the sun set and rise and set again within seconds that I didn't have to be truly present for.
I'm searching for life's purpose and the little joys in between but I'm tired of looking so it's not very thorough.
I don't want to read books, or play piano, or paint flowers, or talk to friends (not that I have any, anyway) and I don't even have the desire to drink wine all night or try to impress you.
My heart feels heavy and my brain feels empty and really I think the problem is that I haven't been feeling anything lately.
The numbness has taken over and turned me into some sort of zombie that doesn't even have the energy to eat.

it’s all a haze
i hope it’s just a phase
though these winter days
don’t feel the same.

i can’t ignore
the overwhelming way
i
miss
you.

the only thing containing me
is my eyes as they're rolling back
to see the silly name i gave you
when we were we
top the list of my
messenger’s screen

i’m certain i’m insane.

and certainly, i
would see no sanity
to claim vanity
in my extinct ability
to up and leave
i can’t leave

you.

so i only ask
you to stop
topping the list
my currently
rolling eyes
if they could see

would wish
they couldn't

see.

I'll tell you what I got from you;
They're not your gifts
That give me lift,
Like tea, flowers and concert tickets;
Nice, but for the moment.
Petals pale and music stops,
The things I got
Simply do not.
You smiled for me
A million times;
Sat by me
When I reclined;
Raised me up
Though I'd decline;
You gave me what
I call Divine:
Your time.