So much death and so much life,
I’m surrounded by a bright white light.
There’s shouting and beeping and someone is crying.
I can’t move or speak but I can’t stop trying.
My arm is throbbing and my leg- is it burning?
I almost sit up and now the world is turning.
“Don’t move!” they say and push me on the bed.
I don’t know why, but I’m now filled with dread.
I call out your name over and over,
With no response I feel myself growing colder.
I ask the stranger with a hand on my chest,
“Please, where is he?”  but he just shakes his head.
He refuses to answer and I refuse to let it go.
I’m kicking and screaming that I just have to know.
The beeping gets louder and the light starts to dim.
I try to tell the stranger, “Please go save him.”
They say our hearts stopped beating but only mine was revived.
That’s the thing about hospitals- so much death and so much life.

I used to believe in God.
I used to go to church and say the prayers.
I used to sing the hymns and read the stories.
I used to have faith in a higher power.
I used to believe I would go to Heaven.
You never understood.

You never liked church and you thought prayer was useless.
You rolled your eyes at the hymns and laughed at the stories.
You put your faith in yourself, in your family and in me.
You said Heaven was on earth and right by your side.
I never understood.

I used to believe in God before you died.
Church held no answers and the prayers didn’t work.
The hymns couldn’t heal me and the stories annoyed me.
My higher power took my faith and threw it in my face.
But worst of all, worse than anything else, I knew Heaven was a lie.
Because the real Heaven was on earth, and you were torn from my side.