What happens when you become the mediocre you told her to never to settle for. No matter the metamorphosis you undergo it never meets her expectations, she read my manual and saw in the future. She tells me I'm capable of being all that she's looking for. That's when I shut down on the inside because everyday the agenda changes and she'll​ never give home work, work sheets, nor practice test to instill the teachings from the other days, only just exams. You know the big challenges that supposedly made up of everything you learn, and if you having a bad day and malfunction before you can test your might, it just looks like you've done nothing. I perform fine on a daily basis but when I'm given test I don't consent to  the collections of 1's and 0's freeze which leads failure like cutting the red wire. I'm confused if she's performing the job of a teacher or hacker with this slow but swift buffer over flow attack. Every passing moment of me living with failure that file contains a MP4 of me in that moment making her mad like when Google chrome is unresponsive , a MP3 file of her telling me what I did that repeats over, and over and, over again. A gif of my heart breaking down to it's last megabytes, and a gig of her love lost due to my corruption. She's not the problem though, she's the spectator, and sometimes the controller. I just want to make her happy, make her buy in to me like how we did when I was glowing with change not keep her down with chains. My next step is to rip out my mother board and tell her program me, cause whatever my programming is, it isn't up to par with her. It's crazy what we as robots do keep what's real.

Who do you call upon when the monster is yourself. I see him every day like a stain on the mirror. Destroying the image that I have of myself, excluding myself from others because I know the monster inside likes Innocence of others. Remind me of what I was before it started morphing with me involuntarily like I was lapis lazuli.  Jasper I didn't ask for this, Making me into this thing of what I never wanted to be, powerful, bigger, inhumane. People criticize the big red machine Kane, for coping out and not staying true to form, trading his mask and gloves for suits and ties. Yeah that wasn't the best choice economically nor He won't doing that for popularity but simply to take control of the monster that posse him. I envy Kane cause he can leave his monster in the ring while mine maniacally sings, it sings so much birds that I never notice the disaster like lyrics it's imprinting in my brain like mumble rap, and the worst part is, that sometimes I accept. That's why I need you to pick up the phone and call somebody please, call ghost busters, call the aqua team, call the priest, call the police, or call my ex. Call anybody that knows how to deal with monsters, or create them.

Bully, you are no gender. Your objective is to always dismember. you
are a scar, and drive that knife into my arm. but i always seem to be
strong, no matter the odds or participant you seem to draw i'm always
walking tall.

Bully why do you do what you do. trying to control my friends like
voodoo and take their lives with a combat knife but you don't hold the
knife they do...  so thats why i say you smell like doodoo and you
won't dare put me through the things that they been through. thats
case i'm a strong emo

Bully you label people wit names that are sexist, rascit, and
sometimes full of bullish, but you won't ever change because evolve
wit age. saying the same things but in a different way, all in all it
still hurts the same.

Bully you try to disquise yourself as a friend in a form of a weak
link hurting the group from the inside. giving emo a bad name. and the
worst of it all you hide very well but you can't sell something that
you never had. meaning you can't fool me cause i see right through
you with your innocent lenes, and your non muscular figure, you mess
wit me i'll show you the real raff of a true ninja. but i'm censored so everyone know that i meant N*a.

Bully i'ma let you know that i am a
strong emo you will never enter nor hurt me though. and will never
take another life or influence another person to commit suicide nor
pull another razor against the arms of the weak and blind. cause as
long as i am alive. i will always come back for the dead and the ones
who has survived to stand against everything that you pride.

Bully you are loosing victims by the day and not because they are dead
but because they're getting strong like me. so pretty soon we will win
the fight in society and finally gain equality like the great martin
luther king always wanted.

BULLY DEAD SOMEDAY IN 2014

This, this is what love looks like. Rival hoods coming together to fight a common enemy like its world war 2 again. We've finally stopped the violence against each other but now we have to fight the system before the system, systematically destroy us. I never knew how similar our times were until now. Its like history is in repeat but just in a different time zone. All Lives matters hashtags looks like hiding the modern day Holocaust code name police brutality.  We the black race are the Jews, the government is Adolf ******, and the police are the ****'s. We need outside interference cause we, the black race is screaming stop the violence but the police don't here us over the routine bullet showers. This final solution is cleaning, cleaning our faces out of this country. It's crazy how it seems that this country is Indian giving to me. They needed us to brighten the future, work their tanks, and harvest their crops now trying to get rid of us so they can lavish in our ancestors hard work. Every one whose a minority needs to be on edge cause one by one their pushing our kind off the ledge and yes maybe that wasn't your family member dead last week but what are you going to do when it is. I've seen too many mistakes being made and honestly I wanna know what is your families reaction when your hearts eyes are mistaken for targets. When your open palms and Twitter fingers are mistaken for trigger fingers. When you obey all of the officer's commands like a good boy and he has a movie flashback and decides to replay the ending to Lacey. Don't answer now let your family do it for you on your local news . Back in 2014 your case would of meant something but now you're just another name on a poster that steadfast people will look at and make post about, then move on about their day. Successful marches where no one dies, candlelight vigil's with the entire community presence, and cops reporting other crooked cops, that is what love looks like. And now more than ever, we need to love again.

I never thought it'll take desperation for me to say this, you're far from religion but I hide you like I'm a atheist. No matter how far I run you'll still chase me like a annoying little brother who thinks we're playing tag. If only I'd I played trust fall with you more, but instead I use my flash bang body to blind you but even then it didn't work cause you're this cake was baked in. I want you to know it was never my intentions to hurt only for you to learn a lesson, like the time you let me run away when I was 7 then I returned back in 8 minutes, I did that 9 times that back to back, back until I found out that I can't survive without you and if I only had 10 days to live I want them all to be with you. On day 1 give me instructions on how to survive until the day i die like how I was 1. Day 2 teach me how dress myself like I'm 2 again so you don't have to do it for the rest of my days. Day 3 watch all the reruns of great shows like we did when I 3. Day 4 remove my brother away from my clutches like you did when I was 4 when I was getting ready for my 1st day of school. Day 5 teach me about the light on the other side like you did when I was 5. Day 6 don't morn death but celebrate a life like we did when I was 6. Day 7 take me and see my dad one last time for a long time like you did when I was 7. Day 8 let me attempt to cook you breakfast and tell me that it was great like you did when I was 8. Day 9 prepare for the storm but somehow find someway to be home like we did when I was 9. Day  10 lets ride this sickness out and as I slip into a comma like sleep hear me say I love you like I did when I was 10 because I did,doing, and still do love you.

Do you get as heartbroken as I do when ever you look in your closet. Do you feel like theirs a piece of me with you whenever you wear my clothes as I do. Do you find yourself arguing with the shirts coming up with great comeback then forgetting they weren't me as I do. On the days when life feels like world war z, do you wear my bomb shelter like clothing to protect yourself from the bombs away that the kids today fire away heading your way. when the battle is over it stays the same embrace like my hugs it comes with no loosen up setting like me, Is that why you take it off because it stays true to its ways and you. Do you get jealous when you see your property being walked upon by the enemy, the neutrals, and the people inbetween basically everyone but the ally. Do you find yourself breaking down in conversations whenever you talk about certain clothes that don't together. Do I pop in your head when you break down? All these questions aren't really meant for you but I'm happy that you would at least entertain them like the designs on the shirts I once had like you.

The palace I will never enter again holds a near dear place in my soul. I will never lay foot finger or breath in that place but I can't say the same for it. See you can take a person put of jail but you can't jail out of this person. See that place was my jail. We moved on up to the east side after what felt like a lifetime sentence is now nothing but a glitch in a computer base full of excellency. Even though it was so long ago I still feel this place in his breath, in his movements. He talk like he's a new man but this place is engraved in him like writing on a trophy. The memories in that place is engraved in me on his weapons of mass destruction. I would of taken any time out or jail sentences then to fight another war, I have learned from Vietnam that I don't want to mess your kind. I feel 4 by 4 when the Fire rains 6 by 6, acid water floods takes up the whole 12 foot floor i'm jumping on anything that's near he went immortal on me when he gaining 2nd wind. Im running to stay alive, in this catastrophe you caused when you tried to put fear in a growing man, are you trying play god? you're just determined to do anything when we're both in that room I wish that same determination you showed on the battle field reflected your efforts outside of it cause if so I wouldn't be here writing this.