Lemon

Lemon May 2018

At age 2 she learned to walk
She would run into everyone's arms
She loved giving and receiving hugs

   At age 4 she learned to speak
A bit of a late bloomer
She said "I love you"
to everyone she met

   At age 5 she went to kindergarten
She made so many new friends and they all loved her

   At age 7 she had her first "boy friend"
A young boy in her class
They played everyday at recess

   At and 10 she loved to go to school
Good grades and many friends was all she needed in life

   At age 12 she went to middle school and every other girl was taller than her
She wished she were taller

   At age 13 she started reading beauty articles
She realized how fat her cheeks really were

   At age 15 she thought she had depression
"It's just a phase of life"
Her parents didn't believe her

   At are 16 she first cut
A small blade to her skin
She thought it was the best medicine

   At age 18 she wanted to die
Life wasn't worth the pain anymore
She overdosed in the bathroom

   At age 18 she died
Her parents finally realized they should have done more
Her friends realized they should have asked why she no longer smiled
Her classmates realized they should have stopped teasing her

   At age 18 she went back home to the sky
Perhaps she was an angel all along

#suicide

Lemon May 2018

Drop the Knife

Drop the knife
Put away the gun
Don't take your life
Soon there'll be sun

I know all too well
How hard you must try
Not to scream and to yell
How much you want to cry

I know your secret
I feel just the same
I promise I'll keep it
I won't set it aflame

It burns like a *****
When you take a shower
The pain makes you twitch
The red blooms like a flower

Don't try to hide it
Don't feel ashamed
They'll throw a fit
People will be blamed

Don't be upset
It's not your fault
Don't cry just yet
Their whispers will halt

I know it's addicting
I've done it before
Truly it's restricting
Hiding it's a chore

It feels like heaven
When it goes down your arm
Nine, ten, now eleven
It all works like a charm

I know it works well
I've felt it too
But it's a path down to hell
Only stoppable by you

"It will get better"
I say this to myself
Say it letter by letter
Now to yourself

Don't cry tonight
Wait for the sun
Put up fight
The battle has yet to be won

Drop the knife
Put away the gun
Don't take your life
Soon there'll be sun

I wrote this for myself and a friend but I'm not showing it to her

#suicide

Mar 2018

Jenna Vaitkunas

10 Reasons to date a Girl with Depression (A Slam Poem)

A Response to Thought Catalog

Number One.
"She won't touch your stuff
because she doesn't want to do anything"
Which also includes leaving her bed
before six pm
meeting your friends
or seeing the movie you've been begging her to see
since the trailer came out last year

Number Two
"She'll probably forget you borrowed
money from her"
or to pay the bills,
or your birthday
or getting groceries

Number Three
"She's a cheap date"
more than likely because
she doesn't care where you go
but she wants to be back in her bed
the minuet she gets into your car
because now her insecurities
are buzzing in her ears
and clawing at her throat

Number Four
"She probably doesn't want to
meet your family"
sitting in her room terrified that
she's not good enough
that she will never be good enough
and they won't accept her

Number Five
"She will probably get drunk
and you can have *** with her"

Number Six
"You can get free drugs!"
she knows about her missing
pain pills and antidepressants
but she won't say a thing because
you love her, right?
it's selfish of her to think she needs those
she has you. right?

Number Seven
"She has poor memory
and a short attention span"
Unaware of whether its Monday or Thursday
or if she ate this week

Number Eight
"She won't talk that much"
instead she can soak up your words
and turn them against herself
until they infect her insides with acidic words
ugly/fat/ugly/stupid/ugly/useless/ugly/worthless

Number Nine
"She'll pamper you because
she's sensitive"
Here's the newest game you wanted
I hope it makes up for me not being good enough
Here's some money, go out with friends
I don't want to bring you down

Number Ten
"It'll make you look better"
She's a charity case
a lost cause
who lost herself
but she's *so lucky she found you
She's like an accessory
that you drag around
she'll make you look perfect
won't she?
It's supposed to be simple.
Dating the dead girl walking.
besides the fact she'll
bawl her eyes out every time
you grab your keys
or the fact you have to deal with
the burden of having to hide
your mother's steak knives
so you can sleep in peace
without worrying whether
you will find her lifeless body
on your bathroom floor
Number ten
You can romanticize
the pain she goes through everyday
while her hourglass hearts
last grain of sand falls to the bottom
but you will NEVER
be able
to say you were the hero.

This probably sounds worse written than spoken but eh

#poetry #word #depression #thoughts #spoken #slam

Lemon Feb 2018

Thank You

Thank you for never loving me, living without your love made me live in  pain.

   Thank you for never needing me, living without meaning made me hate myself.

   Thank you for telling me I was never good enough, living as a burden taught me that life is worthless.

   Thank you for never caring about me, living in the darkness of my room hid my scars.

   Most of all, Thank you for leaving me, dying alone freed me from this world.

Lemon Feb 2018

School Hall

Their words are a match
tossed to a fire
feeding the flame
that burns down her desire

   Their jokes are a knife
thrown at her heart
piercing her flesh
ripping her apart

   Their stares are a pen
placed on her skin
writing her wrongs
pulling her thin

   Their laughs are a gun
aimed at her smile
pulled the trigger
staying a while

   Their whispers stay low
Their tears finally fall
she freed herself
in the school hall

— The End —