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Depression is not a grey mist hanging over everything, it is the absence of the grey mist that 'normal' people are accustomed to. They experience life in a muted way. We, as depressives, get the chance to experience the truth, for that moment, and it is so unbearably painful because it is real.
Seeing this reality is being exposed to the truth. We think. Does the truth lie?
 Dec 2013 LJ Chaplin
mia
All those feelings you read about
have hit me all at once
and I feel emotionally, mentally and physically drained.

Being home helps some, but does not
fill the void left in my heart
or the loneliness when I walk in the door.

Tears flow without reason, smiles are hard to come by,
and love will be lost for what I am sure will feel like eternity.

I have never been a perfect lover,
way too many faults
but I have always tried to be the best I could be
I am afraid my well is dry.

I am broken, and there is no quick fix to mend my heart.
He walks down a street in the teenage wasteland,
Listening to a no named band,
Everyone loves,
A cold smile and watered eyes,
The wind is showing him the way,
He feels an empty pack of cigarettes and feels their comforting lies,
And tries to keep ahead of his own,
He feels the wind blown,
In his hoodie and his hair,
So he forces to stare,
At oncoming cars and pries into their life,
A young couple laughing that cuts through the cold like a dulled knife.

She cant believe she’s here,
But amidst the guilt and fear,
He grabs her hand,
And feels it all blow away like sand,
She starts to laugh,
As he does in their little car,
A moment she cant let go,
So she holds his larger than life hand,
Laughing with the band, laughing with the music,
She sees a man walking down the street in the snow,
And once again she is sick.
She leans her head against the window and looks at an old man in the next car.

Memories fading but always the more clear,
There used to be a swingset at that park shaped like a deer,
We had been there with the kids,
Smiling like the young couple in the car next to me,
They were laughing a second ago,
But like all good memories and shows, I suppose too that had to go,
Shake it away old man like you can do so well,
Its not their fault you’re living in a museum hell.
A man walking down the street smiles at me,
Or is that just what I wanted to see?

He realizes who she is,
From an old life,
Turning his head he sees an old man stare him down so he shoots a smile,
No one notices and the snow is beginning to make things cold and wet,
He says he should go home he bets,
And as the ghost stops laughing and puts her head on the glass in front of him,
The prideful son,
Takes over and he makes a left,
It wasn’t her besides you were the theft,
That took her for granted in everyway,
Some words come out and he hears himself say,
Ill just go this way.

Her head is making the glass fog around as it starts to go numb,
So she lifts it off the glass and stares at the fog,
Draws a cartoon dog,
And smiles in admiration of her work,
It starts to disappear,
And again she starts to feel the fear,
Fear he will leave her again,
Fear she will leave him to do protectin’
Our lives are not our own,
Like changing songs on the radio,
Everyone has a time when they need to go,
He’s rubbing her hand with his thumb to ease the anxiety.
The light turns green.

Cowardice.
He feels it worse than the cold,
He says he should pull out his phone and make a call,
But hes not that bold,
She looked happy anyway,
They deserve to be this way,
Like a radio station changing’ a song,
This life forever too short always feeling long,
He punches the walk button to make it go quicker,
As if he could outrun her.

My muesum is too crrouded with ghosts,
I walk into it too often to make made up toasts,
“may the Gods keep the wolves in the hills and the women in our beds!”
Ill exclaim and hold up a glass to the shadows,
A tar black hand looses bit of shadow on me as it says it loves me,
Venom.
The shadow keeps it hand on it till I shake out of the museum,
A car honking and a *******, yeah I can see them,
The light is green.

Was it a shade?
She turns up the music to drown her thoughts,
But it turns back to late nights on his ****** moth eaten cots,
Forces it to the man by her side,
He hasn’t lied,
He has only made her feel like it on the night she cried,
The man next to her is quiet,
But that happens after you make the music hurt,
That was my fault in the end,
Always is.
“I’m sorry.”
She reaches her phone and types the words but doesn’t hit send,
Changes it some new word blend.


Where to go when all there is snow?
And no money to show,
Or else he’d have spent it on more smokes,
The snow soaks,
Need to follow my feet,
And keep walking down the street,
Anywhere is fine to get the sublime,
To feel warm and at home,
Again he tries to pull out his phone,
But the words slink and slide on his mind,
“I’ll be fine.”
He should delete that ******* text.
First attempt at a long poem, hopefully add more but would love to have feedback on if I should or scrap it and start a new one
 Dec 2013 LJ Chaplin
Sia Jane
I can't write a love song
without you in my head
I can't type up poetry
without your picture in place
I can't sing a lullaby
without crying at what
could be yours and mine
bubbling bright eyes

So,
I change my I can'ts
into I can
and I smile at your words

I can write a love song
and it can be about you
as can poetry, lullabies and more
I can sit, find lightness of heart
from the moments we,
laughed until it hurt,
cared less and less of
the world around us acting all up

I can remember, the smiles
you brought me, tears I laughed
the butterflies I thought would
fly right out of me
so many were there

I can remember what it was to fall
in love,
with only you
my boo, my bae,
who I never want to stray

The love game is a minefield
rocket launchers let fall
my heart,
a semi precious weapon
prepared to fight
to always keep you in my sight .

© Sia Jane

"I hear the birds on the summer breeze,
I drive fast, I am alone in the night
Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble,
but I, I've got a war in my mind
So, I just ride, just ride,"


Lana Del Rey
 Dec 2013 LJ Chaplin
-
You're The...
 Dec 2013 LJ Chaplin
-
You're the ***** secret I keep in my head
You're the one I think of when in bed
You're the devil I like sinning for
You make love seem like more

Sinful princess
With her short dress
Eyeliner winged
And sweet curls

Dark lipstick
Red like blood

Dark nailpolish
Poetic black
© Natali Veronica 2013.
 Dec 2013 LJ Chaplin
Bella
We drink to make each other more tolerable.
Whiskey washes over the painful memories of broken trust and promises.
I don’t remember the last time we didn’t fight.
It’s like I love you too much to care anymore.

I’d give you the world if I could,
but that’s easier said than done.
You don’t want me to be so kind to you;
and that’s something I’ll never understand.

Don’t forget who I was before you tore me apart.
I was a pieced together puzzle;
until deconstruction became your hobby.
You became my demise.

Tears trickled down my wrinkled shirt the day you left.
In our life wine rhymed with love
and water tasted like sacrifice.
There are only so many wounds liquor can heal.

New stains painted my shirts,
not tears or wine.
Red cuffs covered up memories of you.
Blood washed down the drain just before you came back.

Now it’s too late to save us.
Maybe we were doomed from the start.
But I’ll refuse to believe we weren’t perfect for each other.
Not until God tells me otherwise.

I suppose I’ll see him soon and ask for His opinion.
Your embrace has never felt more soothing
as my vision blurs to black.
You whisper sweet thoughts you should’ve said before.

We drank to make each other more tolerable.
I couldn’t think of someone I’d rather tolerate.
When I embark from dark to light I’ll remember you.
I love you too much to care anymore.
 Dec 2013 LJ Chaplin
-
Finals are such a *****
I don't wanna leave college
Hanging on by a thread
Pardon the pun
Excuse the language
But I am nervous
Don't wanna leave
This wonderful place
Where my heart found peace
For the past three and a half years
© Natali Veronica 2013.
they were nothing more than momentary.
they were like the leaves that rustle by
as you walk the rocky edges of a side street's sidewalk.
they were like the car that cut you off in the middle of the city.
they were the goosebumps you got when
a random cool breeze touched the edges
of your bare arms that weren't covered
by your light blanket on a warm June night.
but, oh, we're they genuine.
their love was intense and internally satisfying for
all bystanders who were privileged with
witnessing of poetic couple.
their love ended as quickly as it began
and never again would the two be.
they'd cross paths time and time again at local cafes
and from afar they'd lock eyes in the crowded subway tunnels
but after their last lip lock,
never again did their lips meet each other's,
never again did their bodies intertwine
under sheets that almost lit up in pretty flames
due to their unusual spark.
both would never again find a
cosmic, storm-like, life-altering love
like they once created together.
they both lived separate lives and
they both died separate deaths that,
regardless of their time apart,
still silently shared an unbreakable bond,
sealed with the unforgettable memories of
their meeting;
the meeting of two souls connecting
in such a way
even Fate grew envious of. t
hey both quietly lived
and then quietly died,
always
determined to still
meet once again behind
Heaven's gates.
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